Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
HARPER
T hat sick feeling I had outside the front door is back again. It’s like every time I take a step forward, there is something pulling me back.
“Are you okay, who hurt you, when did this happen, why didn’t you call me, why didn’t anyone tell me? Fucking Flynn, I’ll kill him. I hate secrets. Secrets get people killed.” My panic is raging, and the words all come out at lightning speed as Forrest leads me to the couch, and I don’t stop him when he sits and pulls me down on his lap. I actually need to be close to him right now, to be touching him.
“Aghh.” He tries to grunt quietly, but I hear it, and I know that the bruising is not just on his face.
I go to start rambling again, but he places his finger on my lips. “Shhhh, take a breath. I’m okay. It will all be okay.” He strokes his hand up and down my back like he does when I’m upset. It’s so calming and puts me in a place where I can slow down my brain from racing so erratically.
He is looking at me with so much happiness in his eyes, even though he is in pain.
“Please, Forrest, I need to know,” I beg him to start talking.
“I know, beautiful, and I’ll tell you everything, but you need to promise to hear me out right until the end. Can you do that?”
“Who are you kidding, of course not, but I promise to try. Now stop stalling.” I place my hand on his face again, and he sinks into the softness and closes his eyes for just a moment, then slowly opens them and starts to talk.
“I’m just going to rip the band-aid off and tell you the overview, then we can work through what has happened this week.” His words tell me I’m not going to like this, but I guess I already knew that. Giving him a slight nod, he continues.
“On Monday, I flew to Chicago…” My body immediately goes rigid, and I open my mouth, but he shakes his head at me, and I just glare at him as he continues. “…with a plan to confront Chester, to provoke him enough that he would fight me so I could get him locked up again. It worked, he’s in jail, and you’re safe now.”
The words are spinning in my head, and I’m trying to get them to make sense.
“What, how, I—” I can’t talk. I want to scream at him, but I can’t actually put a sentence together.
“I know you are going to be furious with me, and I understand that, but I had to do something. I couldn’t let you live in constant fear. And if you wouldn’t let me protect you, then I had to do something to take away the threat. He had started searching more extensively about not just you but your family and bought a fake passport, so time was running out. I can’t lose you. So, yell and scream at me all you want, throw something if you have to. Do whatever you need to do, to let out your emotions, but please, don’t leave. I’m begging you to let me tell you everything.” His arms tighten around me like he is holding on to me just in case I run, and as angry as I feel right now, I can’t hurt him again, not after what he has just done for me and my family.
“Oh, I want to scream, loud and like a crazy woman, but that will come later. But right now, I have so many questions I actually don’t know where to start. For the first time in my life, I’m struggling for words.”
Forrest starts laughing a little until I can tell it hurts him.
“Your ribs?” I ask, worrying what injuries he has.
“Yeah, they are bruised, but I also have some stitches from a small laceration on my side from his knife.” I can see he is bracing for what is coming.
“Knife? What the fuck, Forrest, he had a knife?! You could have been killed.” Tears spring to my eyes as he reaches up and takes my face between his hands.
“But I wasn’t. I’m here, I’m fine, it’s over. I need you to know I wasn’t letting you walk away from me without a fight. I told you I’d let you go, but it was only temporary. Because I knew what I had to do. I fought for you, Harper. I will always fight for you, do you hear me?”
Tears are now streaming down my face, and I can’t stop them. “Why?” is all I can say, and really, it is one word that covers so many questions, but the main one that is bursting from me now is, “I’m not worth fighting for.”
“Oh, baby, I will fight for you no matter what… I will fight for you because I love you, Harper. A love for you that took me by surprise but now lives inside me with such strength that I can’t deny it even if I wanted to, which I don’t. And as much as I tried to show you so you wouldn’t panic, now you need to hear the words. You don’t need to say anything, but you do need to feel it deep down. I’m not going anywhere, and I can wait as long as you need. But Harper, you are it for me, and I just hope that I’m enough to be that person for you too.”
The dam breaks, and I fall into his arms, sobbing on his shoulder. It’s like he can see all the turmoil that I have lived with for so long and in his own way is taking each piece of it and putting me back together. I don’t know how long I cry for, but I try to pull my emotions under control by focusing on his breathing. It’s slow and calm, telling me the words he just expressed have not freaked him out in any way. He truly feels love for me and he is not scared of that.
What more could I ask for in a man?
Matching my breathing to his gives me the ability to talk a little more rationally.
“I have so much I planned on telling you too, but it all seems to pale in comparison to your bombshell, which will take time for me to unpack, that’s for sure.” Sitting up again, I face him because I never want to forget this moment.
“No matter how much I tried to deny this, or run away from the enormity of it, your love for me was so big that it pulled me in too. I was scared of it hurting me or being the reason that I couldn’t do this, yet your love was the opposite. It gave me the strength to take steps I should have taken years ago. All because I wanted to continue to feel more of that love. I wanted to be a woman worthy of that love, and I needed to step back to see if I could be.” The smile creeping up his face is like a ray of sunshine.
“But you wouldn’t let me forget you. Making sure I couldn’t stop thinking about you every morning, being your bossy self, making sure I ate, and driving me nuts with your names. Then as I laid my head down at night, longing for you to hold me so I wasn’t scared. It was then I knew you were so far under my skin that I liked it, and I wasn’t ready to let you go. So, I have been seeing Cherie who has been helping me work through some things, and she not so politely told me I was an idiot if I let you go, but I had already worked that out.” Reaching closer because I can’t stay away anymore, I gently kiss his forehead and look deep into his eyes.
“I love you too, Forrest, and I know I have more work to do on myself, but you’re mine too, and like you, I will fight anyone who tries to take you from me. Apparently being a bit possessive is the new me.”
“Nothing new about that,” Forrest mumbles, and we both laugh.
“Oh, just shut up and kiss me, will you. That way I can say breaking my rules of no touching or kissing was all your fault.” Not moving my head even a fraction, I wait for him to come to me.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.”
The moment our lips touch is like the world shifts and everything falls into perfect alignment again.
“My heart has been aching for you.” Forrest pulls back slightly as he whispers these words and then pushes his hand into my hair and takes me with a kiss that is all about reminding me that my heart aches for him too.
As much as I want this and so much more, I push away and leave us both panting, and his eyes are full of that lust that I love so much.
“I want this, oh God, how I want this, but I promised myself I wouldn’t, and I need to stay true to that. It’s part of my healing that I need to take this slow. I can’t just jump straight back to where we were. Plus, I don’t want to fuck you when I’m still so pissed off with you. Don’t think I have forgotten what you said, and we are about to discuss that further.”
“Beautiful, I told you I’ll wait. The fact you are still thinking about fucking me is enough for me right now. Because to be honest, I’m not sure I’m in the best shape for that today. Let me just hold you. I need that just as much as you do.” And it’s the hint of vulnerability in his voice that does me in.
“It looks like we have both been on an emotional roller coaster this week, and we have a lot to discuss. Let me message Felisha to tell her I’m not coming in.” I try to move to go get my phone, but he won’t let me go.
“By now she knows, and if I’m a good judge of my future sister-in-law, she is in the middle of ear-bashing my brother for keeping all this from her. Plus, he is holding her back from marching over here to lecture me too. So, I think we are covered there.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing out loud. “Oh, I can just picture it. You Taylor men have really put yourselves in the shit this week, haven’t you.” I snuggle into his body again, but as softly as I can so I don’t hurt him.
“Oh, you have no idea how deep. But luckily, we both have women in our lives who will forgive us… eventually.” His voice is a lot more confident than earlier when he first told me.
“We’ll see,” I reply and close my eyes as I just lie here, listening to him breathe. A sound I’ll never get sick of hearing.
* * *
Breakfast went cold, but we ate it anyway as we spent the morning sorting through the awful events of Chicago and how hurt I was that the boys and my security team kept information from me. Part of me understands why, but it still doesn’t make it right, and it is something that, going forward, Forrest now knows my stand on it. Deceit is a dealbreaker for me.
After we got through the anger, upset, and then the emotional breakdown I fell into as I watched the video of Forrest and Chester, we spent time in the playroom, and it was just the distraction we both needed to reset. We then spent the afternoon talking through where I was at mentally and how much Cherie had helped me to start sifting through the fog I was living in. Forrest is so supportive of me continuing with my sessions and doing whatever I need to do to feel empowered in my own life. To become my authentic self, not pinned down by trauma or fear anymore. Then I will be able to give him everything I am, without fear.
Both of us are standing side by side looking out the window from his apartment down at the city below that has kept moving like usual today, while we were in our own little bubble where it felt like time stood still. My body is tired and tells me it’s time to leave, as hard as that will be.
“I’m exhausted,” I confess as the sky starts to darken outside, and I can tell he is too.
“Harper.” He takes my chin in his hand and lifts it up to look at him. “Can you do one favor for me?”
I know I can’t promise anything until I know what he’s asking. “I’ll try.”
“Can you come home and stay in your old room? I promise to leave you be, and I know you don’t need protection anymore. We can take all those restrictions away for you… but I can’t bear to think of you crying out for me at night and I’m not there for you. It’s killing me. Can you let me do this one thing for you? I know you don’t need me, you can do this on your own, but let me share the load. You don’t have to weather this storm on your own anymore.”
I look up into those beautiful dark eyes that are so soft now compared to when we first met. The compassion he lets me see and the love he wants to share with me makes it hard to think clearly.
“Do you promise no nakedness between us?” He nods. “Will you date me and then kiss me good night at the bedroom door?” Again, he nods with the hint of a smile on his face starting to build. “And you will only come to me if I call for you, because I want to try to get to a point that these nightmares are gone completely, and that is going to mean pushing through the pain for a while.” His grin is bigger, and the nod is more enthusiastic now because he knows he’s got me.
“And lastly, you have to promise to continue writing me stupid little love notes every morning for breakfast, but you can ditch the stupid names.” I can feel the smile on my face, knowing I will find peace here, but I’m also proud of myself for staying true to my healing.
“Oh, you know they are just going to get cheesier now, don’t you?” He drops his head and touches his lips to mine.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” I rise on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. “Thank you for loving me when no one else would.”
“I didn’t have a choice, Harper. The moment you walked into my life, it hit me that I wasn’t lost, but that I had been waiting for you. And then I finally understood why the universe had been saving me just for you.” His words wrap another imaginary ribbon around my heart, continuing to heal to it.
One ribbon at a time.
* * *
“I can’t believe you have been back living with Forrest for two weeks now and you still haven’t slept together.” Felisha laughs at me. We’re both drinking champagne in The Ritz Bar after sealing a deal today that we have been working on for months.
“Well, technically, we sleep together every night still, just not in the way you mean. Who would have thought, me, the queen of sex and one-night stands, would be sleeping with a man in my bed with clothes on and just cuddling.” I hold up my glass to hers to clink together. “Here’s to progress and the building of the world’s biggest orgasm when we finally do get naked. Because holy shit, it’s getting harder every time he touches me.”
“I can only imagine.” Felisha takes a sip. “Now, can we talk about this wedding that my mother is trying to hijack and make bigger than the ones the royal family have?” She closes her eyes, hoping that when she opens them again, I’ll have some magic answer.
Laughing, I joke with her. “You could always get married in Vegas when we go with the guys next week for the Grand Prix, then just throw a big party when we get back. I mean, I can’t believe we gave a weekend up at the villa just to join them in the flashy-lights capital of the US.” Felisha looks at me, and we both giggle hysterically for a moment until she stops and gets that mischievous look in her eyes like she’s up to something.
“You might be on to something, my brilliant friend.” She places her glass down on the table and picks up her phone, opening up a search page.
“What? No. Don’t even think about it. Your mother would absolutely kill me, and Flynn’s mother would too.” I try to snatch her phone out of her hands as Forrest and Flynn walk up to our table to meet us for dinner.
“Hey, good looking, want to get married in Vegas next weekend?” Felisha looks up at Flynn with the smile of a devil in disguise.
“Are you joking?” He looks at her skeptically.
“Dead serious,” she says as he leans in to kiss her.
“Then fuck yeah, let’s bypass all the bullshit and do this.” He sits down beside her, and Forrest looks at me as if to say what the hell is happening?
“No, stop it, you can’t do that.” Now I wish I hadn’t opened my mouth. That’s what I get for trying to have a sense of humor all the time.
“Sure, we can, like you said, then we will throw a big party later when we come back. I mean, just think about it. There is no way we will have to fight off the paparazzi because we will be the least interesting people in town. It takes all the stress out of it, and I don’t have to put up with my mother driving me crazy.” Felisha smiles at the thought of not having to deal with her mum.
“Oh, you think Lady Kentwall is going to be happy when she finds out her only daughter got married at some roadside chapel by an Elvis impersonator? I think I’d rather put up with the bridezilla mother of the bride that we have now, thanks all the same,” I say as I put a hand on my hip to show I’m serious.
Felisha groans at me, and Flynn and Forrest aren’t game to enter into the argument.
“Okay, I suppose you’re right.” She throws a paper serviette at me.
“I always am, that’s why you love me.” I sit back into my seat, and Forrest squeezes me tight around the shoulder as I get comfortable snuggling into him.
Forrest’s deep voice close to my ear makes me shiver. “Well, I can tell you right now, that’s not one of the reasons I love you. Because thinking you are right all the time is damn annoying.”
“Says the man who argued with me this morning over how to stack the dishwasher.” I lay my hand down on his thigh and slowly run it up his leg, close to his groin.
“There is a fine art to that job, and it’s one you definitely have no idea about.” His voice is getting raspier, and I know he is being more affected by the minute by what I’m doing with my hand.
“I’m with my brother on this one…” Flynn starts in on describing the dos and don’ts of stacking a dishwasher as Forrest leans in close to my ear.
“If you don’t stop that right now, I’m going to lay you out on this table in front of the whole bar and fuck you… hard. My balls are at the limit of exploding and have been for days, so feel free to test out my threat.” The growl of a man about to lose control is the hottest thing ever.
We have been flirting like this for days, and it’s getting to the point that one of us is going to crack soon. But I know that Forrest made me a promise that he would wait for me to be ready, so if I want this to happen, it’s going to need to be me who breaks the wall down.
“Is that so. I happen to know a better table in a little more private setting, because sharing is so not my thing.” This time I run my hand over his cock that is so hard I can feel every single ripple of his skin through his pants.
“Sorry, we can’t stay. Harper just decided she would like to eat at home. You know, date night.” He stands and pulls me from my chair, sending it screeching backwards, making a noise that all the bar turns for a split second to look at us and then goes back to their own business.
“Good night, you two, enjoy dinner.” Felisha starts waving us off, and Flynn looks confused as usual.
“Oh, I intend to.” I grab my bag off the table before Forrest rushes me through the bar toward the door, signaling the valet to bring his car.
As I wait fidgeting from foot to foot and looking at Forrest who is about to burst, I can’t help but feel proud. I proved to myself that the relationship between us is about more than just sex. For the two of us to last two weeks is a damn miracle. You could almost start calling me a nun.
No words are spoken in the car as I sit with my hand on Forrest’s thigh the whole way home, slowly creeping up higher the closer we get to the apartment.
Every so often he adjusts himself in the seat as it gets harder for him to drive.
As we enter the elevator, I expect him to pin me against the wall and threaten to strip me naked right here, but he stands to the side of me looking straight ahead, snorting almost like a bull about to strike.
The moment the elevator doors slide open, he strides to the apartment door and holds it open for me to enter.
Not rushing, I walk past him and drop my bag on the foyer table as I proceed to take off one shoe and then the next, leaving them as I continue walking down the hallway to the bedrooms. Ever so slowly, I unzip my skirt and let it fall to the floor, stepping out of it, and then a few steps later, I slide my silk shirt over my head, swirling it in the air a few times above my head and throwing it behind me. Not once do I stop and look backward because I can hear Forrest’s heavy breathing and appreciative grunt as he follows me, now walking in just my cream lace underwear.
Stopping at my door, I turn and face him, one hand leaning on the door frame above my head and the other hand on my hip.
“Ready to kiss me good night at my door?” I ask in my most super-sweet voice.
“Don’t play with me, Harper.” His voice indicates his sheer desperation.
“Oh, I think I’ve already done my fair share of that tonight, wouldn’t you agree?” Leaning forward, I take his hand and place it on my bare stomach.
“You have to say the word… I promised, you have to tell me what you want.” He is barely hanging on by a thread, and to be honest, so am I.
“I want you to make love to me, Forrest. Not fuck me hard, but sweet, long-lasting lovemaking like we have never done before. Do you think you can do that for me?” Now taking his hand, I pull him past my room and straight into his.
Forrest is standing there, hesitating and looking at me so fiercely that I start to panic that I have pushed him too far.
“No,” he growls. “Because I’m about ready to pound you through the bed.”
To which I giggle, watching his eyes scanning up and down my near-naked body. He’s still not game to touch me.
“But Harper, you need to know, the moment I get you on that bed, you are never leaving again. Do you understand?” He takes very slow steps toward me as I back up to the bed.
“The moment you give me your body again, I’m never letting you go. Ever,” he growls at me.
“That’s what I’m counting on.” I launch myself at him, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist. “By the way, since when have I ever been a sweet lovemaking kind of girl? Time to make good on your promise of taking me to pound town.” I start to nibble on his ear.
“What my goddess wants, my goddess gets.” That deep gravelly voice sends shivers through my body.
“About time you worked that out.”
And as the words leave my lips, I’m looking at the man I love rolling his eyes at me but with so much love in return that I know I have finally found my place.
It turns out he was right—not that I’ll ever tell him that—when he said that the fight to stay was worth pushing through the pain of being apart.
It was all worth it so I can now love without fear and feel worthy of his love in return.
And for that, I will be eternally grateful.