Chapter 32
June
Jonah looked around himself uncomfortably, his eyes darting over the floor. I had nothing to say that wasn’t downright pitiful, so I stayed quiet. Obviously, I was here for a reason. Obviously, I’d waited until this specific time to return my stupid sex books.
He placed his hands over his headphones and unhooked them from his neck, handing them to me. His eyes shot to the floor the second they caught mine. He just sat there, holding them out, staring at the rug. “It helps me.” His shoulders did a little shrug as if he thought it might help me too.
“That’s okay, Jonah. Thank you.”
He placed them on the floor and sank his chin into his bony knees, saying nothing.
“I, uhm…” I placed a hand on the books stacked next to me, rubbing my fingers over them. “I had to return some books.”
“Okay.” A beat of silence. “What are you gonna do after you return the books?”
I chuckled to myself grimly. “Considering I’ve been sitting here for a half hour already, my guess is that this might take me right up to bedtime.”
He did glance at me then, holding eye contact as he said, “Maybe if you finish sitting now, and give those books to the girl at the desk—who is far too quick to get comfortable, by the way—you’ll have enough time to come by our room after.”
I took a deep, painful breath, trying to keep any more tears from escaping. “I don’t know why I’d do that, Jonah.”
“Yes, you do. Our group is really weird, June. We never deal with our issues correctly and we lean on each other much more than we should. Each of us is severely fucked up in our own way and if we had the funds, time, and effort for it, I think intensive therapy could do us all a magnitude of wonders.”
I shook my head. “Your point?”
“You fit in perfectly with that description.”
I snorted and shoved at his shoulder. He smiled. Not one of those flat smirks he usually attempted. I actually saw his teeth. For the first time, he showed me his teeth. He was a sweet boy. A nice boy. A nice friend.
He stood, gathering my books and his headphones in one hand and reaching down to pull me up. “Like it or not, you’ve joined this family, and I don’t intend to leave you here in the stacks which, if I’ve understood correctly, hold some very scandalous secrets. Might you have anything to do with that?”
I gripped his hand and pulled myself up, ignoring his subtle attempt at humor. “Family doesn’t keep each other out, Jonah.”
“Are you mad because he kept a secret or are you just sad because he’s leaving?”
“The secret. Of course.”
He shook his head. “Sure. Maybe. You can be mad, but you’ve been curled up crying in a library waiting for him for thirty minutes. I think it’s safe to say you miss him.”
I lifted my fingers to my cheek and pressed inward to chew away the skin on the inside of my mouth. I didn’t have an answer to Jonah’s claim.
He lifted a shaggy eyebrow and added, “He’s currently in our dorm room crying in bed. It’s very unattractive and enormously unsettling.”
I almost smiled at that, but I didn’t. “I’m not going just so he can lie to me again.”
He cocked his head to one side and gave me a sassy look, silently asking me to drop the act. “June, trust and closeness do not equal the absence of error. He might not always get it right, but I promise you he’ll try until his body gives out. Humanity is a plague we all share, so please don’t hold it against him.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re quite the drama queen, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “And if there’s one thing I know about, it’s love. Oli is in love.”
“Love?” I stood up straight, all emotion sliding off my cheeks as I stared him down.
He made no movement nor did he offer me an answer.
“Love?”I repeated.
He looked at me in an infuriating, uncharacteristically smug way.
“Love?!” I asked once more.
I ripped the books from Jonah’s hands and practically threw them at the girl working the desk. What the fuck was Jonah talking about? I had to find out. My legs began pumping.
“I’ll give you two some privacy,” he called after me. “I’ll stay in the quad as long as I can endure it.”
His voice faded as I kept running, my sobs making it hard to breathe. I arrived at Oli’s door wailing and slammed on it with two stiff fists, heedless of the other students lurking in the halls who were likely wondering what the hell had made me so frantic. Within seconds, the door whipped open, and Oli stood with his mouth agape for a split moment.
“June!” He pulled me into a hug. “June,” he repeated, brushing the wet, sticky hair from my cheeks. “What happened? Tell me you’re okay. Please.”
“You,” I growled, pulling my arms from his hold to strangle him. I pressed my fingers into his thick neck, watching the way his skin dented with the impact. “You’re leaving me.”
His eyes were deep and glossy with something like shock, something like pain, as he grabbed my hips and jumped me up on his waist. I wrapped my legs tightly around him, squeezing his body and neck as hard as I could.
“The only reason I would ever leave you, June, is if you specifically asked me to.” His gaze flicked from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes. “And even then, I’d argue before dropping it, as I’m sure you’ve realized.”
I ripped my hands off his neck and combed my fingers into his hair, tugging at the strands as I dropped my forehead to his. “Stop lying to me.”
His nose pressed into mine, the skin of his lips ghosting my mouth. He shook his head. “I’m not, June. I’m right here. I’ll be at Jonah’s short-term until we can find something closer.” His hands gripped my back, and my hips ground into him. I’d never been more furious with a person in my life, yet I never wanted to let him go. Ever.
“Don’t leave me, Oli.” I couldn’t help the new wave of tears that crashed over me as I kissed him. He groaned as his lips received mine, a strong hand palming my head to push me into him. Oli stumbled backward. I was too focused on devouring him to realize that he’d walked us over to his bed until he slammed me down on it and fell over me.
“I’m so sorry, June,” he said as he moved his mouth from mine to my neck to bite it. “I’m sorry for doubting you. I’m sorry for the way I handled this.”
I tucked my fingers under the collar of his flannel to push it down his shoulders desperately, and he stood to rip it off. I then leaned up to get rid of his T-shirt as fast as I could before unbuttoning his pants. “You broke my fucking heart, Oliver.”
He undid my jeans, buried his fingers in the waistline, and pulled them down with one strong smack of fabric until they popped off my feet. “And you mine.”
“I will not apologize,” I said as I tugged off my shirt.
He dropped his lips to my stomach, licking and kissing every inch of my skin. I hardly had time to be upset about the fact that he didn’t have his piercing in today because I was upset about so many other things.
“I don’t want you to. It was my fault.”
In an instant, my head hit Oli’s pillow, and his cock thrust into me. I arched back, moaning into the room as he slammed between my legs, knocking away bits of my anger. He held my hips between his hands and propped himself on his knees, pulling my pussy onto him. I reached for him, begging him to lie down on top of me. I needed him closer so I could tell him how fucking mad I was.
He leaned over me with a kiss, wrapping my knee around his elbow to lift my leg to one side and fuck me deeper.
“Do you know how fucking furious you made me?” I said, holding his face to mine and speaking straight into his mouth, squeaks and moans punctuating every syllable.
He whimpered. “Yes, June.”
“Don’t ever do that again.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, June.” He released my leg and bundled me up in his arms, hugging my body tightly. His slams became weaker, melting into long, languid waves, his hips swirling his cock deep inside of me. He rocked into me slowly, and my rage dissipated. My lips parted as I weaved my fingers into his hair, my mouth by his ear. I was deliciously pleased under his weight.
“Do you love me?” I whispered.
His hand wrapped the back of my head as he bit lightly on my jaw and then placed a soft kiss where his teeth had been. “Desperately.”
My ribs expanded like a fireplace bellow, my breathing more erratic from that statement than the fucking. “You’re lying.”
He growled and leaned up, taking my hips once again in his hands. “I chose a private table at the library on purpose.” He smashed into me hard, and I yelped. “I compliment you though you refuse to listen.” Again, he smacked between my hips, and I clawed at the bed desperately, the sheets curling beneath my fists. “Do you know how fucking unbearable it’s been waiting for you to come around?”
I whined at the back of my throat as my pussy began clamping around him, my fingers practically ripping his blanket to shreds. “I’ve done no such thing.”
“Shut the fuck up, Juni.” He fucked me hard and fast, his grave voice lower than I’d ever heard it. “I am so fucking done playing games. Tell me how you really feel.”
“I hate you,” I cried, staring at the loose strand of hair hanging in front of his forehead.
“And?”
He ripped me up from the bed, pulling me in to straddle him as he sat on his heels. I dug my nails into his shoulders as he bounced me on his lap repeatedly.
“Say it, Juni,” he whispered. “I know it’s hard, but I promise I’ll never let you go.”
I shook my head, biting my lips back before leaning into him for a kiss. A familiar build-up of energy was growing between my legs, becoming unbearable given the unfamiliar build-up of energy happening between my ribs. The combination formed something too large for my own body. I couldn’t handle it. I had to get it out of me. I had to scream and explode and blow this fucking room to smithereens.
My pussy pulled tight, my vision went blank, and I lost all awareness apart from my orgasm as I whimpered into his mouth. “I love you.”
He immediately squeezed me harder, groaning as I shuddered between his arms, his cock pulsing and filling me up. We clung to each other for an unknown amount of time.
Slowly, my senses came back to me, and I could feel us both breathing heavily against each other. I wanted to drop into a deep sleep. My body was limp. I tried for a kiss but ended up just smearing my lips across his mouth.
I could hardly process everything that had just happened because…he loved me. Someone loved me. Oli had seen the very worst parts of me, had stuck around even when I gave him every reason to leave, and he still loved me. And I fucking loved him. Shit. I did. I really did.
“I’m sorry I’m such a bitch,” I said quietly. “I’ll be nicer. I will.”
He shook his head, pushing my hair behind my ear and taking my cheek in his hand. “I want you to be you, and I want you to be okay. I want you to heal, and I want you to live, and I want to watch every second of it.” I pulled his forehead to mine, and he wrestled me back down on the sheets, our lips fused and our bodies still locked together. “I love you so much, June.”
“You really do?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I do.” He pecked my nose and then my lips. “You’re the first person I want to come to. Always. I truly mean that. You must know how much I admire you.”
I shrugged lazily. “I’m pretty easy to admire.”
“You are not.”
My mouth dropped open as I shoved at his tattooed chest.
He grinned and said, “I’m just kidding. You are, very, despite your best efforts. I’ve met my match, June, and I will get better every day so that always remains true.”
I groaned and rolled my head to the side. “You are so fucking cringey.” Though I loved it. I did. I loved him and his stupid emotions and his outfits and his everything.
He placed kisses all over my face until I was giggling like an idiot. Then, he wrapped me in a tight hug, speaking into my neck. “Do you forgive me?”
“Yes. Do you forgive me?”
He nodded. “I don’t know when we’ll find an apartment. Maybe…uhm. But maybe when we find a place, you’d consider moving off campus? I’m gonna get a car. You can use it every day to go to class, and… Anyway. It’ll probably be a few months.”
“Move in with you?” I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away to catch his eye.
“You could help us look if you want, to make sure the place is comfortable for you too.”
I bowed my chin. “Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“Yes, I do.”
I snorted, and he laughed. He looked so fucking pretty, his teeth peeking out from his lips as his chest shook, his eyes glittering and wild.
He continued. “I’ll leave you be when you need it. We’ll get you a desk and a bookshelf, and you’ll only need to be alone when you want to be. You can think of it as living with friends if that makes you more comfortable, but I’m gonna call you my girlfriend. That part is non-negotiable. Jonah will be around. Tiff and Noah can come over—”
“Yes.” I grinned wide, holding his cheeks in my palms. He didn’t need to convince me, though it was cute that he was trying to. “Yes. But you’re waiting until we’re really settled to pop the question. Even if it takes years, you hear me?”
His face dropped. My heart kicked as I realized that might’ve been an inappropriate joke to make.
Shit. Too far.
But then his lips crashed into mine, enveloping me in a deliciously desperate kiss as he nodded and said, “Okay. I’ll wait.”