Chapter 29
“This spot right here.” Luca brushed her finger against the corner of Sarah’s mouth. “It dimples more than the other side. Adorable.”
Sarah commended her for still being able to speak in complete sentences, because she sure couldn’t. “Thanks.”
Luca continued to gaze down into her face, eyes flickering between humble love and concern. Sarah didn’t care. She was so far gone that all she could do was tickle Luca’s chest with her fingertips and wish they could hug again.
This was the nicest she had felt in years.
Perhaps her whole life. How sweet it was to enjoy afterglow like this?
She wanted more kisses. More caresses. More of Luca between her legs, but not necessarily having sex.
Hell, she wanted it all. How many more times could she say she loved her before Luca got tired of hearing it?
“Are you happy, Angel?”
She ran her fingers between Luca’s as she touched her cheek. “Yes. This is the best I’ve felt in a long time.”
“I’m glad.” Luca lowered her lips to Sarah’s forehead. “You know where to find me if you want more of this.”
“And you know where to find me if you want more of this.” She pecked Luca’s lips.
“Indeed, I do. I wouldn’t mind doing this every night for the rest of my life.”
Sarah blushed. “You really love me that much?”
“Do you want me to try to explain it?” Luca said with a soft chuckle. “Because I don’t think that’s possible. I love you, Sarah. I know you have issues you’re working through. So do I. We’ve all got problems. The question is whether we want the other to help us through them.”
Sarah scooted even closer to her. “What do you need help with?”
Sighing, Luca shifted her leg over Sarah’s hip, sharing the last of that erotic heat with her. Now that’s my kind of intimacy. Knowing that Luca could also overcome one of her hangups in the bedroom was worth more than anything.
“I’ve loved and lost. I’ve watched the first woman I thought I really loved fall into a pit I couldn’t help her out of.
My money couldn’t fix it. Not even my love made it better.
I guess I need to know that my love is worth something.
I don’t want to become cold to that part of my heart.
I’ve already gone down that road, and I didn’t like who I almost became. ”
“That so?”
“Yes, Angel. I was veering into that territory right around the time I met you. You reminded me of what I loved so much about, well, love.”
She was too much sometimes!
“I’m not asking you to marry me,” Luca continued. “Or at least not yet. We can cross that bridge when the time feels right.”
Sarah nestled against her chest. “I didn’t think you were.”
“But I want you, Sarah.” Luca stroked her hair with insurmountable tenderness. “I want you to be with me, whatever I end up doing.”
“I love you.” That was all Sarah had – needed – to say. Luca would pick up her intent.
She did. When she kissed the top of Sarah’s head and muttered more loving affirmations, Sarah decided she was perfectly fine with her current lot in life.
So why did it have to end so abruptly?
Neither of them wanted to acknowledge Luca’s ringing phone. Under most circumstances, she would have ignored it this late in the evening. Yet Luca’s eyes opened wide, her body turning toward the phone without thinking, and Sarah knew it was important. More important than her, anyway.
“Blackbourne,” she greeted with a gruff voice. “Uh. Yes. Are you sure?” She rubbed her face with the breadth of her hand. “No. There’s no need for the police. Send her up.”
Sarah sat up. “What’s going on?”
“That was the front desk downstairs.” Sighing, Luca flung back the bed covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. “Jill’s here, and adamant about coming up to see me.”
Shit. This was about what Sarah had done earlier, wasn’t it? So much for her reprieve from the serious amount of embarrassment she suffered now.
“I’m sorry, Angel. I have to see her.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She watched Luca dress in a pair of jeans and one of her fitted T-shirts and sports bras. Should Sarah get dressed as well? What would she even wear? Did it damn well matter?
The door buzzer rang. Luca finished straightening out her T-shirt and went out to meet her ex-wife.
Sarah hopped into the bathroom to freshen up.
By the time she had clothes on and combed out her hair, Jill was already in the living room – her own hair disheveled and her posture tilting back and forth.
Sarah knew she was drunk. That became even more apparent the moment their eyes met.
Bloodshot. Crazed. Every inch of Jill Blackbourne shaking from anger at her ex-wife.
“You!” Her shaking finger wagged in Sarah’s direction. “You fucking bitch!”
Another day, another jilted ex-lover angry at Sarah Clayborn.
“I won’t argue with that,” she muttered.
“Calm down, Jill.” Luca held up her hands but did not dare touch her. “Maybe it’s best for you to wait in the bedroom, Sarah.”
“Yeah, Sarah, go wait in the bedroom for my fucking ex-wife.”
“Jill.” Luca’s voice was sterner than the posture she erected between her ex and her current girlfriend. “Leave her out of this. What do you want?”
“What do I…” Scoffing, Jill threw her hands into the air, sweat pouring off her face. “I want her out of my face, Lu! Tell her to butt the fuck out of my business!”
“I’m sure Sarah won’t be bothering you any longer. We’ve had a long talk about what’s happened today.”
“You talk to her before or after you stuck something in her today?” Jill slung daggers over Luca’s shoulder when she peered in Sarah’s flabbergasted direction.
“All while you continue to drag the family’s name through mud?
What about our son!” She shoved against Luca’s shoulders so hard that she had to take two steps back to balance herself.
What the fuck? Sarah had never seen that look on Luca’s face before. It wasn’t fear – not for herself, anyway. But it was utter disbelief and the realization that she needed to steel herself in case Jill really flew off the handle.
Sarah wouldn’t let it get that far.
“What is this really about?” she asked Jill. “Are you jealous? You had your chance with her. You blew it. Even I can take responsibility for what I’ve done.”
Jill opened her mouth to spew vitriol toward Sarah. Except that was when Luca intervened, gingerly placing her hands on Jill’s shoulders and steadying her where she stood. “You’re drunk, Jill.”
Her demeanor instantly changed. Gone was the anger, the storm brewing behind two bloodshot eyes screaming for revenge.
When Luca showed her that level of empathy, she cracked like a fragile egg teetering on the edge of the kitchen counter.
All it took was that touch. A touch that was probably so nostalgic to this sick woman that she crumbled for a lack of anything else to do.
“I’m sorry…” She hiccupped behind her hand, tears staining the corners of her bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry. I am.”
Luca patted her back. She took the opportunity to hug her, but not for affection.
Did I do that? Had Sarah’s actions made Jill drink for the first time in years?
No. No, don’t blame yourself. The way Luca handled her ex-wife implied that she had been off the wagon for a long while now.
Her illness ran that deeply, didn’t it? Even with the promises of custody and money, she still battled whatever demons plagued her since even before meeting her ex-wife.
Luca’s demeanor was so practiced that she instinctively knew what to do.
What to say. Who to call. When Jill slumped down on the couch, she dropped her sober facade. Defeat clouded her eyes.
Perhaps Sarah shouldn’t blame herself, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was responsible for triggering Jill into a bender. At least her son wasn’t around to see it.
“You’re right,” she repeated, burying her face in her hands and holding back more tears. “You’re both right.”
Luca was on the phone, trying to secure safety for her ex-wife. Sarah was the only one to hear Jill say anything. “About what?”
She glanced away. “About Victor. It’s not right. Luca should…”
“Luca should make sure you get home safely and that you’re not alone tonight.” She put her phone away and offered her hand to Jill. “Just got off the phone with your sponsor. She’s on her way here to take you home. She says she can stay the night at your place.”
Shame claimed Jill’s face. “Oh, no…”
“Hang tight, Jill.” Luca always knew how to talk to someone beating themselves up, didn’t she?
That was the voice of a woman who could turn on or off depending on the amount of self-destruction blowing up around her.
That’s the voice of a woman who is going to run herself ragged taking care of everyone if she’s not careful.
That was it, wasn’t it? That was how Sarah could best contribute to this relationship.
Luca needed someone who saw this love inside of her and helped her delegate it.
Not hold it inside, but delegate it. She couldn’t spread herself so thin that she had no love left.
What had she said about coming dangerously close to hardening her heart and refusing to love again?
Yet Sarah was the one who had prevented that, simply by existing as her fucked up self?
The fact remained that Luca was inexplicably attracted to women hellbent on self-destruction.
It couldn’t be explained. Her empathy saw something beautiful within them.
Not because they were a little more fucked up than the average woman, but because they showed so much bravery in the face of adversity, and she was attracted to women who weren’t afraid to embrace their bravery.
Even if that bravery often got them into trouble. Like sucking all the empathy and love out of her, like some parasite hellbent on destroying her before moving on to the next woman.