Chapter Fifteen
Ryder
My parents’ place, where I grew up, was on a quiet, tree-lined street in a middle-to upper-middle-class neighborhood.
It was the kind of house too old to be called a McMansion, with a pool and a large finished basement.
It could, and historically had, accommodated many people for holidays, birthdays, graduations, any celebration with a long guest list. My dad’s fiftieth was a huge bash stretched over an entire weekend, but even then, it never felt cramped. Crowded, yes, but not suffocating.
It was fucking claustrophobic the night of the stag party.
The aunts, uncles, and cousins were there, along with Miles’s assorted friends, but for some reason, so was Bree, and her terrible cohort. The only one absent was Finn.
I knew Finn would be late due to an unavoidable meeting. I wasn't worried, but I missed him.
I can’t even say it was strange, feeling misfit in my family’s home without him.
I had learned to walk in those halls. Use the potty, throw a football, shave, drive, and deal with shitty people within those walls.
Yet, that night, without Finn there, I was an outsider.
No, not really, not an outsider, that’s dramatic.
But I was uncomfortable, and I fucking missed my fucking boyfriend.
It started before I even walked in the door. Miles greeted me on the driveway. I wasn't going to hug him, but he crashed into me anyway.
“Hey, man. Thanks for coming,” he said, embracing my stiff, disengaged body.
“Yup.”
When Miles let me go, he said, “Hey, uh,” without meeting my eye. “I haven't had a chance to tell Mom and Dad yet about the party numbers. Just uh,” he looked at me, “mind not saying anything until I do?”
The lights got brighter, and my lungs filled with the sweet sting of our parents’ late summer landscaping. Had I bitten my tongue, it would’ve needed to be reattached.
“Yup.”
Miles shrank an inch, shoulders falling along with his eyes. “Thanks, man. Seriously appreciate that. For fucking real.”
I had every intention of saying hello to my extended family, then finding Lena and hanging with her until Finn got there. But I wasn’t able to. I walked in the door to Bree’s shining, beautiful smile.
Bree was, of course, wearing white in a knee-length skirt with a midriff-baring spaghetti-strap lace top.
Even her phone, always clutched in hand, was white and lacy.
Her flowing blonde waves reached the bottom of her shoulder blades.
I think the makeup she wore was called natural or some shit, as if she wasn’t wearing any when it was caked on.
Not that she needed it, she was stunning.
She hugged me hard and tight, tighter than her fiancé, and pulled me off into the empty dining room. Her free hand stayed on my bicep as she spoke, rubbing it up and down, like consoling a sad puppy.
“Thanks for coming! I know Miles really appreciates it.”
“Yeah, of course,” I said, trying hard not to sound flat or pissed off.
“And, I’m sure he told you, but we’re so sorry about the party arrangements.”
“Uh-huh.” It was harder than I’d imagined keeping neutral.
“He asked that you not say anything to his parents, yet, right?”
“He did.”
Her hand paused. “And you won’t?”
“Nope.”
It wasn't relief, not like my brother was relieved when I said I’d keep my mouth shut. Where he deflated, she engorged.
“Fantastic.” Her eyes widened, then shallowed. “Also, mind not mentioning anything to your sister? Knowing how your family is, everyone will know before you boys even get out the door!”
I’m sure others would describe Bree’s laugh as adorable or sweet. Pouring hydrochloric acid into my ears would feel similar. No, the acid might be warmer.
“Wouldn’t think of it,” I said, a smile spreading.
“You’re such a sport. Really.” She finally took her hand off me. “Are you… okay with everything?”
She didn’t care. If anything, she needed to ensure I wouldn’t make a scene. I hadn't thought of it until that moment, but she probably didn’t want my family to know I was kicked out of my brother’s wedding until the very last minute, when it would be too late to do anything.
“I’m absolutely fine with it. I know how much it means that your pictures look perfect.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm, which she picked up on.
Bree laughed, but no sound came out. “I knew you’d understand! Guys like you get the importance of a good photo.”
“I dunno, doctors are pretty oblivious about that kind of stuff, in my experience.”
Her smile froze, then she giggled. “I didn’t mean doctors, silly.”
“Oh? What did you mean?” My brow came together in mock confusion.
She laughed again, still soundless, still unsettling. “You know.” She hit my shoulder with the back of her hand, like we were a couple of old pals joking around.
I stared at her. She said, “Oh, you know.” I didn’t give her an inch. “You know,” she said, raising the hand she hit me with, then letting it dangle from her wrist.
I was about to say something like, “patients with a wrist or arm injury?” but went with, “Oh! You mean gay!”
I laughed too loudly, and her face reddened. “Yeah, uh-huh, so you get it, right?”
My uncle passed by, well out of earshot, but within our line of sight. She stopped speaking and offered him a fake smile. He didn’t notice or care.
“One hundred percent. Besides, it’s part of your business.”
“It is, yup.” Her giggle turned into a chuckle, no less caustic. “It’s such a visual day, have to keep it cohesive!” she said, glancing down at her phone, no longer interested in me or our interaction.
My gut bubbled, and nostrils flared. At first, I thought she was wearing an expensive French perfume, but it was sour, like a Temu knockoff. “I wanted to commend you.”
“Oh?” She laughed. “On what?”
“Being so progressive. Few brides would allow their grooms to choose their own suits. And since Miles looks like he gets dressed in the dark on the best days, it was big of you.”
“Oh, I—”
“And not caring about how the suits looked, even if it affects your bottom line, is just… inspiring, really. A true show of love for the man you’re marrying.”
Her eyes fluttered, and the smile dropped off her face. “What do you mean?”
I laughed. “Love my brother to death, but the suits he picked are very… eighties prom? Or coke bender after a funeral.”
I laughed out loud again. Bree did not. For such a beautiful woman, her not-fake face was hideous. “I picked them out.”
“No way! Really?!”
She folded her arms and shifted her weight to one leg. “Yes, Ryder. It’s a traditional wedding, with a traditional aesthetic.”
“That’s true. I’m not so traditional myself. So, really, you did me a favor. I’ll look much better in anything I post in one of my own suits.”
Her smile returned, but sapped of its beauty. “That’s great, Ryder. I’m sure the men following you will think you look good.” She scanned me up and down. “Just please don’t wear anything flashy or inappropriate, like a rainbow pin or bracelet.”
“Rainbow pin? I don’t even own—”
“Unfortunately, if you do, I’ll have to ask you to leave. My brand is family-friendly, and my followers shouldn’t be exposed to anything adult or political on my big day. Okay?”
“Adult?”
“Mm hmm.” Her smile glowed like enriched uranium. “A bunch of moms who follow me let their daughters watch my content. We wouldn’t want children seeing any of that. Right?”
“I…”
Bree reached up on her tippy toes to kiss my cheek, placing her hand on my bicep again. “And thanks again for understanding. Such a good big brother.”
She walked away, leaving me breathless. Adult? Political? I didn’t even… what the actual ever-loving fuck did that even mean?
My head swam, and my stomach roiled. I didn’t want to think about it.
If I did, I risked doing something stupid.
Like planning to fuck the best man as revenge.
I realized I was guilty of the same thing I tried to help Finn stop doing.
But a little avoidance is okay to keep emotional explosions at bay.
I answered Connor, Tyler, and Jason’s greetings with a nod.
“Sup, guys?” Then I stood there, not listening to them talk, in the middle of my parents’ living room.
They all had beers, and I wanted one, but my stomach was queasy.
My T-shirt was too tight around my neck, and I was sure the AC was off or broken.
I didn’t want to be in my own fucking parents’ house.
I didn’t want to be doing any of the shit I was doing.
If I were smart, I’d have told Miles to kick fucking rocks.
He didn’t want me in the party? Fine. I’d save myself the gift, dry cleaning bill, and hangover by just not attending the fucking wedding at all.
My jaw was tight, and my ears rang. I excused myself in search of a beer.
“Hey, bud!” My dad’s face lit up when he saw me. “When did you get here?”
He was in the kitchen, putting away a plate he had just dried. Before I could answer, my mom walked in, carrying several empty, dirty bowls of chips and dip.
“Oh, Ryder, Aunt Mindy is looking for you.” After handing my dad the bowls to rinse, she gave me a hug and a kiss. “I told you her nephew is applying to med school? Mind giving her some tips for him?”
I inhaled through my nose. I’d always found the faux-floral scent of my mom’s hair products calming. “Sure thing. Not that I’d have much advice to give. Other than making sure he’s studying for the MCATs harder than he thinks he needs to.”
“That’s perfect, hon.” She rubbed my arm, close to where Bree had, but it felt like a scrubbing brush washing away filth.
My dad hugged me after drying his hands, saying, “I think she just wants us to know she’ll have a doctor on her side of the family, too. Always a one-upper.”
My mom whacked my dad’s arm. “Don’t let your brother hear you talking about his wife that way. She’s just proud. And has every right to be. She was the same way when Ryder was applying.”
My dad rolled his eyes. “She was one-upping someone else!”
As the three of us laughed, Lena walked into the kitchen, talking on her phone. She gave me a hug and a kiss without missing a beat in her conversation. “Yeah… okay… just come here first then… okay… love you too… bye.”
“Is Spence coming over?” my mom asked, referring to Lena’s boyfriend.
“Yeah, later. Kinda shitty Miles didn’t invite him to the stag night.”
“I don’t think Miles had anything to do with the guest list, Lee,” my dad said.
“Oh, I’m well aware.” Lena rolled her eyes so hard they fluttered. Her voice dropped to an angry whisper. “She’s only making him have this stupid stag night for content,” she said with air quotes. “I can’t wait for the whole wedding to be over.”
My mom said, “You’re not wrong, but let’s try to put on a happy face and enjoy the next two days as best we can.”
Lena rolled her eyes and snarled. “Whatever.” She looked at me. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
The retort died on her lips. Lena’s eyes narrowed, then loosened. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Lena searched my face, bit her lip, then threw her arms around my neck. “Love you.”
I hugged her back, harder than I normally would’ve. I didn’t have to tell her something was wrong. Especially not in public, or in front of our parents. She just knew. And hugged me.
I fucking loved my fucking family, man. They didn’t know Bree kicked me out of Miles’s wedding party.
I could’ve told them. I could have let it all out, caused a huge scene, ruined his wedding, and permanently marred our relationships with him and his future kids.
But I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut. Easier that way.
When she let me go, my parents were staring at us, about to ask if everything was okay.
My throat was tight, and before my eyes stung with unwanted heat, I looked away, through the kitchen and across the house to the front door.
Finn walked in as I did. Like psychic radar, he caught my eye.
His smile was radiant, and mine grew just as bright.
It burned away much of the nasty, negative storm in my chest and head.
Before we broke eye contact, I knew, just knew, that so long as he was there, it would be a fantastic night.