Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
NATALIE
E arth to Natalie.”
I slowly spun around from my spot near the floor-to-ceiling windows in the conference room. My mind had wandered while I was looking out over the Willamette River and the expansive, gray, dull city beyond. I shivered and rubbed my arms. The past three days had done nothing but drizzly and dreary. The team sat around the table, laptops open, contracts spewed across and between remnants of lunch that had been brought in for us.
“I’m sorry, I was just thinking. Have we looked at the weather for next week? What if it does this? Do we have the tents reserved on standby?” I asked, pointing to the city.
Jill nodded. “Mr. Banks bought them outright a few years ago, and they’re in the warehouse.”
“Who is in charge of setting them up if it rains? I sure don’t want to,” Luca replied. Tall, dark, handsome, and completely arrogant. He’d been six months with the department and still didn’t care about anything but himself. Even though it had been half a year, there were times I couldn’t believe Mr. Banks threw his grandson at our team and expected us to be thrilled at the addition.
It was ironic he was a part of the charitable giving division when I don’t even think he knew what the term meant. He worked just enough hours to look like a team player, but definitely never reached out to go above and beyond. He wasn’t the worst person on the planet, but I would not like to be stuck with him in an elevator. We would probably end up talking about his latest model girlfriend or the new expensive sunglasses he bought. What was it with these Portland-dwelling men owning sunglasses they hardly ever needed, which cost the price of a flight to Europe?
As I watched Jill suppress an eye roll, I thought at least she felt the same as me in regards to our colleague. Luckily for her, she would be done with him soon. “The grounds crew will take care of it first thing in the morning if need be, after we check the latest weather report.”
I walked back to my seat at the head of the table and looked down at the list of topics I needed to cover during the meeting. One item was left and then we could go home. I rubbed my face and massaged my temples.
It had been a long three days since getting back. Besides finalizing the event, there had been the usual fires to put out and the ever-revolving door of new beneficiaries to consider. There was also the deafening silence from Joel. I’d texted him the night I got home, but he never responded. I’d tried to call him Monday evening, and it went straight to voicemail. When I’d started to leave a message, I ended up just sobbing for a long twenty seconds before hanging up. I’m sure he was really impressed with me.
The second night home started off strong with a carton of Tillamook’s white chocolate raspberry ice cream. I’d been sorting clothes between what I could wash at home and what went to the dry cleaners, when I stumbled upon the fuchsia dress from the wedding. It shockingly still had a strong Joel smell on it. For an hour I sat on the floor debating whether to light it on fire and or jump on the next plane to Hawaii. Twenty minutes into said debate, I’d gotten a notification from social media alerting me somebody had tagged me in a photo from the dancing portion of the wedding.
The girl in the picture, with the amazing beach wave blowout, looked happier than I’d ever seen her before. Saddled up next to her was the guy who had made her happy. He looked like a million bucks. The smile on his face was the only thing she wanted to see every day for the rest of her life. But she threw it all away in a moment of exhaustion, coupled with competition for a job, one she’d admitted to herself as well as him, that she didn’t want to do for the rest of her life. And she did so because she was still battling a bit of rejection from her still somewhat-fresh non-wedding.
I braced myself, worried what the third night of being home would bring.
As I opened my mouth to bring the meeting back from various side conversations to our last item of business, my phone buzzed. I instinctively jumped. My heart skipped a beat, hoping it would be the only person I wanted to hear from.
Slyly glancing over, I saw a text from Dane.
We still good for tonight?
Oh, that’s right, the universe was sending me Dane on my third night home. My life was officially the worst. Maybe I could stretch this team meeting until morning. I had not forgotten Dane had asked to gather his last few items, most specifically those ridiculously overpriced Tom Ford sunglasses he needed for his super awesome trip with Lucy. I just didn’t want to deal with it. Not tonight. I quickly sent him a thumbs up and called everybody’s attention to discuss Kate’s find for the raffle prize.
“Come on in.” I opened my apartment door wide and plastered on the smile of gracious host rather than annoyed surprise when not only Dane stood in the hallway, but Lucy too.
Smelling of Armani cologne and prestige, he let himself saunter past me, and I got momentarily lost in the comfortable feeling of closeness. He was wearing the dark gray suit we bought together when we went to New York last fall. And just for a brief second, my heart missed him. Maybe not him exclusively, but the familiarity of him. Of us. The life I thought we had wanted. Where would we be getting dinner tonight? Maybe Southpark Seafood, the restaurant he liked on Salmon Street or the Asian-fusion place with the rooftop terrace.
I shook the thought out of my head. The reality was, he was standing in front of me, politely ignoring his phone despite having heard it ping four times already. It must have been killing him. Was he showing politeness for me or was he putting on a good front for Lucy? How long would that last? I didn’t miss the endless meetings and phone calls that claimed his life. Thrill shot through my veins. I wouldn’t have to attend galas and dinners every weekend with him—be there together but not actually spend any time with him , while he met with the firm’s partners in quiet conversations and I sat all evening with their wives.
Leading Dane and Lucy into the living room, I was glad I had left on my cute, sleek pencil skirt and ruffled blouse from work. Not only was I seeing my ex-fiancé for the first time in nearly a month, but I was meeting his new lady friend. With my high, slicked-back ponytail and fresh tan, I knew I looked confident and hot. I kicked off my heels and offered them a seat and beverage.
“Oh, we’re not staying long.” Dane waved me off as he glanced around, taking his suit coat and draping it across the coffee table.
“I didn’t box anything up if you’re looking for your stuff. I haven’t had a chance since getting back. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what is here and where you had put it,” I told him .
He loosened his tie. “You okay if I just go poke around and get it?”
“Sure.” He took off down the hall, and I looked at Lucy, who sat on the couch as far from me as possible. “Hi, I’m Natalie. Is this kind of awkward for you like it is for me?”
“Nope,” she said with a bubbly glimmer in her eye. “Nice to meet you.”
We sat there a beat. Against the drum of the steady rain hitting my wall of windows, I could hear Dane collecting his things. I knew he had a few books and some clothes, but couldn’t recall what else had been here. If he fought me for the chef-grade Belgian waffle iron, I’d just let him have it. In hindsight, this whole situation was made a lot easier having never moved in together—thank the heavens he hadn’t planned to sublease his apartment until after the wedding.
I exhaled and looked at Lucy again as she busily typed away on her phone. “So you’re a paralegal? That’s cool.”
She looked up, chomping on her gum. “I like it.” Back to her phone.
Studying her, I saw the same dark hair as mine, also falling just below her shoulders. She had pouty lips and dark eyes too. I snickered. Dane was dating a younger version of me, except she was thin. He’d always told me he liked my curves, but I guess that changed. I especially loved that she was also wearing a pencil skirt similar to mine and a neutral silk camisole with a bright cardigan over it. I had a dozen just like it in my closet.
“Where are you guys going on your trip?” I reached out one last time to make small talk.
Again, with a slight annoyance, Lucy pried her eyes from her phone. “Oh, to Palm Springs. We’re going with some of the office for a conference and turning it into a little vacation.”
I snorted. Real romantic. “Have so much fun.”
“We will! He made partner last week, you know,” she eyed me, knowing full well I wasn’t aware. Probably an attempt to show me she was a part of his life now and I was not.
Partner. He did it, and sooner than he’d expected to. I was truly happy for him. “Wow, good for him.”
When Dane walked back in with a box full of his stuff, Lucy stood and announced she needed to powder her nose. I told her where to find the guest bathroom and Dane made himself at home, comfortably sitting on the oversized leather armchair across from me.
I tucked my legs under me and lounged my arm on the back of the couch. “I hear congratulations are in order. Partner! You did it!”
“Thank you. I was not expecting it for a few more months, but my boss pulled me in and told me Friday before I took off.” He studied me for a long minute.
“You look good,” he determined.
“Thanks. A week in the sun definitely makes life better.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that.”
“I’m in the running for Jill’s job.” I tried to defect again.
He didn’t take the bait. “That’s not it, either.”
Ignoring him, I nodded my head toward the bathroom and smirked. “She seems neat.”
“Stop.” He gave a small smile. “She’s nervous to be here, but we have dinner reservations at Salty’s in a few, and I didn’t want her to wait in the car.”
“I’m not scary,” I scoffed.
Dane laughed aloud. “You’re funny if you think you’re not a little intimidating.”
I sat straight and smoothed my skirt. “What do you mean?”
“Nat, we’ve been best friends for years, right?” He waited until I acknowledged his question. “I am going to say something, and it’s not a criticism because we are no longer engaged because I don’t feel any resentment toward you or anything, it’s just the truth. You are a little closed-off and a little unwilling to relent from your path.”
I scrunched my eyebrows and tilted my chin upward. “But at one point you loved that about me.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “I am not saying it to start a fight. Yes, I loved you and I loved your tenacity. I also felt like there would come a point that you would decide you didn’t need me anymore and you would, I don’t know, leave me? You always had your guard up just a little , and while there were so many things about you that made you perfect in my eyes, I always felt like you were holding a part of yourself back.”
At hearing him summarize me so clearly, I sunk all the way back into the couch and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Ahhh, I think you nailed it. I was so afraid of being left by someone”—I looked at him—“thank you, by the way, for making that fear a reality, that I hid behind my job. It became the most important part of me.” Internally, I added: And I don’t commit fully. And I get defensive. And I run away. But I’m ready to be done with that.
Truly ready.
Dane stood as Lucy entered the room again, and he grabbed his suit coat. “Again, I’m really sorry for how everything turned out, but I can tell you’re happier without me.”
I stood. “I am.” Then I mumbled under my breath, “Man, I suck. Poor Joel.”
Lucy looked at me as Dane snapped his fingers and exclaimed, “You met someone! That’s why you look so good.”
“Hey, don’t let me keep you, you two have a dinner reservation to get to.” I changed the subject and walked them to the door, opening it for them. “But this was fun. We should do it again.”
It was only a half-lie. Given time, I could see us being friends again on some level. I didn’t hate Dane. This little reunion showed me no bad blood existed, and we had a history that helped shape us into who we had become. We could eventually become friends— the kind who sent Christmas cards—we just weren’t each other’s futures.
“Okay, okay. Message received.” He held out his hand to Lucy who eagerly took it. “I hope you find happiness with him. Oh before we go, do you happen to know where those sunglasses are? I didn’t see them anywhere.”
I shut the door behind them as I replied. “Yes, I ran them over with my car the day we were supposed to get married. Have fun in Palm Springs!” Locking the bolt, I smiled and itched more than ever to get a hold of Joel.