Chapter 6 Monroe
MONROE
THE PAST
Ispent most of my days on Ardnoch Estate.
Brodan’s family owned acres upon acres of land, and growing up, we’d made it our life’s mission to explore every inch.
They even owned a private, golden-sand beach, and on those rare gorgeous summer days, we’d hang out there.
Most of the time, Arran was there, sometimes even Fergus.
When we were much younger, Lachlan and Thane would have joined us too.
Yet today, the skies above the castle estate were brooding, the clouds’ mauve bellies threatening a downpour.
It was humid, though. So bloody humid that my hair stuck to the back of my neck, and I’d braved wearing a short summer dress even with the threat of rain.
My mood mirrored it as we walked across the wild lawn toward the castle.
“Tell me what’s going on, Sunset.” Brodan nudged me. “You’ve been off for days.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Nothing’s wrong.”
My friend scowled and stared straight ahead.
It had been his suggestion to hang out at his place today, and though I wasn’t the best company, I’d do anything to get away from Mum.
She was part of the reason for my shit mood.
Thankfully, it was only poor Brodan being infected by it today.
Fergus had to work, Arran was off with some girl, and Lachlan should have been home for the summer from his second year at St. Andrews University, but by fluke, he’d ended up as an extra in a movie and grabbed the attention of the producer who’d gotten him an audition for another film.
And he’d gotten the part! It was crazy. Right now, he was filming a proper Hollywood action movie in Canada.
I still couldn’t get my head around the fact that we’d be able to go to the cinema to see Lachlan in a movie.
It was mind-boggling. His whole family thought so too.
Thane Adair was back from his first year at Glasgow Uni, but he had a summer job at an architectural firm in Inverness, so we saw little of him.
As for Arrochar, she was thirteen now and had a group of friends she spent the summer with, biking around Ardnoch.
It surprised me Brodan was allowing his wee sister so much freedom.
They were usually all over the poor lass.
To my shock, Brodan had been pretty attentive to me the past few weeks.
Not that he wasn’t an involved friend, but during last term, between his many casual hookups and the fact that I had a boyfriend, we’d definitely spent less time together.
Brodan seemed determined to change that this summer.
Since I no longer had a boyfriend, I had no reason not to spend the days with my best friend.
Another reason I was in a shitty mood.
Just wait, I thought as I followed Brodan into the castle. In a year’s time, I’d be graduating from high school and on my way to university, where surely I’d meet a boy who could make me fall out of love with my best friend.
As Brodan took a left instead of a right, I frowned. “Where are we going?”
Ardnoch Castle was too big for the family to afford to use the entire place. In fact, they only used a few rooms. The rest of the castle was dank, dark, and a bit creepy. As kids, we’d explored every inch too.
Brodan threw a smile over his shoulder and then grabbed my hand, pulling me along after him. I wanted to tighten my fingers around his, but forced myself not to. To my surprise, he led me to the door to the castle’s only turret.
“What are we doing?”
“C’mon.”
We climbed the narrow stone staircase within, up to the next door, and when we stepped out, I sucked in a breath.
As children, we played in the turret. It was our place, where we’d tell each other all our secrets.
It was the place I’d finally told Brodan that my dad hurt me and where he’d begged me to tell someone.
I’d pleaded with him in return to keep my secret, and he had until that fateful day almost five years ago.
Brodan had turned our place into a campout. He’d strung fairy lights everywhere, so it didn’t look so cold and gloomy. He brought in multiple sleeping bags, duvets, and a large picnic basket filled with snacks.
“What is this?” I asked him in wonder.
My best friend looked down at me. He was now taller than Thane, almost as tall as Lachlan. That put him exactly a foot taller than me. Not a comfortable height difference, and one of the many small reasons I compiled to remind myself that Brodan and I would never be more than friends.
I’d started dating Phil in December of last year because I knew it was time to move on from these feelings for Brodan. Sometimes, however, when he looked at me the way he was looking at me now, he made it really hard to forget that I was in love with him.
“I thought maybe if I brought you here …” He shrugged, looking around at the place filled with memories. “You’d talk to me.”
“Brodan—”
“Don’t.” He gave me a wounded look. “Don’t say you’re fine. I know you’re not. Did I do something? Is that why you won’t talk to me anymore?”
I shook my head, feeling guilty for shutting him out. “No, of course not.”
“Then why?” Those blue eyes were so hurt and troubled. “We haven’t even graduated yet, and I feel like I’m losing you. That fucking kills, Roe.”
This was the problem when you were as close as Brodan and me.
We’d always told each other exactly how we were feeling.
Never afraid to be vulnerable. Until I fell in love with him and closed down communication.
Things between us had not been the same for a few years, but I’d acted my arse off so Brodan wouldn’t feel that distance.
I guessed I’d just grown tired of pretending.
That wasn’t his fault, though.
He didn’t ask me to fall in love with him.
“Talk to me,” Brodan pleaded.
With a sigh, I walked over to the bed of blankets and sleeping bags, kicked off my trainers, and sat, legs out, leaning back on my hands.
Brodan took this in and approached, eyes glued to my face as if searching for something.
He kicked off his trainers and sat beside me, mirroring my body language.
“Mum has been particularly shitty lately,” I told him quietly.
“She keeps trying to talk me out of uni, telling me it’s a waste of my time, that I’ll fail.
And everything I do around the house isn’t enough.
My weekend job at the store isn’t enough.
” I’d been working at the general store every weekend for over a year.
“Never enough.” Apparently, that was a theme in my life.
Sometimes it seemed impossible that I could feel so much for Brodan and not have him feel it back.
Other boys found me attractive, so it really bloody stung that he didn’t.
Mind you, he was Brodan. He was the best-looking guy in Ardnoch.
Maybe even the entire county. Not that his looks were the primary reason I was in love with or even attracted to him.
I loved Brodan’s openness with me when he was so closed off with anyone outside of his family.
I loved that I knew things about him no one else did, like how he still enjoyed eating Chewits and ready-salted crisps at the same time.
A “delicacy” he’d discovered when we were kids.
Yuck. I smiled to myself at the thought.
I loved how loyal he was to me and his family.
He was popular, but he wasn’t a bully. He treated everyone with the kindness they deserved until they proved otherwise, but even then, he wasn’t mean.
If you were a shitty person, he just wouldn’t give you his time.
But yeah, I was attracted to him.
My body reacted to his in a way that it never reacted to Phil’s.
I didn’t feel that deep tug of need in my belly when I looked at Phil, the way I did when I focused on Brodan’s hands or his broad back and shoulders. I didn’t get butterflies when Phil smiled at me, but I sure as hell did whenever Brodan gave me his boyish grin.
“I can’t wait for you to get away from that woman.” Brodan brought my thoughts back to the confession about my mum. He turned his head to look at me. “You know she’s wrong, right? She’s just scared of being alone, so she’s saying anything to make you stay.”
I shrugged, as if I didn’t care. “It’s only pushing me further away.”
“I’m sorry.” He nudged me with his arm. “You deserve so much better.”
I gave him a sad smile.
“So, is she the only reason you’ve been quiet lately?
You haven’t spent much time with Phil …,” he said with an uncharacteristic tentativeness.
However, the truth was Brodan didn’t talk to me about Phil unless he had to.
I think it was weird for him that I’d started dating.
I think maybe he wanted me to stay in a place where he didn’t have to acknowledge I was a girl.
“We broke up.” I smoothed the hem of my dress, even though it didn’t need smoothing. When I glanced at Brodan to see his reaction to my news, I found his attention on my hemline. Or my legs. Sensing my stare, his eyes jerked to mine.
“When did you break up?”
“A week ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I was processing.”
Brodan scowled. “Please don’t tell me you’re upset about it. He wasn’t good enough for you, Sunset. I’m fucking glad you broke up.”
Indignation roared through me. “Nice.”
He sighed. “I’m just being honest. The guy is a prick.”
“There is nothing wrong with Phil. If anyone wasn’t good enough for anybody, I wasn’t good enough for him.”
Scoffing, Brodan shook his head. “He’s lucky you gave him the time of day. I still don’t know why you did.”
“Because he was nice. And funny. I didn’t treat him right. Brodan, I just … I didn’t … I’m not like you. I can’t just have sex with someone and be okay about it if I don’t have genuine feelings for them.”
My friend shot up, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He gaped out of the small turret window, sounding choked as he asked, “Did you … did you have sex with Phil?”