Chapter Twenty
Micah
THE SMELL OF FOOD AND THE SOUND OF MUSIC SEND me hunting for Dani.
When I get to the kitchen, she’s cooking eggs with my T-shirt draped over her body, dancing to “Get Me” by Justin Bieber and Kehlani.
Watching her move is majestic. Every step is the picture of grace. From the way she twirls on her toes when she needs something from the fridge to the way she balances on one leg when she stirs her pan.
Simply put, I’m in awe of her. I walk up and kiss the back of her neck, surprised when she leans in rather than pushing me away.
After our conversation last night, I brought her home so she could pack a bag, and then we made our way back here into my bed. I want the whole Dani package, every piece of her, but I’m not willing to lose her again by pushing my own agenda.
“Since when do you cook breakfast?”
She transfers the eggs onto a plate, turning in my arms and wrapping hers around my neck. “Since I woke up starving after someone burned off all my calories last night.”
I step away from the stove, pulling her with me until we’re swaying with the music. “Hmm, I don’t recall. Maybe you should refresh my memory.”
She leans up to kiss me, moaning as I bite her lower lip. “Mmm, no, no, no. Back it up,” she says as she drops her hands to my stomach to push against it. “The eggs are gonna get cold fucking with you.”
That’s the goal. I go in for one more kiss before holding my hands up in surrender. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”
“Exactly.”
We sit at my kitchen table, eating together and planning our day. It’s impossible not to imagine a future where this is our routine, but I release those thoughts in favor of enjoying the now.
“I don’t know what to do about my video for Tanya,” she says. “All the footage I got from you and everyone else has been amazing, but mine still isn’t coming out right.”
“Yeah, but you’re working on that. Give yourself some grace.” Leave it to Dani to have exactly one therapy session and think she should immediately move past all her mental blocks.
“We don’t have time.” She waves me off. “I mean, we don’t have forever. The gala will be here before we know it.”
We’ve been moving full speed ahead with planning since coming back from Colorado, but we still have plenty of time before the date.
“You will get there. The words are in there.” I place my index finger against her heart. “And when they’re ready to be spoken, you’ll know.” Matters of the heart don’t take kindly to being rushed.
She lets out a deep exhale, her shoulders loosening with every second. “I guess you’re right. I wish I were an artist like you, then I wouldn’t even need words.”
An idea takes root in my mind. “Will you try something with me?”
She nods without hesitation, unleashing a fire inside of me.
I guide her up to my loft and have her sit on a stool. I search through my supplies until I find one of my white paint markers. “Do you trust me?”
She considers me carefully.
I’m waiting with bated breath for her answer until she sets me free.
“I do.”
Thank fuck. “Good. Then—I mean this in the most nonsexual way possible—I need you to strip.”
She folds over herself with a howl of laughter.
Once she strips off my shirt and I grab her bra from my room for her to put on, she’s left in her bra and underwear.
“Now what?” she asks.
Now, I get to work. “Leave it to me.”
I sink to my knees before her and push her legs apart.
Her soft gasp starts a rumble in my chest. There’s no plan in motion when I bring the marker to her skin.
I don’t have a design in my head or even an inkling of an idea.
All I know is I have the quintessential canvas in front of me, so nothing can go wrong.
Her skin bubbles under the first stroke of the marker.
I soothe the goosebumps with my other hand, relishing her softness.
With each swipe, her body relaxes more and more, becoming putty in my hands.
Eventually, I don’t even have to tell her when I need her to stand and when I need her to sit. We set an unspoken rhythm.
Almost on instinct, I start to make the design on her other leg symmetrical, but an invisible force stops my hand midair.
I want to show Dani how I see her. There is beauty in her fearful symmetry.
She has a formidable strength that intimidates the world around her, yet a softness that even she doesn’t see.
She is a host of imperfections that add up to create the perfect picture.
The designs I drew on her other leg were more delicate. Flowers that transform into running water; soft lines that blend into soft curves.
This side is all sharp lines and edges. Lightning that sinks into harsh waves.
The branches on the tree I draw on her stomach extend over her arms, no leaf exactly the same.
When I’m done, I escort her to stand in front of my floor-length mirror.
“Woah,” she heaves.
Leaning down so that my head can rest on her shoulder without messing up the paint, I say, “You don’t need to be an artist when you are living, breathing art.”
She holds her arms out to her sides, inspecting them closely, her mouth agape. “This is incredible. I look incredible. I never wanna take this off.” She even does a full three-sixty in the mirror so she can get a glimpse of the designs all over her back.
“I hear not bathing is in these days,” I joke.
Deservedly so, she slaps my chest. “Shut the fuck up.” Her eyes move back and forth in the mirror, widening every time she notices a different design on her body.
I think I could watch her all day.
She turns to me with a shy smile. “This might be silly, but could you take a picture of me?”
Capture her covered in my art for the rest of my life? I’d love nothing more.
I take out my phone and start snapping pictures. This is when she’s in her element. She comes alive under the camera’s gaze, knowing exactly how she wants to be displayed. She is the muse they write about in history books.
Both of us had plans for the day, but those plans morphed into doing absolutely nothing together and I have not a single complaint about it.
Bailey comes over to hang out, wanting to introduce Dani to some anime, and we get into a debate of what anime should be first. Both of us agree that One Piece has too many episodes to keep Dani’s attention.
Bailey insists on My Hero Academia while I push for Demon Slayer. We put on the trailer for both and let her decide. Bailey is over the moon when Dani sides with her.
“Before we start, can I ask one question?” Bailey begins, her eyes ping-ponging between us.
“What’s up?” Dani responds.
“What the hell is all over you?” Bailey flicks her hand up and down the markings she can see under Dani’s T-shirt and sweat shorts.
Dani stands with her feet wide apart and holds her arms out. “I’m a work of art, baby,” she gloats.
Bailey tries to ask more questions, but Dani simply grabs her hand and leads her to the couch.
While Dani gets to know Deku and his classmates, I check in with Rome via text. I had asked him to help me locate a certain Nigel Pierce and he seems to have found information that will come in handy.
“Is Bakugo ever not yelling?” Dani asks with her lips twisted in a snarl. We’re starting the first episode of season two and so far, all of Dani’s complaints have centered around the character Bakugo and his propensity for anger.
Bailey grimaces with an innocent smile. “Well … no. He has his moments, though! I’m telling you, he’s gonna grow on you,” she claims.
“Are we sure?”
She looks over Bailey’s head at me and I hold my hands in the air. “Hey, I voted for Demon Slayer.”
Bailey grabs the throw pillow beside Dani and whacks me in the side. “Fuck you, this is a good show.”
It is. It’s one of my favorites, but I do love to fuck with Bailey any chance I get.
“And why is this girl’s titties all the way out? She’s like twelve,” Dani says, referring to the character Momo.
Bailey and I look at each other, then back to Dani. “Anime,” we say in unison.
Once our takeout arrives, we decide to eat in the kitchen and give our binge-a-thon a break.
Dani asks how classes at Movement Lab are going and about a girl named Maddy, which ramps Bailey up to gush over the girl’s progress.
“I need to come for a class,” Dani adds.
Bailey claps her hands excitedly. “Yes! You probably should soon because I might be taking a break from the Lab.”
This news makes me rear my head. “Why? What’s going on?”
“I might be going on tour.” She beams.
“No, you’re not.” Shit. I want to take the words back the moment I say them, but Pandora’s box has already been opened.
Bailey gawks at me as Dani whips her head in my direction. It’s as if all the sound in the house was sealed into a vacuum.
“What did you say?” Bailey’s voice is eerily calm.
“I didn’t …”
She holds up her hand. “No. No. Repeat what you said.” Dani starts to chime in, but Bailey cuts her off. “I wanna hear him say it.”
Gripping the back of my neck, I sigh. “I said, ‘No, you’re not.’”
“No, I’m not … what?” she goads.
“Going on tour.”
“Please explain to me how you’ve decided I’m not going on tour. I’d really love to know how, without asking me a single fucking question, you made that decision.”
I wince at the ire in her words. I shouldn’t have said it. I know I shouldn’t have. It was as if the words invaded my body, spewing out their poison before I could regain control.
“I didn’t decide. I shouldn’t have said that. I just meant that touring would be a lot on your body.”
Her eyes lower into slits as her leg bounces up and down. “You don’t think I know that?”
Dani clears her throat. “Okay, let’s take a step back.”
“I don’t wanna take a step back,” Bailey hisses. She points her fingers at me. “I wanna understand why my brother thinks I’m so fucking useless.”
I jump up. “I’ve never said that.”
“It’s how you act!” she shrieks. “You act like I can’t possibly take care of myself. You infantilize me. I tell you news that should be exciting, and instead of being happy for me, congratulating me, or even asking who the fucking tour is with, you immediately tried to shut down the idea.”
My skin feels like thousands of needles. She’s right. I stomped all over her joy before she even had a chance to express it. “I’m sorry,” I offer. It’s not enough, but it’s all I have in this moment.
She scoffs, jerking back from the table to stand. “Fuck you, Micah.” Pushing past me, she grabs her coat and storms out.
When I start to follow her, Dani grabs my arm. “Let her go.”
“I fucked up.” I hang my head.
“You did. I know you want to protect her, but all you’re doing is keeping her trapped. You would be the very first person to say her disease doesn’t define her, right?”
“Of course.”
“So, then why is it that every time you see her, all you do is look for the MS in her?”
Ouch. I don’t think I do that every single time, but I can understand that it comes across that way. I’ve lost so many people in my life, I just don’t know what I’d do if one of them was her.
“I’ll make it right,” I say, more to myself than Dani.
“I know you will.”
When sleep finally comes for me that night, it transports me to the hospital where Bailey received her MS diagnosis.
I’m sitting in the waiting room with my head in my hands.
“You’re better than this.”
I jump at the sound of Tanya’s voice. When I look up, she’s sitting in the chair beside me. “I know I am. I can’t get her disappointed face out of my head.”
“Come with me.”
She leads me through the halls of the hospital, stopping in front of Bailey’s room. At least, I think it’s her room. I rub my hands over my eyes, but I still can’t see her clearly. Everything inside the room is blurry while everything out here is crystal clear.
Tanya brushes past me, and when I turn to follow her, I’m stunned by the sight of everyone I’ve ever lost standing in a row with solemn faces. Tanya doesn’t acknowledge any of them as she walks to stand at the end of the line.
“She’s not us. Stop treating her like she is, or she will move on with her life without you.”
I start to respond when I hear shifting behind me.
I turn around to find the hospital has changed into a stadium and Bailey is on stage dancing her heart out.
I can’t make out anyone else on the stage or in the audience, but I see our parents run over to her after the performance to hug her.
Dani’s there as well. Everyone in Bailey’s life is there except for me.
There’s music playing somewhere, but when I reach out to her, the music cuts and Bailey gives me the look of contempt she gave me when she left my house tonight.
Tanya places her hand on my shoulder. “Do you hear me, Micah?” Her voice sounds so far away even though she’s right beside me.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Do you hear me? I said WAKE UP!”
I jolt awake covered in a layer of sweat. Knowing sleep won’t come back anytime soon, I sit up in my empty bed and pull up the link Dani sent me.