Chapter 19 Mac
MAC
“If you could have any of the things you think would improve your life, what would they be?”
The answers seemed obvious. “To know who is threatening Arro and end it for her. To spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Is that it? No winning the lottery or owning an Aston Martin?” Iona teased.
I chuckled. “I have all I need. I’ve always known, as Lachlan has always known, despite his fortune, that true wealth lies within the health and happiness of the people we love.”
Her expression softened. “Then you’ve already won. It can take people entire lifetimes to come to that realization. Others never do.”
“Then they’re fools.”
“And you’re certainly no fool. So … what could make your life worse than it is now?”
“Christ.” I sank back against the sofa. “The list is endless.”
Iona slowly nodded. “Exactly. Most of us are programmed to think about negative possibilities over positive possibilities, and that’s because usually when we stop and think about our current situation, we realize there is so much more to be positive about than negative.
That’s not always the case for everyone, especially when we’re grieving or going through a difficult period.
But if you only listed two things that would improve your life right now, Mac, then you must be pretty content with what you have. ”
“I have a good life. I know that. That’s never been the problem.”
Her eyes glittered with what looked like triumph.
“So if you believe you have a good life not because of the fancy security job or the money or the connection to famous people … if you believe you have a good life because you’ve surrounded yourself with good people, then doesn’t it stand to reason that those good people have stayed in your life because they believe you are a good person too? That you are a good person too?”
Emotion thickened in my throat.
“I can see this has affected you, Mac. Why? What did I say that makes you so emotional?”
“Because it’s so obvious when you say it like that,” I answered gruffly. “Why couldn’t I just see that? Am I a fucking moron?”
“It’s not about intelligence. In fact, in my opinion, you are very emotionally intelligent and intuitive about others.
The problem is how you see yourself. It’s about a lifetime of only seeing yourself through a false lens, fabricated by feelings of abandonment and worthlessness from the moment you understood your mother left you.
Today you’re seeing yourself more clearly. How does that feel, Mac?”
My voice shook with how it felt. “Freeing.”