Chapter 6 Monroe #2
At his disbelieving tone, I felt a mix of anger and hurt. “That’s so hard to believe?”
Brodan swallowed hard, still not looking at me. “No, ’course not. I just didn’t realize you were that serious about him.”
“It wasn’t that I was serious about him. I wanted to have sex, so we had sex.”
“Right.”
At his refusal to look at me, hurt won over, and I felt myself retreating. “I’m going to go.”
He whipped around, his hand landing on my knee. “No. No, don’t.”
My skin tingled where he touched me. Brodan used to touch me casually all the time. It never used to bother me. Now it was like being hit by a jolt of electricity. “Can you handle talking about this? I’m not Arro, you know.”
Brodan wrinkled his nose as he removed his hand from my leg and wrapped his arms around his knees again. “One, Arro is never allowed to have sex, ever. Not happening. Sex does not exist for Arrochar Adair.”
I giggled, and Brodan’s expression lightened.
“Two”—his gaze drifted over my face and quickly swept my body before he looked away—“you’re not my sister, Roe. We’re best buds. We can talk about anything.” He met my eyes again. “I promise.”
“I can talk to you about this?”
“Of course.” Suddenly, his countenance darkened. “Did he hurt you?”
“No.” I grimaced. “But it was bad.” So bad, it might have put me off sex for good if I wasn’t so sure that there was something missing.
Brodan ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was uncomfortable. “Uh … well, the first time is supposed to be weird.”
Now that he’d promised I could talk to him about this, I wanted Brodan’s advice.
Even though I hated the thought of him with other girls, he was experienced, and his opinion mattered.
“We did it more than once, and it didn’t stop being weird.
I think maybe we skipped some parts. Like …
foreplay.” My cheeks burned, but I was proud of myself for being bold enough to put it out there.
Brodan’s head whipped around, and my cheeks only burned hotter at his aghast expression. “He didn’t even … did he not …” His eyes dragged down my body again, and he looked away, shoving that bloody hand through his hair once more as he gritted out, “Please tell me he didn’t just … that he …”
“Wow, choke it out, Brodan. I thought we established I’m not Arro. You said we could talk about this stuff.”
His glower could have incinerated me. “I fucking know you’re not my wee sister.”
What did that mean?
My eyes widened, but feeling something shift between us, I pushed. “Okay, so tell me where Phil went wrong, or I’m giving up on sex for good and never talking about anything with you ever again.”
Brodan’s eyes narrowed at my challenge, and he turned his body toward me. “Fine. Did he just stick his dick in you without getting you ready?”
I was pretty sure my entire body flushed beetroot. “Do you have to be so blunt?”
“You asked for it.” He smirked, delighted by my reaction.
Fine. Challenge accepted. This was just like when we were kids and Brodan kept teasing and daring me to ride my bike down the highest point of a quarry north of Ardnoch.
When I’d made a move to take on his challenge, he roared in panicked outrage and then physically hauled me away from the quarry.
He was so mad and frightened, I felt awful afterward.
But he’d learned never to dare me to do something he didn’t really want me to do.
Or so I’d thought.
“No. He didn’t ‘get me ready,’” I air-quoted, making him scowl. “He pushed into me a few times and came. All four times we did it.”
At that, Brodan shook his head, scowling. “What a selfish prick.”
Emboldened by our forthrightness, I moved a little closer to him.
“What … what was he supposed to do?” I had some idea from movies and the things I’d heard people say at school, but I’d experienced none of it.
And of course, I’d touched myself and had wondered maybe if Phil had touched me where I liked to touch me, maybe things would have gone better.
Brodan’s eyes widened at my question, but then they dropped to my mouth, and not for the first time, I had hoped that Brodan might actually have more-than-friendly feelings for me.
Sometimes I’d catch him looking at my mouth or my legs or my breasts, proving that he was, in fact, aware of me as an actual girl and not just his best friend.
My insecurities allowed me to forget those moments until they happened again.
Like now, as Brodan’s breath hitched and his attention moved to my cleavage and then drifted down to my bare thighs. The crests of his cheeks turned pink in a way I’d never seen before, and he wrenched his gaze away. “Like you said”—his voice was gruff—“foreplay.”
“Like what?”
He shot me a pissed-off look. “You know what.”
“I think we’ve established I don’t, since Phil was selfish.”
Brodan didn’t laugh or smile at my teasing. Instead, his gaze was suddenly intense in a way that made my heart race. “It’s a complete waste that he was your first time. Remind me to deck him the next time I see him.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort, Brodan Adair. I think …” Guilt suffused me, and I dropped my eyes in shame. “I think I really hurt his feelings when I broke up with him.”
“Well, that’s what he gets for not treating you properly. Fuck. Don’t feel bad for the arsehole.”
Phil had gotten teary-eyed when I broke up with him, so I felt bad. “He just … I don’t think he meant to be selfish. I think he was just inexperienced.”
“Bullshit. He had three girlfriends before you, and I know for a fact that he used to shag one of them because she told me.”
I wrinkled my nose as I guessed that she’d told Brodan this after she’d shagged him too. “So, Casanova, what should he have done? Seriously. I’m curious what has all the girls from here to Inverness willing to put up with your shite for a chance to shag you?”
Brodan grinned at my teasing. “I’m very, very giving.”
My pulse raced, and I pushed through my awkwardness. “What does that mean?”
“We’re not talking about it, Sunset.”
“I thought you said we can talk about anything. Best friends talk about their sexual exploits, you know. C’mon.” I gave him a little shove. “I have my very own Don Juan to turn to for advice. Don’t get all shy on me.”
His eyes narrowed again as he offered bluntly, “I usually go down on them before we have sex.”
Do not blush, do not blush, do not blush.
Unfortunately, the image of Brodan’s head between my legs caused a deep tug low in my belly, and my skin flushed accordingly.
I saw him studying my reaction with a smugness that made me push through my embarrassment and arousal. “Do you … do you like doing that?”
Brodan’s breath hitched at my question, and his chin tilted stubbornly. “Aye. Not all girls like it, though. One girl didn’t want me down there with my mouth. So I got her off by rubbing her clit.”
His deliberate crudeness wasn’t pushing me away from the subject but rather spurring on my curiosity—and turning me the feck on, awakening the desire to have him take care of the tension I could never seem to get rid of.
I squeezed my thighs together against the pulsing sensation between my legs, and Brodan’s gaze dropped to the movement.
His nostrils flared, and there was the flush on the crests of his cheeks.
Was Brodan … turned on?
Hope and recklessness clashed within me, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Show me.”
Brodan glowered, but there was heat in his eyes.
“Show me,” I repeated.
Surely if he didn’t want to, he’d have immediately protested?
Instead, he was breathing hard, and his hands clenched into fists. Before I could pull myself out of the moment, before I could lose my courage, I took hold of one of his hands and waited for him to resist.
Brodan visibly swallowed, but didn’t pull away.
Not when I slowly rested it against my inner thigh.
In fact, his fist uncurled, and his hand flattened, his fingers tickling the sensitive skin there. I let out a little gasp, and the muscle in his jaw ticked as I slid his hand under my dress. The throbbing between my legs intensified.
“Show me,” I whispered and spread my legs.
Brodan inhaled sharply, and he gripped my thigh hard.
“Fuck … Roe.” His eyes flew up to meet mine.
“If I do this … it changes nothing. I’m just …
” He licked his lips almost nervously. “I’m just showing you what it should be like, right?
It changes nothing between us. Our friendship means too much. Promise.”
My hormones, unfortunately, were totally in control of that moment. Because I thought, as I laid there with the possibility of Brodan Adair touching me intimately, that it would be enough. That if it was all I could have from him, I’d take it. “I promise.”
He shuddered and then this fierceness took over his expression as he suddenly straddled me. Looming above, his shoulders so broad, his body so big, I’d never felt the differences between us more. I’d never felt more fragile and feminine.
A glance down his body revealed he was not unaffected.
His hard-on was clearly visible through his sweatpants.
My breasts swelled at the knowledge he really wanted me, and my nipples hardened. Brodan noted this as I wasn’t wearing a bra with this dress, and his grip on my thigh tightened.
Then his fingers slipped beneath my underwear, and his thumb found my clit.
“Brodan,” I gasped, my hips arching into his touch.
He braced his free hand at the side of my head and leaned over me, his eyes holding mine as he rubbed his thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves between my thighs.
I reached for him, needing something to hold on to, my fingers gripping his back, drawing him closer.
Our breaths met, our faces so close as he played me.
And then he pushed his fingers inside me at the same time, and shivers cascaded down my spine. “Brodan.”
“Roe,” he panted against my lips. “Roe. So tight. Fuck. Roe.”
In some part of my brain, I couldn’t believe this was happening, but forefront of any thought was chasing the sensations rioting through me.
At every thrust of his fingers, I arched my hips, riding his touch.
The tension inside me grew tauter and tauter with each thrust, my heartbeat rushing and pounding in my ears.
Then suddenly my body locked, and Brodan slammed his mouth down over mine a second before that tension shattered into a million glorious pieces.
My inner muscles tightened so hard around his fingers, it drew him further inside me, and Brodan grunted against my mouth.
His kiss was suddenly ferocious. His fingers pulled out of me and then his hand was on my breast, squeezing and shaping it as he ground his hips between my legs.
He nudged his arousal into me, and I could only hold on to him as he kissed me with a thrilling sexual hunger.
A chill blasted over my body as Brodan practically threw himself off.
I blinked at the abrupt distance between us and sat up on my elbows to find Brodan panting and staring at me as if he’d never seen me before.
Dread filled me, and I sat up, drawing my knees tight to my chest.
Brodan took in the move, and something like pain shot through his expression before he reached out to draw one of my hands to his mouth.
He kissed my knuckles and squeezed his eyes closed.
“Nothing changes,” he said hoarsely. “Promise me, nothing changes.” When he opened his eyes, he was no longer hiding his pain or his fear. “I can’t lose you, Roe.”
I didn’t understand.
He clearly felt about me how I felt about him, or the last blissful minutes wouldn’t have happened.
Whatever he saw in my eyes made him clasp my hand between both of his and plead, “Please.”
“You enjoyed it. I know you did,” I whispered feebly.
“Roe.” He hung his head, still gripping onto me.
When he said nothing else, I tugged on my hand, wanting to run as fast and far from him as possible. Because clearly his enjoyment wasn’t about me. He’d just reacted like a typical horny teenage boy. Fuck!
Brodan’s head whipped up as he held tight to me. “No. Don’t. Look …” He took a breath before he confessed, “If I wanted something serious with a girl, it would be with you, Monroe.”
My heart soared—
“But I will never want that with anyone.”
What?
“It’s not in me to want that. I won’t become my dad.
He lost Mum and just stopped living, Roe.
He barely exists. I won’t become like him because I’m stupid enough to get serious with someone.
I decided a long time ago that my life would be a series of casual fucks.
” He leaned toward me, his eyes light with emotion.
“You will never be a casual fuck. So we’re friends.
You’re my best friend. And I cannot lose you just because I think you’re gorgeous. ”
For the last five years, I’d wanted nothing more than to hear Brodan Adair tell me he thought I was pretty.
Now part of me wished he never had.
But as he begged, “Don’t leave me because of this. Please. I can’t lose you, Roe, so please just pretend with me. Pretend like this never happened. It should never have happened,” he ended in a pained, rough whisper.
And because I could see the genuine turmoil and fear in his expression, I put Brodan’s feelings above mine and murmured, “It never happened. I promise.”
However, as I let myself into the house I hated coming home to after Brodan walked me back into town, I couldn’t help that little bloom of hope that sprung to life inside me.
Brodan had said if he could be serious with anyone, it would be me.
So … I just had to play the waiting game.
I just had to wait for the day that Brodan Adair grew out of his trauma, out of his fears.
I could be patient for the one I loved. Especially after experiencing a tiny moment of what it would be like between us.
When he was ready, I’d be the one he chose.