Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Presley walked into his parents’house, trying to keep his expression neutral. His facial muscles were aching from the effort, the same one he’d made when Cassie had told him about the record label’s offer.
He was pleased for her, he was. But that feeling of weirdness he’d had ever since they’d got back from New York had increased. It was a strange feeling. Like he couldn’t stand still.
Like his thoughts were itchy in his brain.
“Hi.” His mom smiled at him. “How was your day?”
“Yeah, good.” They were almost at the end of this project. Another couple of weeks and they’d be ready for all the work to be signed off. He already had his next two customers booked in. There was plenty of work for his business, thanks to their reputation of coming in on budget and mostly on time.
“Mine was good too,” his mom said pointedly.
“I’m sorry. My mind’s a little full.” He offered her a smile. “How was your day, Mom?”
“Still good.” She nodded. “Delilah has a spelling list to work on. She keeps tripping up on airplane.”
“We’ll work on it tonight,” he told her. “Where is she?”
“At the studio with your dad. I’ll let him know that you’re here.” She went to reach for her phone.
“It’s okay, I’ll walk out there.” He kissed her cheek and turned to head out the door leading to the backyard. Then he turned back to look at her. “Mom?”
“Yes, honey?”
“I appreciate everything you do to help me. You know that, right?”
“Of course I do. And as I keep telling you, it’s not a burden, it’s a pleasure.”
He blew out a mouthful of air. Because a burden was exactly what he was feeling like.
He’d spent the drive here going over Cassie’s words in his mind. She’d been as excited as the rest of them, going to New York. And now she’d been offered the role of a lifetime and she was going to turn it down.
And he couldn’t help but feel like it was all his fault. Not just for her wanting to stay here in Hartson’s Creek, but for the band not getting a chance in the first place.
If it wasn’t for him, he had a feeling the result would have been different.
Yeah, burden. That was the perfect word for it.
When he got to the studio, he could see his dad in the mixing room, Delilah next to him talking animatedly. He knocked on the window and she jumped, her face lighting up as she saw him standing there.
“Daddy!”
His dad stood and smiled at him. And for a minute he got a flashback, to the day of Jade’s funeral. His dad had stood beside him, holding his hand.
He was a good man. A strong one. He never faltered.
They walked out of the room and Delilah hugged him. He leaned down, inhaling the smell of her strawberry shampoo. “Hey sweetheart.” His voice was gruff.
“Daddy, can we call Cassie? I want her to do my hair.”
He cleared his throat. “Another day, okay?”
She nodded, as though she could remember the day they argued. And thank god, he didn’t think he could cope with another confrontation like that right now.
“I’m going to say bye to Granny,” she said. “And get Lola.”
“I’ll walk you down,” his dad said, opening the door of the studio, so Delilah could walk out. She ran ahead as he and his dad walked out of the door. Pres put his hands in his pockets. It was another glorious day. Not a cloud in the sky.
He wished he could appreciate it.
“Everything okay?” his dad asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“You just sighed.”
“Did I?” Pres frowned. Was he going mad now? “Just got a few things on my mind.”
“Want to talk about them?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want Delilah to hear.”
That brought his dad up short. “Is it something serious?”
Delilah had made it to the house and was running into the kitchen, while he and his dad were only halfway there.
“Cassie got a call from the record label. They confirmed they don’t want the band, but they do want her.”
There it was. He’d let it out. But he didn’t feel any better.
“As a solo singer?”
Pres shook his head. “To join the band they’ve chosen.”
“Well that’s kind of cool,” his dad said. “Isn’t it?”
“She says she won’t go.”
His dad said nothing. They’d stopped walking now, the two of them standing in the middle of the yard. Pres’ hands were still in his pockets. His dad turned to look at him.
“Why not?”
Pres swallowed hard. “She says she doesn’t want to do it without us.”
His dad mused on his words. “Is she afraid you’ll break up or something?”
“I don’t know. We didn’t talk much about it. I stopped at hers on the way here.”
“Maybe you need to reassure her. Tell her you’ll still be here,” his dad said. “If that’s what you want, I mean.”
Pres pulled one hand out of his pocket and ran it through his hair. Truth was, he didn’t know what he wanted.
Apart from time to stop.
“Yeah, I’ll tell her.” But he still didn’t feel any better. “Did you ever feel…” he trailed off, mostly because he couldn’t put into words what he was feeling right now. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.
He knew that much.
“Feel what?” his dad asked.
“I don’t know. Like you’ve done everything wrong. Like you’re holding everybody back. I just think that if it wasn’t for me it would all be different.”
There was a concerned look on his dad’s face. And now he felt more guilty than ever.
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter,” Pres told him. “I’m just being stupid. I’m tired, it’s been a long day. Tomorrow will be better.”
“You’re not holding anybody back,” his dad told him. “You’re being you. Being a good dad, a good son.” He smiled. “Probably a good boyfriend, though I’d have to ask Cassie about that.”
“Thanks.” He gave him the tightest of smiles. He wasn’t looking for praise. God knew he didn’t feel like he deserved it.
He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe some clarity.
Delilah ran out into the backyard, her school bag on her back, Lola in her arms. Behind her, his mom walked out, smiling as she saw him standing with his dad on the grass.
“Do me a favor,” Pres said. “Forget I said anything, okay? I know Mom worries about me and she doesn’t need to.”
His dad nodded. “We both worry about you, but that’s what parents do. It’s what you’ll do with Delilah when you can’t bandage up every cut or solve every problem. But I hear you. This is between you and me.”
“Thanks, Dad.” He forced a smile onto his face because Delilah didn’t need her dad to be morose for the evening. “Come on, kid,” he called out. “Let’s go home and grab some food.”
“Daddy,” Delilah said that night, as he sat on the side of her bed, Goodnight Moon in his hands.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think Mom is on the moon?”
He blinked at her unexpected question. “What makes you ask that?” he asked.
“Grannie said she was up in the sky.”
His throat thickened. “Yeah, I guess she is. Finding a little comfy place to look down on you.”
Delilah nodded, turning onto her side. “She loves me.”
“Yes she does, sweetheart.”
“And you do too.”
“Yep.” He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. She was still warm from her shower, her skin plump and smooth. “More than anything.”
“And Cassie loves me.”
He blew out a mouthful of air. “Yeah.”
“And we love Cassie.”
Okay, he needed this to stop. Because on top of everything else, he didn’t need Jade and Cassie in his brain at the same time.
“Good night,” he whispered.
“’Night, Daddy.”
He stood and walked over to the door, turning the light out. But for a moment he stayed in the doorway of Delilah’s room. Just stood and watched her as she curled a little more, clutching onto Lola the Giraffe.
It seemed like a lifetime had passed since she’d lost the damn thing. Since Cassie had brought Lola over and they’d kissed in the hallway.
Maybe he should have stopped it then. Should have known he was too much of a damn weight for her.
He ran his hands through his hair and stepped out of Delilah’s bedroom, softly closing the door.
When he got down to the living room he picked up his phone. Because he needed to stop thinking about this. Needed to talk to her. Needed to show her he wasn’t a burden.
Needed her to think about herself because he wasn’t her burden to carry.
Hey, are you around? – Pres x
He sent the message. His head was hurting. Like somebody was hammering at it from the inside.
Hi. Yeah. Want me to call? – Cassie x
I need to talk to you. To see you. I’m gonna ask Marley if he can come watch Delilah. – Pres x
You’ve got me worried now. Are you sure you’re okay? – Cassie x
I’m sure. Don’t worry. I just need to see your beautiful face. Pres x
It was half an hour before the Beast’s headlights swept across her driveway. She walked to the front door, opening it, a half-smile pulling at her lips.
Pres climbed out of the cab, his long legs striding across the driveway. He hadn’t seen her at the front door yet – he was looking at the ground, as though lost in his thoughts.
Then he looked up and her heart missed a beat. Because he looked exhausted. More than exhausted.
“Are you sure you should be driving like that?” she asked him.
He looked up, almost surprised to see her, even though he was at her house. “Hey.” He gave her the softest of smiles.
“Come in. Let me make you a coffee.” She slid her hand into his. He tightened his fingers around her, like he was afraid she was going to pull away.
They walked together down the hallway, still holding hands. She could feel the bulk of his body behind hers. Could hear the soft cadence of his breath.
“You have to go.”
She stopped dead in the doorway to the kitchen and turned around to look at him. “What?”
“To New York. You have to go.”
Oh. So this was what it was about. He was worried about her leaving, just like she’d thought he might be. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or annoyed.
“I’m not going. I told you that. I want to be here.” With you.
He shook his head, his gaze not quite meeting hers. “I don’t want you to make a decision you’re going to regret.”
Cassie frowned. “I’m not going to regret it. I love living here. I love my job. I love the band. I love spending time with you and Delilah.” She took a deep breath. “I love you.”
It was like her words had knives attached to them. He looked like he was in pain. “Cassie…”
“You don’t have to say it,” she told him. “I know it’s soon. And you’ve been through so much.”
“Of course I can say it.” He reached for her, cupping her face. “I love you. I love you with everything I’ve got. And that’s why you have to do this.”
She blinked. “I don’t understand.”
“I can’t live life wondering if I’m the one who held you back. Wondering if you’re thinking about what could have been. I can’t have you resent me.”
“I don’t resent you,” she told him. “I never would.”
He blew out a mouthful of air. “I need you to go.”
“No.” Her bottom lip was wobbling. Damn, she sounded like a child. Like Delilah. “I don’t want to. I’m staying here.”
“For me. Go for me.” His eyes caught hers. “Go and see if it’s what you want. If it is, then we’ll work through it together. And if it isn’t, I’ll be here. Waiting for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t ask you to wait.”
“You’re not asking. I’m asking. I’m fucking begging.”
“What if I don’t want to go?” she asked. A hot tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. “You can’t make me.”
He stepped forward, wrapping her in his arms. And the tears were flowing more now. Hot and heavy down her cheeks, dripping onto his t-shirt.
“Don’t cry,” he begged hoarsely. “I don’t want you to cry. I want you to have it all. Everything.”
And that was how much he loved her.
She could feel it in the way he was holding her, his arms tight, his hands splayed against her back. He was her rock, her anchor.
But she felt like she was the storm.
“I never wanted this,” she told him.
“I know. You never asked for it either. And maybe you’ll go and hate it.” He pressed his lips against her hair. “And that’s okay. Because you’ll know. For sure.”
She lifted her face so she could look at him. He winced at the tears still flowing.
“And if I don’t go?”
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. And that’s when she knew. This wasn’t about her, it was about him. About his loss. His fears.
He blamed himself for Jade’s death. He felt like he held her back.
That if he’d let her go when she needed to, she’d still be alive.
When he opened his eyes, she could see the strength in them. The certainty.
He’d made his mind up. He needed her to do this.
She loved him so much. The thought of leaving him, potentially forever, felt like a knife to her soul. She wanted this. She wanted him.
But she had no idea how to convince him.
“I’ll think about it,” she whispered.
“Okay.” He nodded. “That’s all I ask.”
No, he was asking for more than that. He was asking her to accept his sacrifice as well as his love.
And she wasn’t sure she could do that.