Chapter 21
CELEST
Life is pretty damn wonderful right now. I didn’t understand what I needed, but Flex did. He’s lying on my couch right now with Gracie draped over him, watching Beauty and the Beast for the fourteenth time. The poor man is a saint.
“He’s so mean,” Gracie pouts as the beast roars in Belle’s face.
“You’re so right,” Flex agrees. “He needs some anger management classes.”
“What’s angler mamgent?” She stares up at him with the same adoration I do. It took me long enough to see it, but I am head-over-heels in love with Flex.
He looks at me with the cutest look on his face. “Are you serious? You made the best human.”
“I know.” My eyes well with tears. Seeing Flex and Gracie become thick as thieves is amazing and terrifying at the same time. If I get my heart broken, so will she. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves Flex to bits. Heck, she drops me like a hot potato when he’s around, which is often.
“You don’t need to worry about anger management, little bear. I’ve got you.”
She snuggles in closer, resting her head on his chest as they continue to watch the rest of the movie. I’m overcome with emotion and excuse myself to the kitchen for a few moments. I’ve never seen Gracie with a father-like figure, and it warms my heart to see them together.
I am trying to live in the moment as best I can, but I’ve spent so many years waiting for the next bad thing to come and ruin my life. I’m scared to believe that I may get my happily ever after. That maybe I already have it in this house, right now, with the people I love most in the world.
“Are you okay, darling?” My mom startles me from behind.
I quickly wipe my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m just being silly.”
“Gracie loves him a lot.” Nothing gets past my mom.
“Yep. She’s never had that kind of male influence in the house. I feel so guilty that she doesn’t have a daddy, but I don’t expect Flex to fill that role. This is all new, and I don’t want to scare him away.”
“That boy isn’t going anywhere. Anyone with eyes can see that he’s madly in love with you. Stop living in fear, Celest.”
“How do I tell him about my past? It’s not a time in my life that I’m proud of. I put myself in danger, I was a terrible daughter for years, and then when Gracie came along, I wanted to be a better person for her.”
My mom pulls me into her arms. “You tell him when the time feels right. Until then, just enjoy what you have. You’re a wonderful mother and a daughter I am proud to call mine. Yes, you’ve been through a lot, but look at you now. You have a career, a roof over your head, a daughter who thinks you hung the moon, and a man who wants to love you the way you deserve.
“What if he leaves when I tell him everything? I love him so much.”
“Hey. Sorry to interrupt. Are you okay, pet? You left the room, and I was a little worried.” Flex stands in the doorway, his hair disheveled from Gracie giving him a gully—that’s what Gracie calls giving you a head rub.
My mom makes a quick exit. “I’m going to get Gracie bathed, and then you can watch the last of the movie if she can keep her eyes open.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
The moment my mom is out of the room, Flex takes her place, wrapping his arms around me. “What’s wrong, pet?”
“Nothing. I’m just happy. Happy tears.”
“Why?”
“I just love you, and seeing you with Gracie…” I start crying like an idiot.
He rubs circles on my back, soothing me the way only he can. “She’s my little bear.”
“You don’t have to…”
“I love you, pet, but that has nothing to do with my relationship with Gracie. I don’t love her because I love you. I love her because she’s amazing. I enjoy watching cartoons with her and talking about all kinds of crazy things. She’s freaking adorable.”
His words only make me cry harder.
“Shit. What did I say? I thought you’d be happy. What do you need?”
“I just never thought I would have this with someone.”
“A hug?”
“No.” I squeeze him. “This. Happiness. A man who could love me for me and who could love Gracie. Taking on another man’s child is… fuck. I don’t mean that you’re her dad or anything. Shit. I’m messing this up. Can we just forget the last few minutes didn’t consist of my word vomit?”
He pulls back, pinning me with his steely gaze. “You deserve it all, pet. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes for even a fleeting moment. You’d see the strong, confident, accomplished woman I love.”
I see something outside in my backyard. “What is that?”
“What?”
“I saw something out the window. I think there’s someone or something out there.” My heart is hammering so hard that I feel lightheaded .
“Stay here. Go into Gracie’s room and wait there until I tell you otherwise.”
“Be careful.”
He quietly makes his way out the front door and heads toward his car, I assume to get the gun in his glovebox. I do as he says, grabbing Gracie out of the tub and herd her and my mom into the bedroom.
“What’s going on, Celest?”
“I think I saw someone outside. Flex has gone to check.”
“You don’t think…”
“No. I’m just being paranoid. It’s my default to be suspicious of the smallest things.”
The front door opens, and Flex comes strolling in like it’s no big deal. “No one there. All is good. Could I talk to you for a minute, Celest?”
“Sure.”
“Gracie bear, let Gan Gan dry your hair so we can watch the end of the movie.”
“Yes, Fex.”
Flex rests his hand on the small of my back, guiding me out into the living room.
“I’d like to have a security system with cameras and motion detector lights installed. I don’t like the thought of you being here without me if something were to happen.”
“You said you didn’t see anything though, right?”
“Can I be honest without making you mad?” That doesn’t sound good.
“I can’t promise that.”
“This neighborhood isn’t safe enough for you.”
My heart sinks, not because I disagree with him, but because I do.
“I’m saving for a deposit on a house somewhere nicer for Gracie.”
“Would you let me help you?” His expression is so open and honest.
“We’ve not been together that long. ”
“I’m not telling you to come and live at my place… although I would be totally down for that. I’m saying that I can lend you the rest of the money you need to move. You can repay it as soon as you have it, or you can leave it to me in your will. I don’t care about that stuff, Celest. I genuinely just want for you, Gracie, and your mom to live somewhere that I don’t need to whip my gun out.”
“You love whipping it out.” I need to lighten the moment. This is too much for me right now.
“So much innuendo, Ms. Monroe. You have such a dirty mind.”
“And you love it,” I say with a smile.
“Yes, I do, pet. I love everything about you.” Flex is the first man to ever say that to me, and yet I can’t bask in the glow because he doesn’t know everything about me. Not even close.
“Thank you for the offer, but I can’t accept your money. I need to do this myself.”
“Well, the offer is there if you ever change your mind. And, one day, when you’re ready, we are going to buy a house together.”
My heart skips a beat. “You seem so sure.”
“I am.”
“Kiss me, Master.”
“Demanding little thing. I’ll kiss you after you agree to the security system.”
“Do you think you could hold out if I say no?” I lean in, knowing my perfume gets him riled up.”
“Sorry, pet. Yes or no?” His breathing quickens as he closes the distance, our lips mere millimeters apart.
“Yes, Master.” No matter how self-sufficient I am, I won’t put our safety at risk. It makes me wonder if I should let Flex help me get Gracie out of this neighborhood as soon as possible, but it is a step too far. I gave up control of my own life with Gracie’s sperm donor.
Becoming a submissive gave me back control of my life. It saved me from my demons, and I can’t be financially beholden to Flex because I know it will tear us apart eventually. I would tear us apart.
“Good. I’m going to have Luther come out now and get it set up. ”
“You’re really worried about this.”
“Pet… don’t freak out.”
“Tell me.” Adrenaline courses through my veins, and my knees start to shake.
He rests his hand on my leg, attempting to calm my nerves. “Someone followed me into my parking garage the day I took you out on my motorcycle. I’ve had extra security at my place ever since.”
“Oh my God. Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
“Because I have it under control. There isn’t a square inch of my building that isn’t on camera. Now, someone was in your backyard. I’d be a fool to think it’s not connected in some way.”
“Who would be stalking you?”
“I’ve made plenty of enemies in my time, pet. Like I said, I’ve got it under control. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t prefer to have you stay at my place until I get this figured out.”
“Is it that serious?” I’m afraid. The kind of fear I haven’t let take root in years. The thought of anyone wanting to hurt Flex makes me feel physically sick.
“Probably not, but I don’t want to take any chances. Whatever you decide, I’m going to have round-the-clock security detail on you until I find out who’s doing this.”
“What? No.”
“It wasn’t a question. I’m not having you vulnerable to some idiot who has a vendetta against me.”
“But…” The words die on my lips.
“But what, pet? I need to know that you, Gracie, and your mom are safe. So, which is it? Come to live with me until this is sorted out or have a twenty-four-seven security detail.”
Shit. He’s going to be mad when I tell him.
“Don’t get upset.”
His expression darkens as his brow furrows, and his eyes seem to morph into a storm. “No promises. Spill.”
“I… I’ve been working a second job at night.”
“You’ve what?” he growls.
“When you didn’t want me to ride the subway anymore, I figured I could put off saving for a car for a little while, but I thought it would be good if I could speed up the process and save for a house in a better area.”
“Where have you been working, and what the fuck have you been doing?”
“I took a bartending job… at Viper.”
“You work for Carter! I am going to fucking kill him.” He stands and paces the room.
“Please don’t take it out on him. I begged him not to tell you.”
“Why? You’ve been lying to me.”
“I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.”
“Semantics. How could you put yourself in danger like that? Russell would have told me if he was driving you home. What time are you getting on the subway? One, two, three in the morning? Jesus Christ, Celest.”
“I haven’t been riding the subway. In exchange for keeping my employment from you, Carter insisted that his driver take me home after every shift.”
He breathes an audible sigh of relief. “Don’t ever lie to me again. Do you understand?”
“You don’t own me, Flex.”
“If you didn’t want this kind of reaction, you shouldn’t have signed the goddamn contract. You are mine. I couldn’t lose you, Celest. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you. Or Gracie.”
“You’re not going to lose me. We’re right here.”
“How can I protect you when you don’t tell me something like this? I’ve been sitting at home like a fucking idiot while you’re working a club and no doubt being accosted by drunk morons. If anyone lays a hand on you…” I cut him off before his head explodes.
“Nothing has happened. Carter has security at every turn. I serve drinks. That’s it. I leave at closing time, and his driver brings me home.”
“You no longer work there,” he says with such finality.
“Hold up a minute. You don’t get to decide that for me. I need the money, and the tips are great. I’m not quitting because I bruised your ego.”
“You want a car… I’ll buy you one tomorrow. Need to move away from here… come home with me now.”
“Like it’s that easy. You think you’ll enjoy having a girlfriend, a kid, and your girlfriend’s mother move into your bachelor pad? Our lives don’t look anything alike, Flex. We don’t belong in your world.”
“Then what the fuck are we doing here, Celest. If you don’t think our lives are compatible, then I may as well walk out the fucking door now and call it quits. If this is how you really feel, then why the hell did you sign the contract?”
“Because I love you, and that trumps any reservations I have, but I’m not going to make decisions about my life and our relationship based on fear.”
“That’s cute, pet, but you’re about to go pack a bag for each of you, and you’re coming back to my place tonight.”
“No.”
He strides toward me, anger radiating off him in waves. “This isn’t the time to be bratty, Celest. I’m serious. You’re all coming back to my place tonight while Luther comes to oversee the security system installation. Then, if you’re still pissed tomorrow, you can come back once this place is as secure as Fort Knox and your new security guard has been arranged.”
“Flex.” All of my fight dies when I think as a mother rather than an irate submissive. He’s right, and just because I don’t want to admit it, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still right. Maybe it was just an animal outside tonight, but could I forgive myself if anything happened to Gracie and I had the means to stop it?”
“Fine.”
“Mommy, Mommy! Look!” Gracie is jumping up and down on the couch in Flex’s living room .
“Get down from there right now, Gracie Monroe. We do not jump on the furniture, especially in someone else’s house.”
“Aww, don’t be a buzzkill, Mommy,” Flex quips as he rushes over to the couch. I’m expecting him to lift her off, but instead, he jumps up next to her, bouncing like a five-year-old. “Come join us, Celest. It’s fun!”
“We’re supposed to set a good example for children.” I cross my arms over my chest, intent not to smile. I’m still mad at Flex for our earlier conversation. In truth, he had every right to be annoyed. He has no context for my reaction.
“I am! I’m teaching my Gracie bear to always enjoy life. It’s okay to forget everything else once in a while and just have fun. Come on. Tell her, Gracie!”
“It’s fun, Mommy. Fex is fun!” She gives me that heartfelt smile of hers, and I melt. With my hands on my hips, I move to the couch’s edge, where Flex reaches out his hand. God, he’s handsome and too lovable to stay mad at when he’s making my daughter laugh and love without a care in the world.
Gracie is right. This is fun. It’s such a stark contrast to our humble home. I’ve never seen Gracie so happy, and she’s a happy kid, but there’s something about Flex that makes her—I don’t know—secure. Maybe I’m projecting how he makes me feel.
We jump and laugh, and I feel so much better already. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been this free. I get so caught up I lose my balance, and brace myself for the inevitable tumble to the floor, but it doesn’t come.
Flex’s arm wraps around my waist, catching me before I fall. My heart takes flight as he pulls me tight against his chest before pressing his lips to mine. “You’re so fucking beautiful when you laugh.”
“Mommy, you’re funkin’ beautiful!”
Under any other circumstances, I would be pissed about this because I go out of my way to make sure I don’t curse around Gracie, but it just sounded hilarious. Flex and I burst out laughing, which just makes my three-year-old say it again and again, her little pigtails bobbing as she continues to jump up and down .
When Flex manages to stop laughing, he gets off the couch and stands in front of my tiny terror. Holding his arms out, Gracie launches herself at him with complete confidence that he’ll catch her.
“Gracie bear, I shouldn’t have said a naughty word. Mommy is beautiful.”
“Yay! Funkin’ beautiful!”
It is taking every ounce of self-restraint for Flex to keep a straight face right now. “No, Gracie bear. Just beautiful. That other word isn’t good, and I shouldn’t have said it. That was my fault. It will make your mommy mad at me. Can you help me and not say it anymore?”
“Yes, because I wuv you, Fex.”
“I love you, too, Gracie bear.” He dances with her in one arm, beckoning me to join them with the other. With no music playing, we twirl and laugh like a real family. My eyes well with tears, and Flex is so observant he notices straightaway.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just so lovely to see you with Gracie.”
“Don’t cry. This is just the beginning of our happy memories together, pet. Isn’t that right, Gracie bear?” She squeals in his arms, and I’m pretty sure she just pierced Flex’s eardrum.
He gives her a tight squeeze before setting her down.
“Can you go and check on Gan Gan for me? See if she wants a blankie to sleep tonight.”
“I ask. I ask.” She teeters down the hall to open the guest room door.
Flex cups my face with his hands. “Talk to me, pet. It’s been a long night.”
“I just… we had that fight earlier, and I feel bad. I’m scared that someone wants to hurt you. I’m terrified to want this.”
“Want what?”
“Us. A life for us. You, me, and Gracie. I don’t want her to get her heart broken. I don’t want to get my heart broken.” He presses his lips to mine in a tender kiss and then wraps his arms around me, rubbing calming circles on my back .
“I’m scared too. I don’t want to lose you or Gracie. Do you trust me, pet? As your Dom and boyfriend.”
“Yes.”
“Then relax and know that I will do whatever it takes to keep all of us safe, happy, and together. I know the circumstances suck, but I’m happy you’re here. Within these walls, it’s okay to let yourself be happy, Celest. I know you’ve been hurt in the past, and I hope you’ll open up to me more as time goes on, but I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t leave. I won’t push you away. I’m in this.”
I let out a sigh of relief. Flex gives me the reassurance I needed tonight. We seldom fight, and when we do, it’s baked into me to expect a man to leave or blame me. I breathe him in. What’s left of his cologne gives me comfort as we stand wrapped in each other’s arms.
“I love you, Master.”
“I love you, too, pet.”
The pitter-patter of tiny feet announces Gracie’s return as she wriggles between our legs. “Uppy.”
“You want in on our hug, Gracie bear?”
“Yes. Uppy.”
He sweeps her up with one arm, letting her grab each of us for a group hug. “Time for bed, sweet pea. Shall we go see your room?”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” There’s a little apprehension in her voice, and as much as I want to be alone with Flex, I want to make sure Gracie feels comfortable.
“Of course you can, Gracie bear.”
“It’s fine. I will go sleep with her in her bed. She’s a starfish at night.”
“Nope. You’re with me, pet.”
“She’ll kick you all night long.”
He tickles the bottom of her foot. “These tiny things. I think I’ll survive.”
“Are you sure?”
He steals a kiss. “Yes. Stop worrying. We’re good, aren’t we, little bear?”
“Yes.” She has the cutest smile .
Falling in love with another human being—to connect on every level—is something special. To see that person love your child brings a different dynamic. A deeper love than I ever could’ve imagined.
I’m in love with Flex as a man and a Master, but with every day that passes, I dare to dream that he will become a father to Gracie. Maybe it’s more than I should let myself hope for in this life, but I want it more than anything.
Now, I just have to find a way to tell Flex the truth and pray it doesn’t change his feelings for me.