The Attraction

Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

HARPER

R em sent me a message this morning to say that he has been in contact with Ashton, and everything is still fine in Chicago, so there is nothing to be concerned about. That he or Sandon will be in touch if needed. It’s always in the back of my mind, but Forrest seems to be overtaking the majority of my thoughts these days. And that’s a far better use of my energy.

It’s been two days since I had my first session with Cherie, and something is shifting in me. I feel like I’ve been sleeping better, although I don’t really know for sure. The only way I can tell is the way I feel when I wake up in the morning. The last two mornings I may have woken up a little stiff and sore, but I didn’t feel the heaviness of the other mornings since all this started again.

Sadly, I know it’s not because Forrest has been sneaking into bed with me that I feel better, so it has to be Cherie. I’m going back in tonight for another session, but this time I know what to expect, so I’ll be taking the ibuprofen before I even go.

Thinking about the breakfasts I have been eating the last few days, I’m sure the exercise will actually help my waistline. Normally I’m not a sweet breakfast person, but the blueberry pancakes yesterday were to die for, and then this morning, I actually laughed out loud as I opened his note and then looked down at the clear plastic container it was attached to that was full of fresh fruit salad. Picking it up and rereading the card now makes me smile again as I run today’s green ribbon through my fingers.

Morning, tutti frutti.

I can hear you complaining about your clothes not fitting you.

This should help.

Forrest x

PS I still stand by my statement, clothes are optional in my apartment.

I never understood the use of a fidget toy, but the soothing I get from running the ribbon each day through my fingers, it reminds me of when we used to lie together and I would run Forrest’s hair through my fingers too. I’m sure he didn’t send them to me for that reason, but it’s an added bonus.

This morning, I gave in and asked Flynn how Forrest was, and all I got was “ he’s doing okay,” and then he changed the subject really quickly. That tells me that he is functioning like I am, putting one foot in front of the other, but he’s not off jumping up and down in joy that he got rid of me. I hope after tonight’s session with Cherie, that maybe on the weekend, I can reach out and ask him to meet up with me so we can talk. In a public place because I know if we meet in his apartment, there is no way I won’t end up in his bed again, and that’s not healthy for either of us.

I have demons to bury and healthy patterns to build before I fall into old habits which would just lead to hurt for myself and others around me. And I know I need to talk to Felisha, and my family too, and let them in on how I have been feeling and the pain I have carried for so long. Felisha knows a lot but not everything, but my poor family have no idea.

When I stormed out of Forrest’s apartment, I had no idea how much I would miss him. But looking back, it was probably the best thing for both of us because it forced me to face my feelings and really sit with them. I knew I was falling in love with Forrest, but walking away made me understand that there was no falling anymore. I’m in love with him, and it’s not the awful thing I have always thought it would be. And by feeling a different kind of hurt from love, I’m sure it will make me a better person. One who will deal with things I had locked up for life, which was a mistake, because although I wasn’t feeling them on a day-to-day basis, I hadn’t dealt with them either.

My office door opens, and Felisha walks in looking focused on whatever is on her phone and talking into her earpiece at the same time which tells me I’m needed, and I can’t sit here and daydream all day. It makes me smile because I have never been someone to sit still, let alone daydream. Life is changing, and I just hope it’s for the better.

FORREST

Looking in the mirror in my hotel room after finishing my shower, I can see all the bruises coming out, and the one on my cheek also has my eye on that side going a little purple. I’m sure it’ll go down really well when they guys see me tonight when I land in London.

Thankfully Nic is sending the company plane to get me from Chicago, so I don’t have to fly back commercial looking like I have been in a bar fight. It’s 4am here, but my flight is leaving at 6am, and I’ll miss a day this time with the time change flying home. Arriving in London at 9pm, the jet lag is going to be a killer, but I’d rather that and be home in my own apartment and only five minutes away from Harper.

The detectives on Chester’s case came to the hotel yesterday and ran through everything they needed from me, and Ashton organized for a lawyer friend of his to be present. Not that I need one, but we want to make sure that nothing is done to jeopardize the case from our end. They informed me that Chester had faced the judge that morning and has been refused bail, as it is his second offence and the evidence they found on his computer was so damning for the case against him. Although I was still sore, I slept well last night knowing he was no longer on the streets. And that I was allowed to leave the country and fly home was an even bigger relief.

I check the dressing on my stitches, and they look good. No sign of infection which is what they were worried about, because who knows where that knife had been. The tip only just broke the skin, leaving a laceration about an inch long. Every time I look at it, I know it could’ve been a lot worse. And let’s just say, that’s the last time I plan on taking on a guy with a knife.

Slipping my shirt on over my bruised torso, I button it up and head out of the bathroom, turning off the light and collecting my phone and luggage. As I walk out of the hotel room and hear the click of the door behind me, it’s like I’m closing the Chicago chapter of this story, and it feels good.

* * *

As the plane touches down at Heathrow Airport, I sigh with relief to be back on UK soil, which is a weird feeling for me since I’ve flown all over the world, but right now, I just want to be home.

I slide into the back of the car that Flynn made sure was at the airport to pick me up and call my parents.

“Hi, Mum.” I try not to let the emotion I’m feeling creep into my voice.

“Forrest, what a surprise, lovely to hear from you.” I can hear her smile in her excited tone.

“Thanks, I know I haven’t called for a few weeks. Life got a little crazy.” And that’s the understatement of the day.

“That’s okay, my boy. How have you been?” Oh, Mum, what a loaded question that is.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Mum. How are you and Dad?” I ask, smiling to myself because I know what I’m about to get as a reply, and that’s exactly what I need tonight. To just feel normal and be that little boy who felt safe in the arms of his mum. I put myself in a dangerous place, and although I would do it all over again, it’s nice to just be worrying about my father’s bowel habits tonight. God, I can’t believe I just thought that.

“I’m really glad you took him to the doctors like I asked. I’m sure he is feeling so much better now.” I try not to laugh at my mother’s sigh as she agrees that a doctor was better than her diagnosis off the internet.

“How is our beautiful Harper, is she right there beside you?” Mum’s voice picks up an octave as she gets excited that she might get to speak to her. And my chest tightens because I wish I could answer yes.

“No, unfortunately. She needed some time to work on herself so has moved in with Flynn and Felisha for a little while.” It’s like someone is pushing on my chest, saying the words out loud.

“Oh, love, I’m sorry. You two are so good together. Do you need me to talk to her? Because I can, you know, woman to woman,” Mum says with all the conviction that she can fix this for me, and I can’t help but laugh now.

“No, Mum, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Well, I hope you haven’t given up. I hope you are fighting for her, making her see how you feel.” I can imagine my mother standing in front of Harper right now being my greatest cheerleader, because that’s what all good mums do.

“I’m trying, Mum, throwing my whole body into it.” Literally.

“Good. Well, I’m sure she will see it soon. She’s a smart girl, that one, and she deserves someone sweet like you.”

I’m not sure Harper will ever see me as sweet, but I’ll take that from my mum.

“Thanks, Mum. Say hi to Dad for me, and I’ll see you both soon. Love you both.”

“Love you too, Son, good night.”

Sitting with my phone in my lap, I’m left understanding how hard it must be for Harper not to be able to just talk to her father whenever she likes. Missing a parent is hard, and I think the last few days I have learned to appreciate my parents even more than I did before. Life’s short, don’t take it for granted.

Pulling into the underground parking of my apartment building, I see Flynn’s car in one of the visitor’s spots, and I let out a groan.

“Great,” I mumble as I get out of the car and grab my luggage from the driver.

Swiping my card in the elevator to take me up to my floor, I lean back against the wall and let my head fall backwards.

“May as well get this over and done with. I don’t know why I’m surprised really, I should’ve expected it,” I say out loud to myself.

Stopping outside my front door, I take a deep breath—well, as deep as I can with bruised ribs—and slip my key into the lock.

The moment I push the door open, I hear his voice.

“You’re lucky you are already injured, otherwise I would be first in line to punch you for being such a dickhead.” He marches toward me as I leave my bags in the foyer.

“Glad to see you too, Brother,” is all I get out before he wraps his arms around me and takes the wind out of me. I know it’s a hug full of love and fear, but he could’ve waited a few days for that one.

“Arggghhh, asshole,” I let out as he squeezes me tightly.

“Good, I’m glad it hurt.” He steps back with a smile on his face, while I’m still trying to get a breath in. “You deserve that.”

“Flynn, don’t be a dick.” Nic comes up behind him and whacks him on the shoulder as he passes him, stepping toward me. “Good to see you in one piece.” His hug is much gentler and just a typical half hug between two guys.

Rem’s hug is much the same as Nic’s. “We will have words later about this, but right now, I’m just glad you are okay and that it turned out the way you hoped it would. Ashton tells me I should hire you as part of my team.”

“Fuck no, you can have that GI Joe shit all to yourself.” Looking around the room at the three men who are so important to me, I’m suddenly feeling eternally grateful.

I don’t know what is happening to me tonight, but I have turned into some mushy emotional man. But I guess risking your life will do that to a man.

“Thanks for all the support and watching over Harper while I was gone. I promise I won’t put you through anything like that again.” I take a seat on the couch and watch them all follow.

Flynn is starting to relax a little now. “As much as I was angry at you, I have to hand it to you, what you did took balls, and the way you handled that knife was impressive. When Ashton sent through the video to prove you were alive, I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch it, but you know me, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, let’s just say, if that video makes the internet, then at least I won’t have to worry about our parents seeing my white ass all over their screen like when your sex tape with Felisha got leaked.” And this brings a roar of laughter into the room.

We continue to talk about what happened and where to go from here with security and telling Harper. And although I thought it would be hard to get on to the same time zone again, I start yawning sitting here talking. But there is something I’m desperate to know from Flynn. So, when everyone sees I need sleep and they stand to leave, I reach out and grab Flynn’s arm and ask him to stay back for a minute.

After saying my goodbyes to Rem and Nic, I turn back to Flynn, and he has the stupid smirk on his face like knows what is about to happen.

“Don’t be a bastard and leave me hanging. Is she okay, has she asked about me, did she suspect anything was going on, how is she sleeping?” The words start spilling out of me in my desperation to know about Harper.

“Whoa there, one thing at a time. Firstly, she’s alright and as to be expected after a breakup. She has her moments where she is quiet and wants to be on her own, but she has thrown herself into work and we have hardly seen her. She has no idea that you left the country, although thanks for making that an awkward thing for me. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I also didn’t want to get the blame for telling her accidentally. You owe me for that one.” He points at me to reinforce his point, and I’m sure I will be paying for that favor for a long time yet.

“And who said you were hopeless with secrets?” I reply, and Flynn just smiles as he gives me the middle finger.

“Harper and I made a deal on the first day that we wouldn’t talk about you, so it didn’t make things awkward, and she lasted three days, so I’d say that was pretty impressive.” He has no idea what relief that brings me.

“Oh, she’s stubborn, so I’m actually surprised she gave in that quickly, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.” I laugh at how it must have killed her to come to Flynn and ask. She would have been kicking herself over it.

“But man, you warned me, but I had no idea what that woman goes through on a nightly basis with her nightmares. It almost ripped my heart out and she is just a friend.” The look on his face tells me what I wanted to know. They are still happening, and she is struggling.

“Shit, how bad was it? Is it every night, what was she crying out?” I’m sitting on the edge of the couch now, and there is no way I’ll be sleeping anytime soon thinking of her over in Flynn’s apartment living through another nightmare.

“You. She was calling out your name, and she was distressed that she couldn’t find you, crying and then hugging herself hard. I wanted to call you that first night, but Felisha wouldn’t let me. Told me that we had to respect Harper’s choice to deal with this on her own.” I can see how it affected him, and I understand. It’s not fun to watch her in pain.

“Did you talk to her about it in the morning, or did she seem to remember it?” I ask.

“No, she just carried on like nothing happened, and that’s the weird part. Is this what has been happening since she heard about that scum Chester?” He wants to understand as much as he can about what happens for her.

“Yes, apparently she had these dreams back when her father was killed, but through therapy, she got rid of them. And then when she found out about Chester, they came back with a vengeance. It rips my heart out every time, but the first night I heard her, I went into her room and held her. She calmed down, and the nightmares disappeared whenever she was in my arms. And the next morning she would wake up so much better, but completely oblivious that I had been in her bed the night before. And I can assure you it didn’t go well the night she found out, but we worked through that.”

I run my hands through my hair and look at him. “It was my greatest fear when she left my apartment, knowing it meant she was going to be on her own at nights when it happened. But I had to push that agony from my head when I got on the plane to Chicago. I told myself that the few nights would be worth it if I could take the fear away completely.”

“I understand why you did it, but you should have told me. I would’ve gone with you. That’s what brothers do.” Flynn looks sad knowing I didn’t confide in him.

“You are looking at it the wrong way. I needed you here, that was more important to me than anything. I trusted you to keep Harper safe, and I knew you wouldn’t let me down. You protected the woman I love, and that means the world to me, Flynn. If something had happened to her, then it wouldn’t have mattered if he killed me because I would have been dead inside anyway.” And that’s the honest truth.

I can see it all piecing together for Flynn now, that the trust I placed in him was like giving him my world. This time it was me leaning on him, not the other way around.

We both stood, and this time it was me who hugged him as tight as I could without hurting myself, trying to show him what he means to me.

Once I was finally alone, showered, and crawling into my bed, I buried my head into my pillow. I can still faintly smell Harper’s perfume, and it finally feels like home.

Now I just need to work out how to get her body back here too so I’m not just here never washing my bedsheets again so I can sleep with her scent around me.

I know I should be waiting for Harper to come to me, but I can’t wait that long. She deserves to know what happened, and I need to be the one to tell her, before she hears it from someone else.

Tomorrow is the day whether she is ready or not, and I’m going to need every bit of strength to get through it. But it will be worth it.

I hope.

HARPER

When I woke this morning, I felt exhausted.

Last night was a lot!

Cherie had me delving back into my abandonment issues with my father. I’ve never admitted to anyone how angry I was at him for not fighting for us. Love is fighting for those that mean the most to you in this world, and by running away, I didn’t feel like he did that. It had my brain twisted around that I was not worthy of his love, and that’s what I’ve carried for so long. It has distorted my whole opinion of relationships. I didn’t want to feel that kind of hurt again, and in my mind, if I let a man get close to me, then he too would discover I was not worth loving and leave as well.

It was a lot to unpack, and I spent two hours with her after work just moving through the pain and emotions. I know how that impacted the way I acted in my life, never getting attached to anyone, and how I pushed poor Forrest away so he couldn’t hurt me. The truth is it was me who hurt him, and I feel guilty for that. So, by the time I got home, I just wanted to go to bed, and luckily, Flynn wasn’t home, and Felisha was still working in her home office. I just showered and fell into bed without eating dinner, knowing I would be in trouble, and the thought of Forrest finding out actually made me feel bad, which then made me smile. He would be ecstatic knowing that he has buried himself in my subconscious about eating regularly.

Waking this morning, my stomach is rumbling and hungry. My first thought for the day is what will Forrest send me for breakfast today?

Picking up my phone to turn off my alarm, I almost drop it when I see there is a message from Forrest.

My finger hovers over the button to open it for a split second, but I know I have been waiting for this from the moment I walked away from him. A sign that he is willing to fight for us. Well, at least I hope that’s what it is.

Forrest: The delivery address for this morning’s breakfast has changed. The courier told me that apparently your office is being renovated, so I offered the use of my apartment—temporarily, of course. He will be delivering it at 8am if you would like to see what today’s package is, and of course, the color of the ribbon.

I sit up in bed so quickly, and my head is racing with all the rationalization of what I should reply. I should say no because it’s too soon, but that’s not what I really want. I’m supposed to be giving myself time to sort out my emotions before we have this talk, but to be honest, I was already thinking about reaching out to him in a day or so anyway. But if I say yes, we shouldn’t meet at the apartment, I know that’s a bad idea, yet I’m not sure I want anyone else listening to me as I pour out to Forrest all the craziness that’s been in my mind for so long.

“Ugghhh, why does he always push me to make hard decisions?” I whine out loud.

I type my reply and delete it three times because I can’t decide what to say. Finally, I settle on honesty, with no hiding behind comedy.

Harper: I want to see you as well. Just to talk, because that’s all it can be right now. So, if I come to your apartment, I need you to promise that we keep it at that. It’s important to me.

His reply bounces back straight away.

Forrest: I agree and totally understand. I just need to see you and tell you something. I promise this can be whatever you want it to be. Please give us this chance to just sit and work through what we both need to, over a pretty great breakfast if I do say so myself.

He always has a way of making me laugh at his cheesiness that I never expected from a man like Forrest, but it really does suit him.

Harper: Deal, but only if that breakfast comes wrapped in a ribbon. I’ve got high standards, you know.

Forrest: As you should. Never accept anything less than those standards.

Oh, Forrest, I’m not. I’ve learned that now. It’s why I’ve been waiting for a man like you. I didn’t realize it until you snuck up on me and raised the bar on the kind of man I need. So, it’s your fault I can’t accept anything less now.

Harper: Agreed. See you at eight.

Forrest: You still have a key. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.

“Shit, I need to get in the shower. There is no way I’m turning up there looking anything less than irresistible.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed, laughing out loud because that is not what I should be thinking, but who am I kidding. I want him to want me, even if he can’t have me today.

“He needs to walk away hungry after breakfast.” Looking at myself in the mirror, I know this bedhead and creased face will not even come close to making that happen.

I might be learning a lot about myself, but that doesn’t mean I have changed. This girl still needs to feel desired by my man.

My man.

Oooh, I like the sound of that.

Felisha and Flynn had left for the office when I finally emerged from getting ready for my breakfast date. No, I can’t think that, it’s a breakfast meeting, and that’s all it’s going to be.

I can’t believe it’s already Friday. This week has been a blur, and so much has happened. Standing at the door to Forrest’s apartment, it makes me feel a little sick to my stomach remembering the way I left here Monday morning. I didn’t handle that well, but I’m working on it now, and that’s what’s important.

I run my thumb over the key in my hand. It feels strange to be walking into Forrest’s apartment, as it’s not my home anymore. But to be honest, as much as it was starting to feel like it, it never truly was. In my mind I was always just a visitor for a short time. If this goes the way I hope it will, then next time I live with Forrest, it’s with the intention of forever, and that is a very big step for me to admit.

Turning the key and pushing the door open, I leave my security guy outside and step into the familiar safe place this apartment is for me. That hasn’t changed. I always felt at peace here with him. Even though I didn’t understand that at the time, I see it clearly now.

The smell of breakfast is wafting from the kitchen, and I can hear him busy making sure everything is ready for me. He must know that I’m already here, but I think we are both probably taking the few seconds we need to lock in the self-control that will be needed to get through this morning.

My stomach is full of butterflies which is better than the sick kind of nerves that were sitting there a few moments ago. I’m excited to see him, and that’s a good thing. I just pray that Forrest feels the same.

As I start walking from the foyer toward the kitchen, his back is to me as he is at the coffee machine waiting for it to finish preparing the cup of caffeine for me that he knows how much I’m craving.

His hands are both clutching the side of the counter, and his arms locked straight has the muscles in his shoulders tensing, and it’s a very welcome sight for me to be reminded of what that body looks like under that shirt that is straining over his back. Mmm, now that looks like a perfect breakfast, and I haven’t even seen the food yet.

“Morning, firecracker,” he calls over his shoulder, and I can’t help but laugh because that’s probably a fair name for me.

“Couldn’t help yourself, could you. Although every breakfast order this week has started with a pet name, so why would today be any different. So what color is my ribbon today?” I ask with a smile on my face.

“White,” he answers as I take the last few steps needed to be behind him. He slowly turns around, and I almost die as I take one look at him.

“Forrest, oh my God, what happened to your face?” I gasp, and every rule I had given myself before I walked through the door of no touching is totally thrown out the window as my hands are on him, stroking the bruises.

Both of us are breathing that little bit quicker having our bodies so close. It’s that same reaction I have every time he comes near me, and I can see I still affect him too.

“Umm, yeah, that’s what we need to talk about. Can we eat first?” He looks down at me sheepishly.

“Not a fucking chance, start talking right now,” I demand.

Why do I have a feeling that the use of firecracker was because he knew what was about to come?

Just once could my life be boring and stop throwing me curve balls? Surely that’s not too much to ask.