Chapter 32
Chapter
Thirty-Two
“What’s he doing?” Shana asked Kate a couple of hours later, as the two of them stared out of the kitchen window at Marley and her kids.
“He just said it was a project,” Kate answered, because she was none the wiser. The three of them had been working out there since they finished dinner. And no, she hadn’t cooked him any, though she’d relented when Addy asked if she could bring him some sweet tea and a cookie.
Kate had tried really hard not to spy on them. She’d folded the huge pile of clean clothes that had built up over the past few days. Rinsed the swimsuits that Ethan and Addy had thrown on the laundry room floor in their excitement for ice cream and Marley.
But she kept getting drawn to the kitchen window. Desperate to see what was going on. She was certain Marley had caught her watching a couple of times.
And yes, every time his eyes met hers, she felt the connection.
“Wait, is that the grill lid out there?” Shana asked.
Yeah, that had been a surprise when he’d carried the charred lid into the yard. Although it wasn’t charred anymore. He’d gotten Addy to power wash it off. Then he’d got to work with a welding iron, while Addy sorted out what looked like little shiny pebbles.
“Oh my God, is he making a sculpture?” Shana asked, her mouth dropping open.
Truth was, Kate still wasn’t sure. All she knew was watching this big, beautiful man interact with her kids was killing her in the best and worst kind of way. “He said he was sorry,” she told Shana.
“Was that it?” Shana wrinkled her nose. “You didn’t accept it, did you? An asshole act like that requires a hell of a lot more than sorry.”
“I didn’t say anything. It was when the kids were changing out of their swimsuits. He talked the whole time. Said he’s sorry, that he’s an idiot.” She let out a breath. “And he said I’m beautiful.”
“Hmph,” Shana said, clearly still not happy with his words.
“He wants to talk later, when we have time alone,” Kate told her, watching as Addy started twirling around the yard, clearly getting bored after all this time helping her brother and Marley. Ethan, on the other hand, was still close to Marley, the two of them talking softly as they worked together, Marley instructing, Ethan following with his good hand.
She felt breathless. And there was something else. Hope. It felt like a warm glow in her heart.
“Will you talk to him?” Shana asked her. “Do you want to hear what he has to say?”
She looked at her friend. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“Mommy, come see!” Addy shouted out an hour later. Shana had left about thirty minutes earlier. She’d only popped by to drop off a cake somebody had left for Kate at the library that day. It was getting late now. The sun was starting to fall behind the trees. The kids needed to take showers and get to bed.
But right now they were waiting breathlessly for her in the yard, huge smiles on their faces. “We made you a gift,” Addy said, running over to her as she stepped out of the kitchen door.
“It’s pretty cool, Mom,” Ethan told her. “But we have to tell you the story behind it first.”
“Where’s Marley?” she asked Ethan.
“He’s packing up the truck. Said we should be the ones to show you our hard work. So, Mom, remember the grill I hurt myself with?” Ethan said, sounding solemn.
Kate felt a twinge in her chest. “Yes, sweetie, I do.”
“Well, I hated it. I really did. But Marley said that we can make good things come from bad. That we can turn things around and make ruined things better. So we made a planter out of it. Come see.” He took her other hand, and the three of them walked over to the corner where the kids had been working.
“I chose the stones,” Addy said, tugging at Kate’s hand.
“And I helped glue them on,” Ethan said proudly. “Marley let me use the hot glue gun.”
The grill lid was transformed. The handle and dial were gone, replaced, she presumed, with some of the metal Marley had carried out of the truck. Then the whole outside had been enlarged into what looked like a six-foot planter. It was covered with a mosaic of glass stones that sparkled in the light of the waning sun.
Inside, they’d planted a cornucopia of pretty flowers. Yellow dahlias and pink coreopsis against the green and purple of Russian sage. You couldn’t look at it and not smile.
“Good things come out of bad,” Ethan repeated. “We can make things better if we just work hard.” He looked at her. “Do you like it?” he asked.
“Yes,” she whispered, afraid she’d start crying again. “I really do. It’s beautiful. You worked so hard.”
“I don’t hate the grill anymore,” Ethan told her, his eyes bright as he looked up at her.
“Nor do I,” Addy said, not wanting to be left out. “I love it now.”
Kate hugged her kids, being careful not to squeeze Ethan’s injured arm. “You’re both so amazing.”
“Marley did some of the work,” Addy conceded. “But we did a lot too.”
“Yes, you did. I’m so proud of you.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek. “If you go inside there’s some juice waiting for you in the kitchen.”
“Whoop!” Addy bumped her fist into the air and started running.
Kate turned to look at Ethan. “Your arm okay?”
“It’s fine. You and Marley need to stop asking me that.”
Of course Marley had been asking. She wouldn’t have expected anything less. “And you’re okay? With the grill?”
“Yeah. It was cool making the planter. I like working with Marley. He’s not angry with us, he told us that. He’s angry with himself. Or he was.” Ethan pressed his lips together. “I told him I was angry with myself too, and he said that was okay. That sometimes we get angry, but it’s what we do with the anger that counts. We have to work through it and leave it behind.”
Her throat felt tight. “He’s right.”
“Yeah, I think he is.” Ethan looked at her hopefully. “Can I have some juice too?”
“There’s a glass inside waiting for you, too. Then it’s time for a shower and bed, okay?”
Ethan nodded and walked back to the house. She watched him until he opened the back door then took a deep breath before turning and walking around the side of the house.
Marley was still there, loading the last of his tools into the truck.
“Are you leaving?” she asked him.
“No, just putting everything away.” His eyes caught hers. “But I can leave if you want me to.”
“I don’t.” Her heart was hammering against her chest. “I need to change Ethan’s dressing and get the kids to bed. And then I’m ready to listen, if you’re ready to talk.” And maybe she’d do some talking too. She felt like she needed that.
His gaze didn’t leave hers. “I’m so ready.”
“Would you like to come inside?” she asked him. “There’s more sweet tea. You can wait in the air conditioning while I get them to sleep.”
“I’d like that very much,” he told her. And then he smiled and it sent a pulse of electricity to the tips of her fingers and her toes.
And she couldn’t help but smile back.
“The kids want you to say goodnight to them,” Kate told him. She was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the hall. He was sitting in the kitchen in the dark, a half-empty glass of sweet tea on the table in front of him. His long legs were stretched out as he looked out of the window at the now darkening sky, watching as the stars began to pepper the fabric of the universe.
“Sure.” He stood. “If that’s okay with you.”
“I think there’d be a riot if it wasn’t.” There was that half smile again. What he wouldn’t give to make her smile like she did last week. Unguarded. Huge.
Like she didn’t have a care in the world.
She stepped aside for him to walk past her, but not enough that his arm didn’t brush hers. He could hear her breath stutter at the contact, the same way his body clenched.
Damn, he liked that too much.
He went into Addy’s room first. She was lying on her back, her eyes wide as though she was forcing herself to stay awake.
“Marley!”
“Hey.” He sat on the edge of her bed. “Thanks for all your help with the planter. You did great.”
“Mommy says I can water it every day to keep the flowers looking pretty.” She smiled proudly. “It’s my job.”
“It’s an important one,” he said. “Keeping flowers alive is hard work. My mom is a big gardener.”
“She is? Does she have lots of flowers?”
“Yeah, you saw them. When you and your mom and grandparents came for lunch at my parents' house, remember?”
Addy blinked. “Oh yeah.” But she didn’t remember at all and that was okay.
“She probably has a little watering can you can have. I’ll ask her.”
Addy grinned. “Thank you. Can I have a hug?”
Of course she could. He leaned forward and her little arms wrapped around his neck as she nestled her face against his. “Night, Marley.”
“Night, Addy.” His voice was low. “Sweet dreams.”
Ethan was reading a book, holding it awkwardly with one hand when Marley went into his room. He looked up. “Thank you for bringing the grill back,” Ethan said. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to see it again, but I’m glad you did. It was fun.”
“Yeah, it was.” Marley nodded. “Thanks for your help with it.”
“Can we build things again?” Ethan asked. “Together, I mean?” The hopeful look on his face touched Marley to the core.
“If it’s okay with your mom.”
“I already asked her. She said it was.”
Weird how that gave him hope, too. Yes, it could just be Kate giving him her blessing to have a relationship with her kids. And he’d take that. But he’d still hope for more.
Marley leaned down to ruffle Ethan’s hair. “There’s nothing I’d like better. I was thinking maybe a water feature would look good in your backyard.”
“Cool!” Ethan’s eyes lit up.
“We’ll talk about it soon. Now get some sleep. You did good work today.”
“And all with one hand,” Ethan said proudly.
“Imagine what you’ll be like when you can use both of them again.”
After he turned out Ethan’s light and closed his door, Marley lingered on the landing for a moment. Knowing the woman who lit him up in every way was waiting downstairs for him. Giving him a chance to say what he needed to say.
More of a chance than he probably deserved.
His jaw was set as he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Kate was closing the dishwasher as he walked in. Slowly, she turned around to look at him.
“They’re both on their way to sleep.”
“Thank you.” The soft tones of her voice did things to him. Made him want her all over again. “Would you like a drink? More sweet tea? Beer?”
He shook his head. “I’m good.”
“Then shall we just go outside? If you still want to talk.”
“I still want to talk.” His voice was firm. He walked over to the back door, opening it for her, so aware of the slightness of her body as she brushed past him and walked through it into the night air.
It was still warm even though the sun had set. He followed Kate to the chairs at the far side of the yard, beside the planter they’d made.
“Catch.” She threw something at him, and he put up his hand. A little bottle of bug spray landed in his palms.
“I put some on already,” she told him. “You should too.”
He did as he was told, spraying the pungent aroma all over him.
Then he looked at her, swallowing hard, because it was time.
“Are you okay for me to start talking?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Good. And thank you for agreeing to this.” He took a deep breath, trying not to choke when a waft of bug spray got caught in the back of his throat. And he realized he couldn’t do this with so much space between them. He turned in his chair and reached for her hand.
She gave it to him. And it felt like the best kind of prize.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” he told her. “I’m so sorry I said I couldn’t do this with you. Because there’s nothing else I want in the world except you and your kids. What I said that night was unforgiveable. And yet I’m asking you to listen to me, and maybe forgive me. So I can prove to you that I’m worthy.”
Kate squeezed his hand. Fuck, he needed that.
Kate’s chest felt like it was being squeezed as Marley started talking. Mostly because she knew how hard it was for this man to admit weakness. To talk about his feelings.
But he was doing it. For her.
He looked down at his hands. “The last two years… since Paul… I’ve had one thought on my mind. Keeping my promise to him. Making sure you and the kids were safe. I thought that was enough, that by doing that my guilt would be eased.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty.” Her voice was thick. “Paul’s death wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.”
“That was why I felt guilty. Such a painful, random act and it happened to a man with a wife and kids. When he was standing next to me, a guy who had none of that. Why him? Why not me?” Marley shook his head. “That’s all I could think about. What kind of irony is it that the one man people wouldn’t miss was spared and the man everybody needed was taken?”
Kate let out a long breath. “You would have been so missed. And Paul never would have wanted you to feel that way.”
“I know. But I think I felt it, anyway. But I just concentrated on doing what I promised. Being a good guy, doing good things. Making sure you and the kids were safe and protected.”
“You can’t live your life paying a price for a deal you never should have made.”
“It’s a good way of not dealing with the pain, though.” His eyes caught hers. “And then I’d feel guilty that I felt any pain, because I know it’s nothing like the pain you and the kids have been through. And look at the four of you. You’re thriving.”
“So are you. And it’s not a competition.” Her breath was shallow. “You’re allowed to feel pain. You’re allowed to feel guilt. You don’t have to keep beating yourself up over something you have no control over.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “You see, now you’re consoling me.”
“No, I’m just telling you a truth. It took me long enough to learn it. And you were there for me when I did.”
He nodded. “And I’m hearing it. I’m hoping to feel it, too.” He touched his chest. “In here.” He stroked her hand with his thumb. “I went to see Paul today.”
“I know,” she admitted.
“You do?”
“I got a text from Mary. Said she saw you at the cemetery in full uniform.”
“I guess it’s impossible to keep secrets around here.”
“She was just digging for gossip,” Kate said softly. “How was it when you went?”
“I told Paul I’m in love with you. It felt right to be dressed in full uniform for the occasion.” He looked almost peaceful for the first time in days. “I wasn’t struck down by lightning so I figure he’s okay with it.” He smiled. “But what matters is you. I hurt you, and I hate that.”
“It feels like you hurt yourself more,” she told him. “And I wasn’t exactly an angel. I don’t know why I got so upset over a stupid grill.”
“Because it wasn’t about the grill. It was about my need to protect you overriding your right to make decisions. And it never should have. You don’t need a protector, Kate. Though I’m gonna admit I’ll find it hard not to be that guy. What you need is a partner. Because you’ve got this on your own. You’re already winning at this.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” she admitted. “It feels like I’m losing more than I’m winning.”
“Maybe that’s why you could use a partner,” he said softly. “To show you how wrong you are. And I have no right to ask, but I’m going to, anyway. Because I want that partner to be me. I want to be yours in every way possible. With my heart, my body. My fucking soul. It’s all yours. It has been for a while now.” He lifted her hand up, pressing his lips against her wrist. “Maybe I’m the one that needs a protector.”
“From what?” she asked, her voice thick. Because this man of few words was killing her with so many. And she knew he meant every single one of them. He was used to actions, to communicate by doing things.
Hell, the planter they were sitting next to was a testament to that.
“From myself, I guess.” He smiled at her and it was devastating. “From my own bad decisions.”
“You only made one of them.” She nodded at the grill. “And it’s back now.”
“Is it?”
Even though his hand was in hers she still felt the distance between them. It was too much. She needed to be closer.
She needed to feel him.
“Can I sit with you?” she asked.
He pulled her over. Instead of shuffling so she could sit next to him, she landed on his lap.
He let out such a contented sigh she felt warmth rush through her.
And maybe she hadn’t thought this all the way through. Because now that they were touching she felt the need again. Like an ache that never truly went away.
She squirmed in his lap and this time his groan wasn’t so contented.
“Kate…”
“Sorry.” Though the smile she gave him wasn’t sorry at all.
He cupped her face, his eyes intent on hers. “I want a second chance,” he said. “I want us. I want our family. I want to be the one to put all the smiles on your face and wipe all the tears away. I want to protect you and have you protect me. I want to take care of your kids and listen to them argue and moan. I want them to become the teenagers that hate us because we’re the parents that are always making out in the kitchen when they’re around.”
She laughed, because the image of it was so strong. Marley pulling her in for a kiss as she cooked dinner and a teenage Addy and Ethan did their homework, while James wrinkled his nose at their antics.
She ached to have that. To have him. To get back on the road they’d started to walk together. The one that twisted and turned but led to the most beautiful of sunset-lit horizons.
“I want that too,” she whispered. “So yes. Yes, please.”
“You forgive me?”
She nodded, emotion making her chest feel like it was going to burst. “Yes, I do.”
“Okay, but you need to know. This isn’t it. Operation Woo is just beginning. Because every day with you feels like I’ve won something I want to be worthy of. And I’m never going to stop letting you know that you’re the biggest and best prize any man can have.”
“Operation Woo?”
“It’s a Mary thing.”
“She’s been quite the busy woman.” She held up her phone. Two more messages from her appeared on Kate’s screen.
“She really has,” he agreed, his warm eyes on hers. “Let’s keep her in suspense for a little while longer, shall we?”
“It’ll be my greatest pleasure.” Kate put her phone down. And his gaze softened in that way she remembered all too well. She could feel him swelling beneath her, see the way his eyes were darkening. The need in them reflecting her own desires.
“Are you going to kiss me now?” she asked him.
“Just working up to it.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “This one means something. A lot of something.”
“What does it mean?” she asked.
“It means I’m here, Kate. I’m in this thing. We’re in it together. It’s serious. You know that, right? I’m serious about you.”
Her heart did a little loop the loop. “I’m serious about you, too.”
“Thank God.” He cupped her face with his palm, moving his own face closer, until she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. She was holding her own, the anticipation of his mouth making her body start to tingle.
And when his lips met hers, they started a fire inside her skin. Everything about his kiss was heated. The way he angled her head, the way he plundered her mouth, the way his tongue felt like it was making love to hers.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back, loving the taste of him. How had they almost thrown this away? Not kissing Marley Hartson would have been a stupid waste of the rest of her life.
“Mommy?” a little voice called out from the upstairs window. “Are you two kissing?”
She started to laugh, because if he hadn’t realized before how intrusive kids could be in a relationship, he sure as hell was about to find out.
“We’re just talking very close to each other’s faces,” Kate called back to Addy. “Now go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” Addy said, closing the window.
Marley was grinning at her. “I’m guessing sex is out for the next fifteen years.”
“You’re going to have to get used to climbing up my drain pipe,” she told him.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you,” he said, suddenly serious. “But eventually, when the time is right, I want us to be together. A couple. Married. A family. You know that, right?”
“I want that too.”
His smile was big. “Good.” He kissed her again. A soft one, but so, so sure. “I love you, Kate Connelly.”
Her warm eyes met his. “I love you right back.”