Chapter 3
Chapter Three
LET'S MAKE A DEAL
M y first week back at school passed by in a whirlwind. There was so much going on between everyone getting ready for prom and our graduation. By the time the weekend approached, I was in shock. I only had two weeks left before I was saying goodbye to high school forever.
Everyone had their plans to go away for college, but that was never in the cards for me. It would be too complicated for me to be able to stay anywhere but home. My mother didn’t want me out of her sight, and I can’t say I blamed her. The thought of going away for college never really crossed my mind because I knew it wasn’t possible. But when I thought about it, it made me feel unsettled.
If there was one person who I would feel bad leaving on this earth, it would be my mother. That woman had sacrificed her entire life to care for me. At times, I felt like a burden. There were many nights I spent in the hospital, practically on my deathbed, just wishing for it all to be over. And not even for myself—but for her.
I hated the way I dictated her life without even trying to. My medical conditions ruled her life. I literally owed her everything, and sometimes I wondered if I owed her the peace of not having to care for me anymore. Not having to worry about whether or not your child was going to survive. A parent should never have to experience those thoughts and the trauma that comes along with it.
Those thoughts plagued my mind more often than I ever wanted to admit. And the only person I had ever expressed them to was Oliver. He disagreed with every single word I said. There was a part of him that could sympathize and understand where I was coming from, but he didn’t believe it would make anything better. If anything, my mother would feel worse to see my demise.
Thankfully, I had the best team of doctors, with the main one dedicated to finding any way possible to extend my life. Dr. Wyn refused to treat me with palliative care. Instead, he was treating me as if there was a possible cure. After I had my intestinal transplant and there were improvements, that only made him dive deeper into his research.
The sad, hard truth was my chances of being cured, despite their endless efforts, were extremely low. A concrete cure didn’t exist. They could prolong my life, but it was never guaranteed to work, and no one could even say how much time it would buy me.
“Luna,” my mother’s voice called from outside my bedroom door. “Are you ready? Oliver and his parents will be over any minute.”
“I’ll be right down,” I yelled back to her, assuring her I was getting ready. The truth was I hadn’t even put on my dress yet. I had done my makeup, something light and natural that made me appear more human. My stick straight hair was twisted in loose curls, but I knew they wouldn’t last the entire night, thanks to the side effects from my medications.
Staring at myself in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of my door, my eyes scanned over my body. Over the countless scars from numerous surgeries. The small button shaped feeding tube that was in my stomach and the central line tubing curled around on my chest that was tucked under a clear piece of cellophane-looking medical tape. I looked like a typical eighteen-year-old girl in terms of development, but damn, I was still practically skin and bones.
I didn’t know if I wanted to see Ollie right now. It felt weird in a way, and it made me more nervous than I had been in a long time. When he asked me to prom, it surprised me, but I knew if anyone was going to ask, it would be him. He was the only person who’d seen me dressed up before, but I had never dressed up to go somewhere with him as my date.
He would be leaving me at the end of the summer, and the thought broke my heart. I always knew there would come a day where we would go our separate ways, but I still didn’t feel prepared for it. Oliver was the star quarterback on our high school team. He worked his ass off to get a full-ride scholarship to college playing football. The only problem—the college he was going to was six hours away.
Too far for me to ever be able to travel and visit him.
A sigh escaped me as I turned around and walked over to my bed. Grabbing the blush-colored dress, I slipped it over my head and arranged it into place. It hugged the top part of my torso before cascading into flowing chiffon that hung down to the floor. I loved the way that it looked on me, but I hated the way my stomach was doing somersaults.
My phone vibrated from where it was sitting on my bed, and I picked it up as I moved my dress and sat down on the edge of the mattress. My face lit up as I saw my other best friend’s name flash across the screen. Other than Oliver, Giana Cirone was my real best friend.
None of my friends from school came close to our friendship. The only problem—Giana lived hundreds of miles away from me. I met her when we were kids after Dr. Wyn got me into some trial at one of the children’s hospitals in New York. The hospital had one of these really cool saltwater aquariums built into a wall in their lobby.
My brother Eli would take me down there every day, as long as I was feeling well. That was where I first met Giana. She was recovering from myocarditis at the time. After becoming very sick from influenza, she went on to develop inflammation of her heart which required extensive monitoring and treatment. The first time we met, I tried talking to her and I thought she was just ignoring me.
It wasn’t until our third time sitting side by side, watching the tropical fish floating around in the tank, that I found out Giana had suffered from permanent hearing loss. The numerous medications the doctors had her on for her heart left her without the ability to hear. And there was no way to reverse it.
Giana
You better send me pics from tonight. I wish I could be there to see you and Oliver.
I smiled as I read her message to myself. Giana had come to visit enough times that her and Oliver were well acquainted. Other than my mother, she was the only one who had ever questioned mine and Oliver’s friendship.
Luna
I will send you all the pics. I promise. Wish you were here!
Giana
Don’t have too much fun without me! Love you.
Luna
Never. Love you more.
I always wished Giana lived closer. We talked almost daily, but sometimes it just didn’t feel like enough. We normally talked through texts since it was a pain to FaceTime using sign language. My abilities in ASL weren’t as advanced, but I learned how to do it over the years so I could communicate with my best friend.
Without bothering to look in the mirror, I slipped my feet into a pair of silver flats and grabbed my matching silver colored clutch and slid my phone into it before exiting my bedroom. My footsteps were light against the hardwood floor as I walked down the hallway, pausing when I reached the top of the stairs.
I could hear voices from the doorway, and I knew Oliver and his parents were already here. My father’s voice also drifted around, which had my heart soaring. He wasn’t around as much as I wanted him to be, but knowing he was here for this meant the world to me.
Inhaling deeply, my lungs didn’t quite expand like I would have liked them too. My hand landed on the railing, and I slowly began my descent down to the first floor. Tank was at my side, walking with me. As everyone came into my view, I watched the different expressions on their faces and the way they all lit up like the sky on the Fourth of July.
My father was standing beside my mother, his arm wrapped around the tops of her shoulders. He had the biggest grin on his face and his eyes grew wet as I continued to walk down the stairs. My mother’s hands were covering her mouth, tears streaming down the sides of her cheeks. The Harts both looked as happy as my parents and Mrs. Hart even had tears in her eyes.
The last one to meet my gaze was Oliver. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs in a black tux, with a blush-colored tie that matched my dress. His hands were clasped in front of his body, and he looked so grown up—not like the boy who was my best friend. I watched the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed roughly.
His eyes traveled up the length of my dress before settling on mine. Different hues of green burned in his irises, and the corners of his lips began to rise. As I reached the bottom step, he closed the distance between us, his arm outstretched for me. A smile pulled on my lips as I wrapped my arm around his.
“You’re absolutely breathtaking, Luna,” he breathed, his voice soft and gentle, only loud enough for me to hear.
“Look at my baby girl,” my mother cried, and everyone quickly walked over to the two of us. “You look so beautiful.”
My parents and Oliver’s both gushed over the way the two of us looked together. My mother’s gaze kept colliding with mine and every time, it seemed like she cried harder. Today was a big day for both of us. It was a day neither of us thought we’d ever make it to. But here we were.
“Okay!” Mrs. Hart clapped her hands together before motioning toward the front door. “Everyone outside for pictures!”
We were all ushered out onto the front lawn where everyone took their turn taking pictures. There were some captured of me with my parents, and Oliver with his before we got pictures taken of just the two of us together. It wasn’t long before Oliver began to shut his mother down, insisting it was time for us to go.
Oliver bent his arm, offering me his elbow as he turned to face me. “Are you ready, my queen?”
A soft laugh fell from my lips. “Please. I’m nothing more than a mere peasant.”
Oliver tilted his head to the side, his jaw clenching before a smile took over his expression. “Luna. You rule the goddamn universe. There is no one above you.”
His words made my heart sing and just like that, it was difficult for me to breathe again.
“Wait,” I let out in a rush as I slid my arm through his. “I need all of my stuff.”
“Already in the car, Looney Tune,” he replied with a wink.
“Do you ever not think of everything?”
Oliver flashed me his infamous smile, but there was something else lingering behind it. Something in his eyes I couldn’t put my finger on. “Not where you’re concerned.”
Oliver walked me over to the passenger’s side door, pausing as he pulled it open for me. He carefully helped me into my seat, and I looked back up at him, our gazes colliding as we shared a smile between the two of us. Oliver softly closed the door behind me as I situated myself in my seat and put on my seatbelt.
He slid into his seat behind the steering wheel before turning on his car. I glanced out the window once more at both of our families standing together in the front yard. My father stood with his arm wrapped around my mother’s shoulders and the Hart’s were standing in a similar fashion.
I didn’t miss the tears still in my mother’s eyes as I raised my hand to wave at them all before Oliver pulled the car out of the driveway. His hand leaves the shift knob, turning the music up a little bit as we cruised down the road. He made sure to put the air conditioner on low and left the windows up. I didn’t know if he had done it subconsciously or if he knew I wouldn’t want my hair to get messed up, even if the curls were already coming out.
“So, Luna,” Oliver said, his voice cheerful as he pulled onto Main Street, which took us almost directly to the school. “Do you still have that bucket list you said you were working on last year?”
I glanced over at him, nervousness welling inside me as I raised an eyebrow. “Maybe. Why?”
“I still want to see it.”
My breath caught in my throat. Last year I had pneumonia which put me in the hospital. I was going through some older journals I had after I was discharged and found a bucket list I had made when I was younger. It only felt fitting that it needed to be updated, since I had checked some of the boxes and lived past the age, I thought I would make it to.
So, I made a brand-new list—one I was still periodically adding things to. It was a much more practical list, since jumping off a cliff into water was something I’d never be able to do. I had been swimming before, but I always had to be careful to not get any water in my tracheostomy tube. Swimming underwater was something I would never be allowed to do, so that had come off my list.
When I started making my new list, I had confessed to Oliver in a medical drug induced haze I was making one. He asked to see it and I told him I would let him. When I woke up the next morning and the medication had worn off, I realized I could never show it to him. He was my best friend and there were a few things on there I wasn't comfortable showing him.
To be honest, I was more embarrassed than anything about some of them.
“I told you that there are things on there I don’t want you to see,” I said, swallowing roughly before wetting my lips. “There are some private things on there.”
Oliver let out an exasperated sigh, playing the dramatic part he liked to do occasionally. “Fine,” he practically whined while giving me his puppy dog eyes. “Show me the things I’m allowed to see.”
“Why do you want to see it so badly?”
Something shifted in the air, and Oliver’s face fell for a moment before he recovered. “This is our last summer before college. I think it’s time we check some of them off.”
I stared at him for a moment. “Are you anticipating I will die after you leave?”
Oliver’s eyebrows scrunched together, and a wave of pain flashed through his eyes. “Absolutely not. I just want to be the one who does them with you. And I want us to make this the best summer ever.”
My face cracked and I was unable to keep my laughter in. “I’m just kidding, Ollie.” I smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “We both know I’m going to die eventually. Why else would I have a bucket list?”
“You know, I know we joke about it all the time, but sometimes I wish we didn’t have to think about it or talk about it,” he replied, the sadness laced within his quiet words.
“I know,” I whispered, not fully trusting my voice as the emotion welled in my throat. “Reality is an ugly bitch, isn’t she?”
Ollie glanced over at me; his perfectly plump lips pulled in a straight line. “The ugliest.” He fell silent for a moment and directed his gaze back to the road as he pulled the car into the parking lot of the school. There were already a lot of cars here and students were filing into the building.
He found a handicapped parking spot since he knew I wouldn’t let him drop me off at the front door, just for him to have to park toward the back of the lot. My stomach felt like there was a bundle of anxiety bugs crawling around inside as he killed the engine and turned to face me.
“I think that every five years, you should make a new bucket list.”
I turned to look over at him, my eyes trailing across his features, taking in every inch that my mind already had memorized. “Don’t you think every five years is a little generous?”
“Absolutely not,” he retorted, shaking his head at me. “Every five years, you’ll be in a different place in life so you can make a new list that matches where you’re at in life. But you have to check all the boxes on your previous list before you can make a new one.”
“And what if I don’t get to all of them before I meet my five-year mark?”
Different shades of green swirled in Oliver’s irises as he stared back at me like I’m the most difficult person he’d ever met. He knew how I was, though. There was always a little feistiness that lurked around. What else would you expect from someone who had life constantly trying to beat them down?
“I will make sure we always get the boxes checked off, Luna. Don’t you worry about that.”
I tilted my head to the side, curiosity building inside me. “You’re leaving for college in another state this year, Ollie. You can’t predict where you’ll be in your life by then, so you don’t have to be responsible for helping me with every bucket list I have.”
“I will always be in your life. Always and forever, remember?” He said it with such a declaration, like it was never even a question. Always and forever was kind of our thing. When we were young, I made Ollie pinky promise I wouldn’t get hurt when I was learning to ride my bike without training wheels. He promised me always and forever and it just stuck. It was what we did.
The butterflies in my stomach came to life as I held onto his words, and I could feel the heat creeping up my neck. My body practically switched into manual breathing, and I had to remind myself to take a breath every few seconds. Neither of us could predict the future, but hearing those words from him gave me a sense of peace I didn’t realize I needed to hear.
There had always been a fear that once Oliver left for college, it would be the end of our friendship. He would move on to bigger and better things in life and never come back to me. It still wasn’t a guarantee, but I knew Oliver Hart like the back of my frail hand. If he said something, I knew damn well he was going to keep his word.
“So, this summer…” he started, a smile cracking on his face as he raised an eyebrow at me. “You game for making it the best one ever and checking things off your list?”
My breath caught in my throat, but I smiled back at him anyway. “The ones you’re allowed to see.”
“Whatever you say, Looney Tune.” He continued to smile at me as he held his hand out for me to shake. “Do we have a deal?”
I glanced down at his hand, lingering for a moment before my gaze collided with his once more. Sliding my hand into his, we wrapped our fingers around the backs of each other's hands and shook on it.
“Deal.”