Chapter Nine #2
Ryder laughed. “You know what? You’re right, I didn’t mean attention. My siblings got just as much as I did. More like expectations. If Miles or Lena did shitty on a test, they’d get a talk about how they could manage their time better to study more, or whatever.”
“Oh, I know the Beckett family encouragement conversations well. Had quite a few myself,” I said with a chuckle.
He rolled his eyes and smiled. “Yup. I got them too, but mine came with… not disappointment, but surprise. Like they couldn’t imagine I’d ever do poorly in school or in sports. And they’re great, so I always tried hard not to disappoint them.”
“That… makes a lot of sense.” He was always a badass, but also super smart and talented at all things physical.
“Yeah. But then it got to be too much, so I’d deflect any attention I got to my siblings, and for a while, that worked. But it left something in me. I have to be there, prop them up, do all this extra shit. It’s like a deep-seated need. More than just them, everything in my life.”
“Jesus, everything?” My head hurt trying to imagine it.
“Yeah, man. Sports, work, all of it. And when you’re like that, it’s not a matter of asking for help, it’s knowing that if I ever slip up, just a little, do just a little less than I always have, things would crumble around me.”
I laughed. “No way you think that. The world isn’t gonna crumble without you.” I laughed again. “C’mon, man.”
He laughed, too. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I didn’t mean it like that.
It’s not an ego thing, more like…” Ryder fidgeted with his soda.
“Like, I know it’s not true, but I feel like if I don’t, then I won’t be needed.
Or useful. Everyone’s so used to me being the way I am that if I ever stopped or needed support in the other direction, the illusion, that golden child, would vanish.
Like…” He shook his head. “I would’ve said my brother was my best friend in the entire world before what happened, but it did.
And it sucks, but here I still am. You know? ”
I never would’ve guessed he felt that way. He was Ryder Beckett, for fuck’s sake. The most reliable, dependable—
Oh fuck. I saw what he meant. “Holy shit, yeah.”
Ryder took an almost shaky breath. “Yeah.” He smiled. “Okay. Since you just grilled me, my turn. I said you don’t have to talk about it, and I meant it. You can tell me to fuck off, but…” He met my eye as his face changed. “Are you really heteroflexible?”
I drew in as much air as I could, then let it out with a laugh. “I mean… after last night, at the very least.”
Ryder’s posture, face, and tone changed. “I want to ask you what that means in practical terms, but I’m not gonna be that guy.”
“You kinda just did…”
He stared at me, then laughed so hard he snorted and made a funny face at the sound, which made us laugh even harder. He said, “Good point. So, the weather’s nice. Not too humid.”
“No, but seriously—”
“Finn, like I said, you don’t owe me anything.” Ryder sounded apologetic and comforting, making my stomach tight. “Not a description, not even a tacit acknowledgment of what happened between us. It’s your life, man. It was wrong of me to even ask.”
I could’ve left it there. A loud voice in my head told me to, but when did I ever listen to the voices in my head?
“I don’t owe it to you, but I want to tell you.”
“Okay.” His smile warmed. “Then I’m here to listen.”
Christ. He was so freaking handsome. And easy to talk to. And good looking. And like… kind? And so fucking hot. Why in the fuck was I ever uncomfortable around him?
“I don’t know what that means, for me or anyone else. Or any of the other ways to, like, describe… You know… whatever it is. But I know I didn’t hate…” I tried to swallow and choked on my saliva. “What, uh, we did… last night.”
Ryder evaluated me for a moment until a smirk grew. “Well, I don’t know whatever it is for you either, but I definitely didn’t hate what we did last night. I probably enjoyed it more than you did.”
My brow came together. He blew me. Every girl I’ve ever known called it a job for a reason. “Really? What did you get out of it?”
Ryder’s face fell before he broke out into a deep laugh. “Dude, you’re hot as fuck and have a huge cock. It was my pleasure to suck you off.” He laughed again. “And I got to eat your giant, thick load. For a gay guy, that’s payment for services rendered.”
The heat on my cheeks came fast, and my mouth dried. A strange sensation pooled in my gut, and my crotch tingled. “Is… uh… doing that… you know… for a guy… really that good?”
His smirk changed, and he leaned toward me in his lounge. “Some of the best sex I’ve ever had was being sucked and getting to suck a guy’s big, fat, juicy cock.”
“Yeah?” My heart raced, and my breath was ragged.
“Yeah.” He got closer, whispering in a deep rattle.
“Feeling it throb in my hand, leak in my mouth, and pulse on my tongue is…” A single brow flicked up and down.
“But my favorite part is the taste and smell of an aroused man, especially once you put him in your mouth. It’s its own kind of nirvana.
And that’s all before you get to swallow his creamy load while he groans in ecstasy. ”
“Jesus…”
My eyes dilated, and my lungs tried to fill over and over. Ryder openly laughed at me.
“Calm down, Finn. Don’t want to get kicked out for indecent exposure.” He glanced at my shorts and the prominent bulge forming.
My face burned hotter, and my stomach sank, making me dizzy. I tried to shift in my seat to hide myself.
“Relax. No one can see that’s not sitting next to you, or staring at your crotch,” Ryder said. I fidgeted more. “But now I am gonna be that guy. What made you hard, thinking about me sucking cock, or you?”
The rest of the pool area drowned out as blood rushed in my ears, and my nostrils flared. Ryder smelled of chlorine, sunscreen, warm skin, and bleached cotton. “Both.”
Ryder’s smirk tightened.
“But… sucking cock. Your cock.” I took as deep a breath as I could. “Jesus fuck.”
His voice dropped, prompting drunken memories from earlier that trip. “Yeah? I mean, if you’re up for it, we can head back to our room and see if it makes you as hard in real life? Or harder…”
I stood up so fast I almost fell back down. “Yeah. Uh… yeah. If you, uh, want to. Then, yeah, I’m down.”
His smile stayed, but his eyes became serious. “I do, but only if you’re sure—”
“I’m sure,” I said too fast.
Ryder laughed. “Okay, okay. Maybe Connor wasn’t wrong about it being the last night, best night?”
I chuckled like we weren’t discussing me sucking a dude’s dick for the first time, sober, up in our shared room. “Last night. Best night.”
Ryder finished his soda, placed the glass down, and stood. His smile never faded, nor did he take his eyes off me. He said nothing as he walked off toward the hotel. I followed behind.