Never a Dull Moment #8
I dropped food off at the pack house and went to dance in the field I liked here. I had been there for a few hours when Egres stepped out from the shadows. My husband’s Lead Guard advised, “Duchess, maybe talking would help.”
I paused to say, “I have to talk later. I don’t know why…
I asked Haley to set this up. I mean… I do know why.
It needs to happen. I’m just nervous… and the whole thing seems silly.
It’s not like my family tells me their true feelings…
. about most stuff. They get upset. Then they stop talking, then they just… I don’t know it’s silly.”
Egres urged, “Tell them that exactly how you just said it. Tell them how you feel when they do that.” I asked, “Can I really tell them how to process things? Is that fair?” Egres laughed.
I continued, “I’m serious….really… they are just tiptoeing around me.
It’s so…. annoying. They are doing it because they feel bad. ”
Egres reasoned, “Guilt is a hard emotion to get over.” I sighed, “I used their guilt to avoid talking about things… that I didn’t want to.
It was wrong of me.” Egres disagreed, “Not necessarily wrong. You were going through a lot at the time. You didn’t trust them or anyone here except Duke Alexander really. ”
He paused then added, “In my opinion, you were afraid to show all the pieces of you because of all those years your abusers told you he wouldn’t want you. It’s scary to reveal all of yourself to someone else.”
“Especially when you’re afraid you could lose them. You spent a lot of time fearing you’d lose Duke Alexander. It’s not like you took years to tell everyone your secrets anyway. You went through a lot of things that you never should have.”
I shrugged… because the facts… didn’t really make me feel less guilty. I had my reasons, but I’d perpetuated this cycle I now wanted to end. It all seemed really hypocritical today…. and probably tomorrow. My family and I would make progress… then I was the one stepping back.
I went inside to my office and started to read some of the books I’d brought from Faerie. I copied some pages I felt were important and highlighted passages. I used colored tabs for important notations. I had narrowed down the Holloran I believed to be the mate of an O’Toole to five people.
I was thumbing through another book when I stopped my thumb on one page, surprised. There was a small picture of a dragon that caught my eye. I read the passage:
The Princess who comes will join with the promised siblings to liberate the Δρ?κων from the war fought amongst themselves. The Princess who wields the sword of Ormr will be the saving grace of her race.
Only if she is united with her fated mate will she be successful. If she is without him, then all is lost. She will bring outside forces, along with the promised siblings, to save her people. Then Faerie and the Δρ?κων realms will unite once again to bring peace and unity to both.
I read it several times and highlighted it. I set aside my search for Holloran/O’Toole answers and looked for what the sword of Ormr looked like. Someone knocked on my door. I yelled, “In a minute!” I picked up another book as someone came in.
I scented that it wasn’t Xander. So… I knew that much I knew. Freya snorted, “You know who it is.” I did know that. Sierra said, “Mel, I can reschedule your family session, but you did ask for this one. So…” I interrupted, “Just a minute.”
I kept flipping through books. Sierra argued, “You’re already late.” I reasoned, “So a few more minutes won’t matter….” Then I found it. I shouted, “YES!” There was a picture of Ormr here. I frowned as I read the passage.
The sword of Ormr was lost to the Δρ?κων realm.
It’s rumored to have traveled between realms. It’s been centuries since a Fairy, or Dragon, has seen it in person.
It is a useless tool in anyone’s hands except its chosen Princess.
It cannot even make a cut to its opponents if not held by the chosen.
It’s been centuries and no Princess has been chosen.
When found again, the Dragons will be known again.
I grumbled, “Well…. that makes no sense.” I took a picture of what the sword looked like with my phone. It was a gold Kimono sword. When held by its chosen a gold mist could appear and the blade would come out. Until it had its chosen, the blade was not there.
Sierra sighed, “Ok, do I need to get your Xander? I told him I could get you there on my own.” I stood up, saying “I’m going, I’m going… right now even. I do need you to send a message to K. I need to talk to her.”
Sierra replied, “K sent a message the other day that she’d be going dark.” I frowned, “Ok… that’s fine. I’ll tell Xander to tell Hastein to tell her.” Sierra nodded, “You know how K gets though. She’ll reach out when she feels like it.”
I agreed, “I do know that… but now she’s with family and people… also… this is important.” I was certain she was the chosen Princess. That had to be part of why her family sent her here…. right? It had to be so Kingsley could find her mate so she could bring us all back to save them.
I quickly googled Δρ?κων as I walked over to the building Haley’s office was in. It was Greek for Dragon. I linked Xander, “Can you tell Hastein I need to talk to Kingsley? It’s really… like really important.”
Xander answered, “Of course. Do I need my mom to reschedule this group session? It’s ok if you need more time.” I answered, “No… I’m coming.” I started to jog there. I walked in and everyone’s eyes snapped to me.
I muttered, “Sorry I’m late…. I was researching some things… and lost track of time.” Haley quickly said, “It’s fine, Melanie. Go ahead and pick a seat.” I naturally went to the one near Xander and promptly began to pick at my clothes.
Haley cleared her throat, “Alright. We are here to talk through some things at Melanie’s request. I’m just going to mediate the conversation and jump in if things get too tense.” I looked around noting my grandparents were here. Well… on my dad’s side.
Grandma Esther smiled softly at me. Alpha Peter and Luna Chelsea were here too. Dalton, Dakota, Cooper, Paige, Avery, Tristan, Everly, Jason, Addison, EJ, Elise, my parents, and Eric were all here too. There really were a lot of people in here.
Xander reached over and took my hand. He linked me, “We can send some people out. I feel your anxiety, Mel.” I shook my head. Dad asked, “Ladybug, what did you want to discuss?” I frowned reasoning, “I mean… you guys have stuff you want to discuss too.”
Mom threw out, “This is your show, Ladybug.” I groaned, “That’s really annoying.” I clapped a hand over my mouth. Haley urged, “No, don’t shut down. Tell them what is annoying.” Freya encouraged me, “Do it.” It still felt hypocritical.
I went with their advice saying, “You guys don’t really tell me your feelings anymore. We have all these group conversations about things…. involving me… in which you are clearly frustrated. You make a few comments…. then let it go.”
“That can’t be your only feelings about it. You keep saying it’s about my feelings…. But it’s not. You guys have feelings too… and you just shut them down because you feel guilty. Then we make process… and I backtrack it… that has to be frustrating.” Dad opened his mouth and shut it several times.
I looked at Grandpa Ben saying, “You have to have something to say to me. I avoided you…. and didn’t mention when we saw each other because…
. I didn’t want to talk about the Resistance.
It had to hurt your feelings… I know it did.
You’re the only one who has really shown annoyance at this situation. It’s bothering you.”
Grandpa Ben sat forward admitting, “Of course it bothers me, you’re my grandpup. Those bastards had you believing fallacies about our family. You believed I disowned you, and that cuts me deeply. I know it hurts you too.”
“I know you had letters you believed were from me, and I can only imagine what they said. I hate that I was used as a tool to hurt you. I hate that you believed for one second there was anything that could make me not love you.”
“I hate that you were alone and felt abandoned. I hate that you let people hurt you because of it. You were hurting, but Nick and I were right there. You saved us, and we asked you what was going on. You didn’t yell at us or even talk to us.”
“It still flabbergasted to me to this day that of all my grandpups, you wouldn’t talk to me. I hate that I was too weak to keep you there with me. Then you got hurt again, and don’t tell me you didn’t walk into that. I know you did.”
I acknowledged, “I did.” Xander growled but Haley shot him a warning glance.
I said, “Not because of what you think I did it for though. Edward threatened to… slit a pup’s throat if I didn’t comply.
Which was…. out of character for him. I never refused to comply when they told me to go to the punishing field. I thought I deserved it.”
Grandpa Ben growled, “That would never be true. No matter what, Melanie Jane, you should know you never deserved that. I don’t want you to think that for a single second. My heart stopped when Nick lifted your mask off.”
“The thought of you in the kind of danger I know the Resistance gets into, it staggered me knowing you were in it. I’m so proud of you and what you accomplished but it stopped my heart more than a few times. The first time you fired shots, my panic didn’t make sense to me.”
“Now I know it was because Forrest and I instinctually realized that it was our grandpup. You were in danger and somehow, I knew it. On some level, and I think the compulsion stopped me from saying it. I don’t know, but I know that I knew on some level.”