December 12th
A new life.
Ainsley
“Hey, Mom,” I say, opening our apartment door and greeting her with a hug. “I’m almost ready.” I left her house really early this morning so I could get back here and get ready.
“What are you wearing?” she asks, taking in the dress I’m currently sporting.
“A dress.”
“More like a tent,” she says, pulling a box out from behind her back and handing it to me.
“I just—”
“I know, honey, but you’re going to have pictures of this day for the rest of your life. Just go try it on.”
While I’m changing in my room, I hear her and Sammy, who must finally be ready, chatting. More like gossiping probably.
I pull the dress on, look at myself in the mirror, and smile. It’s the first time I’ve worn anything formfitting.
I actually get tears in my eyes as I cup my belly. And although I’ve been doing everything right with the pregnancy, I realize that I haven’t really let myself accept the fact that my body is changing in a truly beautiful way. That the bump I can see is cradling a new life. My baby. Damon’s baby.
Our baby.
But then the tears start sliding down my cheeks.
Because I know there’s a very real possibility that he’s going to hate me for this.
At the same time, I know that he’s the love of my life.
But I need to face the facts.
It could end us.
Kill our trust.
And it might truly end up being just me and the baby.
I consider waiting until Christmas. Of avoiding him. Or telling him it’s not his.
But the thought of that nearly breaks me.
I take a deep breath. Wipe away my tears. And stand up tall.
No matter what, today, you are going to drive your pregnant ass up to Lincoln and tell him the news.
I smile as I think about my naked ass and how that night started everything.
“You look beautiful,” Mom says when I come out, wearing the dress.
“Thank you for buying it,” I say sincerely.
“Literally, you’re just glowing. I still can’t believe my baby is going to have a baby. I’m so happy.”
Sammy and I put on our royal-purple graduation gowns, and Mom helps us with our caps.
“We look amazing,” Sammy says, standing in front of the hall mirror and looking at us. “Let’s go get those diplomas!”
“You know they don’t actually give them to you today, right?” Mom says.
“Wait, what?” Sammy asks. “Why not? It’s graduation!”
“Because final grades aren’t in,” I tell him. “They just give you the cover and then mail your diploma to you later.”
“So, I could possibly go through all this pomp and circumstance and not actually graduate?”
“If you flunked a class—” Mom says.
“Oh, the horror! Not to mention the added pressure,” he says, looking distressed.
“Sammy, you currently have high scores in all your classes. Even if you failed your finals, you’d still pass.”
“True,” he says tentatively. “I’m actually glad you told me though. I would have gone into full-on panic mode if I’d opened it and found it empty.”
“Crisis averted.” Mom shakes her head, looks at her watch, and nods toward the door.
Walking across the stage makes me more emotional than I thought it would.
It’s really amazing how your life—your dreams, your plans—can change.
How stressful it can be when it happens, but how amazing it can turn out in the end.
I’m in a relationship with the love of my life, I’m having his baby, and even though, at one point, I seriously considered giving up on college altogether, I’m graduating.
And I’m proud of myself.
Sammy is off, greeting his parents, while Mom and I navigate the crowded area.
“I’m sort of hot,” I tell her, unzipping my gown.
It’s a beautiful, sunny day. The temperature is a balmy—for this time of year—fifty degrees.
“Ainsley!”
I turn toward the sound of my name. And see him.
My face lights up with a grin. “Damon!”
I take off running, my gown flying behind my back, making me feel so romantic, just like I did that day in the Ozarks when he surprised me with a visit. I meet him in the middle and throw my arms around him.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” I tell him, giving him a kiss.
It’s been way too long since I’ve kissed him.
He takes two steps back, his eyes frantic before settling on my belly. “Looks like you actually are expecting.”
“Oh, that,” I say, my eyes getting big. When I saw him, all I thought about in that moment was getting to him. So much so that I forgot … “I’m pregnant, Damon.”
“Yes, I can see that,” he says coldly. “What are you, about six or seven months?”
“How would you even know that?”
“I was around when Jennifer was pregnant with my little sisters. Are you … is it mine?”
I don’t answer because even though I have run this exact scenario over and over in my head a million times, I can’t seem to remember anything I was going to say.
“Oh,” he says, looking gutted.
“I’m thirty weeks, Damon. And, yes, it’s yours. It couldn’t possibly be anyone else’s.”
“I don’t understand.” His mouth drops open. “Why didn’t you—why haven’t you told me? How could you keep something like this from me? For so long?”
“Honestly, I did it for you,” I say softly.
“I don’t understand,” he says again, looking equal parts sad and pissed.
I see all the people around us. “Why don’t we go to my apartment so we can talk about it? Will you meet me there?” I ask him, suddenly very worried that this might be the end of us.
“Yeah,” is all he says, then turns and walks away from me.
That side of you.
Damon
I walk to my car, my feelings everywhere—ranging from why the fuck didn’t she tell me to shock and joy that she’s having my baby.
When I put my hands on the steering wheel, I realize I’m shaking.
And I have to talk to someone.
I think about who to call, ultimately dialing my mom’s number.
When she answers, I blurt out, “Ainsley is pregnant. I’m talking, like, due-in-ten-weeks pregnant. I just found out. And the only reason I found out is because I surprised her at her graduation ceremony.”
“Wow,” Mom says. “I’m going to be a grandmother?”
“I guess, yes, but if she didn’t tell me about the baby, does that mean she doesn’t want me in her life? In the baby’s life? I literally don’t understand. I’m pissed. Mad. Hurt. But also, like, I’m going to be a dad.”
“You’ve been dating this whole time—like, in a relationship, right?”
“Yes, that’s the crazy thing. I could see maybe if we ended things after the Ozarks, but we didn’t.
Do you think that’s it? Do you think she thinks I’m too immature?
Our age difference was something that she was concerned about at first. But I haven’t heard her mention it since then.
And I know she worries that, you know, I’m some hotshot football player and that I have girls flocking around me. Even though I don’t.”
“You don’t?” Mom questions.
“I mean, some girls have expressed interest, but I’m always very clear that I’m not interested and that I’m in a relationship.”
“I will admit, that was a problem for your father and me. I worried about it constantly, and it pretty much ate me alive. But you, Damon, are not just like your father. You have so much more discipline in your life. Especially at your age.”
“Dad liked to party.”
“He did. With Jadyn.”
“They always joke that they were a bad influence on each other.”
“They probably were. Overall, they were good kids. But partying isn’t really what I’m referring to.
It’s an integral part of your being. Yes, you have your father’s charm, but I think I balanced you out a bit.
You come off as easygoing and carefree because you two share that naughty-looking grin, but what people don’t realize is that you’re quite cerebral.
You think before you act.” She laughs. “Well, I thought you did. But seeing as you’re going to have a baby—”
“We used protection, Mom.”
“Well, it must have been very meant to be then,” she says. “What I’m saying is that maybe you need to make sure Ainsley knows that side of you.”
“Should I start wearing glasses and a letterman sweater?” I tease.
“Make fun all you want, but I’m right, and you know it.”
“Actually, I don’t. I don’t know what to do. How to feel. I should be elated. And pissed. She lied to me, Mom.”
“Give her the benefit of the doubt, Damon. Don’t assume anything.
While I can’t imagine why she didn’t tell you, she obviously had some reason.
And while I know that most professional athletes have to be quite committed to excel, that’s not always what the public sees because it’s not sexy.
So, they end up seeing the splashy parts—the women, fast cars, champagne-on-yachts kind of thing. ”
“As opposed to the time spent in the gym? The injuries. The pain.”
“Also the diversification of assets. The charities. The good so many athletes do with their gifts. It’s funny though. Your dad used to tell me he was invincible and he’d never get hurt.”
To that, I chuckle. “He might have been right about that because other than a couple of minor injuries that kept him out of a game or two, he didn’t.”
“Still, due to my own issues, I worried about everything. I was jealous of the girls who fawned over him. Even jealous of his relationship with his best friend. You know, Ainsley’s mom recently told me that during Ainsley’s freshman year of college, she got crushed by the boy she thought was the love of her life.
She failed a semester of classes and lost her scholarship.
It’s what prompted her to change schools and her major. ”
“That Brad guy from Eureka Springs was that boy. The one who just got engaged. She told me that he’d cheated on her, but didn’t tell me the rest.”
“Understand that a hurt like that can make a girl … assume it will happen again. Throw in the recent trust issues with her father …”
“You think she doesn’t trust me. And that’s why she didn’t tell me?”