Chapter 28
Chapter
Twenty-Eight
How’s Ethan doing? – Marley.
Kate stared at the message lighting up her phone screen. No mention of last night. Of their argument or her tears. No apologies or recriminations.
He’s fine. Watching TV and eating Fritos. Living his best life. – Kate.
And how are you doing? – Marley
Good, thank you. And you? – Kate
I’m fine. – Marley.
If she wasn’t feeling so sad, their exchange would have made her laugh. It was so… polite. And yet meaningless. Yes, it was nice he was asking about Ethan. But then so had so many other people. Half of Hartson’s Creek had either knocked on their door or called or messaged her.
Her freezer was stuffed full of casseroles that people had dropped off to show they cared. Marley’s mom had brought one over this afternoon. And his sister-in-law had brought a little gift for Ethan and Addy along with some flowers for Kate.
“Mom?”
Ethan was looking up from the sofa. Addy was sitting next to him, curled against his side. Since he’d come home from the hospital the little girl had been sweetly protective of him, bringing him food and drinks and sitting with him while she let him choose the TV shows he wanted to watch.
Kate was keeping an eye on it. She didn’t mind Ethan taking advantage for a day or two, but after that she’d put a stop to it.
“Yes, honey?”
“When’s James coming home?”
“On Saturday, remember?” She smiled at her son. “That’s when his camp finishes.”
“That’s when he gets to hear about your burn,” Addy told him. “He’s gonna freak out.”
“Do you think he’ll be angry with me?” Ethan asked.
Kate shook her head. “No, honey. He’ll be worried. The same way we all are.” She ran her tongue along her bottom lip. “Do you think you’ll be up to coming into the library tomorrow?” She was scheduled to work a shift. Usually, she’d put Ethan in camp, because he hated sitting around. Addy, on the other hand, was happy going in to work with Kate, following her around, helping her shelve books.
“Can I bring my iPad?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Okay then, sounds good.” He gave her a smile.
And damn if she didn’t smile back. She loved that kid even if he was a headache. “Maybe on Thursday we’ll go to the pool?” she suggested and his face lit up. “If you promise to take it easy. Just dangle your legs in.”
“I promise.” Excitement pulled at his face. “Thanks, Mom.”
“No problem.”
He didn’t even try to climb into her window that night. And she didn’t send him a text asking him to, figuring that maybe they both needed the space. Truth was, she wasn’t sure she could deal with arguing with him again. But he’d called to check in again on Ethan this evening.
Their phone call had been brief because she’d been trying to persuade her son to take a shower, but the kid who was desperate to get into the community pool was somehow deathly afraid of getting his arm wet in the shower. Even though the special waterproof cover for his arm had arrived and she’d showed him how to use it.
And now it was nighttime again. And she was alone with her thoughts, which didn’t feel like a safe place to be right now.
She pulled his name up on her phone screen and stared at it for a moment. She hated this coolness between them, but had no idea how to make things better. Because she was still annoyed at the way he’d practically accused her of making bad decisions. About her own children.
She let out a long breath. She needed to get over this. Logically, she knew their heightened emotions would calm eventually. But it still hurt. And she felt so alone.
She turned her phone off and turned onto her side, willing herself to sleep.
It was an hour later that she woke to banging. She was groggy, unwillingly pulled from a deep, dreamless sleep. Her heart started to bang against her ribcage as she panicked that there was something wrong with Ethan.
But when she checked his room he was fast asleep. As was Addy when Kate cracked open the door to her bedroom. Maybe it had been a bird landing on the roof or something.
But then she heard it again. Downstairs. Running into her bedroom, she grabbed a robe and pulled it around her, before padding down the steps to make sure everything was okay.
The whole floor was dark and silent. She took a look down the hallway, in the living room and the kitchen, before heading back to the stairs.
But then there was that noise again. Coming from outside. She frowned and walked to the window, pulling the curtain aside so she could look out.
Marley’s truck was parked on the road. But there was no sign of him. At least not until half a minute later when he emerged from the side of her house, carrying a blackened grill in his strong, thick arms, putting it onto the open flatbed of his truck.
Wait, what? He was taking her grill without her permission?
Seriously?
Oh boy, now she was awake. And annoyed. She hurried down the hall to the front door and pulled it open.
“What are you doing?” she hissed into the dark night.
Marley looked up. She could just about make out his expression in the moonlight. He looked surprised. A little guilty.
Caught red-handed.
“Just cleaning up some mess.” His jaw was set tight.
She swallowed hard. “That’s my grill. Put it back.” It was stupid how much she cared about that grill. But it was hers. The black charred mess.
“It’s unusable, Kate.” He was looking at her like she was crazy.
“I know that. But it’s still mine. You’re stealing it.”
He let out a sigh. “I’m doing you a fucking favor. Taking it away so you don’t have to. You think Ethan wants to see it every time he looks out the window?” Because that’s where the firemen had left it, in the backyard right outside the garage, under Ethan’s window.
“Maybe he should,” she whispered furiously. “It’s a reminder not to do it again.” And yeah, she just made that up, but seriously? He was actually taking their grill? After she’d told him not to!
Hell no. She was the one in control of her own home. She had to be.
Pulling her robe tighter around herself, she stepped outside, the concrete rough against her bare feet. “Put it back,” she told him.
“What?”
“Put my grill back.” Her eyes were wide with annoyance. “I’m serious, Marley. You think I don’t know what you’re doing here? You didn’t get your way so you’re trying to sneak around while everybody’s asleep to do it? Should I call the cops? Will that help?” Not that she was serious. They’d think she was as unreasonable as Marley obviously did.
“Calm down. I’m just trying to take care of things for you.” His eyes were narrow. “It’s the only thing I can do right now. I can’t sleep thinking about this fucking grill. I can’t sleep knowing Ethan is hurt. It needs to be gone. Now.”
“But it’s mine.”
“Why do you care about a burned out grill?” he asked her. “You said you’d buy a new one. Even if I think that’s a bad idea.”
She had no answer to that. He was right, she knew it. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“The grill was Paul’s,” she told him. “It was his, and you’re taking it away.”
Marley’s face contorted like she’d stabbed him.
Had she really said that?
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She told him, reaching for his hand. But he stepped back, away from her touch. “I honestly didn’t.”
“Mom?” Ethan was standing at the front door in his pajama bottoms. “What’s going on?”
Her eyes met Marley’s. “Nothing, honey.”
“Why’s Marley here?”
“He’s just leaving, sweetheart.” She walked back to the house, shooing him inside the doorway. “You should be asleep,” she said softly.
“I tried to find you. My arm hurts.”
Her chest tightened. “Like normal hurt? Or worse?” she asked him.
“Normal. I just wanted a hug.”
“You can have all the hugs. Go up to bed, sweetie. I’ll come hug you to sleep.”
“You won’t tell James, will you?” Ethan asked.
“About what?”
“About me needing hugs.”
Her face softened. “James needs hugs sometimes, too. We all do. He wouldn’t tease you about it.”
“Okay, but still don’t tell him.”
She ruffled his hair. “I won’t. Now up you go. I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He looked past her, out the door. “Is Marley taking the grill away?”
Oh, so he’d seen that. “Yeah, he just thinks it should go.”
“I think it should, too.” Ethan’s bottom lip wobbled. “I hate it.” He pulled out of her grasp and walked to the stairs, his movements heavy with the sleep he must have only just escaped from.
Kate took a deep breath and turned back to look at Marley, trying to remember why she was so mad about the damn grill.
He watched her stroke her son’s hair and send him up to bed, before her shoulders lifted with a deep breath, as though she were readying herself for something. When she turned around the expression on her face was neutral.
At least compared to the anger on it only moments before Ethan interrupted them.
He’d messed up again. He was tired of doing it. He was downright tired. He hadn’t slept for days.
But this argument wasn’t about the grill at all. He knew it and she knew it.
It was an argument about who felt more guilty for Ethan’s burn. And the fact was, she shouldn’t feel guilty at all. It wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t the one who’d made a solemn vow to Paul before they’d taken him away. She wasn’t the one who’d seen her husband die in front of him, because he didn’t have the fucking skills to save him.
She was the one who suffered, though. And she was suffering again. And it was fucking killing him.
Everything that had happened was down to him. He’d broken his promise.
“You can take the grill,” she said, her voice soft. “Take it all. I don’t want to see it again.”
And because they were both too fucking exhausted to argue, he fetched the rest of it from behind the house while she stood on the porch and watched. And once he’d closed the tailgate he walked up to the door, mostly because he couldn’t leave without saying anything.
“Is Ethan okay?”
“He will be. He just wants hugs.”
He nodded. “Then you should go.”
“Marley…”
He looked up at her. “What?”
“What’s happening here? Why did you show up in the middle of the night and take the grill when I asked you not to? Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”
The breath he let out felt ragged. “Because I knew you wouldn’t let me.” The memory of last night, of her asking him to leave still stung. He’d deserved it. He knew that much.
She hadn’t wanted him to take the grill. She’d made it completely clear. But the truth was, he couldn’t sleep knowing it was near the house. He’d tossed and turned, thinking about it. Needing it gone. And yeah, he knew it made no difference really. Ethan wasn’t going near that thing after the experience he’d just had.
But he needed to do something. Anything . Needed to make the world right again. And that meant moving the grill.
“I need to make sure you’re all safe,” he said. “Always.”
She let out a low breath. “A grill isn’t going to make the difference. We’re a little battered and bruised but we’re fine.”
He shook his head. Didn’t she understand? He had to do this. He had to do so much more. “I promised Paul I’d take care of all of you. And I haven’t. James was at a bonfire. Ethan got hurt. You and I…” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have pursued you.”
“What?” Kate asked, keeping her voice low. What was he trying to say?
Her eyes tried to catch his, but he wouldn’t look her way. A shiver wracked down her spine.
“I can’t love you and keep you safe,” he told her. “Every time I try, things just get worse. Maybe it’s a message. Paul wouldn’t have wanted this.”
Her throat felt so tight it was hard to breathe. “How do you know what Paul would have wanted?”
“You and the kids were his biggest joy. Nothing else mattered to him. Nothing. I saw him fall, Kate. I couldn’t save him. It’s my fault he died. It’s my fault he’s not here to take care of you. If he’d been alive Ethan wouldn’t be hurt.”
“He had an aneurysm,” she whispered. “It had been there for years without him knowing. That’s what the medical examiner said. It burst, nobody caused it. It was nobody’s fault.” She lifted her hand to wipe the tears away. And each one of them felt like another wound to his heart.
He’d never hated anybody as much as he hated himself right now.
“He knew, Kate,” he told her. “He knew I was in love with you.”
She blinked. “You were in love with me when Paul was alive?”
“I’ve been in love with you for years. And yeah, he knew. He would joke about it. He once told me I’d only get you over his dead body.” Fuck, he’d only just remembered that. It had been after a fundraiser. A woman had slipped her number in Marley’s pocket and Paul had asked him if he was gonna call her.
“Of course I’m not. She’s not my type,” Marley had answered.
“What is your type? You never date anybody long enough for me to figure it out?” Paul had winked. “Apart from my wife, of course. But the only way you’ll get to date her is over my dead body.”
How had he forgotten that memory? Right now it felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“I have to go,” he told Kate, as she stood there watching him, her brow wrinkled. “I’m sorry.” His voice broke. “I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?” she asked, sounding so confused it hurt to hear it.
“Us. This.” He shook his head. “I have to go.”
And then he ran down the driveway, climbed into his truck, and drove away before she could see him fall apart in a way that could never be put back together again.