Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
NATALIE
I balanced the box of donuts on top of two bottles of milk and made my way down to the beach. Just as I suspected, Joel had shown up early for his shift to inspect equipment. Stand-up paddle boards, kayaks, and an assortment of oars and paddles littered the space around him. He had looked up right as I pulled into the parking lot and stood there, eyes hidden behind his aviators, watching me make my way toward him without moving a muscle.
He looked good. I wasn’t sure he could look otherwise. His black board shorts showed off his defined legs. I took stock of his heather red crewneck t-shirt, a color I hadn’t seen him wear and knew it would make his green eyes pop if he hadn’t been hiding them. He casually adjusted his baseball cap and crossed his arms as I stopped in front of him.
“Hi.” I handed him a milk. He took it, and I figured that was a good first step. “I found a bakery by the resort, um, I think it was called Sugar, Please. Have you tried it?” He shook his head, expressionless.
I cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “One point for Natalie for finding somewhere new.”
Nothing.
Clearing my throat, I put the other milk under my arm and opened the box of assorted breakfast pastries his way, trying to lure him into giving me something, anything. He watched me carefully for a beat, then unfolded his arms and rubbed the back of his neck.
“What’s going on?”
I gave the most apologetic smile I could. “Joel, I am so sorry for not recognizing that you were being so vulnerable with me and for not opening up to you in the same way. So, as a peace offering, I got up early and brought you an olive branch. Which you clearly don’t want.”
As I closed the box, he smirked and pushed up his glasses. “I didn’t say I didn’t want one of those.” He peeked inside, pulled out a raspberry-filled donut, and took a bite. The way he licked the filling from the corner of his mouth made me instantly jealous of his breakfast.
“You’re here early,” I pointed out. “I mean, I thought I’d have to wait a couple hours for you to show up. I guess it’s better this way—means you got first pick of the donuts.”
He looked at me with sad eyes, and I hated knowing that this time I had caused them. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t sleep.”
We stood there as he took another bite, watching one another in some kind of awkward stare down. I wasn’t sure if he had more to say or if he was waiting for me to continue. For the first time in my life, I was at a loss for words—so many things to say and yet nothing seemed right.
“This isn’t bad,” he bounced back and gestured with the hand holding the donut. “But I need to take you to Doug’s. They’re the best on the island.”
I gave a timid laugh. “What is with you and these places you love? Bob’s? Doug’s?”
Polishing off the rest, he shrugged. “I’m a simple guy. I don’t need food that comes from cleverly named restaurants.” He took the box and sat down on the sand, patting the spot next to him. After a long swig of his milk, he selected a chocolate donut covered with sprinkles. I eagerly joined him and picked an unassuming powdered donut for myself.
I took a bite and with a full mouth, said, “It doesn’t make sense that such a self-professed simple guy would hang out with a fussy?—”
“High-maintenance,” he corrected.
I chuckled. “Either way, why?”
He grinned, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. “You’re an anomaly. Despite the way you visit the spa like you’re paying in play money, you also wanted me to have a homemade meal and took the time to make me crepes. You’re unapologetic about the fact you can’t kayak as well as you thought. I don’t know. You make me comfortable.”
“Then you’re not going to like what I bring up next,” I nudged him with my shoulder and ventured. “So . . .”
“So,” he parroted.
“About last night.”
He nudged me back. “We were tired. It was a crazy busy day and what you told me threw me off guard. But by four o’clock, when I wasn’t sleeping, I realized I really had no right to be mad at you the way I had been.”
Who was this guy? The look on my face must have been puzzling because he asked, “What?”
“You’re quite possibly the most interesting person I’ve ever met, Joel Thompson.”
He chuckled. “Why is that?”
Brow furrowed, I responded, “Because you are so easily forgiving.” Tentatively, I turned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It left behind a light residue of power, which I brushed away with my pointer finger, my eyes glued to studying and memorizing his face as he watched me.
“I don’t like the way I’ve had to learn my lesson in forgiveness, but I’ve definitely learned it’s not worth sweating most things. You didn’t mean to hurt me. I chose to feel hurt. It’s not worth it. I have baggage. You have baggage. Yours is a little more recent, and I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what it was like going through that.
“Point is, we are both working through our stuff. You said you felt rejected by your wedding being called off. And, well, I don’t ever want you to feel rejected by me. I want you to understand I don’t look at my situation as worse than yours. Hard is hard, whatever our hard is.”
He brushed a stray hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger a second. When he pulled back, he sighed. “I hate to leave you, but I probably need to get back to work. I’ll come to your place afterwards and take you to Doug’s. Yes, it’s a donut shop by morning, but don’t judge it—it’s also a Hawaiian plate lunch shop by day, and on Saturdays they extend their hours into the evening, so we should have enough time to get there before they close.”
My eyes welled up, and I blinked quickly, as I inwardly begged myself not to cry in front of him.
“Okay, no Doug’s. You can pick whatever you want for dinner,” he ribbed.
“Joel,” I couldn’t get the words past the lump in my throat to tell him my change in plans. When I had gotten up that morning, I knew I had to find an earlier flight home and solve the event problems that kept arising. It wasn’t fair to my team to leave them in the dark about everything and to put so much pressure on Kate as she handled it all on her own. I also knew that I needed more face time with Jill and Mr.Banks in the next few weeks if I really wanted to solidify the promotion.
And really, what were two more days in Hawaii going to do?
Only make it that much harder to leave.
But I didn’t like the way things had been left last night. Maybe that was selfish, but I needed to see Joel one last time and clear the air.
Taking off today felt like ripping the Band-Aid. I hadn’t expected Joel to be so kind about our misunderstanding. Dane wasn’t mean, but he sure was never that quick to forgive and move on. Without realizing things could go differently, my ticket was booked, and my bags were in the jeep. I had only stopped by with donuts to say goodbye.
His brow creased. “What’s the matter, Red?”
“I can’t go to dinner with you tonight,” I managed. The blinking was getting out of hand, but the waterworks kept threatening to take over.
A look of discomfort crossed his face, and he nervously asked, “You have a hot date?”
“No.” My shoulders fell. “I’m leaving in a few hours to go home.”
His eyes were guarded. “But we had a couple more days, didn’t we? What is going on?”
I proceeded to tell him about the bumps at work, including the latest debacle. I explained to him I needed to go back and work on things in person and reminded him what was at stake. With his work ethic and earlier admiration for my career, I thought he’d understand. Instead, he stood, shook the sand from his shorts and crossed his arms. He looked all business despite his voice giving himself away.
“You told me you didn’t even like this job anymore,” he huffed. “What happened to hoping you found your calling while in Hawaii? Have you even spent any time figuring out what you’d really like to do? You could do anything, you know that. Don’t you?”
“That’s not fair,” I stood to level the playing field. “You know I’ve been working on this fundraiser for nearly a year. I refuse to give it less than one hundred percent, and it needs me. I don’t have any reason to stay here and delay the inevitable.”
“The fundraiser needs you?” He blanched like I had slapped him across the face. “I’m not a reason to stay? You think I don’t need you? ”
“You knew from the beginning I was only here for ten days. Who’s to say this isn’t moving fast because we’ve been running against a clock and that makes it all sexier and more exciting than it really is?”
He stood there, shoulders hunched. My heart broke for him—and me—and yet my stupid mouth couldn’t stop. “Maybe in a few days you’d come to your senses and decide I’m not worth it. I’m too hard to love, I’m too abrasive?—”
“I’d never think any of that about you. Why can’t you accept that? Not everybody is Dane,” he said calmly.
“Fine, but what did you think was going to happen, Joel?” I challenged, gesturing wildly. “Did you think I would give up my life and live at the resort forever?”
“I–I,” he stammered. “Of course I didn’t think you’d stay.” Then he got quiet. “I just thought we had more time together. I thought we’d have an actual goodbye. Not you blindsiding me with, ‘Here are some donuts, it’s been real.’”
I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes. “I didn’t mean to blindside you with donuts and ‘it’s been real’. I’m sorry I have a job that is counting on me to raise a crap ton of money less than two weeks from now and so far, it’s not looking like it’s going to go as well as my boss and her boss would like it to. Is this my dream job? I don’t know anymore, probably not, but it pays the bills, and it’s all I’ve got right now, so I have to go take care of things.”
“Please stop saying your job is all you’ve got.”
I watched him fidget a moment with the walkie on his vest but didn’t say anything.
“So that’s it, then? I was just your vacation rebound.” His eyes burned with anger. “A good story for all your friends: Hey, remember that one time in Hawaii . . .”
I hadn’t been delusional enough to think this conversation wouldn’t hit a bump or two, but never would I have pegged Joel for reacting the way he did. Hurt, I expected, sure, but not accusatory. And while he wasn’t even remotely right about anything he was saying, no response came to me as I seethed.
Instead, I thrust the remainder of the box of donuts at him and turned to leave. I hadn’t made it very far when I heard him call out boldly, “I’m sorry you feel your job is all you have right now. You could’ve had me.”