Never a Dull Moment #9
I nodded, because I could understand that.
Grandpa Ben continued, “We missed you every second we were gone. I commented more than once that you not coming home was out of character. Then that damn compulsion made me feel guilty. I thought you were spreading your wings. I thought you were safe and it guts me that nothing could be further from the truth.”
Tristan jumped in, “I’m annoyed at how you treated Peter, Dalton, Dakota, and Jase. I understand what you thought, but it does irritate me that you thought those things about them. I hate that the Ring used them against you.”
He paused, then admitted, “I feel like a failure to you, Jase, and the pack. Jase begged me a few times after his nightmares to look into the Hunter group he was with. I did but I never found that Ashley Griffen or any Werewolf name I recognized was with them.”
“I told our brother more than once that they were just nightmares. In reality, they were real. Jase told me you didn’t even scream that day, Ladybug. He saw them whip you and you didn’t make a sound. It’s part of what his story unbelievable.”
“Because I know that means they hurt you a lot. You’re so stubborn you refused to give them the satisfaction of your screams. Even though you took their abuse because you thought you deserved it. If anything happens to me and you think it’s your fault; you’re wrong.”
“If you think I would, for even one second, want you to be in pain you’re mistaken. I’m insanely proud of what you’ve done with the Resistance. I also hate it and want you out. I’m not alone in knowing how dangerous being in the Resistance is, let alone running it.”
“I don’t like that people want to come at my baby sister.
Nor do I like knowing what would happen if they caught you.
I understand making progress as a family for you to cut it back.
You think you’re too different to move forward, but you’re not.
I hate that you were in the Undergrounds, and I hate that you let people hurt you there. ”
I was wondering when someone was going to say something about the Undergrounds.
Tristan said, “You know better than to think we weren’t going to bring it up eventually, Ladybug.
” I linked Freya, “There has to be some goddess way… to have internal thoughts.” Freya chuckled, “You’re fine. ” No… I was not.
Tristan continued, “You never should have let someone beat you up. Dax gave me the records that Edward kept on your fights.” Oh, crap on a cracker. I could actually feel myself visibly pale. I linked Sierra, “You tell your brother he’s in big trouble.”
Sierra answered, “Umm ok. Why?” I answered, “There is NO REASON… to give my brother the file on my Underground fights that Edward kept.” Sierra gasped, “Dax did not do that.” I replied, “He did… apparently.”
Tristan asked, “Do you know how big the file is?” I looked away before answering, “I imagine it’s quite thick.
Though… it would be the only time anything was documented meticulously…
in that pack… the jerk… they clearly knew how to do it.
Given I started fighting when I was fourteen if it’s accurate… . it’s a long read.”
Tristan said, “It is an in depth read. I also know you could’ve taken every single one of the people you fought without sustaining the damage I’ve read about.
” I whispered, “Well… yes, I could’ve.” Tristan stood, “There were a few times you almost died. Those injuries you took without your wolf, could’ve killed you.
” He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t say anything because Tristan wasn’t going to like my response.
My brother asked, “Why, Ladybug? There were fights where you seemed to limit the hits you took. Then in some fights it was like you wanted to die.” I pursed my lips. Well… this was going with the old adage of be careful what you ask for, I guess.
I told him, “So… in some of those fights… I did want to die. I wanted to be with you, mom, and dad. I’m sure the fight…. you’re probably referring to…. though there could be several… but likely it was a few weeks after I didn’t get a wolf. I thought Jase and I had a conversation we didn’t have.”
I paused then admitted, “I also thought I had one with Alpha Peter…. and Everly too. When I say my friends saved me from a dark place…. I mean it. I drank a lot after being told dad… wasn’t my biological dad…. and that it was my fault you were killed because my biological dad was coming for me.”
“It didn’t make sense… because I wasn’t with him… but that… combined with thinking Xander promised to reject me, was destroying me. What Trevor did to me… in the days following… it just felt like I was shattered into nothing.”
“Then I was told… I’d never meet Kai. Paige called Charles and told him he needed to come.
I didn’t know that… at the time. I pulled back from all of them…
and locked them out of my place in Nashville.
None of them could get to me. Paige used the system…
and accessed Charles’s number. Since he was one of the only people who could’ve gotten into my place. ”
“Charles found me with a loaded gun on my lap… ready to end it all but convinced me not to. He convinced me to get up… and keep living. To change things as the Female Lead Warrior… because it was my plan.”
Xander had a lot of emotions flowing through him while Paige was wiping tears away. They’d known I was close to ending it all. Paige literally saved my life by calling Charles. My parents were sobbing. Tristan was too choked up to keep talking.
Everly spoke, “Sometimes, I think you hate me. Other times I’m confused by that because we have made good progress. Then you told me all the things about my work, and it makes it all more confusing while making me feel like we have a chance to be sisters in law like I hoped.”
I replied, “I don’t hate you.” Everly said, “You barely look at me or talk to me most of the time.” I sighed, “You’re easier to be mad at than everyone else.
I don’t know you… more than I allowed myself to with your work.
Everyone else in here I grew up with…. and considered family.
As mad at them as I was… I still loved them. ”
“I never got the chance to know… or love… you as a sister. I was bitter and angry that you refused to give me that chance. I was angry you wouldn’t let me meet Kai. I know you didn’t do any of those things… it’s just easier to stay mad at you.”
“That’s not fair and I know that. I just…
I’m angry with myself for not realizing you were T’s mate and not Jase’s.
I’m angry I missed your mating ceremony…
. and the birth of my nephew. I missed so much…
and it felt unfair you wouldn’t let me be a part of things…
when I defended and protected you. I also genuinely like your photos…
and bought a lot of them. I, irrationally, wanted to realize it was me…
buying them….which I acknowledge is crazy. ”
Everly leaned forward and grabbed my hand to say, “I’ll never keep Kai or T from you.
I never would have either. If I had been Jase’s mate…
” Addison and Tristan snarled. Everly rolled her eyes and continued, “and I found out he was treating his sister that way; I’d have packed up and gone home to California until he fixed it. ”
“I would not be with someone who was capable of that type of cruelty. I understand we don’t know each other on a personal level. You were spying and talking to a fake me. So, your files and the person talking didn’t match up.”
“I know that hard for you, according to T. I want you to keep showing up and coming to him, like you have been. You think you’re so different, but you’re sliding back into the routine you had. I love that and I think it’s good.”
“I’ll admit I’ve been pissed at you for making my mate and son sad, but for me that slid away knowing the truth. I understand why it’s harder for you. As far as you and me, moving forward maybe we could start with having coffee.” I did like coffee.
Everly laughed, “I know that you like coffee. I’m sure you’re up in time to join me on some sunrise photo sessions. So, coffee and photography. We are both Beta girls after all.” She probably should’ve been the white wolf. Her mom was Beta blood and so was her dad.
Freya linked, “No, you were the perfect choice for me, never doubt that.” Jason whispered, “Was that the only time you thought about killing yourself?” I answered, “No… I thought about it all the time. That was the only time I was about to act on it though.”
Jason sighed, “I’m mad at you, and I don’t want to be.” I admitted, “I know.” Jason snorted, “Of course you do. I’m so mad you thought I’d send you away. I’m mad you thought I could blame you for something any logical person would know wasn’t your fault.”
My brother continued, “I’m pissed that you thought I’d want you hurt in such a way.” I offered, “I didn’t… really… most of the time. I didn’t think you or Alpha Peter knew what Black Path was doing to me… because it’s not what we did at home.”
I explained, “I knew what punishments Alpha Peter passed out for the… well… to quote them ‘crimes’… that were not crimes… would be. I wasn’t a traitor to the pack.
I didn’t think you had any clue what they’d done to me.
I didn’t think that either of you knew Trevor claimed I just didn’t feel the bond because I was wolf less. ”
I admitted, “In fact… I knew you didn’t, because we talked… or the fake you… and when I told him that mom would be ashamed, he tried to force someone one me when I felt no mate bond… he backed off. Which is exactly what I thought you would’ve done.”
I paused then said, “Well… ya know… the fake you. The real you I would’ve expected a Jared to pop you in and you to kick some serious butt… with him… and probably everyone else… but for the fake you... it just confirmed to me you didn’t know what was going on.”