Chapter 18 #2
“I hate you out there at this time.” He referred to the small building they’d built on the side of their land to accommodate an office and darkroom for Robyn’s photography business.
She’d accumulated a fair number of social media followers for her landscape photography and was kept busy with a steady stream of orders and commissions.
“Lachlan, the sun hasn’t even set yet.” She kissed the top of his head and smiled at me. “Come say goodbye before you leave.”
“Will do.”
Lachlan followed her movements as she strode through the bifold doors and down the deck, out of sight. “Why the hell did I not just build a side extension so she could walk directly through the house into it?”
My lips twitched. “And I thought I was overprotective.”
He scowled at me. “This whole thing with Arro has me on edge.”
Taking a deep breath, I replied, “What I have to say might put you more on edge.”
“Do I need a drink for this conversation?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know how you’ll react.”
“Just get to the point, Mac. You’ve got me imagining all manner of things.”
My mouth was suddenly dry, and I gulped down the dregs of my now-cold coffee before blurting out bluntly, “I’m in love with Arro.”
Ignoring my racing heart and its echo in my ears, I waited as Lachlan stared at me.
Just fucking stared.
“Well?” I snapped.
Instead of answering, he pushed back from the table and strolled into the kitchen. Irritated, concerned, I followed him with my plate and put it in the sink, watching Lachlan as he poured himself a small whisky.
“I’d offer you one, but you’re driving,” he said before he tipped the contents down in one gulp. He pressed a hand against his chest, and I could practically feel the burn.
“Is it really that bad?” I asked flatly.
He shook his head, placing the glass on the counter before he turned to me.
“It’s not that. I’m now just wondering how long you’ve both felt like this and have done nothing about it because of me?
I think I convinced myself that you were just attracted to her and that if you loved her, you would have done something about it by now.
So I’m wondering if I’m the arsehole who’s been standing in the way of your happiness this whole fucking time? ”
“No.” Relieved he wasn’t pissed off, I replied, “I’m the arsehole who’s been standing in the way of my happiness this whole fucking time.”
Lachlan scrutinized me. “Is Arro the reason you went to therapy?”
“She was the catalyst.”
His face clouded over. “You hurt her, didn’t you?” He took an instinctively aggressive step toward me. “What did you do?”
I held up my hands in appeasement. “I said some things to her I didn’t mean.”
He studied me carefully, searching for the truth. “They must have been pretty bloody awful, Mac, because it has escaped none of our notice that she hasn’t talked to you in months.”
“I fucked up,” I confessed. “So much that I might never get another chance with her.” The thought ripped through me, and I looked away, battling against the pain of it.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” He frowned. “Another chance? Do you mean to say something has already happened between you? Is this another Thane and Regan situation?”
Uncomfortable discussing this with him, I shrugged. “I’m not going into the details because that’s fucking strange, for both of us, but I can say that, no, it isn’t like Thane and Regan. Arro and I have never had an affair.”
“I thought so.” He nodded in contemplation.
“It really wouldn’t matter to you if Arro and I got together? She’s thirteen years younger than me. She’s your sister.”
Lachlan scoffed. “I’m ten years older than Robyn, and she’s your daughter. Do you really think I’m a hypocritical prick?”
I snorted and shook my head. “No, I know you’re not.”
“I mightn’t have been happy about it before Robyn. I’ll admit that.” Lachlan leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s hard for me to see Arro as anything but a wee girl. I was more father than brother to her.”
“I know.”
“But Robyn made me realize you can’t help who you love, Mac. I realized then you were a better man than I am because you didn’t stand in our way, and I knew if it had been the other way around, I’d have tried to keep Arro from you. And that would’ve been wrong.”
I wasn’t sure what to say.
“I might even have still tried,” Lachlan admitted.
That surprised me.
“Come on, Mac. I know you better than anyone does. You’ve got everyone else fooled that you’re Mr. Can Handle Anything.
But I know you. I know you have demons. And I didn’t want that for Arro.
So knowing that you’re doing something about it …
has eased my concerns somewhat. And anyway, she is a grown woman, and it’s not my place to make those kinds of decisions for her. ”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because it’s none of my business how you deal with your own shit. It would only become my business if it affected Robyn or Arro. But you never let it affect Robyn. I suspected you let it affect Arro, and you’ve just confirmed that.”
“I am trying, though.”
“I know, that’s what I said. Have you told Arro how you feel about her?”
“Not in so many words. She isn’t exactly making it easy to have a chat these days. I tried to get her to come to jujitsu, and she’s somehow avoided every class for weeks.”
“Do you think telling her will fix things?”
I bloody wished. “I don’t know. I hope so. But … it might not be enough.”
Lachlan’s expression hardened. “What did you say to her?”
My tone implacable, I replied, “That’s nobody’s business but hers and mine, and I know for a fact she wouldn’t want it bandied about among her family.”
“Then that means it was pretty bloody shitty.” He pushed off the counter. “Fuck, Mac.”
“I know.” I glanced away. “Believe me, multiply your anger by a million, and that’s how much I’ve got directed at myself.
But I’m trying.” I looked back at him. “It wasn’t easy for me to walk into that therapist’s office, but I did it for her.
I did it for her, but I stayed for me. For both of us.
I needed to know that I wouldn’t hurt her again because of my own fucked-up way of thinking. ”
We were silent a second or two, and then Lachlan asked quietly, “What happens next, then? You tell Arro, she forgives you, you stop going to therapy or …”
“Robyn said for her, it’s a way of life.”
“Aye, she still talks to her therapist. So you think that’ll be you? Seeing this woman for the foreseeable future?”
I nodded. “Even if Arro can never forgive me.”
Lachlan smirked.
“What?” I frowned.
“Arro … Arro has only held a grudge a few times in her life, and it never lasted, except for Lucy and Fergus. So unless you stalked her brother and stabbed the man she loves, I’m thinking she’ll get over it.”
I didn’t smile at his teasing because I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t just a case of hurting Arro’s feelings. She didn’t look at me the same way anymore. The hero worship, the tenderness … the trust. It was gone.
And that scared the shit out of me.
Seeing my expression, Lachlan sobered. “Talk to her, Mac. Tell her how you feel. But know I won’t stand in your way, and I doubt my brothers will either.
I always worried about who Arro would end up with, even more so after that prick Guy Lewis beat the crap out of her.
But if I knew she was with you … well, I could rest easy at night knowing that. ”
Emotion welled, and I swallowed hard against it, giving him a gruff nod of thanks.
He grinned suddenly. “Though what a bloody confusing family tree. If we have a kid, and you and Arro have a kid … what does that make them to each other?”
I thought about it and groaned in amusement as I replied, “Well, they’d be cousins, but mine and Arro’s kid would also be your kid’s either half uncle or half aunt because Robyn would be my kid’s half sister.”
Lachlan rolled his eyes. “We could start our own reality show.” Then his gaze sharpened, causing my laughter to die. “You’d want kids, Mac?”
The thought terrified me.
But it also filled me with hope.
“I think so. If you’d asked me weeks ago, I’d have said no. But … maybe I wouldn’t be so bad at it after all.”
He nodded with a small smile. “You’re already a good dad, Mac. Never doubt it.”