Chapter 20
CELEST
“Oh my God.” The words slip out before I catch myself. I knew Flex was successful, but his penthouse is next-level filthy rich. Every detail is stunning, reflecting the man himself. On the drive here, I was sure I’d made the wrong decision, but I feel a sudden sense of calm as Flex keeps a tight grip on my hand.
“Welcome to my house. I know it’s a bit cold. To be honest, I don’t spend much time here. Working keeps me busy.”
“It’s beautiful, Master.” It confirms that I was right to be mortified at him seeing my house today.
“ You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Good girl. Learning to accept a compliment.”
“I want to be your good girl, Master.”
“Why? I’m not worthy of you. You’re here with me right now, and that is case in point.” He leads me to the living room. “Can I get you a drink?”
“White wine if you have it.”
“Make yourself at home.” He wanders over to the kitchen in the vast open living space.
I set my raggedy rucksack on the floor and settle myself on his oversized couch. There’s a television the size of a freaking movie screen. Everywhere I look has the highest quality finish. It’s a beautiful penthouse. I don’t have another to compare it to, but I love seeing Flex’s personality.
He says it’s cold, but I disagree. There are pictures of him with friends—his Navy comrades—and he looks so fucking hot in his uniform. I need him to wear that one night in the playroom. I’d be happy to get on my knees and beg.
There are some pictures of him with Dalton, and I assume the woman with them is Dalton’s mom. I knew Flex was close with her, and it has me thinking about his reaction to my mom tonight. He seems so confident, and then a single sentence derailed our evening. I have no right to ask him to explain, but I still hope he’ll talk to me.
Flex hands me a glass, looking at the photograph I’m admiring. “She was a force of nature.”
“I’m sorry.”
“She didn’t deserve the hand she was dealt. She was so kindhearted and treated me like one of her own. When I got back from active duty, she and Dalton were all I had here in New York. They helped me make a life for myself.”
“I could tell you guys were close at the club. You’re always laughing and joking with each other, but then I could walk in another night and see you deep in conversation.”
“He’s my brother in everything but blood.”
“I love that you have someone like that in your life. I don’t know what I’d do without Freya.”
“We’ve all seen how close you two are,” he says as a wicked grin creeps at the corner of his sinfully sexy lips.
“You know what I mean. She and I met at a difficult time for me. She just let me be myself.”
“I get that. Friends are important. We’re friends, right?”
“Isn’t that what our arrangement was based on? Friends with benefits.”
“I want more from you, Celest. I know I have no right to, but I’m not being hyperbolic when I say I love you.” I shift uncomfortably, taking a moment to sip my wine. “I’m not expecting you to say it back so you can relax.”
“Flex, the last man I said those words to… broke me. Beyond repair.”
“Gracie’s dad?”
“Her sperm donor. He doesn’t deserve the title of father, dad, or daddy.”
“Did he know you were pregnant?” He’s the first person to ask that question. Others assume that it didn’t work out after I had her.
“Yes. We weren’t together by the time Gracie was born, and that’s the way I wanted it. She didn’t need him in her life to be a crushing disappointment. I know she isn’t living in the lap of luxury, but she’s safe and loved beyond measure.”
“I think you’re doing a great job. She’s a credit to you.”
“Thanks.” He takes a seat at my side, his thigh brushing mine.
“I’m sorry about earlier.”
“My mom was just being friendly. She’s not trying to marry me off or anything.”
He drains his glass before setting it on the ornate, chunky oak coffee table.
“My parents died when I was twelve, and I got used to life on my own. It was the only way to get through it. I found guys I’d call family when I became a Navy SEAL… guys I would’ve laid down my life for. After you lose one, you start guarding yourself, preparing for the inevitable losses that may follow.”
I rest my hand on his knee, entreating him to keep talking.
“Dalton was the person I would visit when I had leave, and his mom became my surrogate mother. I loved her the way I loved my own. When her health started deteriorating, I knew the pain that would come when she passed. I tried to prepare Dalton, but in the end, nothing can prepare you for that kind of grief. It’s all-consuming.”
“What my mom said… it felt like offering you mom number three?”
“Yeah. I know she was just being nice, but it made me realize that what I’m asking of you is too much. ”
“In what sense?”
“It’s a bait and switch. We agreed on no strings, and now I’m asking you to give me a chance at forever.”
“Forever?” My voice is thick with unshed tears.
“Yes. I know it will take time, and like you said, we need to take things slow for Gracie. I’m fine with that. I just want you to know my intentions.”
“Three months of no sex?”
He slides his hand up into my hair, holding me steady as he leans in, kissing my lips, asking for permission to love me. Every fiber of my being wants him—to let him love me and to love him in return—but I’m terrified. The lifestyle is all that held me together after my ex. I survived him.
“If you sign the contract.” He continues to nip and kiss my lips, his tongue darting out to tease me.
“What if the contract is amended to one month of no sex?”
He smiles against my mouth. “Done.”
“Do you have a copy of it?”
“Of course.” He leaves me wanting more as he jogs down the hallway to I don’t know where. My pulse is racing. It’s one thing talking about a hypothetical relationship contract, especially a twenty-four-seven one, but it’s a different thing entirely to sign on the dotted line for the next three months of my life. I’ve never had a contract longer than that. My previous Dom and I had an agreement of an initial three-month period, followed by rolling month-to-month as desired. Hopefully, Flex is interested in a similar arrangement, and he already knows about Gracie, so it’s not some big secret I have to keep from him.
When he returns with papers and a pen in hand, my stomach does somersaults, giddy at the prospect of being submissive to the notorious Flex Navarro. The moment he sits beside me, he thumbs through the contract to the three-months-no-sex clause. Grabbing the pen, he scrubs out the original timeframe, replaces it with ‘one month,’ and initials it before asking me to do the same. There are two copies—one for each of us. We repeat the process, and Flex hands me a copy .
“Read it, pet.”
“I read the one you gave me.”
“And?”
“And…” I grab the pen from his hand, flip to the back page, sign, and date it. I’m too scared to reread the full thing.
“Did you see the timeframe?”
“You changed it to one month.”
“I changed the no-sex clause. I mean the timeframe for the Dom/sub relationship.”
“No.” I panic. Has it also been amended to one month? It said three originally. I scramble through the pages, but there are no other scored-through terms.
“I changed it before printing it off the other night. That’s why I want you to read it. I won’t hold you to your signature of agreement unless you sign and date both copies.”
“Okay,” I practically whisper.
“Take your time. I’m going to make sure the guest room has everything you need.”
“What? I’m not sleeping in your bed?”
“I didn’t want to assume. I’d much rather have you with me.”
“Then I’m sleeping with you.” A sigh of relief escapes me as he leans down and kisses the top of my head.
“Good.” He still gives me some space to read through the contract again before signing the second copy.
It’s pretty standard. We already downloaded our profiles for the Venom portal, agreed to use safewords and never give or receive punishment in a negative state of mind. I always glide over that, telling myself that every sub has goaded their Dom for punishment at least once. For me, it stops me from getting very negative about myself and restores balance to my headspace.
When I reach the duration, my jaw drops and tears well in my eyes.
Duration of Contract between Felix Warren Navarro and Celest Monroe : In perpetuity .
He can’t be serious. He barely knows me. There is so much I need to explain. I have so many demons to face on a daily basis. And what about Gracie? In perpetuity is a huge commitment. Am I even ready for that? Flex asked me outright tonight if I love him, and I didn’t answer.
I know how I feel, but I have to take other factors into consideration, and I am scared to let him fully into our lives. I’ve steeled myself over the past four years, and I strive every day to keep going and be the best version of myself.
I came here tonight because I wanted to know why his demeanor changed on a dime at dinner. It’s hypocritical of me. I have no intention of telling him my deep, dark secrets anytime soon. Am I really going to let him enter into a contract with me, knowing that I’m holding back so much?
“Have you had a chance to read it through?” His voice is low, gravelly, and sexy as hell.
“Yeah.” I twist the pen in my hand, nervous to have this conversation.
“That didn’t sound like a good ‘yeah.’ Talk to me.” I hate seeing the concerned furrow of his brow.
“In perpetuity? Don’t you think we should learn to walk before we can run?”
He takes a seat, laughing to himself or at me, I’m not sure. “I never thought I’d see the day that I’m the one trying to get a commitment from my submissive. This is the universe’s karma right here.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to commit to you, Flex. There’s a lot you don’t know about me. And a lot I don’t know about you.”
“We’re going to learn as we go. Shouldn’t it always be like that? My mom used to get so excited when we’d be sitting around the dining table, and she’d find out something new about my dad. She said it kept the spice alive. I’m sure she didn’t mean our kind of spice, but they were happy and in love. They were so in love.”
“Can I ask what happened to them? You said at dinner that you don’t have family anymore. If you’re not comfortable, tell me to butt out.” The shadow in his eyes breaks my heart.
“I’ve never told anyone.” His eyes well with tears.
“Dalton?”
“No one.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pry. You don’t have to tell me.” He reaches for my hand, rubbing circles on the back with his thumb. He casts his gaze out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that showcase Manhattan in all her beauty.
“Remember when I told you I joined the Navy because I lost loved ones in the Twin Towers?”
I jam my free hand over my mouth to stop the cry I feel creeping up my throat.
“I lost my mom, dad, and uncle that day.”
“Flex.” I don’t say anything else, completely floored that he trusts me enough to talk to me. He’s been holding this in for decades.
“I lived with my gran for a few years, but she lost both of her sons that day. It broke her. She died a few years later. I saw her age exponentially, living every day with that kind of grief. It was too much.”
“You had to live with so much loss, and you channeled it into serving your country. Flex, that is… you are… incredibly strong.” I steal my hand back and cup his face, lifting his gaze to meet mine, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I am so sorry for your loss.”
“It was a long time ago. I’m okay.”
“Thank you for confiding in me. I know it’s like ripping open an old wound.”
“It never healed. It’s been a gaping, festering wound in my life. I’m fucked up, Celest. I realized today that I’m being selfish asking you to love me. I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t speak like that. You deserve everything good in this life, Flex.”
“She died because of me. It was my fault.”
“What?” I’m confused.
“My mom. She didn’t work in either of the towers. I was hounding my dad about coming to my football game that Friday night. He was running late and forgot his presentation for a big meeting he had that day.”
I sit in stunned silence.
“There was no way he or my uncle could’ve been saved. My dad worked above the point of impact. He was trapped. My uncle was a firefighter. He ran in there hoping to reach my dad… I know it. He knew his chance of walking out of there was slim to none.”
Flex has always been a force to be reckoned with. Always confident and in control of every situation. It makes sense on a deeper level, knowing how much tragedy he’s lived through. I can’t begin to imagine.
He continues as I crawl into his lap. “My mom was never there at that time of day. Sometimes, she would go meet my dad for lunch, but that morning, she changed her plans. I made my dad forget his presentation, and she had to take it to him. She died because I was being an entitled little asshole.”
I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him close as guilt consumes him. “It wasn’t your fault, Flex. There isn’t a person on this earth who could’ve anticipated what happened that day.”
“If I’d just let it go, my mom would still be here.”
“No. I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this around for so long. You are a loving, caring man, and I know, as a mother myself, that your mom wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”
He holds me close, burying his head in my neck. “I never listened to the message they left for me on the answering machine. I couldn’t. My gran listened to it, and she didn’t get out of bed for days. It was too overwhelming.”
“Oh, Flex.” Tears fall unbidden as I attempt to comfort him.
“Every year, on the anniversary, I tell myself I’ll listen to it. To the last words my parents wanted to say to me, but I couldn’t. I can’t.”
“It’s okay. One day, you’ll be ready, and when that day comes, if you want someone by your side, I will be there with you.”
“Really? You don’t think I’m a terrible person? I’m the reason my mom is dead, and I’m too weak to let her speak her final words to me.”
“You’re not weak, Flex. The fact that you get up every morning and breathe in and out is a testament to that.”
“I profess to be a Dominant, and yet I can’t even face the consequences of my actions. You deserve better.”
“Loving someone isn’t about them ‘deserving’ it. Even if it was, you are worthy of love. I love you, Flex.”
“You don’t have to take pity on me.”
“I’m not. You just confided the hardest moment of your life to me. My worries about us seem so insignificant. I’ve been scared to say it out loud. Please know that I’ve felt it for a while now, but I was terrified to want you. To need you. I’ve been on my own for a long time.”
I know I should tell him everything, but I’m the weak one here at this moment. I am a product of my own bad decisions. Flex has endured unbelievable sadness in his life, not because of anything he’s done.
“I’m scared to want you too. What if I hurt you? What if you look me in the eye one day and can’t love me anymore? I’m a fraud. The mighty Dom who doesn’t want commitment or attachments that last longer than three months.”
“We all have our reasons for seeking out this lifestyle, but we’re not defined by it. We’re not bad people, and we’re doing nothing wrong. Rules and boundaries are made on our own terms, and it’s a safe way to connect with others. How could you not want to find a way to control your relationships, romantic or otherwise? You’ve been living with a burden of guilt that shouldn’t have been yours to bear.”
“You don’t hate me for what I’ve done?”
“No. Absolutely not. I mean it when I tell you it wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t deserve you, pet. You shouldn’t sign the contract.”
I pull away, grabbing the pen off the table and signing the second contract. “I love you, Flex. I want to be yours. I want you to be my Master for as long as you want me. ”
He grabs me around the waist, positioning me to straddle him on the couch. His lips crash down on mine, so much emotion poured into this one kiss. Something we’ve done so many times, and yet the gravity of the moment is palpable in the air around us.
“I need you, Celest. I know you just signed the contract for a month of…” I swallow his words as I take his lips with mine and reach between us, unzipping his jeans and freeing his growing erection.
“Let me make love to you, Master.” He groans in reply, reluctantly loosening his grip long enough for me to stand and shimmy out of my jeans and panties. Straddling him once more, I lower myself slowly onto his cock, taking all of him and giving all of me.
“Celest…” My name is a litany of worship as he repeats it, letting me slowly move, setting the pace with reverence to him in return. I love this man with all I have and all that I am, and I’m going to make sure I can become a partner and a submissive worthy of his love.
As our tongues twist and tangle, our souls mesh, and I know I’m going to have to tell him everything, but not tonight. Tonight, I want him to feel my love and know that I’m his .