Chapter Nineteen #2
“Forgiven.” He steps past me to get inside, lightly gripping my hip to keep me steady as he does. “How did it go today?”
I have to stop letting our sexual relationship interfere with our friendship. It’s not fair to either of us.
Words from Tanya’s letter spring to my mind: You deserve all the good things. Grab them and hold on tight.
After everything I’ve been through, I deserve a friendship like the one I have with Micah. And he deserves for me to give him the same effort.
“You know what, it was a good start. I’m actually excited to see her again,” I admit.
He flashes a smile and then marches over to scoop me up into a hug. “That’s amazing. I’m excited for you.”
I squeeze his middle again. “Thank you. And remind me again why I scheduled therapy on the same day we gotta deal with our misfit crew?” I mean, not only will we have to deal with Christian and Evie’s nonsense, but this will also be the first time I’ve seen Ri around Nelle since the wedding.
“Lack of foresight?” he teases.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “They’re gonna drive me to drink.”
By the time Evie and Christian are done bickering and everyone stops holding their breath waiting for Arnold and Amerie to show, I’m on my second glass of wine.
We’ve managed to nail down most everyone’s items:
Evie is going to make all the invites and the signage for the event, which is a huge help.
Jalen is auctioning off private basketball coaching with him.
Rome is auctioning off the chance to be a character in his studio’s next game.
Janelle is partnering with The Dahlia Resort to offer an all-expenses-paid trip for two.
“Okay, Christian, what are you auctioning off?” I say, ready to add his contribution to my Notes app.
A cheesy grin crosses his face and he clears his throat like he has a big reveal. “I’m gonna auction off a date.”
“A date?” Janelle asks.
“Yeah. A date with me.” He holds his head up high and I’m proud of myself for holding back my laughter.
Micah makes eye contact with me across the table and smirks.
Evie scoffs. “Christian, it’s supposed to be something people would like, not a punishment.”
He sucks his teeth. “Play your cards right, and I’ll take you on a date after.”
She gags, and the two of them start going at it again until Janelle cuts in and Jalen puts a calming hand on Evie’s waist.
Micah’s phone pings, and he reads the message out loud. “Ay, Arnold just texted and said him and Ri ain’t coming.”
“Obviously,” Evie interrupts with what I guess she would call a whisper.
“He said he’s gonna auction off a meet-and-greet with the Ravens and Ri is gonna auction off a custom-made dress, though.”
Janelle chews on the inside of her cheek while Rome rolls his eyes.
I’m not surprised Arnold and Amerie didn’t show their faces tonight.
Things between Amerie and the girls are, at their worst, nonexistent, and at best, rocky.
Plus, Micah told me that things got heated between the guys and Arnold in the last Baltimore Collective meeting earlier this week.
Apparently, Arnold brought up the idea of selling one of his buildings to someone whose business practices directly go against what the Baltimore Collective stands for.
Rome let him have it for that one and they hadn’t heard from him since.
I’m not willing to spend any time worrying about the two of them right now, though, so I end the meeting. Christian leaves, but everyone else stays for another drink before heading out.
Micah catches my eyes and winks at me as he goes.
Hours later, my phone ringing shocks me out of my sleep.
“Do you even know what time it is?” I ask once the audio call connects.
“Yeah, it’s eleven o’clock. What are you, ninety-two?” Micah mocks.
Feels like it some days. “Sir, I am a child of the Lord and I’m in the bed rubbin’ my feet together. Is that a problem?”
“What if I was calling to get some ass?”
I sit up in bed. “Get some ass? Who even says that?”
He laughs. “I thought it might resonate with your ninety-two-year-old spirit.”
I force out an exaggerated yawn. “Boohoo. What are you calling Granny for?” If this really were a booty call, he wouldn’t have called.
“Come take a ride with me.” Seconds later, there’s a knock on my door.
Well, shit. I consider pulling the covers over my head and ignoring him but dismiss the thought as quickly as it comes.
I drag my feet over to the door and yank it open. He’s leaning against my doorway, looking like he’s up to no good. He adjusts the skully on his head as he takes me in.
“Take a ride with you? Are you a teenager?”
“Don’t get excited, cougar. My virtue is still intact.”
I snort. “Ha, now that’s a lie.” That virtue was left behind in a cabin in Colorado. I look down at my sleep shorts and thin shirt. “Let me go change.”
We’ve been driving around for thirty minutes. No destination in mind, windows down so the cool air kisses our skin, and Victoria Monét serving as our soundtrack.
I let my eyes fall shut and stick my arm out the window to let it fly with the wind.
“I like seeing you like this.” His voice is quiet at first; it almost blends in with the sounds of the night.
My eyes pop open. “Like what?”
“Relaxed.”
“You tryna say I’m high-strung?” I joke.
He glances over, making me roar with laughter.
“Damn. You never miss an opportunity to get on my fucking neck, huh?”
“It’s not a bad thing.”
I have literally never heard it used in a good way. “Being high-strung isn’t a bad thing? Or you being on my neck isn’t a bad thing? Because you will be sent my medical bills.”
“I’ll get you a special-grade neck brace. And I’m just sayin’, it’s understandable when someone has so much on their shoulders and doesn’t try to pass off any of the weight.”
I playfully roll my eyes, then whisper under my breath. “Can’t a girl just be delusional sometimes?” I turn to him. “I’m gonna go back to relaxing now, so you can shut up.” I poke him in the side of the head before closing my eyes again.
He doesn’t respond, but I hear the music get louder.
It does feel nice to let go sometimes, to exist without the worry of what comes next needling you. I want more of this feeling.
Five minutes later, I let my eyes flutter open. “Hey, Micah?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you still chase the moon?”
He looks up to the sky to find a full moon sitting right above us. His right hand moves over to my thigh, and he squeezes it with a smirk as he slams on the gas.
He doesn’t tell me where we’re going. He doesn’t need to. We know where the moon is taking us. We park by one of the trails at Loch Raven Reservoir and get out to walk around, neither of us feeling any pressure to talk. Words aren’t always needed.
We end up sitting on a large rock by the water and I wonder if this is the same spot from all those years ago. If the surrounding trees and rocks could tell their story, would they remember us? Would they have expected us to end up back here?
Time passes as we pick up smaller rocks nearby, tossing them in the water and listening to the ripples cascading from the impact.
“I haven’t been honest with you,” he says as the water settles.
“Okay,” I say shakily. “Be honest with me now.”
He shifts so that our knees are touching. “You told me what you were willing to give, and I told you I was fine with that. I lied.”
A herd of elephants stampedes through my stomach. If we’re really being honest, I knew from the beginning it wouldn’t be enough for him, but I was willing to take his words at face value to get what I wanted. What kind of person does that make me?
“Or at least I thought I did.”
“You thought?”
“Yeah. I have always wanted more with you. I’ve always wanted the whole picture and this time was no different, so I said what you needed to hear, thinking maybe down the line I could convince you to take a chance on us.
But then when you backed away from me earlier, I thought, damn, she may never get to that point. ”
I hang my head, the familiar tinges of shame creeping up on me.
Micah lifts my chin with his finger, a tender smile on his face. “And that’s when I realized I’m okay with that.”
I shake my head, trying to comprehend his words. “I don’t understand.”
“I realized that having you in my life, in any form, is more important to me than having you in my life in the way I want you. I get that I have bigger feelings about us than I let on, so I would understand if you wanted to cut off the benefits factor of our friendship. It’s you that I can’t lose.”
I freaked out about a kiss on the cheek earlier and here he is telling me that he would stay in the friend-zone forever if it meant he got to keep me in his life. He is unbelievable. “You’re serious?”
“Dead serious,” he confirms.
The Goode doctor is going to have a field day with me next time I see her.
What if I stop calculating my every move and let life happen? At some point life has to be about living and not survival, right?
“I don’t wanna cut off the benefits,” I rush to say.
He chuckles. “Well, okay. Is there more to that?”
“I can’t say that I’m ready to commit to ‘more.’ But I’m done fighting against the possibility. So, what if we just let whatever’s supposed to happen, happen?” I’m tired of turning us into a self-fulfilled prophecy.
“I like that,” he says, holding his pinky up between us. “To whatever comes?”
I lock my pinky with his. “To whatever comes.”
We weave our fingers together and watch the moon illuminate the water before us.