41
Sailor
Storms and Secrets
I’D DANCED IN THE RAIN BEFORE WHEN I was young.
I’d spun in a summer storm with my face tipped to the sky and caught fat raindrops on my tongue. Nana had said the rain could wash away all my worries, and she was right.
But this?
Nothing could compare to this.
There weren’t words.
This was…flying through a waterfall. Swimming through a falling river. Racing through a water world with raindrops cascading, mechanical thunder rumbling, and the strongest, warmest protector charting a course through all my nightmares.
Zander leaned into the corner, taking me with him as I hugged him from behind. The snarl of the engine overshadowed the grumble of thunder above as we plummeted down rain-slick roads and past black-shrouded trees.
I tipped my head back and shivered as water splashed on my face. Both of us were soaked, but I wasn’t cold. Zander kept me warm with his scalding body heat, all while thrilling, addictive adrenaline made my heart flutter.
As we roared through the wet night, the storm didn’t just wash away my worries, I felt reborn .
This was what I needed.
This was what I’d been craving.
Not recklessness, not danger.
Connection.
Connection between me and the elements, earth and rain and stars.
And I shared this magical experience with someone who’d always been there…waiting.
An avalanche of affection had me squeezing Zander’s waist.
The fact that he’d called me Lori repeated in my mind.
That one word had stopped me dead. The image of X had spliced with Zander, and for a second, I was positive he’d been lying to me all along.
But then I recalled all the times in our youth when Zander had called me Lori. I’d been the one to give that nickname to X to use, but that name had always belonged to Zander.
So…who was real?
The stalker who thought it was my real name or the boy next door who’d come up with it?
I wanted to ask him point-blank.
But the longer we flew together, the less it really mattered.
The less I worried because…it didn’t matter.
Not really.
Both men were incredible.
Both men were kind.
And I’d been incredibly lucky to know each of them.
I hugged him again, feeling carefree and amazingly light.
He stiffened.
His back muscles flexed as he tried to look over his shoulder, but then he straightened and kept his eyes on the road.
His wrist shifted, adding another snarl of speed.
I closed my eyes as the world turned into a liquid blur. I felt like I could spread my wings and soar. I wasn’t rebuilding them. I now had a million feathers and the newfound strength to fly.
Zander’s gloved fingers suddenly touched mine.
Driving one-handed, he pressed my hand against his stomach, sharing so much with a single touch that words could never express. Spreading my fingers, I gasped as he threaded his gloved ones with mine. Together, we curled our combined grip into a fist. His belly tightened where I touched him as if that simple hand hold affected him as much as it affected me.
I shivered as he squeezed me.
I struggled to let him go as he resumed driving with both hands.
And as he shot us up a hill toward the rain-drenched clouds, pure happiness found me.
Not tainted by should dos and should nots.
Not ruined by racing thoughts or doubts.
In that moment, I was entirely present, awake, alive, and with him.
* * * * *
The growl of the motorbike seemed extra vicious as we weaved our way through twisty, sleepy suburbia and turned onto Ember Drive. The slow speed after our fast fly seemed as if we’d become a snail after soaring like a hawk.
The rain still fell but not as heavy, the droplets kissing my skin instead of smacking me. With careful skill, Zander turned onto his driveway, bringing us home to the two houses that sat side by side with their matchmaking, meddling ghosts.
His garage door was still up, his trust in our neighbours evident with how safe our street was.
He killed the engine, leaving my ears ringing in the rain.
Neither of us moved.
I knew I had to stop hugging him but the thought of breaking that warm connection hurt more than it should.
I’d been blind for so long.
I’d been wrapped up in my own tragic tale and forgotten to pay attention to the boy next door. The boy Nana had always said was mine.
He called me Lori…
With a creak of wet clothes, Zander kicked the stand down and sat upright.
I pulled my arms away and scrambled off the back. No longer plastered to him, an instant chill soaked into me.
I needed to find Peng and apologise. I craved a warm shower and a cosy bed and a skull-masked stalker to tuck me in and hold me tight.
My heart panged with guilt that even though tonight had made me trip from crush to full-blown attraction toward Zander, I still had feelings for X.
Selfishly, I wanted them to be the same person because then I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to either of them.
I struggled with my helmet as Zander swung his leg off the bike, wrenched his off, then helped me with mine.
Rain glittered in his fire-dark hair as he placed both helmets on the leather seat. The quiet ping of splashing droplets sung around us. The lenses of his glasses had water streaks and his grey t-shirt under his unzipped jacket was sopping wet, clinging to every crease of his toned chest.
Studying Zander as he stood in the rain, I narrowed my eyes and imagined him with a mask cutting his handsome face in half. I tried to remove his glasses and paint his fire strands blue black…but I couldn’t.
All I could see was a slightly nerdy, extremely handsome doctor with a heart made of twenty-four karat gold.
My chest ached with fresh pangs.
I couldn’t imagine him kissing me with pent-up passion like X had.
I couldn’t picture him cursing under his breath as I made him come.
He didn’t seem the type to be that…aggressive in bed.
He’d be sweet and gentle and soft and—
You could seduce him to find out…
I froze.
If I got Zander naked, perhaps I could tell by his size and shape—
You were blindfolded. You never saw X naked…
My shoulders sagged.
I needed to go to sleep before I did something crazy like pounce on my neighbour all because I thought he had a fake identity.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said softly, backing up a step. “Don’t worry about my car. I can get Lily to drop me off in the morning to collect it.”
Without a word, he wrenched off his leather gloves and tossed them onto the handlebars. Glancing at his house, he captured my fingers, threaded his with mine like he had on the bike, then tugged me up the drive.
I gasped.
Wait. Is he taking me back to his place?
Had he read my mind and shared my crazy idea?
A part of me braced to stop him—the part so used to overthinking and living in fear. But then the vixen who’d decided she liked to swing a punch and fly on the back of a motorbike chose to live a little.
Tonight had driven us from friends to something more.
I was single.
He was single.
So what if the romance of sharing a storm ended with us in bed?
X wouldn’t be creeping through my window tonight or any other night.
He’d made it perfectly clear we were done.
Pain pinched, followed by a hot, violent thrill.
What did that say about me that I was happy to kiss another guy after being with one a few days ago?
“It makes you a slut, that’s what.”
Clutching Zander’s hand, I marched bravely at his side, my gaze locked on his front door. Did I have the courage to do this? What would happen when he got me inside? Should I cut to the chase and kiss him or wait for him to kiss me?
Zander cut in front of me.
I ploughed right into him, all my focus on his front door.
“ Ooof .” He tripped and almost took me down with him, stumbling over the grass verge bordering his property from mine.
Grabbing me around the waist to keep me upright, he held me close, our soaking skin sticking together. “Shit, Sailor, are you okay?”
I blinked.
I frowned.
I couldn’t catch my bearings.
His eyes searched mine, slowly darkening as he looked back at his house and the trajectory I’d been on. He swallowed hard, his throat slicked with rain. “Eh…I was walking you back to your place, but…did you want to come in? I just assumed it was late, and you’d want to see Peng. But—”
“No! No, you’re right!” My cheeks blazed as hot as the sun. “Of course, I want to see my kitten. I was cruel to go out for so long! I better go. Thanks again for the help and the ride and—goodnight!”
Wrenching my hand from his, I bolted up my front path.
He hadn’t been dragging me to his house.
He’d most likely taken my hand to stop me from slipping in the puddles. He was a gentleman. Not a sexual deviant . Of course he was walking me to my door. Of course he wasn’t going to rip off my wet clothes and warm me up with his tongue.
God, Lor, what were you thinking?!
“Thanks so much for the ride!” I fumbled for my keys. “And for your help. I-I already said that but thank you!”
Come on. Come on, where are you?
“You better get some rest!” I couldn’t stop speaking. “I know how tired you were earlier tonight. I’m so sorry you had to come get me!”
A-ha, finally!
Snatching my keys from the bottom of my little purse, I flicked through to find the right one only—
My nape prickled.
My heart pounded.
And Zander gently claimed my hips, then spun me around to face him.
Our eyes locked.
We both struggled to catch a breath.
He made me want to melt into the ground as he asked ever so softly, “Why are you running away from me?” His voice turned thick with gravel, sounding painfully familiar. “Is it because you’ve had a flashback from what Milton did or…”
I swallowed hard.
Don’t ask. Don’t you dare ask .
“Or?”
Dammit, Lor!
“Or because you thought I didn’t want you when every bone in my body is begging me to kiss you?”
My insides wrung inside out.
My heart turned into a chaotic butterfly.
I had no words.
Poof. All gone.
He stepped even closer. “Tell me why you were heading toward my house, not yours.”
I gulped.
I couldn’t.
I wasn’t that brave.
“Tell me why I feel like I did something wrong. That I just missed an opportunity that I’ve been waiting for forever.” He crowded me against my front door, sheltering me from the rain but not the storm he caused in my blood. His gaze dropped to my mouth. “Tell me to go, and I’ll go.”
Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.
Zander’s voice blended with X’s in my head. So similar. So deep.
I couldn’t breathe as his fingers captured my chin and tipped my head back. With my spine against the door and his hips millimetres from pressing into mine, I couldn’t move as he hovered over my lips.
Our eyes locked; his glasses caught the light I’d left on for Peng. His mouth hovered over mine with delicious drawn-out torture.
I quaked in my soaking shoes and waited and waited and…couldn’t wait anymore.
Soaring up on my tiptoes, I smashed my lips to his.
He shuddered and collapsed against me.
The door creaked as our weight slammed against it.
I cried out as the knocker caught me right in the shoulder blade. “ Oww —”
“ Shit .” Wrenching away, his eyes flared with panic. “Damn, I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine. It was just the kno—”
“It’s not fine. I got carried away. I just…fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking. He hurt you because of me. It’s too soon. I should never have—”
“Zander, it’s okay—”
“I would never hurt you, Sailor. You know that, right?” His eyes gleamed with fear and stress and guilt. His glasses slid down his nose only for him to shove them back into place. The tic was so him, so full of nerves, that any hope of him being X dissolved with the last of the rain.
I slouched against my door.
A chill crept into my heart.
I accepted that Zander might want me, but he was far too shy to claim me.
And I wasn’t ready to be the brave one. Not yet.
Turning around, I unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Dripping over the rug where I’d had my first panic attack, I looked back and forced a smile.
He hadn’t moved, keeping his hands balled at his sides as if he’d forgotten how to walk. “Sailor, I—” He wiped his mouth, removing any trace of our fleeting kiss. “There’s something I need to tell—”
“Not tonight.” I cursed the sting of tears. “We’ll both catch the flu if we don’t get dry. Look after yourself, okay, Zander? Sleep well.”
I closed the door and staggered back as the best kitten in the world leapt into my arms and attacked me with love.
Doing exactly what I’d hoped Zander would do but didn’t.
* * * * *
“So you kissed my twin tonight, huh?”
I smiled as X stepped through my kitchen and into my newly renovated living room. His brown eyes glowered above his skull-painted mask. His blue-black hair and eyebrow piercing made him the quintessential bad boy. A protective monster who stomped around in heavy boots and made me break apart on his fingers.
I stretched on the new couch, bold and far too brazen. “Who? You mean Zander?” I shrugged with a wink. “I can’t help that I like you both.”
Stalking toward me, X reclined against the threshold. “Did you stop to think that it would make me jealous?”
The faintest coil of worry worked through me. “Can you be jealous when I was hoping you were the same person? I didn’t realise he was your brother.”
He sniffed coldly, cruelly. “And now that you know we’re not the same…what are you going to do? Be with me or him?”
I sat up, fear prickling down my spine. “You’re the one who broke up with me, remember?”
“I didn’t expect you to throw yourself at another man the second I was out of the picture. In fact, I tend to agree with your ex.” Stalking toward me, he pinned my shoulders to the couch, yanked his mask down, and bared his teeth. “You are a slut—”
I choked and shot upright.
Just a dream.
Just a dream.
Rubbing my rabbiting heart, I squinted in the bright sunshine streaming through my window. Peng meowed where he blinked from my pillow, his ginger coat so much shinier than when I first got him.
Scooping him into a hug, I lay back down and placed his soft, warm weight on my chest. He kneaded me, no doubt feeling my racing heart beneath him.
The longer he made biscuits on my Sailor Moon t-shirt, the slower my pulse became.
Just a dream, that’s all.
I’d done something very out of character last night. It was only natural my conscience decided to punish me.
X would never hurt me.
Even if he did get jealous, it wouldn’t drive him to do what Milton did.
I’m safe.
So why did I reach for my phone to check if he’d messaged me? Why did I feel both sad and angry that he hadn’t replied to my panicked thread from last night?
For all he knew, I was still in the movie theatre, curled in a ball in the corner.
Even Zander hadn’t messaged me.
But Lily had.
Lily: OMG, pick up the damn phone. I’m worried sick .
Lily: Why did Zander call me and demand to know where you were last night?
Lily: Are you dead? Because you’re going to be for ignoring me.
Lily: Sailor, you call me back right now!
Lily: Sails…I’m super worried about you.
“Uh-oh.” Shifting Peng off my chest, I went to call her—
Someone pounded like a crazed animal on my front door. “Sailor Moon, you open this door right now !”
“Eep, I’m in trouble.” I winced and nose bopped Peng. “Can you protect me? She’s super scary when she’s mad.”
He yawned, showing me his sharp little teeth.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Scooting out of bed, I grabbed my kitten and darted down the stairs in my night shorts and oversized tee. Lily kept knocking, the banging echoing down the corridor as I flicked the dead bolt and wrenched it open.
Her eyes roved over me. She looked flawless in a power suit of rich grey with a black shirt and heels, her hair coiled and perfect. “Well, you’re not dead then.”
Throwing myself at her, I hugged her, squishing Peng between us. “I am soooo sorry, Lils. I have no excuse. But after what happened in the movies and then in the car park and then with Zander, exhaustion swamped me the moment I got home, and I crashed. I crashed way harder than I thought I would and—”
“Whoa, what? What happened with Zander?”
“ That’s what you decide to focus on?” I huffed, pulling away.
Kissing my cheek, revealing she wasn’t that mad, she moved me aside and stomped toward the kitchen. “Fine. What happened in the car park? What happened in the movie? I demand to know every minute of last night, and then you’re going to tell me everything that you’ve been hiding.”
Following her, I plopped Peng onto the countertop, then scooped up his bowl and put his morning rations into it. The orange furball ploughed headfirst, ignoring both of us as I added water to the kettle and two lemongrass-ginger teabags to big chunky mugs.
While the kettle boiled, I gathered my hair into a messy ponytail and figured out how to tell her that I’d fooled around with my stalker, had the hots for my neighbour, and beat up a guy who’d tried to rob me.
But…I froze.
My mind finally caught up to what I’d seen outside when I’d answered the door.
Something that shouldn’t be there.
“Hang on.” Racing back through the house, I ripped open the door and tripped onto the front deck.
My car slept peacefully on the driveway as if it’d been there all night long.
How is that possible?
Glancing at Zander’s house, I saw no evidence of him being awake so early. Not that eight o’clock was early. With his crazy shifts, he could already be elbow-deep in a surgery.
Huh, that’s strange.
The camera on his veranda that usually pointed at his garage had been angled to point at my front yard. Had the wind done that? Why would it—?
“You better start talking, Sails. Otherwise, I’m going to hold you down and tickle you like we did as kids until I get answers.” She wriggled her fingers. “I haven’t forgotten how quickly you squeal when I find that spot between your ribs.”
I flinched away from her. “No need for threats. I have every intention of telling you. But…hold that thought.”
“Oh my God, you’re driving me mad.” Lily stomped her high heel as I padded barefoot down the garden path and opened the car door. No clues hinted to how it’d gotten here on its own. No note. No answers.
Lily loomed over me, investigating my old car as if it would tell her what I was hiding. “Start spilling. Right this second.”
Memories of kissing Zander last night. The ignition of blistering heat, followed by the bucket of ice water. If only the damn door knocker hadn’t jammed into my back. If only he’d asked if I was okay instead of assuming that I wasn’t.
My heart picked up its exhausted beat again. Even if I had ended back at Zander’s house, could I honestly say I would’ve slept with him? I mean…I wanted to be free but that free? That unattached to jump from one man’s bed to another?
Perhaps it was a good thing the knocker had stopped us.
As much as I rode the high of adrenaline last night, if I’d woken in Zander’s bed this morning…I honestly didn’t know how I would’ve reacted.
“Sailor.” Lily waved in front of my face as I closed the car door and padded back toward the house.
Who brought it back for me? And how? The keys were in my purse. They hadn’t left my side. Unless X broke in last night and stole them? But if he cared enough to return my car, why hadn’t he messaged me?
Ugh, I’m not cut out for this.
Lily followed me through the house to the kitchen. “Earth to Sails.”
Pouring hot water over our teabags, I didn’t speak until I passed one mug to her and carried mine to the dining room table.
Sipping on warm comfort, I debated blurting out everything, but something stopped me.
I couldn’t understand my actions.
I no longer knew who I was or who I would become.
All I knew was…X was my dirty secret, Zander was my guilty pleasure, and right now, I needed to hide what I was going through so my best friend wouldn’t judge me.
Taking her hand, I squeezed her fingers. “I need you to trust me that I’m okay, and I’ll tell you everything, but not today. Today, I want you to tell me about the work mess last night. Did you get it sorted? How’s that builder you’re seeing? Aubrey, was it?”
She sighed heavily, her eyes sad. “I know what you’re doing, and I won’t let you do it for much longer.”
I gave her a crooked smile. “I know. Just…give me a few more days to get my head on straight. And then, I’ll tell you everything.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”