Chapter 34 Cleo
Cleo
On the days I miss River the most, I scroll all the way back to the six-word text message she sent me the day I left the HMS Queen Elizabeth almost seven months ago.
Re-reading the text reminds me of how we began and how far we’ve come since then.
It’s not been a cakewalk, that’s for sure.
It took hours of phone conversations and video calls for us to get back to where we were.
When I found out what my father had said to her that day, I was livid.
I knew he’d poked his nose in, but I would never have guessed just how out of order he’d been.
Because of him, it took River a long time to believe I wanted to be with her, even after I’d forgiven her for the short bout of ghosting she did those last few days aboard the ship.
The situation wasn’t helped by our distance either.
River wasn’t allowed off the ship, let alone off the base, and I went straight back to London.
I was happy to hear Cheddar had stayed on board with her, rather than River being alone for weeks on end.
Kit offered but River wouldn’t hear of it, not when Sarah, Kit’s sister, had delivered her baby the day after the ship docked in Portsmouth.
Boot visited her parents for a week and then returned to be with her friends, and I couldn’t have been more grateful.
When I first saw the message that day, I remember my breath physically stalling in my throat.
I’d hoped Kit had relayed my words to River, but I wasn’t overly confident she would take them to heart and contact me.
River was in panic mode and her defences were up, which meant she was running away.
I knew her well enough to see that. So when my phone vibrated and I saw her name, I was temporarily stunned.
My first thought was she’d contacted me to break it off officially, but she hadn’t. She lowered her walls and let me back in. We went back and forth all day and agreed to carry on where we’d left off.
Even though the distance has been hard for us both, I think it’s served a bigger purpose.
Being on the ship with River close by was like an alternative world.
We got close quickly, and our feelings grew rapidly, but the time we spent together wasn’t an accurate reflection of how our relationship would be in the future.
Reality is now, with me working in London and River deployed.
River confessed she’d worried when we first started dating about how we’d fare after the training exercise was over.
I’d worried too, so it was nice to talk it through together.
River never ran away from me again. Even when the investigation got heated and she had to undergo interviews with an independent review board, she never shut me out.
We had daily conversations where she walked me through her day and how she was feeling.
The whole Benson thing was hard on everyone.
I myself got hauled in front of a lot of people in impressive uniforms. I’m just thankful the Navy was swift in their actions and the whole thing didn’t drag on for too long, although the investigation did delay the ship’s departure for their deployment by three months.
The conclusion? Benson was arrested by the military police and sentenced to three years in prison, after which he would be discharged without his pension. The investigation revealed he’d started the fire in the propulsion room as a way to gain access to River’s quarters. The man had lost the plot.
Grey was instrumental in bringing those charges to light.
It seemed she wasn’t as daft as everyone thought.
The second she saw how serious the situation was, she rolled over and spilled the beans.
Her testimony allotted her some leeway. Plus, River spoke on her behalf, because she was convinced Grey had been gaslighted into making some very terrible decisions by a very manipulative man.
The outcome for Grey was suspension without pay, a permanent black mark in her file, and a lifetime of knowing River had been the bigger person when she could’ve stayed quiet.
Hardman was disciplined for his discriminatory behaviour and stripped of his lieutenant rank. He was also transferred off the Queen Elizabeth. All in all it was a win for those who’d had to deal with Benson, Hardman, and Grey, but it still made me mad they’d gotten away with it for so long.
After the drama died down, River and I fell into a kind of rhythm. I knew I’d receive a text message from her every morning, and a thirty-minute video call once a week. River laughed that she finally had a reason to use her allotted Paradigm credit, and, boy, did we make good use of every second.
To begin with we used the whole time to talk and continue getting to know each other, but it didn’t take long before the conversations turned flirty and then X-rated.
I laughed the first time River shuffled back onto her bunk and drew her curtain.
She plugged in her headphones and wiggled her eyebrows at me.
It was the oddest video sex I’d ever had, but hell if it wasn’t the sexiest.
Several times our weekly chat was interrupted by the girls.
It was impossible not to laugh at their antics, and it made me miss them all so much.
But the distance was part and parcel of dating a sailor.
I still shake my head in disbelief that I…
Cleo Carter…was successfully dating a sailor. Who’d’ve thought it?
The banging on my apartment door pulls me from staring at the “I’m sorry and I miss you” text message.
Honor calls my name through the letterbox, making me laugh.
She’s been a godsend since I got home. Honor was with me every step of the way during the investigation, and when I met my dad to hash things out.
I’m still not on the best terms with him, but we are mending… slowly.
As much as I came to understand his love of the Navy and the reasons he put his heart into his career, there were too many other things he’d done that weren’t as easy to forget.
When I first met River I thought she was just like him, but there is a major difference.
River loves being a sailor, but it’s not her whole life.
Not anymore. She’s deliberately made room for me and our relationship, and that’s something my father never did.
River texts me every morning, even when she’s exhausted.
She saves her Paradigm credit for our weekly calls.
She tells me about her day, asks about mine, makes plans for our future.
She chooses me. Every single day, she chooses me.
It’s something my dad still struggles with. He is still my dad, though, and I love him. I just don’t have to like him all that much.
Scuttling down the hall, I slide across the wooden floor in my fluffy house socks until I reach the door and unlatch it. Honor stands there looking regal, whereas I look like a trash panda.
“Well, that’s a look,” she says. “Missing River by any chance?”
“Shut up,” I grumble, pulling her inside. Okay, so yes, I seem to fall apart now and then when I miss her, but that’s okay. It’s my prerogative to lounge around my place in ratty pyjamas and fluffy socks, eating ice cream out of the tub.
“Cleo, my darling, we have just under two hours until you’re supposed to be centre of attention at your not-so-surprise birthday party.”
Ugh, I know she’s right, but I’m not in a party mood at all. River still has twelve weeks until she’s home, and I’d rather delay any celebrations until then.
“She’s video calling you later, isn’t she?” Honor asks, noticing my attention slipping back to River.
“Yes.” I sigh.
“Then enough with the pity party. At least you have a girlfriend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Honor rolls her eyes. “It means you could still be trolling the bars every Saturday night for hookups that left you underwhelmed.”
“Hmm. True! Okay, I’ll snap out of it.”
“That’s my girl.” Honor smiles.
I take a second to really look at my best friend. “You look great, H. That body suit is perfect on you!”
“Oh, I know,” she smirks. “Let’s hope the hot bartender agrees.”
I laugh because I should have known she’d already have someone lined up for the night.
“Your mum will be here in…ten minutes,” she says, glancing at her elegant wristwatch. “That means you’re on a countdown to choose your outfit, otherwise you’ll have to deal with her rifling through your closet.”
A shiver runs down my spine. “Nope, once was enough, thank you.”
I love my mum dearly, but she turns into a bit of a fashion monster when in charge of finding clothes. We’ll never get out of here in time if she starts, so I really do need to get a move on.
I’ve just pulled my favourite forest green shift dress over my head when I hear Honor exchanging hugs and kisses with my mum. Walking around the corner, I smile widely because she looks so good.
“You look lovely, dear,” mum exclaims, holding her arms out wide, waiting for me to step into them.
“You too. I love this colour on you.”
“Red usually washes me out, but this shade seems okay,” she replies, smoothing down her cocktail dress.
“You look yummy,” Honor declares, making us all laugh. “Now, are we ready to go to the restaurant? I’m ready for a drink.”
“Yeah, that’s what you’re ready for,” I mutter.
Mum chuckles. “Is there a man on the horizon, Honor?”
“Always.” She grins.
The cab ride is full of laughter and silliness, but a small ache still lingers in my chest as I think of River.
She sent me a bouquet this morning, and a dozen messages wishing me happy birthday from her and her bunkies.
I can’t wait to video chat with her tonight.
One way or another, I’m having birthday sex with the woman of my dreams.
The restaurant is classy, not snobbish. There are a lot of exposed bricks and pipework so it’s modern but not bougie.
It’s my first time here, but Honor told me I absolutely had to have my birthday bash here because it was simply divine.
Her words exactly. Now I’m guessing the hunky barman is the divine part she was referring to.
It doesn’t matter. The place looks great and is packed with all my family and friends.
We’re dressed up, ready for a good meal and a dance.
Honor, who earns a significant amount of money more than me, has hired out the entire place.
I spend at least half an hour greeting everyone and having a quick catch-up. My editor is here, as well as a few colleagues. No doubt he’ll try to get some shoptalk in, but I know Honor will intercept if needed.
“Enjoying yourself?” Honor asks a few hours into the party.
I have to admit I am. “It’s perfect, H. Thank you so much!”
She beams and scoops me into a hug. “The night isn’t over yet.”
I look out the restaurant window. “Honor, it’s still daylight, of course the night’s not over.” I laugh.
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, well, there’s a reason I needed to start the party at such a silly hour.”
I did wonder why my adult birthday party was beginning at four in the afternoon.
“What’s the reason?” I ask, taking a sip of wine.
Honor looks at her watch and smiles brightly. “It’s time,” she declares to the room. Everyone seems to light up and I’m left thoroughly confused. “Come on, birthday girl, follow me.”
Slightly buzzed and floaty, I follow easily behind as Honor leads me outside. The restaurant is on a lovely side street where no cars are allowed.
“Three minutes,” Honor calls.
“What the devil is going on? Why are we standing in the street?”
Mum stands next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders. Honor places herself on the other side and puts her arm around my waist. I look between them both with furrowed eyebrows, as neither is answering my questions.
And then I hear it. Something I can’t possibly be hearing.