12. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Vatok
I head home, my home, not Julie's, and not the housing units provided by the police team. Nothing has been right after I made the call to Julie. Did I make the wrong decision? I was just trying to tell her that it was about time for our pretense to be over, which she agreed to. That was what we agreed to in the beginning anyway, even though there wasn't a chance to make the fine terms clear when we started the pretense.
I knock on the door and Mother opens it. She grins as she sees me, but the smile soon falters. "Vatok... Is everything fine?"
"What's wrong?"
"You look..." She feels my two lower arms with hers while she pats my head and my stomach. "Have you been eating? Maybe the police team has been too concerned about eating healthy. Here, you need some real food."
I force a smile. "Do I look that bad?"
Regardless, we get into the house. It smells like home. Father's in the kitchen preparing food. Sometimes, I wish I could spend more time here with them. Technically, I could, but...
Julie...
I know I shouldn't keep thinking about her when there had been nothing between us, yet... She somehow tugs at my heart, still. Our time away from each other isn't helping. I still haven't forgotten about her.
Grihul, my brother, is on the couch. He's the reason I'm here for the evening. He works on another planet, and though it's not that far away, he doesn't get to be here a lot. He turns from the television to me and he soon frowns like Mother did. Do I look that bad?
He clears his throat. "You look like a walking zombie."
"What's a zombie?"
"Like... something that's not dead, but not alive, well... I'm not sure. Those are in the human movies. They walk like they don't have a soul."
I snort. "And you've been watching those?"
Kendra, Grihul's mate, who is a human female, comes around with two mugs. "Oh, you're here. Sorry, I didn't see you when I went for drinks."
I shrug. "It's okay. I'll get mine later."
A drink... Though a mug is very different from a glass like the one in Julie's bar, it reminds me of her and that sucks...
I plunge onto the couch, letting out a breath.
Kendra sits by Grihul's side, handing him his drink. She asks, "Is everything fine? You look... concerning. No more directing traffic for you?"
I shake my head. "It's the same old. I'm still in the traffic department. How about you?"
Kendra is also a police officer, but on another planet, the same one Grihul works and lives on. She says, "Same for me too. Working in the back office, putting together pieces of cases to find out who may be the criminal, that kind of thing."
I nod, not paying too much attention. Maybe I've been putting in too much time on work and extra shifts lately that I'm still not getting enough sleep. "I think this is just a phase. I'll get over it."
“Just remember to take a break. You can't pour from an empty cup. While we aren't in the exact same line of work, burning out never helps.”
A thought struck me. “Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling...” I trail off, unable to articulate the chaotic blend of feelings brewing within me.
“Feeling what?” Grihul asks.
“Like...” I pause again, weighing my words. Should I tell them any of this? “I don’t know, just... different, I guess. As if something is off.”
“Is it the job? Or something else?” Kendra tilts her head to the side with curiosity dancing in her eyes. It feels like I'm getting questioned, even though she means well. I think that has to do with how we are both police officers, we kind of talk that way without intending it.
But could I speak truthfully about my entanglement with Julie without sounding foolish?
“Just... work-related stress, mostly.” I shrug, brushing off the intensity of my feelings, even though the name lingers on the tip of my tongue.
Grihul scowls. "Look, I'm not a police officer, but I know you enough to know that you're hiding things from us."
Kendra smacks Grihul's thigh and shoots him a look. "It's okay." She turns to me. "You can tell us if you want to. Just take care, okay?"
I'm about to say something when the doorbell rings. Grihul stands. "Maybe it's Telke and Winnie." He calls to the kitchen. "I'll get the door."
Telke's my other brother, who's always happy and a wild ball of energy. Coincidence or not, also has a human mate.
Now, there is only Kendra and me on the couch. Like Julie, she's also a human, does that mean I can ask her about... my issue with Julie? Will Kendra know whether I've made a wrong decision?
But my whole family are kot'olls, and I can't figure out what's in the head of my brothers most of the time, so who's to say that just because they are humans, they'll understand each other? Kendra doesn't even live on this planet, nor does she know Julie.
I shudder when Kendra clicks her tongue. I lift my brows in question. She says, "I have a hunch on what's going on with you."
Is that a challenge? "Fancy a guess? Though I won't confirm or deny your guesses."
She laughs. "Sounds like you're really a police officer. But seriously, maybe it has to do with relationships, huh? With someone you care a lot about?"
I clear my throat. "What's with that baseless guess?"
"I thought you were to neither confirm nor deny."
I roll my eyes with a huff. "I want to know why the guess."
Grihul is busy chatting with Telke, or say, Telke's busy talking and that should keep Grihul away for a bit longer. Maybe I don't mind Kendra knowing, but not my other brothers, for unknown reasons.
Kendra says, "I've never been good at relationships either. But, at times, you just have to give it a go, okay?"
I narrow my eyes on her. Now that she has her mate, she thinks that she knows everything about relationships, huh? Not to mention she and Grihul had a super bumpy beginning that drove me mad at times. But... Kendra's a good being at heart.
She shrugs with a victory smile as if she thinks that she's right about her guesses. "You're a big guy, you know what to do."
I should. But do I?