34. Cycle
Chapter thirty-four
Cycle
NOAH
Monday
School.
I didn’t see Delane at all. I wanted to.
My day bled into evening, and all I recalled was the need to sleep.
Tuesday
School.
Silas texted me.
Let me come pick you up today.
I ignored him.
Sleep.
Wednesday
Damian lectured me today. He asked if I was depressed.
He checked my drawers for drugs “just to be sure” he said. I was prepared. I had hidden my vape in the bathroom.
That wasn’t where I was getting my highs from anyhow. The pills. My mom had an entire store full of them. My own small assortment of colors and vials, each with unique effects. A few downers and uppers. Painkillers. A buffet.
I didn’t need crack or weed. I was a chameleon. I adapted to my surroundings. I was flexible.
The hunger returned today, like a gnawing within. I took two oxycodone for breakfast to suppress the feeling.
Thursday
Sickness.
My vape helped keep the vomit down.
I texted Delane.
Hey.
Hi Noah, how are you?
Tired.
Want to sit for lunch?
I didn’t go to school today.
Oh. Are you okay?
I will be.
I’m here to talk, if you need me?
I do need you
I want to talk to you about
Thanks Delane
Friday
It felt like every day was just the same. I should have known a change was bound to happen sooner or later.
That Friday afternoon, I walked into my house, setting my bag on the floor—a little routine of mine—and trudged slowly up to my room, where I knew a freshly made bed was waiting for me.
As I turned the corner into the hallway, I nearly bumped into Kim, our maid.
She was one of our younger workers, maybe my age, and I couldn’t help but notice the startled expression on her face.
I mumbled my apologies and moved past her, trying to brush it off.
“M-Mr. Hansen?” she called out softly, and I felt a cringe wash over me. It felt only right to turn and acknowledge her. Ignoring her just didn’t sit well with me. I just hoped she wouldn’t linger for too long.
“Yes?”
Her eyes scanned the floor nervously.
“Last week…” She couldn’t meet my gaze. “There was so much…blood in your room...”
I said nothing. I was very aware of the blood, considering it was mine that was spilt.
I was surprised to see that my father had sent Kim, the youngest and least experienced maid, to clean up after he attacked me.
Did the man not think she would worry and speak up?
Were I in his godforsaken shoes, I would’ve taken the liberty of sending one of the older housekeepers to clean.
They were well adapted to his cruelty by now.
They would have done their job without question or discussion.
I would think that would be what David wanted, anyhow. So, this threw me off.
“Are– Are you okay?” Kim stammered out, her hands fisting about her skirt nervously.
I glared at her for a moment, before turning my back on her. She was too kind of a person. What was she even doing here, in this house, among monsters?
I didn’t answer her question out loud.
No.
I am not okay.
“S-S-Sir...” she called out weakly.
“Mind your business, and get back to work,” I spat out, feeling her flinch behind me. “Your break isn’t for another hour.”
I found the bar very comforting on Friday nights when there was nothing to do. I had money to blow, so why not? The air in the house was heavy and with Kim around, watching and worrying. I wanted out.
I sat sprawled across the bar counter, littered with empty glasses, signaling to the bartender for another round.
I couldn’t remember a time when I was this drunk.
I applauded myself though. I hadn’t smoked or purchased any new drugs lately.
Just my vape pen. So, I considered this drinking as my reward.
“Another one for you, sir?” The red head behind the counter asked, placing her hands upon her hips and shaking her head.
“I’ll take anything,” I sputtered, pressing one of the empty glasses forward. What drink number was this? Six? Eight? Typically, I could knock them back without a care in the world, but I had been eating less and less. Maybe the alcohol was going through me faster than I thought.
“I think you’ve had one too many,” she chided with a sigh. “You should go home.”
My head pounded in response. I didn’t really have an argument. That’s how drunk I was. Normally, I was chomping at the bit for a quarrel.
“Do you want me to get you an Uber, or Lyft?” she questioned with sympathy. I rose from the barstool, leaning against the counter to help push me up to a full stand.
“I’ll walk,” I whispered, digging into my wallet and laying a chunk of bills in front of her. I didn’t even know how much. I began my wobble to the entrance.
“Sir!” she called out in astonishment.
I waved her away before she had the chance to say anything more. “Keep it,” I slurred.
I heard her mutter something about, “This is the second time,” before I exited the bar.
I walked.
Before I knew it, I stood on a familiar porch, knocking on the massive ivory doors. The shift in wind made me tremble. The night breeze flowed across my bare skin, giving me goosebumps. It was dark. I glanced over my shoulder.
Bright yellow glares from the cluster of ravens that sat on the power line pierced through me. They all seemed to be smiling, knowing in their tiny black hearts that I was terrified. I shivered and they cawed, as if laughing at me.
“Are you afraid of the dark?”
I knocked again, harder this time. Sweat began to pool at the nape of my neck.
What else was out there, lurking in the shadows?
“Little bitch...”
Just go away.
The birds continued to cackle.
“Daddy loves you...”
Just leave me alone.
I banged my fist into the door, my heart racing, my chest rising and falling so fast I thought I’d collapse.
The world was unsteady, and I knew David was out there, chasing after me.
I needed to get inside. If I couldn’t, I didn’t know what I would do.
I reached my arm back, ready to break the door down if I had to.
Before my fist could make contact, the door swung open, and light poured out all around me, warming me like fire.
SILAS
I half expected it to be Damian knocking, yet again, and was ready for a fight this time if he so much as touched me. I whipped open the door.
“Noah?” I asked in bewilderment. What was he thinking? It was late as shit. “What the hell?” I grasped onto his shoulders, unable to believe what I was seeing.
“Can I come in?” he whispered, hugging his arms to his body. He looked unsteady on his feet, and was breathing fast, almost like he had been running. He had his eyes clamped closed tightly.
I yanked my cell out of my pocket and accessed our security app. I cut the front door cameras. I would have to delete that footage later, so that Jace didn’t see Noah on our porch.
“What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is? Shit—” My words stopped short, and instantly I assumed he could’ve been hurt again.
Tears were streaming down Noah’s face, and he was already pressing himself closer to the opening of the door, closer to me.
“Are you okay?” I murmured, unable to keep the worry from my tone as I inspected him for injury.
“I’m scared,” he uttered softly. He clutched his head, eyes opening now, wide and searching for something that wasn’t there. He stumbled again and looked over his shoulders abruptly. “I just– I don’t even know why I’m here, I–”
“You’re drunk,” I said with a growl, realizing. Not even drunk. Fucking plastered. Now that I had time to adjust to the outside air I could smell it on him. He reeked.
Noah teetered off balance, proving my conviction. Sighing, I slid an arm behind his back, supporting him and catching him from the fall that was sure to come if he kept tripping over himself.
“Can I please come inside?” he practically begged, his fingers pulling on my shirt, his head lolling against my chest.
“Shut up,” I ordered, already leading him into my house. “You don’t have to ask twice.”
I didn’t even know how I was able to get him upstairs.
With each step Noah gagged, and I knew it was a matter of time before he got sick.
I nearly threw up watching him. He had to have drank far past his limits, because I didn’t think I’d ever seen him this bad before.
Each step up seemed to take five years, and I almost considered lifting him up bridal style, just to get him into the room faster.
“Your brother is going to kill me,” I muttered, finally reaching my room and leading Noah to the bed. There was no way around it anymore. Damian Hansen would be after my ass, no question.
“I’m sorry!” Noah loudly proclaimed and then let out a little laugh when I plopped him onto the bed.
“This is your room?” he asked, his words sloppily thrown together. He peered around excitedly, and it occurred to me then that he hadn’t seen the inside of my house before, let alone my bedroom.
I ignored his ridiculous question and bent down to take off his shoes.
“Mm, are we gonna fuck?” he asked suddenly, reaching one of his hands into my hair and pulling out my bun with a tug.
Jesus.
“No, Noah, we aren’t going to fuck.” I shook his hand away before he could take hold of my hair. Half of me thought his drunk attitude was quite entertaining, the other half felt tired already.
“But look, you’re already down there, on your knees,” he cackled, pulling his foot away as I reached to take off the second shoe.
“Noah,” I growled. “Stop moving.”
“Or what?”
I glared up at him and he spread his legs wide, giving me a full view of his crotch.
“You gonna punish me?” he taunted.
If only he knew how badly I wanted to.
“Don’t worry Noah,” I assured. “I’ll punish you when you can remember it.”
“What if I want it… now?”
Finally, I wrestled the shoe off. None of that mattered though, because Noah slid down off the bed like a melting popsicle glides off the stick.
He curled into my chest, his face inches from my nose.
His hands reached up to cup my cheek and I couldn’t resist the urge I had to wrap my arms around him. He fit so nicely there.
“I’m telling you, that I want it, now. You. Your cock.”
I tensed. Resisting him was difficult, especially because I knew what I was passing up on. If this were any other quick screw, I would take the bait a thousand times over and wash my hands of it. Because I didn’t care.
But this was Noah.
My troubled little raven, with dark, inviting eyes. A master of seduction, even in his drunken stupor.
I didn’t want to take advantage of him. I couldn’t. Not after the secret he shared with me. It didn’t feel right.
Shit. When did he set a moral compass in me? All of a sudden, I was weighing right from wrong, deciding best courses of action and prioritizing others’ feelings before my own wants.
Screw him for making me this way.
He leaned in, catching my bottom lip in his teeth before pressing a little kiss to my mouth. “Come on,” he urged. “Let me suck your cock.”
My pants twitched. Drunk Noah was a fucking siren, and I, the sailor.
“No,” I repeated, trying to maneuver around him and off of the floor.
He locked his arms around my neck, keeping me stationary. His face nuzzled into my neck.
“Silas, please, I want—”
He stopped suddenly, face frozen. His hand shot to his mouth.
I didn’t have but a moment to react. “Aw, Noah, shit—”
And then he vomited. All over himself, me and my satin rug.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled again.
I groaned.