Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Even with empty roads all the way it would still take them two hours to get to the hospital. Kate couldn’t talk, could barely breathe. All she could do was stare out at the dark night, peppered with yellow stars, and think about what a terrible mom she was. Ethan must be in so much pain.
And she wasn’t there to comfort him.
It had taken Marley ten minutes to get all of their things into his truck so they could leave. She’d spent that time on the phone, talking to Shana, then arranging for somebody to watch Addy overnight.
All through the conversations, her stomach felt so tight she was certain she was going to vomit. Her hands were shaking, her breath was shallow.
Her baby was hurt.
She should have known that Ethan would have wanted to cook smores. The kid was obsessed with them. And Shana had told him no, because she didn’t want to pull the grill out of the garage and get it all set up for just a few little sweet treats.
Of course, he’d taken that as a challenge, and he’d managed to connect the grill to the propane, then turned on the burners, and put some marshmallows on the rack, thinking he’d impress his aunt.
He hadn’t banked on the garage filling with fumes. In his panic to take the marshmallows off the grill, he’d managed to catch his pajama sleeve on fire.
Shana had heard him scream and ran to rescue him.
Tears rolled down Kate’s face. Marley reached for her hand, stone faced. She was never going away again. Not when her kids needed her.
Why hadn’t she locked the garage? Or stored the propane tank somewhere else?
She turned to look at the man who only hours ago was her sole focus. His profile was sharp against the low glow of the waning moon. He was staring at the road ahead, his jaw tight. Apart from asking if she was too warm, they’d had no conversation at all since they’d left the cabin.
She couldn’t gauge what he was thinking at all. Was he blaming her, the way she was blaming herself? It was all her fault, after all. She’d encouraged Ethan’s obsession. Showed him how to set up and start the grill. She might as well have given him a loaded gun.
“I should never have left them,” she whispered.
Marley didn’t react at all. “This isn’t your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” She blinked away the tears. “Ethan is my responsibility. He’s hurt. This is absolutely my fault.”
“Kate, it could have happened anywhere. At any time.”
“But it didn’t, did it?” She shook her head. “I should have been there. I would have known…”
He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, like he was trying to think of something to say. But there was nothing. How could there be? When Ethan needed her, she was busy getting it on with his father’s friend.
She pulled her hand from his, lowering her face into it as she let out a sob.
“This is killing me,” Marley whispered. “I just want to stop and hold you. But I can’t. I’m gonna get you to that hospital. Shana said he’s hurt but okay, try to hold on to that.”
“I’m trying,” she told him, squeezing her eyes shut. “I really am.”
“I know you are. And I know you’re crying now because you won’t be able to once you’re with Ethan. I know how strong you are. How much you love your kids. Nobody ever doubts that.”
Every word felt like a lie.
“We’re less than half an hour away now,” Marley told her. “We’ll go straight to the hospital. Shana’s with Ethan. You know she’ll take care of him until we are there.”
“I know.” She let out a ragged breath. Because he was right. When they got to the hospital she’d be strong. She had no choice. That’s what she did. Ethan needed her strength, he needed her to be calm.
She might have let him down today, but she wasn’t going to do it again.
“What do you need me to do, Kate?” Marley asked her, as though he was searching for something he could hold on to. And she got it. He felt as useless as she did. He was a first responder. If he had been home, he would’ve been on call tonight.
He would have come to the house and helped Ethan.
“I just need my son to be okay,” she whispered. “We both know what burns can be like.”
“Yeah.” This time it was Marley’s voice that cracked. “But that hospital is the best. They’ll take care of him. From what you’ve said, Shana got to him fast. Time matters in cases like his.”
“Cases like his…” She winced at the words. “He’s not a case.”
“I know. I’m just trying to help.”
“You’re not.” Oh God, she didn’t want to snap like this. She knew he was trying to help. But right now she didn’t have the emotional capacity to let him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay.” His voice was low.
“No it’s not.” She’d hurt him. “I really am sorry.”
“You don’t need to keep saying it, Kate,” he snapped.
Her chest was so tight it was hurting. She blew out a mouthful of air but it did nothing to make her feel better. She needed to be at the hospital. To be with Ethan.
Addy was safe, she knew that much. Shana had left her with a neighbor when the ambulance arrived, and then Marley’s brother had come to pick her up. She’d stay the night with him and his wife. Cassie had already messaged her to say that Addy was asleep and safe.
As for James, she’d already made the decision not to tell him what happened. Because she knew her oldest son would be beating himself up, too. She wanted him to enjoy camp. She’d tell him when she picked him up next week.
If Ethan was well enough to have been discharged from the hospital. Please let him be okay.
“Just hang in there,” Marley said, his voice low. “You’ve got this, sweetheart.”
But it didn’t feel like she had anything. At all.
Marley dropped Kate off at the entrance to the hospital. She barely said a word as she got out, practically running to the door and disappearing into the building. He drove to the parking lot, easily finding a space and turning off the engine.
As he climbed out, the warmth of the night time air surrounded him. And he had to take a deep breath, because every part of him wanted to scream.
Watching her break down next to him as he drove as fast as he could without breaking the speed limit was excruciating. Seeing her blame herself when she had nothing to do with what had happened to Ethan was even harder.
If anybody was to blame it was Marley. He knew that deep in his soul. He was the firefighter. He should have given Ethan more of a warning about the grill. Discussed fire safety with him. They both knew about the kid’s obsession with it, after all.
And he should have been here. He fucking promised Paul he’d take care of his family. Making sure they were okay.
Instead, he’d spent the past few weeks taking care of Paul’s wife.
As soon as he stepped inside the sliding glass doors, he could smell that familiar, sterile, cold aroma. He’d been here way too many times – mostly when they had casualties from incidents they were called to.
But the time he would never get out of his head was two years ago. When he’d come in with Paul. They’d spent twenty minutes trying to revive him, as the ambulance rushed his body to the hospital.
But Paul never woke up. The memory of it swirled like nausea inside his body.
He looked at the one night clerk at the front desk, before he heard his name being called.
“Hey, Hartson,” a voice called from the seating area.
Of course Tayto would be here. If he’d heard about one of Tayto’s kids being here, Marley would have been waiting here for news, too. They were a family. Even with Paul gone, James, Ethan, and Addy were part of that.
“Hey.” Marley nodded at his friend. “Did you see Kate come in?”
“Yeah, they took her straight to him.” Tayto eyed him carefully. “You two were away somewhere, huh?”
He really didn’t want to talk about that right now. Not when the guilt felt like chains weighing down his body. “Have you heard how Ethan is?” he asked.
“It’s looking like second-degree burns. On his arm, nowhere else. Shana did a good job of responding. We should recruit her.” Tayto smiled, but Marley didn’t smile back. He just nodded and walked over to the desk.
“Hey.” The clerk – Darren – smiled at him. Marley had been in enough times for the guy to recognize him. “We’re still waiting for news on the kid. If that’s what you’re asking.”
“Can I go see him?” Marley asked.
Darren looked awkward. “Not really. We have a two visitor rule at night and there’s already two people with him. But if you sit with your friend I’ll let you know as soon as we have news.”
“Okay, thanks.” He wasn’t going to argue his way in. The last thing Kate needed was him making a scene.
But he didn’t walk over to sit with Tayto either. Mostly because the thought of explaining himself to his friend made him want to hurl.
Yeah, I spent most of the day in bed with Paul’s wife. While his kid got hurt. I’m a great friend, huh?
So instead he paced the hallway, trying not to think about the promise he’d made to Paul as he died. Not being able to think about anything else.
I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I told you I’d take care of them.
And he didn’t. He’d messed up so badly and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get over that.