Chapter 27
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
“It soundslike he wants you to have a Rumspringa,” Gemma said the next day. She’d taken one look at Cassie’s face when she’d arrived and had dragged her out for a coffee. Neither of them had classes until ten, so they had time.
“What’s a Rumspringa?” Cassie asked, frowning. She’d told Gemma everything and her friend had listened to every word, her face full of compassion.
“It’s an Amish term,” Gemma told her. “When the children are in their late teenage years, they’re given some leeway to get all those urges and behaviors out of their systems. It’s like ‘go do what you need to do, kid, and if you want, come back and we’ll be waiting for you’.”
“I’m not exactly a kid,” Cassie pointed out.
“No, but it’s the same idea. Through experience they probably learned that it was better than the kids rebelling and leaving the faith forever. This way when they come back they really know that they want this life.”
Cassie blew out a mouthful of air. She’d spent most of the night crying after Presley had left. Mostly because she hated the way he’d spoken, the things he’d said.
Maybe even part of her hated that he made some kind of warped sense.
“I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“He told me he loved me last night.” And that made her want to start crying again. It was so bittersweet, hearing him say those words, then urging her to leave him.
“I think it’s romantic,” Gemma said, shrugging her shoulders. “He’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”
“He didn’t say as long as it takes.”
“But I bet that’s what he meant. The man has it bad for you. You only have to see him looking at you to know it. Every time you’re on the stage together it’s like nobody else there.”
“I don’t want to sing with anybody else,” Cassie said. “I don’t want to go back to New York.”
Gemma gave her the softest of smiles. “I know.”
“But if I don’t go will he keep wondering? Thinking that I might be settling for him?”
“Maybe,” Gemma said. “I guess that’s the risk you take.”
“You’re not helping.” Cassie screwed up her face. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“You could make a pros and cons list,” Gemma suggested.
“That’s so clinical. Pros – I make Presley happy. Cons – I break my own heart.”
“Oh sweetie.” Gemma reached for her hand, just as the diner door opened.
Cassie’s heart dropped when she saw Maddie walk in. As much as she admired the woman, she didn’t need Presley’s mom to see her upset like this.
“Hi,” Maddie said, smiling as she walked over to them. The smile slipped when she saw the expression on Cassie’s face. “Is everything okay?”
Cassie swallowed hard. “Everything is fine.”
Maddie looked at her again, pulling her lip between her teeth. “I’ll leave you to it.”
And now Cassie felt worse. “Sorry. Sit down. We’re not staying long. I have a class at ten.”
“You sure? I only popped in to get a coffee myself,” Maddie told them.
“Of course. Sit.” Cassie pointed at the leather covered bench seat next to her. “It’s lovely to see you.”
“Okay then.” She sat and looked at Cassie. “Is it something with Presley? Because he looked like hell yesterday.”
Cassie winced. She hated that.
“Want me to tell her?” Gemma asked. Cassie nodded, mostly because she wasn’t sure she could say it all again.
Not without crying. And Maddie really didn’t need to see that.
Gemma looked at Maddie, her voice fast as she explained the call Cassie received yesterday, and Presley’s response. Maddie listened quietly, nodding in the right places, her face showing just how worried she was about them both.
“That sounds like my son,” she said softly. “He gets the idiocy from his father.”
Cassie tried – and failed – to smile.
“He’s told you about Jade, right?” Maddie asked her. Cassie nodded. “So I guess you know what a mess he was after she died.”
“I have some idea. But I wasn’t there. It must have been horrible to watch him go through it.”
Maddie nodded. “I barely slept for weeks worrying about him. We did everything we could, but you know Presley. He hates accepting help. He’s my son and I love him more than anything, but he’s stubborn. Again, just like his dad.”
“Like all men,” Gemma pointed out.
Maddie nodded. “Never a truer word said.” She looked at Cassie again. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Cassie admitted. “I can’t see a right decision.”
“Sometimes there isn’t one. Just a least worst one,” Maddie said. “I don’t know if it helps, but I can tell you my son loves you. I see it in his eyes every time he talks about you. Every time you’re around him.”
“See?” Gemma gave Cassie a pointed look. “I just said the same thing. He said he’d wait and he will.”
“Are you afraid you’ll like being part of the new band?” Maddie asked her. “That you won’t want to come back.”
“No. Not at all.” Cassie shook her head. She’d barely thought about it, to be honest. She was too focused on her own pain. On Presley’s.
She dropped her face into her hands. “I don’t know what to do,” she muttered. She needed to get control of herself. She had a class to teach in thirty minutes. She felt Maddie’s soft hand rubbing her back.
Oh how she wished she had a mom like her. Somebody who cared.
Somebody who didn’t judge her or demand that she do whatever shone the best light on her like her mom.
“What would you do?” she asked Maddie. “If you were in my position?”
Maddie smiled softly at her. “Honestly?”
Cassie nodded. She needed honesty. She needed insight.
She needed Presley.
“I’d go. Because I know my son. I think he needs this. To sacrifice himself. To give you the opportunity he never gave Jade. And I think it’s the only way he’ll really know that this isn’t history repeating itself.”
Cassie’s chest tightened. Mostly because the truth in Maddie’s words shone through.
“Well, I guess I’ll go to New York,” she whispered. “Because I love him, and if that’s what it takes for me to prove it, then I’ll do it. But I’ll be back. I promise you that.”
Maddie gave her the softest of smiles. “I hope so.”
“Two days,” she told him. “They want me there in two days.” She’d already spoken to Gemma, who’d found a teacher from a school a few towns over to sub in for the short term. In the longer term, she’d said she’d recruit somebody full time.
And then Cassie had told her there would be no longer time and she’d cried again.
“Okay.” He gave her the sweetest of smiles. “That’s good, right? Like ripping the bandage off?”
“Not really.” She looked him in the eye. “Just ask me to stay and I will.”
He cupped her face, and gave her that sweet smile again. “I know you would. But I can’t. You understand why, right?”
“I do.” But she didn’t like it. Not one bit. “What if I don’t want to sing in the band?”
“Then you come home.”
“What if I know right now that I don’t want to?” This was stupid, she knew it. She was going around in circles. All these things she’d been thinking about when she should be sleeping.
Presley swallowed. He’d stopped over to her place after work again. He could stay longer this time – his mom had called and told him she knew everything. On the plus side, she’d also offered to have Delilah stay for dinner.
Which gave them a few hours. Together.
And they both needed that.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know what I’d do if you said that. And I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to go. But I also know that I’d feel guilty if you don’t.” He reached for her, sliding his fingers into hers. “There’s no right answer here. I’m just trying to work out the best thing to do. For us all.”
“You’re so much like your mom.”
He smiled. “Most people say I’m like my dad.”
“You’re that too. The best of both of them.” She squeezed his fingers with hers. “Listen, can you do me one favor?”
“Just say it.”
“We have three hours tonight, right?”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“And tomorrow I’m going to have to pack. And I think I’m going to need to do it alone.”
“Understood.” And dammit he did look like he was understanding. Why did he have to be so sweet?
It was like having your heart broken by a cute puppy. You wanted to be angry with him but you couldn’t.
She loved him too much.
“How about you come for dinner with me and Delilah before you start packing?” he asked. “I’ll finish early. Pick her up from school.”
Her eyes met his. “Are you sure you’re okay with me seeing her?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because I’m leaving. And that could upset her.”
He traced her lips with his finger. “I’ve explained it to her. And she’s more annoyed that you won’t be teaching her dance class than anything else.”
Cassie sniffed. “I’m going to miss her.”
“I know. And we’re going to miss you. But give it a chance. Throw yourself into it. See if you like it. And don’t worry about us, we’ll be just fine.”
“You know I’m going to call you every night, right?”
He smiled. “I’m good with that.”
“And if you change your mind…” she trailed off because that wasn’t fair. She’d already asked him what he’d do if she stayed.
She knew he’d welcome her back. That’s what he did. But maybe she had something to prove. To him.
She wanted him to know how much she cared. How much she loved him.
“We now have two hours and forty five minutes,” she said, because yeah, she was counting. “Can we spend them in bed. Not talking about any of this?”
His eyes crinkled as he nodded. “I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.”
“Good.” She turned and started to run up her stairs. “Catch me if you can.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Delilah sobbed as Cassie hugged her goodbye. They’d eaten dinner – pasta, again because he hadn’t had much time after picking Delilah up from school – and then Cassie had agreed to give Delilah her bath.
He’d let them be together, despite the fact that he wanted to spend every single moment with her before she caught the plane in the morning.
And now Delilah was in her pajamas, clinging to Cassie’s legs, tears running down her face.
Shit. He really thought he’d explained it to her. His eyes caught Cassie’s and she looked bereft.
When was he going to stop fucking things up?
“Come here,” he murmured, walking over to them. He lifted Delilah in one arm, then put the other around Cassie. And for a moment it was one, long moment of peace.
But as soon as he let them go, it was gone. Replaced by an ache in his chest he didn’t know what to do with.
One thing he was sure of, he was doing the right thing. He couldn’t look at the woman he loved every day and not know that she’d chosen it with her full heart.
“Wanna come down with me and wave goodbye to Cassie?” he asked his daughter. She nodded, and put her arms tight around his neck.
“I’ll be back in a few weeks,” Cassie told her. She’d gotten the schedule for rehearsals. Two weeks and then they had a short break before they were traveling to Hawaii to record some songs.
They’d talked about how to deal with Delilah. His only request had been that Cassie didn’t make promises she couldn’t keep. He trusted her to keep this one.
“Will you call me?” Delilah asked, turning her head against Presley’s shoulder.
“Of course.”
“Every night.”
Cassie’s eyes met Presley’s. It was time for him to step in.
“Come on now,” Presley said. “She can’t call you every night.”
“Every morning, then,” Delilah said stubbornly.
Presley kissed his daughter’s head. “She’ll call when she can, okay.”
His eyes met Cassie’s again. “Let’s head down, I know you have a lot to do tonight.” She nodded, saying nothing, and walked ahead of him down the stairs.
When they got to the bottom, Cassie stopped for a moment. Looking at the hallway wall. Then she looked at him and he knew what she was thinking.
That wall held a lot of memories. The first place they’d kissed. The wall they’d had sex against.
His throat felt tight as he gently lowered Delilah to the floor. She ran at Cassie’s legs again, hugging them tight.
“I love you,” Delilah whispered against Cassie’s jeans.
“Oh sweetie, I love you.” Cassie dropped to her haunches, hugging Delilah tight. She whispered in Delilah’s ear and she nodded.
When she stood, she looked at him and Pres realized this was it.
And he wasn’t sure he could breathe.
This was the right thing to do, he reminded himself. He wasn’t making the same mistakes. He was being a good partner. A good man.
It was the right fucking thing.
So why did every part of him ache?
“Goodbye,” she said softly, her lips parting as she stared at him.
And he strode over to her, pulling her close against him. He kissed the top of her head, her cheek, her lips.
Trying to memorize the way she felt. The way she smelled. The way her body molded against his.
Fuck he was being dramatic. She’d be back. Yeah, she would.
Right?
“I’ll be right here,” he whispered. To her. To him. To Delilah. “Whenever you need me, whatever you need. You call, okay?”
“Okay.” Cassie nodded. He could tell she was trying to keep her emotions in control. Dammit he was, too.
“I’m just going to go,” she said, her voice low.
“Okay.”
She hitched her purse over her shoulder and took one long last look at the both of them, then turned and walked down the hallway, pulling open the door.
And as she stepped through it, Delilah let out a long wail.
Damn if his heart didn’t do the same thing.