Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
UNBLIND DATES
A fter our kiss on the Ferris wheel, things grew a little awkward between Oliver and I, and I couldn't quite put it into words. Maybe awkward wasn’t the proper way to describe it. Things hadn’t exactly changed between us, but I felt the shift. I was more nervous around him than I ever had been. Every intimate moment between us had come as a surprise, I wasn’t sure what to expect from him anymore.
And the last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation with him about it. Ignorance was bliss and in this case, I liked not knowing Oliver’s true feelings. He could be toying with me and that would be okay. As long as I wouldn’t have to humiliate myself by asking him if he liked me.
We weren’t really kids anymore. Talk about an awkward conversation and one that wasn’t warranted. I knew in my heart and soul Oliver would never toy with my feelings or do anything malicious like that.
But I also knew I had to be realistic about it.
There could never be a future for Oliver and I. I was already living on borrowed time. It was a miracle I lived this long. We both knew it, and I knew Oliver deserved more than I would ever be able to give him. He deserved a real future with someone, not just living one moment to the next until the light eventually fizzled out.
This place wasn’t meant for me. I was stamped with an expiration date and my time was running out.
My phone vibrated on my desk next to me and I put my pen down. I stared down at the page in my notebook in front of me. It felt strange writing my own story, but in a way it was therapeutic. My parents had me in therapy when I was younger, but this seemed to work better for me. I didn’t need another person trying to sift through the thoughts in my head.
Putting them on paper made it feel as though none of this were actually happening to me. None of it was real. If I was able to write a story about it, it could make this all feel like it was fiction. Almost as if I were living someone else's life and I was just standing on the outside, watching it all happen.
Oliver
Are you ready to check off another one from your list tonight?
We talked about it when he dropped me off last night. He walked me to my door after the fair and his eyes kept dropping down to my lips. His body language felt off. He clutched my hand like it was his lifeline as he inched closer.
And just when I thought he was going to kiss me, he shifted an inch to the right and kissed my cheek before he opened the front door for me. It confused me, but I tried not to focus on it. Instead, I let the mystery of tonight cloud my thoughts.
Luna
I suppose so. What time should I be ready?
Of course, he didn’t tell me which one he planned for us today, but he made it clear we would be going somewhere. He told me to wear something nice, which didn’t really give me any clue of what was going on.
Oliver
I’ll pick you up in my car around five. Remember to wear something nice, the place is a little fancier than the diner.
I tilted my head to the side, rereading his message over and over again.
Luna
So, we’re going out to eat somewhere…?
I racked my brain, trying to figure out what it would be. He mentioned the diner which made me think of food. I thought if we were going to crash a wedding, he would have told me to wear something super nice. Not just that it’s fancier than the diner. Although, I wasn’t sure and Oliver played a cryptic game.
Oliver
I’m not ruining any surprises, Luna. Just make sure you’re ready.
Through text, it was always hard to tell someone’s tone. The way Oliver’s texts were coming across felt like they were tense. Like there was something off about him. It didn't make sense in my brain.
Luna
What’s wrong?
Life was too short for me to be living from one miscommunication to another. While I might not be one to ask him about his feelings about me, it didn’t mean I was going to let other things go. Oliver knew this, so there was no reason for him to be surprised with my forwardness.
Oliver
Nothing. Just a little tired, so I’m sorry if it seemed like something else.
I reread his message a few times. His response seemed like he was just trying to pacify me. Instead of saying anything back, I let it go, knowing I would have my chance to question him later. Setting my phone down, I picked my pen back up and dove back into my story, letting it distract my mind from the boy next door.
Oliver was already standing inside the foyer with my bags when I began my descent down the stairs. I pulled my hair back into a French twist and pulled a few hairs down to frame my face. My white dress clung to my torso and flowed around my waist, stopping just above my knees. It was a dress I didn’t wear very often because it wasn’t one I always felt comfortable in.
With the plunging neckline, it was impossible to conceal the central line dressing on my chest. Having my hair pulled back gave full access to my trach and made it visible for everyone to see it. I didn’t tend to hide from the public, but I was usually a little more reserved and not as revealing.
When I stood in front of my closet trying to pick a dress, my fingers landed on this one. I pulled it out and held it up, my eyes scanning the material. Something inside me was blossoming. Oliver might make me more nervous than he ever had, but there was something empowering, knowing that I was having a similar effect on him.
He made me feel feminine, he made me feel human.
And it was time I grew more comfortable in the skin I was fitted with.
The smile on my face left as I reached the bottom of the stairs and my gaze collided with Oliver’s. I expected a different response from him, one similar to the way he looked at me when he brought me the world or when we went to prom.
Instead, there was a storm brewing in his eyes. He stared at me, his gaze sweeping over me from head to toe. Inside the storm, there was a fire burning. His jaw clenched and his body was rigid and tense.
My head tilted to the side. “Is there something wrong? Should I change?”
Oliver’s nostrils flared and he tore his gaze from mine. An exasperated sigh escaped him as he ran a frustrated hand through his wavy hair. “Nothing is wrong, Luna. We have to go if we want to be there on time.”
His voice was hoarse and he avoided my gaze as he grabbed my bags from where they were sitting in the foyer. Without another word or a glance in my direction, he disappeared through the front door, leaving me behind with nothing but confusion plaguing my mind.
I called out to my mother to let her know I’d be back later, and clipped Tank’s leash to his collar. Leading him along beside me, I headed out through the front door and pulled it shut behind me. In typical gentlemanly Oliver fashion, he was standing by my door, holding it open. The back door was left open for Tank, too.
A smile touched my lips, but it didn’t reach my eyes. Oliver was still refusing to look at me and his jaw was clenched so tightly, I was afraid his teeth might break. As I reached the back of the car, Tank climbed in and I shut the door before walking to my seat.
“We don’t have to do whatever this is, Ollie,” I told him, my voice soft as I hesitated to climb into his car.
This time, his eyes met mine and he looked at me with pain laced in his irises. “I promised you we would check off your list. We’re doing it, whether I like it or not.”
His words played over in my head as I climbed into the car and he shut the door behind me. Oliver was silent the entire drive into town and when we pulled into the parking lot of one of the fancier steak houses, it suddenly clicked in my mind.
He wasn’t taking me anywhere to be with him. He was bringing me here for the blind date I said I wanted to go on.
Oliver killed the engine, but he move. His knuckles were stark white as he clutched the steering wheel and stared straight ahead through the windshield.
“Your date is waiting inside for you.” He paused, his throat bobbing as he swallowed roughly. “Tell the hostess you’re with the Hart party of two. She’ll take you to him.”
My throat grew thick with emotion and suddenly all of this felt wrong. “You’re not coming in?”
Oliver slowly turned his head to the side to look at me, his eyes slicing to mine. “You don’t need me, Luna. I’ll be out here if you do.”
He was wrong.
So goddamn wrong.
I needed Oliver Hart more than I ever needed anyone in my life. He was my anchor, my lifeline, and I couldn’t help but feel like the rope that tethered us together was beginning to fray.
“Go, Luna,” Oliver practically whispered. His expression morphed into something resembling deep, guttural pain. “You’re going to be late.”
I swallowed hard over the lump lodged in my throat and nodded. I was the one who wanted to do this, and Oliver was simply helping me. Pulling the handle of the door, I pushed it open and let myself out. I grabbed my smaller bag from the backseat and took Tank with me as we left Oliver in the car.
When I walked inside and told the hostess exactly what Oliver had instructed, she smiled brightly and led me to the table. There was a guy sitting at a table and he rose to his feet when he saw me. His eyes were bright blue, his nose perfectly straight and his jawline was sharp. When he smiled and flashed his white teeth, dimples grew in his cheeks.
“You must be Luna,” he said as he greeted me, holding his hand out to shake mine. “Oliver told me a lot about you. I’m Lucas.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “How do you know Oliver?”
“We played football together in a rec league during the summer last year,” he admitted with a smile as he walked over and pulled my chair out for me. He paused and his eyes widened as he took in Tank’s appearance. “That’s a big ass dog.”
A soft laugh fell from my lips and I sat down, motioning for Tank to lay down as Lucas pushed my chair in. “He’s harmless.”
I watched Lucas as he walked around to the other side of the table and took his seat. There was nothing threatening or intimidating about the guy. Under his gaze that was free of any judgment, I suddenly felt self-conscious.
I wish I had brought a sweater to cover up. I wanted to pull my hair free and let it cover part of the stupid tube sticking out of my neck.
“Tell me about yourself, Luna. I was actually surprised to hear from Oliver since we hadn’t seen each other since last summer but when he told me he wanted to set me up on a blind date, I couldn’t resist.”
I shrugged, smiling nervously. “There’s not much to tell. Oliver and I have been checking things off my bucket list before he leaves for college in the fall.”
Lucas’ face fell momentarily and there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t doubt it was from the mention of my bucket list. “Are you going to college or staying home?”
“I’m actually just going to go to the local community college,” I told him, my voice unsteady. “It makes more sense for me to stay home and be closer to my doctors and everything.”
Lucas nodded and smiled, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was an awkwardness between us. I mean, he was a complete stranger, but he was finding out the truth about my life. I knew this blind date wouldn’t go any further than this table at the restaurant and I was completely okay with it.
Lucas looked past me, his eyebrows tugging together as he tilted his head to the side. “Oliver,” he said with confusion. “What’s up, man?”
My heart skipped a beat in my chest and my breath caught in my throat as I turned around to look where Lucas’ gaze was landing. Oliver was less than a foot behind me with that intense storm in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, bro, but this date is over.”
“What do you mean?” Lucas asked him. He fell silent for a moment as Oliver moved toward the side of the table and a knowing look passed across Lucas’ expression. He directed his eyes back to me as he fought back a smile. “It was really nice meeting you, Luna.”
I watched as confusion and excitement danced in my veins as Lucas rose to his feet. Words stuck in my throat and I couldn’t get anything out as I stupidly nodded at him and watched him disappear from my sight.
Oliver sat down in Lucas’ seat.
“What are you doing?” I questioned him, my voice low and slightly harsh. “You can’t just come in and crash my date.”
“The hell I can’t.” He chuckled as he scooted in his chair and picked up the menu. “I set the date up and I decided that it was over.”
A frustrated sigh escaped me. “Well, now we can’t cross it off my list.”
Oliver stared at me, his gaze thoughtful as his eyes slowly searched mine. Something about the way he was looking at me had my stomach doing flips and it suddenly felt like someone turned the heat on in the restaurant.
I watched him as he picked up the cloth napkin and rose to his feet. Oliver walked over to me, stepping behind me. He lifted the napkin to my face and placed it over my eyes before he tied a knot in it around the back of my head.
His hands landed on my shoulders and his breath was warm against my ear as he leaned forward. “You wanted a blind date, so that’s what I’m giving you. You can’t see with the napkin covering your eyes so you’re practically blind. And I’m your date now.”
I fought the urge to pull the fabric away from my face and instead I rode the euphoric feeling of excitement. Using my other senses, I felt Oliver’s hands lift from my shoulders and I listened to him walk back to the other side of the table.
“Did Lucas text you and say he needed you to come end the date?” I asked Oliver as I began to second guess it all. Instinctively, I reached up to touch my throat. “I knew I shouldn’t have worn this dress.”
“Luna, stop it,” Oliver practically growled. His hand wrapped around mine, pulling it back to the table and he held it while he stroked the skin on the back of my hand with his thumb. “You look absolutely stunning. Lucas didn’t say anything to me. I was the one who couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought of knowing someone else was in here occupying your time. I’m selfish, Luna Truly. I don’t want to share you with the rest of the world. I want you all to myself.”
My breath caught in my throat as the air between us grew thick with emotion. His words swirled around in my mind and I couldn’t let them go. They were permanently imprinted into my soul and there was nothing that could ever erase them.
Pulling my hand away from Oliver’s I reached behind my head and undid the knot in the napkin. I removed the fabric from my face and Oliver’s eyes searched mine as I neatly folded it before placing it on the table beside me.
“Why did you take it off?” Oliver questioned me as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “What about your blind date?”
A smile lifted the corners of my lips and I stared back at the boy I loved with my entire heart. “Blind dates are overrated. I prefer unblind dates instead.”
Oliver smiled back at me as he lifted his glass of water in the air. “To unblind dates.”
I clinked my glass against his and an ease settled in my bones. I wanted a blind date to see what it was about, but I never needed any of that. Everything I ever needed was sitting right across from me, and I didn’t want to share him with the rest of the world either.
He wanted me all to himself.
And I would gladly give him every piece of me, including my very last breath.