Chapter 20
Kitt pulled the tractor into the barn with nothing but the moonlight and memory to guide his path.
It had been a solidly packed forty-eight hours since his new colt was born.
He hadn’t heard anything from either Mike or Austin.
He’d sent Austin packing, so he got that.
Pain and hurt had radiated from Austin as Kitt sent him on his way.
It had almost been a tangible entity. So no, Kitt hadn’t expected to hear from Austin.
Maybe his heart hoped he would have, but his head knew better.
As for Mike, he didn’t know for sure. Mike wasn’t the kind of guy to be put off by things like this.
But, it was a big breach in confidence to have kept a secret like this for so long.
Kitt couldn’t remember ever hearing a homophobic slur from Mike.
He wasn’t a racist, either. He was just a good, hard-working kind of guy.
To have him MIA for so long, especially after the colt was born, was just plain weird.
Kitt parked the tractor and headed straight over to check on the new mom and colt.
He bypassed dinner and drove home to shower.
Technically, if he let himself think about it, he was past exhausted.
He hadn’t slept more than a few hours since Austin had shared his bed.
Between the birth and the baling, work took up every bit of his time.
Jose had a wife and kids and managed to do everything Kitt did and then some, but for some reason, he felt completely off his game.
Kitt’s heart ached from the moment he woke until the moment he fell asleep. It never gave him a break, just a constant reminder of what he threw away. Regardless of being dead on his feet, Kitt knew he wouldn’t sleep until he got things resolved, at least with Mike.
A cold front was expected but hadn’t made it this far south yet.
It was back to being warm outside. Kitt dressed in shorts, a T-shirt and flip-flops before jumping in his truck and driving around the property to Mike’s trailer.
He found it dark and closed tight. He continued his way straight to the Grainger barn where he saw the lights still on and only Mike’s truck sitting out front.
Mike looked like he was alone, working with a couple of horses in the corral surrounding the back of the barn.
Those had to be new, and Mike hadn’t mentioned they were coming.
Kitt got out of his truck after turning the ignition off.
He purposely ignored looking toward Austin’s house.
Instead, he kept his gaze on Mike as he walked over to the fence and anchored a foot up on the first rail. He leaned against the post.
“She looks good,” Kitt called out as Mike came closer.
“Yeah, she’s picking it up. She was an unexpected surprise yesterday.
I’m finding the owner does things like that a lot.
” Mike grinned, keeping the horse on task of whatever skill he was trying to teach her.
They were silent for a few minutes. Mike continued to work until he finally looked over his shoulder. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just came over to see if we’re cool.” That caused Mike to look back at him.
“Hang on, let me put her up.” Mike dismounted and walked the horse inside. Kitt followed him into the barn, coming in from a side door. He watched Mike stall the horse, and he stayed back out of the way, only bringing fresh hay over when Mike latched the stall from the outside.
“I hadn’t heard anything from you,” Kitt said, as he leaned over the side of the stall and laid the hay out.
“You should’ve told me.”
Kitt appreciated the honesty from Mike.
“You have to understand why I didn’t,” Kitt said. They were standing at the gate, staring at the horse as they spoke. Kitt looked at the stallion in the stall to his right. “He looks good. How old?”
“I do understand, but it makes us more one-sided. You know everything about me,” Mike said, as he ignored Kitt’s question and walked away from the stall.
Kitt followed a couple of steps behind him as Mike flipped off the lights in the barn before he said anything more. “Has it always been like this?”
“My whole life.” Kitt looked at Mike, but the dark made it an easier conversation.
“You know, in college, those women threw themselves at you. You were always the gentleman. I couldn’t see how you didn’t take advantage of the situation, but you never did. I don’t know how I didn’t figure that out.”
“I haven’t ever told anyone. You’re the first person I’ve ever said it out loud to.
” Kitt followed Mike outside and now they walked aimlessly in front of the barn.
No direction, they just walked and talked.
They had about the same posture, hands in their pockets, eyes downcast, watching where they walked as they tried to clear the air between them.
“You told Austin.”
“No, I didn’t. He figured it out,” Kitt said, causing Mike to stop and turn to face him.
“No way! How?”
This conversation was much harder to have face to face.
“He said he figured it out from my underwear.” Kitt snorted at the memory of Austin telling him how he’d unraveled the truth. “When the waistband was outside my blue jeans that day I was throwin’ a fit over the fence.” Kitt couldn’t hold eye contact and kicked the grass patch with his sandal.
“Really?”
“It’s what he said.” Kitt shrugged. There was a long pause before they were back to walking in what seemed like a large circle around the front of the barn and their trucks.
“Austin came out and talked to me this morning. He said it wasn’t just a fuck for him. Is it just a fuck for you?”
“I put the brakes on it after you left.” Kitt came to a stop, giving Mike no choice but to stop too. Kitt didn’t look up, instead, kept his eyes trained on his now dust-covered toes.
“Why?” Mike finally asked. Kitt stalled, taking a minute to form the words, to find the truth and not let another lie slip through his lips.
Technically, now that Mike knew the truth, he never had to lie to him again and that was monumental.
The honesty in that thought made Kitt suddenly a little emotional. It felt so good to just tell the truth.
“Both you and Kylie caught us. I’ve never been found out before because I keep it all far away from here.
At this rate, if we keep going like this, everyone in town will know by the end of the month.
I can’t jeopardize things right now.” As Kitt spoke, he started walking again. This time Mike didn’t follow.
“I won’t tell, Kitt.” Mike’s voice was reassuring and he stood his ground.
“Thanks,” Kitt replied, and dropped his hands in his pockets.
“How’s Hooch?” The subject change was abrupt, but Kitt knew it was intentional. They’d talked about it, Mike was okay, and they were good.
“Good. Super good. So far, he’s everything we hoped for and Lady’s nurturing, she’s a good little momma. They’re good.”
“I was gonna stop by after I finished tonight,” Mike said.
“It’s all good. Jose’s there. I’m goin’ out there at midnight to check on the little guy, but I think he’s fine. We aren’t really needed around the clock, it’s just precautionary. Doc came by today and gave him a thumbs-up.” Kitt turned back to his truck.
“Cool.” Mike was silent for a moment before his voice rang from behind Kitt’s back. “You should go talk to him.”
The words stopped Kitt in his tracks and his heart leapt. “I think we need to give it a rest. I need to apologize, but it needs to chill between us.” Kitt shook his head slightly and started back to his truck.
“Goddamn, Kitt. You spend your entire life alone. He’s a good guy.
And, I noticed you seemed happier over the last few weeks, and it doesn’t make me strange that I noticed.
You’re like a brother to me. It’s probably not a bad thing to have someone sharing your life, after you’ve been all alone for the majority of it.
I get it’s probably hard as hell to allow someone in.
There has to be a lot of fear in that, but I still think you should go talk to him. I would if I were you.”
“Is his agent still here?” Kitt asked.
“I think so, but he’s leaving tonight, soon. All this isn’t his thing,” Mike said. Kitt came to a stop at the back of his truck and Mike walked up to him. “How’s the cuttin’?”
“A little behind.”
They stared at one another for a long minute.
“I can come in the morning,” Mike offered.
“Nah, we’ll catch up with Jose back on business. I’ll call you if it gets more behind.”
Mike nodded and climbed into his truck. He started the ignition and rolled his window down.
“You should’ve told me. It wouldn’t have made a difference. You gotta know that, somewhere deep inside you.” Mike put the truck in reverse and drove past Kitt. “Now go talk to him. Bye.”
Kitt watched the taillights of Mike’s truck disappear.
The relief was staggering. Now there was just a hole the size of Texas in his heart where Austin was concerned.
He ran his fingers through his hair, and then tried to pat it down, knowing he’d caused it to stand up in every direction.
Kitt forced himself to the house. His heart pounded in his chest with every step he took.
He deserved nothing less than to have Austin slam the door in his face, but he needed to try to apologize.
As he got to the steps of the front porch, he heard laughter.
Austin’s agent was laughing, or at least Kitt assumed it was Seth.
Hell, it could have been his own replacement in there laughing with the both of them.
Or, even worse, the agent could be his replacement.
Anger shot through him at the thought and jealousy took hold.
Part of him wanted to turn and forget making amends.
If Austin could be so happy while Kitt suffered beyond reason…
yeah, the other part of him won. That part wanted to tear the shit out of whoever Austin laughed with right now.
He reached up and knocked hard on the door.