24. Noel
24
Noel
B y the time the meeting with Human Resources wrapped up, Noel was exhausted. He hadn’t even tried to deny John’s accusations or to defend himself. It was all on record, and since Paula had fled the office that day at his request, there were no witnesses who might be willing to fill in the missing parts of that conversation.
John had painted Noel as a bully, as an instigator, stating that he’d come into his position with an agenda. “From the moment he walked into my office,” he’d stated. “I felt threatened in every way. He did everything in his power to make me feel incompetent, unnecessary, and irrelevant. I was willing to let it go, hoping he’d eventually come around and recognize that I wasn’t the enemy, but then he threatened me with physical violence, and I couldn’t just let it roll off my back.” When asked what John thought Noel’s motives were, he said, “I honestly don’t know. I suppose he was intimidated by my seniority and my extensive knowledge of the operations of this company.”
Everything that Noel believed about John. He felt manipulated, gaslighted, and at a complete loss on how to counteract the complaints without sounding guilty as charged.
He did, however, know his rights. He had accepted the written complaint, listened to John’s accusations, endured the incriminating replay of the audio recording of his verbal altercation with John, and had listened in silence to all the potential outcomes that might result from the situation. When they finally gave him the floor, Noel had stated calmly that he wasn’t comfortable offering a rebuttal or signing anything until he’d spoken with a lawyer. He agreed to cooperate with HR’s full investigation under the guidance of an attorney. They offered him the option of discussing his version of things with an HR representative instead, but he felt certain that the odds were stacked against him, and that his fate would be better handled by legal help from outside the company.
John had pushed for Noel’s temporary suspension until the investigation was over. Noel refused to agree to it. They compromised by giving Noel the rest of the week off with pay, and the assurance that it would not go on his personal record as a suspension if the investigation found him innocent. Noel was sure his attorney would have something to say about all of that, but he honestly wasn’t upset about having a few days off to process all of this.
He couldn’t stay at the resort to process, though; Dthat was for sure. Nor did he want to stay in Autumn Lake where he was certain to run into people who were involved in or knew about his current circumstances. It was a small town, after all, and Noel knew all about small towns and how quickly gossip spread in a place where everyone knew everything there was to know about everyone else. But where should he go? He couldn’t go back to Bald Knob, even though he knew Aunt Gigi would be thrilled to have him there for any reason. But he couldn’t face his past with his future up in the air. He certainly couldn’t face Bruno right now, not with the situation with John front and center in his mind. The correlation between the two men was too real, and Noel knew that he was far from the being in the right frame of mind to deal with either one of them.
Fortunately, John had stayed away from the office while Noel collected his belongings, including his laptop and his phone. His heart sank when he saw the cheerful message from Addison that had come in right after he’d been escorted to human resources. What on earth was he supposed to say to her?
When his phone rang just as he was leaving the office and he saw that it was her, he let it go to voice mail. He resisted the powerful urge to call her back and tell her all about his terrible day. There was no way he could explain why he’d reacted to John the way he had without telling her about his past. He would never burden anyone in his life with those dark years living under the monster shadow of Bruno. His childhood could stay in the past where it belonged. It was not part of his future.
Back in his suite, he changed out of his office attire into a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt, intending to head down to the gym where he could let off steam on a treadmill. But as he bent down to tie his trainers, a sense of panic hit him. He couldn’t show his face anywhere right now, not if he knew what was good for him.
They all know you’re incompetent, boy. John’s just the first one to call you out on it. Bruno’s sneering voice sent toxic tendrils of impending doom curling around his heart. His pulse began to race, his scalp prickled, and his hands started shaking so hard that he couldn’t tie his shoe laces.
He recognized the signs for what they were. He was on his way to having a full-blown panic attack.
They didn’t happen often, at least not anymore, but when one struck, it was truly an attack. And no matter how hard he tried to be prepared for them, he was inevitably caught off guard every time. Wave after wave of gripping anxiety forced him to his knees, his breaths coming in short, panting gulps of air. He lifted his arms over his head, hoping the motion would expand his chest cavity and give his lungs more room, but to no avail. Leaning forward until his forehead was pressed into the carpet, he covered his head with his hands and began to pray.
“Oh God, please help me. Please help me,” he gasped out between breaths. “Please.”