Chapter 31
Oli
My phone chimed, and my heart leaped. I jerked from my reclined position on my bed to grab the device.
Mom: All set for move-out day tomorrow? xx, Mum
The tension in my body immediately dissipated when I saw the text wasn’t from June. I dropped the phone back down on the bed next to me. I wanted to fucking cry. I hadn’t heard a single word from June since our presentation this morning and, typically, this is when we would’ve been meeting to work on it.
Sure, she told me specifically that she wasn’t going to waste any more time on me, but I still waited for her message. Every moral in my body that told me to stay away from her, to respect her decision, to understand my mistake clawed at the lining of my insides, ripping it down in shreds. I couldn’t possibly. I couldn’t possibly accept that this was going to stay this way.
My phone chimed again.
Mom: We’re excited to have you home, sweetheart. Both of us. We’ll enjoy some time together as a family. xx, Mum
Shut up, Mom. My god, just shut the fuck up.
I tore at my face, murmuring to myself, about to explode with energy that had nowhere to go.
“Oli?” Jonah asked quietly from his side of the room.
Everyone, just shut up. Everyone. Everyone. Shut up. Shut up!
I rolled to the side to face the wall and turned my back to Jonah, who was undoubtedly about to try to start comforting me. Hiding in the perfect darkness of my blankets, I curled my knees into my chest, and the first tear fell.
Well, not the first. There had been quite a few since Sunday morning. But the first of this particular crying session.
I listened as Jonah’s bed emitted the typical noises of one standing from it, and I prepared myself for his inevitable hugs and kind, empty words. But they never came. Standing from his bed turned to footsteps, and then I heard his closet door open. A pair of jeans, perhaps, seemed to woosh through the air, and then a sneaker stomped on the ground, and then another, and then the door opened and shut, and the room felt empty. I turned around to find that he’d left.
◆◆◆
Jonah
Oli had always worked hard to make sure I was okay. The man was perpetually geared up for battle. But he couldn’t do it today, so I swallowed the lump in my throat, strung on my headphones, and got off my whiney little ass.
I didn’t know a thing about June. I didn’t know where she stayed or the places she frequented. I didn’t even know her last name, so I couldn’t even look her up on social media to contact her. But I had to find her. It was Oli’s entire future I was looking for, Kai’s future best friend, my confidant. I was sure of it. Something in my gut just knew that she was a very important puzzle piece to this group. And so, while I had absolutely no interest in rolling out of bed and stepping into a pair of rigid jeans this afternoon, I did it. Because June was out there, and she needed us.
I hoped. Because we sure needed her.
It was a decently cool afternoon. The sun was just starting to lower and had moved behind a few uncharacteristic clouds, which I was grateful for. I found the sun to be suffocating these days. Going outside was hard enough without spears of light entering directly through my corneas.
I pulled out my phone. It was 4:17 p.m. 1:17 a.m. in Spain. Kai would’ve loved to have been here for this. It would’ve been like a secret mission to her.
I pulled up our messages.
Me: Are you there?
…
Please, please, please answer.
…
Kai Rockz :P: Hi, Jojo!
Kai Rockz :P: Yes.
Kai Rockz :P: Just got down off the bar.
Kai Rockz :P: I got a dance gig tonight, so I’m in gogo mode.
Kai Rockz :P: [Photo]
Kai Rockz :P: Taking a moment to rest in the storage room. How about you?
My heart twisted. She looked so fucking beautiful in the photo she’d sent, the neon pink of her lace lingerie as bright as her intoxicating smile and those sweet, sweet eyes. I was grateful to see she hadn’t fallen off the bar and hit her head or anything of the sort. That was just one of the many anxieties I couldn’t expel from my head no matter how hard I tried.
And, believe me, I tried.
But one wrong step and she could slip and fall. Someone could take her. She could get locked in the storage room and… Oh god. My brain produced the unsolicited image of Kai deceased on the floor of the storage room.
Stop it.
They wouldn’t find her for days.
Shut up.
Oli could accidentally cry himself to sleep under his blankets and suffocate.
Turn around and go check on him. If you don’t, he’ll die.
That’s not true.
A branch could fall on you while you walk through the quad.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—
I forced myself to inhale slowly and empty my lungs with much effort, my grimy hands pressing into my grimy face. Oli. I was here for Oli, who was very much alive, surely. The chances he’d passed away in the ten minutes since I’d left the room were...low. Right? Yes. Low. Very low. I was here for Oli and for June.
Me: You look beautiful.
Me: I’m trying to find June.
Me: She and Oli still aren’t speaking. I don’t know where she could be. I just left the dorm room as if I’d figure it out and now I’m standing outside with no direction.
Kai Rockz :P: I’m afraid I can’t be much help, Jo.
Kai Rockz :P: I’d love to be, but I don’t know her well enough yet.
Me: I can’t figure this out without you.
Kai Rockz :P: Of course, you can.
Kai Rockz :P: One more day, my beautiful, brooding Jojo. Tomorrow you’re out of there, and everything will fall into place. I promise.
Kai Rockz :P: Now go find our June.
Me: Fine. I love you.
Me: Text me when you’re home safe, please.
Kai Rockz :P: Of course. Love youuu 333
My hands tightened as I looked around myself. People were bustling about the quad, though not one of them was who I was looking for.
I should just go back to the dorm.
Yeah. That seemed like a good idea. There was too much going on out here and I had no fucking idea what I was doing. My jeans rubbed my knees in a way I didn’t like, and I should’ve brought a sweatshirt. The chances I’d find June were minimal anyway.
I’ll just go back.
But as I trudged back in the direction of the room, I remembered Oli curled up in a ball just as I had been so many times before. I remembered the way June looked at me when I told her about Kai. Most of all, I remembered the way Oli looked at her when they sat drunk in our dorm. He was utterly in love with her already, and she was none the wiser. And that night when they went to the hub and she gave me that bear, when she and Oli receded to his bed, I could feel it emanating from them. Both of them.
I checked my phone again. 4:28 p.m. 1:28 a.m. They should’ve been at the library studying. There was no way she would be there, but I didn’t know a single other thing about her schedule. The least I could do was try. I pushed through the suffocating open air, turning up the volume on my headphones to keep the rest of the world out.
Entering the library, I saw nothing. No one was here besides the girl behind the desk. It was stupid of me to try anyway, but I didn’t hate the emptiness of the place. I strolled in as if I were here for a reason, becoming increasingly embarrassed that the girl’s eyes were on me. She was probably wondering what the hell I was doing. I certainly didn’t have any books to return, and I was sure I looked a mess. I always did.
I glanced at the girl some four quick times as I walked past, pressing my lips together and hoping she’d receive it as a pleasant smile. Finally, she said something.
I shook my head. I didn’t hear her, obviously.
She motioned for me to take off my headphones.
Fuck.
I clicked them off and slid them down to my neck.
“I asked if you’re looking for something,” she said.
No, just being really fucking creepy and strolling through the library alone.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself why I was here, conjuring up as many words as I could. “For someone, actually. This might seem odd but…have you ever seen a girl here around this time? She’s typically with a tall guy in a flannel. I can’t seem to find her anywhere.”
“Oh, yeah.” She lifted a set of fingers to cover her giggles. “I steer clear of them, let them do their…thing. They’re usually hiding between those stacks over there.” She winked and pointed a finger to her left, my right.
“Excuse me?” Why the hell was she talking to me that way? And why did she suddenly believe we were comfortable enough with each other to wink? I knew nothing about this damned person, and she was speaking to me like she was an old friend.
She slapped two hands over her mouth. “Oh my— I mean… Is that your girlfriend?” She shook her head nervously. “That’s the quietest corner for…studying. They study. Just studying, that’s all.”
“What? Oh, god. No. She’s his girlfriend. Well…I hope she’ll be. I just didn’t pick up on the…nuances. I don’t know.” I looked down at my feet, desperate to escape this interaction as I strolled off in the direction she’d pointed in without another word, my hands balled in my pockets.
Fuck, how I wished I could go back to bed.
When I turned the corner of the stacks best for quiet studying, I found her. My heart sighed with relief. June was sitting on the floor, tucked in a corner with a small pile of books beside her as she hugged her knees.
I stepped toward her and sat down as well, hugging my own knees into my chest. “Hi.”
She only sniffled and wiped a hand over her cheek.