Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
NOTHING BUT LOVE
“ I can’t believe we’re really doing this,” I said to Ollie in a hushed voice as he helped me out of the car. He was dressed like he belonged, wearing a black suit with a gray dress shirt underneath. His tie was a darker shade of gray that matched the chiffon dress I was wearing. “Who’s wedding is this again?”
Oliver looked down at me with a smirk and shrugged. “Some girl my mom works with at the hospital. I overheard my mother talking about the wedding to my father and how they wouldn’t be able to attend. I managed to grab the invitation to send back before my mom threw it in the trash.”
“What if she told her she wasn’t able to make it to the wedding, though? What if there isn’t actually a place for us?”
Oliver paused outside the door of the church and turned his body to face me. He lifted his hands to cup the sides of my face and stared down into my eyes with those sage green irises of his. “It will all work out, Luna. I sent in the reservation card, so we should be good to go.”
Nervousness danced in my stomach and I smiled up at him. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this. I’ve always wanted to see someone get married before and here we are.”
Ollie brought his lips down to my forehead where they lingered after he pressed his soft mouth to my skin. He pulled away as a small group of people scooted past us. “Shall we, Mrs. Hart?”
My eyes widened and hearing the words sent a warmth through me. My heart beat erratically in my chest. I nodded at him as I attempted to ignore the visceral feeling. He was calling me by his last name as if we were playing the part, as if his mother and father were attending the wedding.
It meant nothing more.
As much as I loved the way it sounded, I would die with the last name I was born with. Marriage wasn't on my bingo card and Oliver would find a nice girl one day to make Mrs. Oliver Hart.
The church was crowded inside. Most of the pews were already occupied and we managed to slide into seats toward the back of the building. It was decorated with delicate lilac and white flowers while an orchestra played a soft melody. There was something beautiful about it and excitement buzzed in the air as the groom stood at the end of the aisle waiting for his bride.
“What are their names?” I asked Oliver in a hushed voice as I leaned over and spoke into his ear.
Ollie chuckled quietly. “Stephen and Alexandra.”
“Do we call them Steve and Alex?”
Ollie shrugged as he leaned back in his seat and wrapped his arm around my shoulders while he pulled me flush against his body. “We’ll figure that out after we listen to some other people talk about them. See how they address them and we’ll go from there.”
“You do know when she sees we’re not your parents, she’ll probably kick us out.”
“It’s her wedding day. I’m sure she doesn’t give a shit who is really here,” Oliver replied in a hushed voice just as the orchestra switched into “Canon in D” by Pachelbel. “Shh, it’s starting.”
I smiled at Oliver, and turned in my seat with his arm still wrapped around me as we watched the bridal party begin their walk down the aisle. Each walked with poise and precision; it was truly a beautiful ceremony. I watched in awe as they all lined up down at the end with the groom.
And then it was time for the bride.
She looked beautiful in her flowing white gown. Her hair was in loose curls, half up and half down as it hung down the center of her back. I remembered her from one of the picnics the Harts had before. She was in her late twenties, so she wasn’t exactly close friends with Oliver’s mom, but I had seen her before.
Everyone in the church rose to their feet, and I watched the groom’s face transform as his bride walked down the aisle toward him. There was a moment of shock, of pure bliss and then it looked as if he was desperately trying to hold back the tears threatening to spring from his eyes.
His face shone brightly and he lit up more than I had ever seen someone before. It was a magical moment and something I had never experienced. You could feel their love radiating over the crowd, situating itself under your skin. Oliver held me tighter as we took our seats.
I listened intently, although it was difficult to make out all the words they were saying from how far back we were sitting. None of that really mattered. Just watching the way their bodies were speaking to one another was more than enough. The entire building was overflowing with joy and love and I was reveling in it all, soaking up every last drop I could catch.
When it was time for the two of them to exchange vows, their voices got even quieter. There was an intimacy that came with giving yourself fully to another person. Vows were sacred, and sometimes the words spoken were only meant for the two souls aligned to absorb.
I wiped tears from my eyes as I was overcome with emotion and watched as the bride did the same as her groom spoke special words just for her.
Oliver rubbed my arm and I looked up at him, my eyes still filled with tears. His expression was soft, his touch gentle and he reached up to catch my tears with the pad of his thumb. Neither of us spoke any words, but we didn't need to. We were at someone else’s wedding, yet it felt like no one around us existed.
The only thing that mattered was Oliver and the way he was looking at me.
His face was bright, full of wonderment and nothing less than adoring. He stared at me like I was the sun shining brightly in his sky and it really settled in my soul.
It was the same way the groom stared at his bride as she walked down the aisle toward him.
With nothing but love…
Everyone around us began to clap while some were hooting and hollering, cheering for the couple as they kissed in front of everyone at the altar. Oliver and I both rose to our feet and clapped along with the rest of the crowd as the newlyweds walked down the aisle and through the front doors of the church.
Oliver and I hung back for a few moments as we waited for some of the other guests to clear out. We filed along with the others as we went through the front door. From what Ollie had told me, the reception was being held at a different location that wasn’t far from here.
We walked back out to his car, both of us floating on a cloud from the euphoric moment of watching a couple unite. It was a short drive to the reception hall and when we walked inside, it took my breath away. It was even more breathtaking than the church had been and was decorated with the same delicate flowers.
“This place is absolutely amazing,” I told Oliver as we walked over to the table with the list of guests and seating chart. Ollie simply looked at me and winked as he slid his hand into mine. He scanned the list and pointed at the number fourteen for the table we were seated at.
“Did you recognize any of the other names on the list?” I asked him in a hushed voice as he led me over to the table. There was only one other couple sitting there when we reached our destination and they didn’t notice us at first.
Oliver shook his head. “I’m fairly certain I don’t know a single person here.”
He smiled at me, and I laughed lightly as he pulled out my chair for me to sit down. We had decided to leave all my medical equipment in the car and it was truly as if we were two completely different people. I also left Tank at home which felt very strange, but there was a part of me that was thoroughly enjoying all of this.
It was like none of my medical conditions mattered. Like I didn’t have an expiration date I was living past. It was as if I was just like every other person in the room, here to celebrate the happy couple without any other worries in this moment.
The night flew by and much to my surprise, no one noticed us. We sat at the table with the other guests where we watched the bridal party make their entrance and start the typical wedding reception routine, including the first dance. I had never been to one before but I watched my fair share of Four Wedding s on TLC. TV sucked in the middle of the day and I spent many days laid up just watching whatever was on at the time.
We were served our meals, and I was grateful that Oliver had selected the fish for me. It was all divine and such a magical evening and experience. As people made their way to the dance floor, I found myself sitting there as a heaviness weighed on my chest.
The bride was in the center, holding up a glass of champagne as she danced around. All of her friends and family surrounded her, dancing around her as they celebrated this moment. Her husband stepped toward her, taking her hand in his as they danced together.
A deep sadness rooted itself in my bones as reality reared her ugly face.
This was a moment I would never experience firsthand…
I would only ever be on the outside looking in.
Oliver’s palm was soft against the exposed skin on my back. He slid his hand across to my shoulder and his breath was warm against my neck as he leaned forward to speak to me.
“Dance with me, Luna.”
I slowly turned around to face him, the tears burning my eyes as I rapidly attempted to blink them away. The sadness was overwhelming and the way Oliver was looking at me sent me over the edge. Without a word, I abruptly rose to my feet and jogged out of the room until I was running through the front doors and out onto the sidewalk.
My chest was tight and my throat constricted as I stopped on the sidewalk and bent over. I inhaled deeply, attempting to suck in any molecule of oxygen I could get, but it didn't help with the suffocating feeling that was consuming me. All of it was too much.
“Luna.” Oliver’s voice came from behind me, but I didn’t lift my head. I didn’t look in his direction. Instead, I closed my eyes tighter and wished I could just vanish into thin air. I didn’t want him to see me like this, on the verge of a mental breakdown, struggling to breathe.
Oliver had seen me in worse condition, but this time was different.
Tonight brought a reality check I wasn’t expecting, and it hit like a ton of bricks to my chest.
“Luna,” he said again, this time his voice was closer and I could feel his presence consuming me. Any oxygen left in the air surrounding me was extinguished by him. He wrapped his hands around the tops of my arms and dropped to his knees in front of me. “What’s going on, love?”
It took every ounce of strength to lift my head and look at Oliver, but I did it. And one look at my face was all he needed to know I was struggling. His throat bobbed and he rose to his feet as I stood up straight. “It’s too much, Ollie. It’s all too fucking much.”
“I’ll take you to the car or go get your bags. You’ll be okay, I’m here.”
“I don’t need my damn bags, Oliver,” I snapped at him, although my voice was hoarse and thick with emotion. It was barely audible with the way I was struggling to breathe.
His eyes searched mine with such desperation, it was heartbreaking. “What’s too much, Luna? Tell me what you need, what can I do?”
“Life is too much, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” My voice cracked around my words and I finally broke, shattering into a million pieces in front of Oliver. “I’ll never have that in there,” I told him as I pointed toward the venue. “I’ll never have any of it.”
Oliver pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me as he held me close. I buried my face in his chest and let my emotions pull me deep within the depths. The waves of sadness and longing crashed around me and the saltiness of my tears mirrored the ocean.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I fisted the back of his suit jacket in my hands. Tears soaked his shirt and sobs tore through my body with such reverence. I spent many years trying to suppress these feelings. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my emotions when I was already a burden on every life I touched.
Yet I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was as if witnessing this wedding made me realize just how fleeting my life really was. All of the times I laid in the hospital, with doctors and my family convinced it was finally time, didn’t come close to how this moment made me feel.
It made me feel extremely hopeless and just fucking heartbroken.
“Luna, love,” Oliver murmured into my hair as he held me close. He slowly stroked my back with his hand and I just wanted to melt into him. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“I’m drowning, Oliver,” I cried against him, my sobs subsiding as I was slowly regaining control over my emotions. “I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m sinking.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around me as he rested his head against mine. “Let me be your life vest. Hold onto me and I’ll never let you sink.”
It was like a weight lifted off my chest. The sadness still lingered. It was festering in my soul, entangling itself in the fibers of my being, but it wasn’t foreign. It became a part of me, it just wasn’t a part I revealed to the rest of the world. Hearing his words, his voice, him holding me close—it felt like I could actually breathe again.
Embarrassment began to creep in as I felt myself coming back down from the strange high of my borderline mental breakdown. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me like that.
“I’m so sorry for that, Ollie,” I murmured against his chest and cringed as I realized just how soaked the material was from my tears. “I don’t know what came over me, but I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
Oliver pulled his head back, just far enough to look at me while he kept his arms around me. “Don’t do that, Luna. Don’t ever minimize your feelings or your emotions. They’re more valid than anything else.” He paused for a moment, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine. “I meant what I said. I promise you I’ll never let you sink.”
“You won’t be able to hold me up forever,” I whispered, not fully trusting my voice. “One day, you’re going to have to let me go…”
“I’ll never let you go. Where you go, I go, love. It’s that simple.”
I tilted my head to the side, tears filling my eyes again. “Where I’m going, you can’t come with me.”
“Well, if you get there before me, then promise me you’ll wait for me to get there too.”
“I promise,” I whispered, smiling up at him through my tears.
Oliver smiled back at me, his face dipping down as he gently pressed his lips to mine. He stole the air from my lungs before breathing life back into me. As he pulled away, a mischievous smirk pulled on his lips. “What about that dance?”
My eyebrows pulled together and I looked around us. We were still standing on the sidewalk in the darkness of the night as the reception continued inside the building behind me. Cars were driving up and down the street behind Oliver with their lights shining through the dark.
“Out here?”
Oliver nodded, his eyes shining brightly at me.
“But there’s no music.”
He reached for my hands and lifted them up to his neck. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and he slid his down to my waist. With our bodies pressed against one another, I rested my head against his chest and listened to the steady sound of his heart beating as he buried his face in my hair.
“Just close your eyes and listen, Luna. The music is all around us and inside of us. You just have to open your heart and let your soul feel it.”
Oliver began to sway back and forth, moving me along with him. I fell in step with his rhythm and together we danced to the music of our own souls. The seed had been planted many years ago and now he was rooted in my soul as the love blossomed between us.
I never knew home could be a person until he burrowed himself deep within my fragile heart.
Oliver Hart was my home.