Chapter 14
Angel
I hurt. Everywhere. I roll over and groan, blinking my crusted eyes. I reach up and rub them, trying to focus on anything in the room. I can hear talking, but I can’t make out who it is. I shove myself up off the floor anyway. I’m still exhausted, feeling like I haven’t slept in days.
With a yawn, I look down at myself in disgust. Ignoring the ache in my whole body, I walk out of the room and down the hall toward the living room. I realize I’m in Ry’s basement. I’ve been here more than once with Tamsyn.
As I walk into the living room, Rylan, Levi, Tamsyn, and Silas are all sitting on the couch. They look up when I enter, but my eyes stay on Silas’s. He looks away, and my heart instantly shatters inside of me.
“You’re okay,” Tamsyn cries as she rushes toward me, pulling me into a hug. I hug her back when Rylan moves. He walks to the table, grabbing water and some bottles of medicine.
“You need to take these. One is for pain the other is antibiotics.”
“Thanks,” I mumble as I open the bottles and shake the pills into my hand. I toss them into my mouth and then swallow them down with the water as Tamsyn drags me toward the couch. I don’t get that far when Silas reaches out and grabs me around the waist, pulling me onto his lap. Tamsyn just laughs, but I don’t. He doesn’t say a word as he holds onto me, but the others start talking.
They aren’t really talking about anything when Silas leans in closer to me.
“You ready to tell me what the fuck happened?” I don’t miss the slight growl in his tone, either. I shake my head. There’s no way I can tell him what happened to me. What they let happen to me.
“You’re going to tell me,” he adds as I shove out his lap. I spin around, tired of all this shit.
“No, Silas. I’m not. I’m not telling you what happened because I don’t fucking have to!”
“Is that what you think? That you don’t have to?” he stands up, prowling toward me as I step back.
“Oh fuck,” Levi mumbles under his breath.
“That’s exactly what I think! I am so tired of everyone thinking they run my life for me. I’m sick of being told what I’m going to do, when I need to be quiet, who I’m going to marry. I’m so fucking tired of all of it!” I scream louder now. Silas continues his slow prowl toward me with a deadly glint in his eyes. I shouldn’t push him. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t handle this anymore. I feel like I’m breaking apart, and no one can fix me.
“I fucking killed for you, Angel, and I’m going to continue to kill for you to be with me. Isn’t that what you want?” he growls as he looks at me. He’s what? He has to be kidding.
“What? You’re going to continue to kill who?”
“What the hell is going on, Silas?” Rylan asks. Whatever it is Silas is doing, the others don’t know about it. Silas rums his hand through his hair and looks between the two of us.
“I don’t have details to give you. Any of you. What I’m doing is … so far from the fucking rules,” he mumbles, keeping his head down.
“Silas, what the fuck? We’re brothers. Whatever it is, we have your back,” Rylan tells him.
“I know you do, and that’s why this is so fucking hard for me, Rylan. Because I can’t fucking tell you right now.” Rylan nods his head as if he understands.
“Well, you know where the fuck we are when you can,” he reminds him. Rylan walks over and fist-bumps Silas before sitting back down on the couch. I don’t know what to do with myself, so I stand here like a fucking fool.
“As for you, if I have to lock you in that fucking room with nothing to keep you safe, I’ll do it.” Now he’s looking at me. His eyes are on fire, burning straight through me.
“I’m not your pet.” He laughs.
“No, you’re not. You’re so much more than that, aren’t you, Angel?” My insides tremble at his words, a tear sliding down my cheek. He walks closer and cups my face in his hands before licking his lips. “I don’t know what you need from me. I’m not good at this shit, baby. You need to tell me what you need me to do here because, honestly, I thought about choking you to death last night.” This is his way of trying. This is Silas trying to be good to me. Another tear slides down my cheek, and I feel like I can’t breathe.
“I just need you, Silas. I’m sorry. Everything … it just became too much, and I didn’t know what to do.”
“You should have come to me, Angel. To Tamsyn, to any of us for that matter. What the fuck are we here for?” I can see the pain in his eyes. I know I hurt him and I feel so badly about it. Silas pulls me into his arms and holds me against his chest, and everything else just fades away. There’s no past. There’s nothing that can hurt me out there when I’m with him.
When he pulls back, he leads me back over to the couch and sits down, dragging me into his lap. We listen as Tamsyn rambles on about some bitch at school she hates. Rylan threatens to kill her if it will make Tamsyn feel better, and we all laugh.
We stay like this most of the day, just talking and listening to Tamsyn and Rylan bicker back and forth. We laugh and giggle, and it’s like everything else falls into place.
As the sun begins to set, we get hungry and decide to head out to find something to eat. Rylan grabs me a light jacket to put on to cover the bandages on my wrists before we go.
We end up at the local diner having breakfast for dinner. No one seems to mind all that much as they chow down the food. That’s when I see Silas’s eyes narrow and his jaw clench. I glance over to see what it is he’s looking at and notice the mayor. I look back at Silas, but his eyes are hard and set on the man.
“You okay?:” I ask him. He nods his head.
“Fine. You’re staying with me tonight.”
“I don’t want to go home,” I tell him.
“You’re not.” I nod my head, agreeing with him, as we finish our food. After we pay and head outside, we all break up and leave. Silas is silent on the ride back to his house. I don’t like the idea of being there, but he isn’t going to let me go that easily.
We pull into the driveway when he turns to face me, ready to say something.
“What is it?”
“Stay away from my dad,” he says.
“I don’t talk to your dad, Silas.”
“I know and we’re going to keep it that way,” he informs me.
“What’s this about?” He shakes his head, running his hand through his hair.
“You want to talk about things now? Then tell me what the fuck you were thinking when you cut your wrists, Angel.” I take a deep breath and blow it out.
“I was having dinner with my mom and dad. Things got out of hand. I was frustrated and didn’t know what to do. I left and took off walking. My head wasn’t in a good place, Silas. I found myself sitting there just wanting it all to go away,” I admit to him.
“All of what? I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me, baby, and believe me, I want to fix it.”
“It’s not that easy, and I can’t tell you right now. I will, Silas, just not now.” He seems to think that over for a long minute before he nods his head.
“I could force it out of you, but that wouldn’t make me any better than whoever hurt you. I’m just sorry, Angel. Sorry, I wasn’t there before. Sorry, I wasn’t there last night.” I start to reach for him, but he shakes his head and climbs out of the car. I reach for the handle and climb out, following him up the steps and inside. His mom is there, smiling at the two of us.
“Angel! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. How are you?” I force a smile.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Been well. I hope everything is okay,” she says, looking between Silas and me.
“It’s fine. She’s staying here for a few days,” Silas tells her. Her smile is instantly gone.
“What do you mean? That’s against the rules, Silas,” she reminds him. I see the look in his eyes, the one that says he’s going to snap.
“You think I give a shit about the rules?” he asks her.
“You should! You weren’t raised to be this way.” He laughs now, and not a good laugh, either.
“There are no rules in this society. Not anymore. Ask your husband. I’m sure he knows all about breaking the rules,” he seers at her before grabbing my hand and dragging me up the stairs with him. We make it up to his room, and he slams the door behind us. I’ve never been in Silas’s room before, but if I had to guess what it looked like, this would be it. He’s painted the walls a deep red and mostly everything in here is black. I giggle a little because this is exactly how I could picture Silas living.
“What’s so funny?”
“Your room.”
“What about it?”
“It’s exactly what I’d picture for you,” I tell him with a smile. He doesn’t laugh or smile, for that matter, and I know something is bothering him.
“Can I take a shower,” I ask him softly. He nods and grabs a shirt for me out of his dresser before leading me into the bathroom. He starts up the shower and grabs a clean towel from under the sink, setting it on the counter. Then he moves toward me, pulling the jacket down my arms. He doesn’t stop there. He pulls all my clothes off until I’m standing naked in front of him. Then he moves to the wraps on my wrists and pulls them off gently.
“It’s going to hurt getting them wet,” he says, nodding toward them. I don’t say anything, just climb in the shower. I close my eyes and let the warm water hit me as he climbs in behind me. He’s careful not to touch me and I wonder if he’s mad at me. He has every right to be.
I grab the shampoo and wash my hair before grabbing the soap and doing the same to my body. Then, I climb out without a word and wrap myself in a towel.
Not long after I dry off and pull the shirt on, Silas does the same. He slips on a pair of shorts, and we go into the bedroom. He pulls the blankets back and yawns, nodding for me to get in. When I do, I turn to him.
“I know you’re mad,” I tell him.
“Mad? Oh no, Angel. I’m beyond mad. I don’t think you understand the kind of restraint I had to have not to kill you myself last night.” His words send a chill down my spine.
“I’m sorry.”
“We’ve already done this. I’m tired. Let’s just go to sleep.”
“That’s all you want to do?”
“Yeah. That’s all I want to do.”