Chapter 20 #2
I glance over at Vienna and take her hand in mine, realizing how long it’s been since I’ve been able to glance beside me and find someone there that I wanted more than the fear. “Trust me. I think we’ll be fine.”
***
The drive to Asheville goes by in a blur as Vienna fills me in on all of the latest kindergarten drama.
“Who knew that five-year-olds could have such complex relationships?” I say as I open the passenger side door to my truck, helping her down once we’ve arrived and parked at the restaurant.
“Pretty sure adults still have them too.”
With her hand in mine, I lead her to the front door of Pete’s, a steakhouse that I haven’t been to in years, but my mouth is already watering at the thought of tasting the mesquite and hickory butter they melt on their steaks.
I give my name to the hostess for the reservation and within seconds, we’re being led back to a booth.
The dim light above us makes the space feel intimate, and as soon as we get our glasses of wine and place our orders, I encourage Vienna to scoot closer to me.
“So, what do you think so far?” I ask her as she takes a sip of her wine.
“You sure know how to be romantic when the time calls for it.”
I lean forward and whisper, “Don’t worry. I can still be dirty later.”
Her eyes close as she hums, my lips pressing softly to her skin. “Good. Just wanted to make sure that you’re still in there.”
Chuckling, I lean back but keep my arm along the back of the booth. “Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I felt this nervous, Vienna.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“The last first date I went on was with my wife.”
She sets her glass down on the table and gives me her full attention. “Will you tell me about her?”
My chest grows tight. “Are you sure?”
She places her hand over the top of mine on my leg. “Of course. She’s Ellis’s mom, which means she will always be a part of your lives.”
Sighing, I nod. “I know. Honestly, it’s been five years and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday she was telling me we were gonna have a baby.
” I can see a hint of something in Vienna’s eyes, but I keep talking.
“Things happened fast between us. I joined the Marines after my mom died. Even that seemed easier than facing a life without her.”
“I want to hear about your mom too,” Vienna interrupts me.
I can’t help but smile thinking about my mother.
“My mom was so full of life. The winery was her third child, as we liked to joke with her about. But honestly? I think she took her love of wine and people and brought those two things together. If she were still alive, I wonder how much bigger the winery would have gotten.”
She rubs the top of my hand. “I’ve been in awe every time I go there at what your family has built and how enamored Blossom Peak is with it too.
There’s community and genuine relationships everywhere on those grounds.
I think your dad, and you and Laney, have done a wonderful job keeping it prospering. ”
My eyes drop to my lap. “I ran away when he needed me the most, Vienna. I didn’t want to be here without my mom, so I joined the Marines and barely looked back.
If there’s one regret I have in my life, it’s that.
I left my sister and dad when they really needed me, but I…
” My words trail off, my admission hanging in the air.
“What?” she cups my face with her hand, pulling my gaze back to hers.
“I couldn’t save her.” I know those words sound so childish because the circumstances were unavoidable. But I still felt powerless when she died.
“How did she die?”
“A brain aneurysm
Her shoulders fall. “You realize that there’s nothing you could have done about that, Rhonan…right?”
“The rational part of my brain does, but the pain that rests in here?” I tap the center of my chest. “Some part of me just felt so helpless because of it that I searched for that control in other ways.”
“Like the service,” she says.
“Yeah. So being away from home gave me just enough of a distraction from real life, until I realized that now I was actually responsible for other people’s lives and deaths.”
Vienna brings her wine glass to her lips, taking a drink. “Didn’t think that one through, did you?”
“I never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed, Vienna.”
She chuckles. “Continue, please.”
“During my four years in the Marines, I lost friends who were practically brothers. Even though I tried to escape loss, it followed me. When it was time to decide if I wanted to reenlist or leave, I met Sarah on a trip home from overseas to Camp Lejeune, where I was stationed. She grew up in Carrington Cove, this small town on the coast. Have you heard of it?”
“I have, actually. That was the other place I was contemplating running off to besides Blossom Peak.” Her eyes widen after she finishes speaking.
“Everything okay?”
She clears her throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
Nodding, she licks her lips. “Yeah. Continue your story, please.”
I push my curiosity aside for now. “Well, Carrington Cove is where my mom died. She and my father took a long weekend just the two of them, which they never did, and that’s where her aneurysm burst.”
Vienna sucks in a breath. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah. So when Sarah told me that, I took it as a sign, like my mom had sent me this woman to bring me back home.” I take another drink.
“We fell hard and fast for one another, and she was the reason I chose not to reenlist. I wanted a life with her. For the first time in four years, I had felt something other than grief and anger. She lit up any room she walked into and had a smile that rivaled Julia Roberts’,” I say, remembering what her smile looked like, how she sounded when she laughed, and what it felt like to hold her in my arms. Vienna’s thumb moves over my hand again.
“She reminded me so much of my mom, and I know she would have loved her. It was fast, but I proposed to her within a year, and soon after we were married, we found out we were expecting Ellis.”
A tear slips down Vienna’s cheek, and I brush it away. “She gave you one of the best gifts anyone can give you, Rhonan—the unconditional love of a child. Trust me, there are people out there that will never get to experience that but wish they could.”
“I know she did, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be raising my daughter without her. That day…” I shake my head while gathering my thoughts. “It was the best and worst day of my life so far.”
“I can’t imagine how you can even begin to navigate something like that.”
“Honestly, Vienna…I’m not sure that I have.” Reaching out, I stroke the side of her face. “And no one has made me want to until you.”
“Wow.”
“Which is why I need to say thank you.”
“What? Why are you thanking me?”
“Because you’re helping me conquer my fears.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not. Don’t you have things you’re terrified of that have impacted your life?”
Her eyes move to her wine glass, but she doesn’t pick it up. Instead, she stares at it in contemplation.
“I have two big fears,” she starts. “One is regretting not taking risks.” When she focuses back on me, she continues, “And the other is never having kids.” There are tears in her eyes, but she blinks them away.
“Let’s just say I’m working on the first one more than the second, and that’s definitely because of you, so I guess I should say thank you as well. ”
With my eyes locked on hers, something inside pushes me to reciprocate. “My worst fear is losing my daughter.” I shake my head. “You got a glimpse of that fear firsthand the day she disappeared from the yard.”
She places her hand on top of mine. “I can’t imagine what that must have felt like.”
“And I took it out on you.”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “You already apologized for that, so no need to bring up old wounds.”
I lean forward and press my lips to her chastely.
Scooting closer to her in the booth, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her into my chest now, getting lost in her magnificent green eyes.
“You know, my other worst fear was that by dating someone new, Ellis would get attached to the woman and then things wouldn’t work out.
But Ellis was attached to you before I ever gave myself permission to pursue you. ”
“You’re pursuing me, huh?” she teases.
“If you didn’t know that, then I haven’t been very clear.
” I reach up and cup the side of her face.
“I want you, Vienna. And…I’m willing to see where this goes.
I can’t make any promises, and I’m sure I’m going to make mistakes.
But for the first time in five years, I’m choosing not to let my fear make the decision for me. ”