Chapter 10 #3
Crying to myself, I grab my clean but still wet underwear and pants and re-dress, then sink to a crouch on the floor, burying my face in my knees.
I’m not sure how long I remain that way, cold and wet and so very alone.
But eventually I realize the cell has gone quiet.
A few moments later, I feel the soft brush of a hand over my hair.
“Calli,” X says, his voice soft, gentle. “Do not cry. Do not be upset.” When I don’t respond, he says, even more quietly, “Taujak, please.”
He reaches for me, but I shove his hands away. “Don’t,” I shout. “Don’t touch me!”
He recoils. After a few shaky breaths, I lift my head and see him waiting a few feet away from me. Giving me space because I asked for it. Some of the tight panic in my chest eases.
“What does it mean to you?” I ask. “Taujak? Does it…does it mean I belong to you?”
He tilts his head, regarding me in the dim light. “Yes,” he says.
My heart sinks.
“And I belong to you,” he continues.
“You do?” I ask.
“Of course,” he says, his voice puzzled. “You have not said it yet, but I do hope one day you will call me taujak, too.”
I’m silent for a moment, processing. I didn’t realize this was a claim that went both ways.
“What else does it mean?” I ask.
He’s quiet for a long moment. “It is difficult to explain. Even among my kind it is a…hard idea to understand. The meaning is not the same for every person.”
“Will you try to explain what it means to you, then?”
“It means…” He considers his words. “I enjoy your scent. And the way you look and speak. We are a good match in every way. Our young would be strong.”
Oh. Heat blooms in my face. I knew there was attraction involved in the term, but he makes it sound much deeper and more serious. “And how do you know that I am your taujak?”
“I suspected when I first caught your scent. On the small animal they sent into my room.”
“But you ate the rabbit,” I say, remembering that it seemed like a threat.
“I thought it was a gift from you,” he says. “I wished to show my acceptance.”
“Oh,” I say softly. He ate it even though he considers it dishonorable to consume vermin. That’s heartwarming, in an odd way.
“I wished very badly to meet you so I could know better. And later, when I smelled you on the other side of the door, so close…” He pauses, taking a deep breath and sighing it out again. “So close but I could not reach. It was painful.”
The way he describes it sounds intense. But perhaps he means it’s just a strong physical attraction; maybe that’s normal for his kind.
“Have you had a taujak before?” I ask.
His chest shakes as he laughs. “No. Among my kind, we have only one taujak. It is for a long time. For all our time. Some never find a taujak, but if one does, it is the most important thing.” Perhaps he mistakes my hesitance for confusion, because he continues, “I have… With other females, we have touched and enjoyed spending time together, but none of them were my taujak. None of them were meant to bear my children. Does this make sense?”
My face feels as though it’s on fire at this point. That sounds more intense than I expected, indeed. It sounds like a taujak is much more than an attraction, or even a romantic relationship. It sounds more akin to what we might call a soulmate.
Or…for animals that choose a companion for life, perhaps the word mate is more appropriate.
My head is reeling. But when X reaches for me again, I scoot closer to him. He lifts me up and I wrap my arms around his neck, letting him carry me back to the sleep pod.
Everything feels a little easier to handle once the glass clicks into place and encases us here together. He spoons me from behind as he shifts into his natural form once more, tentacles wrapping around me in a tight cocoon.
I stroke one of his tentacles. He presses his mouth to the top of my head in an approximation of a kiss.
“I’m scared,” I whisper after a few minutes of lying together.
He stiffens immediately. “Do not be. I will protect you.”
“No, X, listen.” I rub slow circles on his tentacle with my thumb, hoping to soothe him. “I believe…they put me in this cell thinking you would eat me. And I’m not sure what they’re going to do to me when they realize their plan failed.”
X growls low in his throat. “I will kill any who try to touch you.”
I smile, but it wilts after a moment. “You might not be able to protect me,” I say. “You know they have a way of putting you to sleep, when they make it too cold for you. They could take me and do whatever they want.”
His snarl fades into a troubled rumble.
“I just want you to know it’s not your fault if it happens,” I tell him.
“And I want you to know that…that I enjoyed my time here with you.” I shut my eyes to push away the threat of tears.
I’ve cried enough; it solves nothing. “I hope one day you’ll escape and return to your home world and your people.
Or at least be free on Earth. I really do. ”
X is silent for a few moments, his tentacles squeezing me, holding me tight against his chest. I’ve gotten so used to their velvety brush against my skin, the flexible but strong way they grip me.
He pulls me close and bows his head so his lips brush the shell of my ear. He murmurs, barely audible, “I have a secret the scientists do not know.”
I stay very still as he whispers to me what might be our only chance of escape.