40
Zander
Bruised Knuckles Were Worth It
“THANK YOU, DR NORTH, MISS ROSE. WE’LL be in touch if we require more information.”
I nodded at the two police officers who’d arrested Chad Harris and taken our statements. They’d eyed Chad’s bruises and peered at me, noticing my sore hands, but Sailor had jumped in and taken most of the blame.
I would’ve happily admitted I’d beaten him up and barely managed to stop myself from killing him, but it was probably a good thing she’d stopped me.
A doctor with a criminal record was not ideal.
Luckily, one of the officers recognised me from an evening when I’d stitched up his hand in the ER. I vaguely remembered him being stabbed by a housewife with a steak knife.
Apparently, the eighteen-year-old who’d tried to rob Sailor had formed a nasty habit for methamphetamines and had been targeting single theatre goers for a while.
I’d barely looked at Sailor while we went through the process of explaining. I withheld information on how I’d found her and claimed I’d been in the right place at the right time. I’d ignored the throbbing in my knuckles from ploughing my fists into his face and didn’t worry about the day after tomorrow when I had to be back in surgery. Hopefully, the swelling would’ve gone down by then, and I could use my hands for complicated cutting and stitching. If not…I’d have to reschedule.
Colin is going to have a field day with this.
Lost in my thoughts as the police officers nodded politely at Sailor, I didn’t move until the flashing lights of their cruiser drove away, taking Chad Harris with them.
Silence fell over the car park.
Faint thunder rumbled on the horizon, the atmosphere dense with the promise of summer rain.
I needed to get Sailor home before we got drenched. I needed to figure out a believable lie as to why I was here and how badly Lily would blow my cover when she told Sailor that I’d called with rude demands to know where she was.
I’d done a lot of unexplainable things tonight, but if I’d been just two minutes later…Christ, I couldn’t think about what might’ve happened.
But there I went…thinking about it.
About the way Sailor had been on the ground, crawling away from a guy intent on hurting her. Yet another motherfucking asshole who thought they could hurt her. My chest seized. I staggered backward, landing against a car.
“Zander?” Sailor rushed to my side, her hand landing on my arm braced across my chest. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”
Her concern for me. Her caring for me. It was too much. I couldn’t do it.
My knees threatened to buckle.
Who was I kidding that I could keep X a secret for the rest of my life? I’d crack. I’d never been good at hiding stuff and my cover was most likely blown anyway, but…the way she watched me? The soft gratefulness in her blue eyes. The utmost trust on her pretty pixie face. It was so different to her initial reaction. Before the police arrived, she’d looked almost angry with me. Her gaze locked on my mouth as if she was about to either punch me or kiss me.
She looked so worn out, so fragile.
It fucking killed me that I hadn’t messaged her back as X. That I’d left her alone and afraid after promising to always be there for her.
But if I’d come as X…
My chin dropped as pain I’d never felt before carved through me.
The more interactions I had with her as X, the deeper my lies went. She’d never forgive me for touching her in disguise. For taking advantage of her like so many other pricks had tried.
I should never have gone around that night for cake and orgasms.
I should never have touched her so intimately. At least then she wouldn’t feel so betrayed.
Swallowing the grief haunting my heart, I cleared my throat and focused on getting Sailor home. At least on Ember Drive, I could watch her through my window and ensure no one else tried to harm her.
“I’m—” I cleared my throat and stood straight.
She dropped her hand and took a careful step back, wariness once again appearing in her stare.
I ignored how much that gutted me. “I’m assuming you drove here?”
She frowned a little that I hadn’t answered her question of how I was. “I did.” Looking over her shoulder, she forced herself to stand taller. “It’s parked over there somewhere.”
I should offer to walk her to Rory’s ancient Honda Civic. Hell, I should offer to buy her an up-to-date safe vehicle that wasn’t as old as her, but all I could say was, “Come for a ride with me?”
Wait, what?
What the fuck are you doing?
She gasped, her eyes flaring wide. “What? Right now?” Glancing at the sky where the clouds pressed heavy and black, she wrinkled her nose. “It’s about to pour down.”
“I don’t care.”
You’ve lost it.
Well and truly lost it.
Stiffening, she searched my face.
I shoved my glasses up my nose and let her look. I doubted she’d see any evidence of X—despite me coming instead of him. Sure, I’d embraced violence and relished in beating the shit out of Chad Harris, but that was over and knowing how close I’d come to losing her?
Fuck, I’d never felt more like me—like the lonely doctor who’d convinced himself he didn’t need anyone, only to realise that was the biggest lie of all.
One of the streetlights illuminating a row of cars suddenly blacked out.
It reminded me of her TV randomly turning on the moment I kissed her as X.
Goosebumps darted down my spine. She rubbed her arms, suffering the same curse.
I chuckled under my breath, forcing myself to stay honest and talk even though it hurt. “Ever get the feeling we’re not just being haunted by our grandmother’s ghosts but that they’re still playing matchmaker?”
She snorted. “I thought it was just me.”
“Nope.” I smiled, fighting the insane urge to brush aside her hair that’d stuck to her bottom lip. “The windchimes in my conservatory started singing when I noticed the dinner you cooked for me.”
“That’s not that strange—”
“All the windows were closed. There wasn’t a breath of wind.”
“Oh. Yes, that’s a little odd.”
Finding courage from the desperate place inside me—the last-ditch attempt at making her like me instead of fear me—I stepped forward and cupped her cheek. I’d touched her far more intimately as X. I knew how she sounded and tasted and what she liked in bed, but being allowed to touch her like this as Zander? Being allowed to be this close without her flinching in panic? It blew anything else apart.
She sucked in a breath.
I froze, second-guessing everything but unable to let her go. “Are you okay, Sails?”
She flinched as I said the nickname I’d heard Lily use. With a soft sigh, she pressed her cheek deeper into my hold instead of away. “I am. Thanks to you.”
“You would’ve won if I hadn’t turned up. You did some serious damage.” I forced a chuckle. “I doubt he’ll be spawning kids anytime soon with the way he hobbled into the police car.”
“Is it wrong that I enjoyed hurting him? I never got to fight back with Milton. It almost felt cathartic to do it now.”
“Not at all.” I ran my thumb over her perfect cheekbone before dropping my hand. “I think you needed to let that out. To be—”
“Violent?”
“Not necessarily. Just…you needed to realise you are strong enough to protect yourself. You don’t need me or anyone else.”
“Does it make me weak if I admit that I do need someone? That I like needing someone? That I want someone to need me in return?”
Wincing against the answering agony inside me, I headed toward my bike. “I think that just makes you human.” Grabbing the spare helmet that I’d brought just in case, I went to her and gently placed the black protection over her sandy-blonde hair. “We’re not meant to be loners, Lori. Everyone needs someone.”
She froze.
Her eyes danced over my face.
Did I say something wrong? Had I pushed her too far?
I racked my brain, but after the exhaustion from long work hours, the terror I’d felt at her messages, and horror at finding her being hurt…I had nothing left.
Speaking through the gravel in my throat, I asked, “So will you? Come for a ride with me? I can take you home and grab your car tomorrow.”
Her gaze searched mine. Too long. So long.
Finally, she gave a tight little smile and reached up to adjust the helmet. “Okay.”
One little word spoken with bite.
My heart sank.
I’d fucked up.
I didn’t know how, but I’d given her another hint, and I had no idea how to stop all of my lies unravelling.