December 12th #2
“I don’t know why. I’m just suggesting some possible reasons.
I do believe she loves you, Damon. You can see it written all over her face whenever she’s around you.
So, the fact that she didn’t tell you, that she went through this much of the pregnancy on her own, makes me think she had a good reason—at least in her mind.
Maybe she worried about your reaction. Or she might just have been scared to tell you. ”
“I’m listening to all your advice, and I know I should be considering it. But right now, I’m feeling really, really upset with her.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Mom says.
“Sure.”
“What would you have done if she’d told you as soon as she found out?”
“I would have been surprised, but also thrilled. I would have proposed. Immediately. Gotten married. Maybe transferred schools.”
For the first time in our conversation, Mom is quiet.
And it sinks in.
“Could that be why?”
“You’ll have to ask her. But I would suggest not proposing just yet.”
“I love babies,” I say softly.
“Wait until you hold your own.”
“Do you really think it’s due to my age? Or that she just doesn’t think that I know what I want?”
“Let me know when you find out. And I won’t mention the news to anyone. I think that should be up to the two of you.”
I hang up just as I arrive at her apartment complex.
I take a deep breath, park, and get out of the car.
Fight for.
Damon
When we get to her apartment, she sits on the couch while I pace the space in front of the television.
“Before you explain this situation,” I say, “you need to know a few things. And this is going to be brutally honest. You not telling me that you’re having my baby really, really hurts.
And it’s not fair to me. You know how important family is to me.
You’ve seen me with my little sisters. I love kids.
I love babies. I understand our relationship moved quickly.
But we both confessed our love. Our wanting to be together.
“I kind of feel like I just found out you cheated on me. Regardless of what you’re about to tell me, I don’t know that I will be able to believe you.
Because this is a betrayal, Ainsley. Of our love.
Of our trust. When I told you that I fell in love with you three years ago, I meant it.
When I told you at the wedding that this was going to be us someday, I meant it.
I know it was only twelve days, but you know as well as I do that our love is real.
Which is why you not telling me hurts so much. ”
I can’t help it. Tears fill my eyes. Because this sucks. And hurts.
“It’s telling me that you don’t trust me or that you don’t think I’m man enough to handle this.
And I have never given you a reason for you to think those things about me, and it’s not fair.
So, I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t know where you’re going to live.
What you’re planning to do. But know that I am going to be a part of my baby’s life even if it means I have to sue you for custody. ”
She looks me straight in the eye and says, “I wouldn’t expect anything else from you.”
What she says is not what I was expecting. It shocks me. I thought I’d have to fight her on this. Fight for my baby.
“Damon, I need to explain to you why I didn’t tell you. And hopefully, once you understand, you will … well, understand why I did what I did.”
I run my hands down my face in frustration. I’m stressed. And I need to calm down.
I take a deep breath as she says softly, “I did it for you.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It’s not like I did this to myself, Damon. I had some help,” she says, pointing at my crotch as memories of our times together rush through my mind. The perfect bliss of it.
And I can’t help but smile.
“This hasn’t been easy for me.”
“That was by choice,” I tell her.
I want so bad to be angry at her. And I am. But she looks so beautiful and resolute.
Regardless of what my mom said, I move in front of her and drop to my knees. “Marry me.”
“I want to marry you—someday, Damon. More than anything. But I can’t accept your proposal right now. I think we need to figure things out first. Don’t you think?”
I let out a whoosh of air and nod. But I stay put.
“Family is literally everything to me,” I tell her as I stare at her belly.
“But your career, your college game, your focus—those are also important. Especially this semester,” she counters.
“Of course I’m passionate about football. It’s a game I love and have devoted a big part of my life to, but that’s not how I was raised. I was raised with balance. I know what’s important in life. My family is more important than football.”
“I was going to tell you first. Sammy eventually figured it out, obviously, but I never told him,” she says, rubbing her belly. The belly with my baby inside it. “And I told my mom yesterday, but I always wanted to tell you first. For that moment to be between us.”
“You do realize that you have already taken away so many firsts for me.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“The first time you heard the baby’s heartbeat, the first look at the baby via ultrasound, feeling those first kicks, and most importantly allowing me to talk to the baby. It needs to know that Daddy is here and that they are loved.”
The emotion in my voice brings tears to her eyes.
“How do you even know about all those things?”
“Because I got to experience them with Jennifer—twice. And I shouldn’t have to list all the reasons why I’ll be a good dad. You should already know.”
“I do know, Damon. I was going to tell you right away. I was going to tell you before your second game, but it was the wrong time.”
“That’s where you are dead wrong. Finding out that the love of my life is having my baby would have made any day better.”
“The love of your life,” she says, looking stricken before leaping off the couch and running into the bathroom.
I can hear that she’s throwing up.
My butterfly.
Ainsley
As soon as he said the words love of my life, I could feel the bile rising in my throat.
He could have used so many words to describe how he felt, and he used the ones that broke me.
I throw up, then stay in the bathroom and sob.
I don’t know how I imagined this would go. But it wasn’t like this.
Pretty soon, the door opens, and Damon wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry you’re sick,” he states. “But you’re being stupid.”
“Stupid?” I ask, my claws ready to come out.
“Yes, because you are making assumptions about me. About what I want out of life.”
“You have a bright future, Damon. And the reason I didn’t tell you is because I wasn’t going to ruin it with a scandal.”
“A scandal? Having a baby isn’t a scandal.”
“Do you think I wanted to go through pregnancy alone? Because I did not,” I say, my voice filling with the emotion I’ve somehow managed to hold in this whole time. “The second the line turned pink, I couldn’t wait to tell you.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because I love you.”
“And that makes no sense either because if that were truly the case, you would have told me. Do you know how bad this hurts me?”
“Well, do you remember our conversation? That first time we really talked after you got to Lincoln? You were going out that night with some guys on the team.”
“I remember.”
“That’s the night I took the test. Even though we certainly didn’t plan for it, I knew you’d be excited.”
“Of course I would be,” he says, softening a little. “But I still don’t—”
“Your coach said no scandals, no headlines. And I could picture them in my head. Danny Diamond’s son knocks up stepcousin at family reunion. Five-star recruit gets his twenty-two-year-old girlfriend pregnant.”
“I wouldn’t have cared about the headlines,” he says.
“But your coach would have. Right?”
He sucks in a breath and considers it. Then he’s kind of half nodding, half shaking his head, like he can’t make his mind up. “You might be right.”
He leads me back out to the living room and sits on the couch next to me.
“I still don’t know how it happened,” I confess. “We used condoms every time.”
“I know exactly when it happened,” he says.
“You do?”
“The golf course.”
“Our first time?”
“Yeah, things went a little further than they probably should have before I put a condom on.”
“I was on top of you,” I say, remembering that wonderful night.
“Yeah,” he says. “It was very nice.”
“We need to talk about something else though,” I tell him.
“We need to talk about a lot of something elses, but what are you referring to?”
“The birthday party girl.”
“What birthday party girl?”
“The one who tagged you on social media. Your sister said that it was true love. But I’m supposed to be your true love. And you never told me about her!” I say, getting worked up again. This is all still so upsetting.
“You lost me,” he says, looking at me like I’m crazy.
I whip out my phone, pull up his profile, scroll down to find it, and hold it up to his face. “See?”
He starts laughing. “I was, like, six!”
I glare at him.
He leans back and studies me. His eyes landing on my belly. “You know, sometimes, in pregnancy, women can feel—”
“If you say hormonal, you can walk right out that door forever,” I say, pointing at it.
He smiles. “She doesn’t compare to you. Remember how you told me that you thought you knew who your true love was, but then later you felt it for real?”
“Yes.”
“Same goes for me,” he says, gently pushing my bangs off my face. “I love you, Ainsley. You’re my butterfly, remember?”
I throw my arms around him. “Are you sure? You don’t hate me?”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you.” He studies my face. “Does this have anything to do with Brad?”
I wasn’t expecting that question, but I answer honestly, “Yes, and no.”
“Tell me the no part first,” he says.