Chapter 50
They tell me that Halloween means hallowed evening. It’s the day before All Saints Day when the spirits of all the saints come floatin’ out of the sky on white velvet clouds to celebrate their day.
So how in the name of Georgie’s great uncle Allowishous did hobgoblins, witches, and vampires get into the act?!! It’s got me just plumb baffled—however, I do have a theory!!
You see, all these sensational people out doin’ their good-deed-of-the-day every day of their lives got elected to be saints.
Then they passed on to that great saint kingdom up yonder that ain’t zoned commercial, so they don’t have to contend with a McDonald’s or Lula Belle’s Famous Hairbender’s joint right next door.
But once a year, because they all was SO good, they get to float back down here on All Saint’s Day to see how the world’s gettin’ on and look around for some more too-good-to-be-true people who might be possible prospects for their Hall of Fame.
So, on the night before their arrival all the bad things make their appearance and scare the meanness right out of everybody so they’ll be super good when the saints’ spirits are hoverin’ around takin’ notes on their Big Chief tablets.
People commenced to givin’ the young’uns candy that night to bribe them into being good. I reckon one time they must’ve tried to stop that little ritual and right then is when the trick end of tip trick or treat came into existence.
It’s that time of year again. Witches, vampires, bats, and ghosts will all come out of attics to scare the orneriness right out our hides.
They wouldn’t even let me scrub the pearly floors of their outhouses up there in THAT kingdom, so I know there’s not a chance in eighty million I’d ever be considered for a nomination to join them someday.
And I KNOW it’d take more than one night to scare enough meanness out of me to make me even semi-good.
My wings are so far below my tough skin that they’ll never sprout…
so why do I watch the skies for velvet clouds on the first day of November and why do I keep glancing over my shoulder expecting to catch a fleeting glimpse of a Big Chief tablet? ??