Chapter Eighteen
Finn
Ryder had the best sheets. Billion count, made from endangered cotton plants grown on the moon or some shit.
Before any other part of me woke up, I always knew I was in my boyfriend’s bed from the sheets alone.
Well, that, and the warm, soft, but still kinda scratchy sensation of his chest hair pressed to my back.
That warmth came with a dull ache in my ass. The best physical memory of the sex we’d had the night before. But that morning, the only pain in my body was my head. Well, and my legs, abs, glutes, and shoulders, but the ass throb was absent…
Wait… shit… that’s right… I had fucked Ryder the night before for the first time ever. It was great! I remembered saying I’d like getting fucked better, and that was still true, but fuck, that was awesome. If he liked it too, we’d definitely be doing that again.
My cock was hard under the covers, and it throbbed as memories of our athletic sex trickled in.
I fucking picked him up and fucked him against the wall.
That was hot as shit. Always wanted to do that, but never felt the urge with a woman.
His face and the sounds he made, plus what he said, made me feel like a stud.
What I said too… Fuck it, I was a goddamn stud.
Oh fuck. Oh shit. What did I do? Did I really say that?
Did I actually tell him I fucking loved him as I was coming inside him?
What kind of lame ass loser does that? Should I just buy him flowers and run to the airport to beg him not to get on the plane?
Or catch him by the wrist, swing him around, and kiss him dramatically in the rain?
Jesus fucking Christ. Basic ass, lame ass, no-chill ass loser.
Maybe he didn’t hear it. I was pretty sure he was also in the middle of coming when I said it.
Should I just pretend it didn’t happen? Surely it was too soon to be saying shit like that, no?
It probably scared him. It kinda scared me!
What if he wakes up hungover and is like Yeah, about last night, best if you leave, sorry.
But what if he remembers it, and then I pretend I never said it, and he’s hurt? Like, he waits for me to say it again, and I don’t mention it, and he’s all, Oh, okay, guess not then? What if he wakes up and confesses his love for me, too?
That would be great. The best. Then I could just be honest with him, and we could both pretend the first time we said I love you was the morning after we had amazing sex, all cuddled up, warm and safe, in his expensive, soft, but now dirty, sheets.
Because, holy fuck, I loved him. I was in love with him. And, not that I’m great at that shit, but I was pretty sure it was the first time I was ever in love with anyone. Jesus and I said it balls deep while nutting in him.
“Morning, babe.” Ryder’s voice was scratchy, and sleep-heavy in my ear.
“Morning.” I pulled his arm tighter around me.
His palm traveled down my torso until he found my cock. With a grumbly chuckle, he said, “Need to piss, or just remembering last night?”
“Uhh… little bit of both?”
Ryder let me go, then rolled me onto my back. “You okay?”
“Yeah, of course!”
His eyes tensed. “Do you remember what you said last night?”
“Uhh… umm.” I chuckled.
His face relaxed, and he pecked my lips. “Listen, it’s okay if you’re not ready yet, or don’t feel that way, or don’t know how you feel, but I want you to know I love you, too.”
A million pounds lifted off my body, and in their wake, a shimmering warmth filled my chest. I smiled at him, letting some of the glow out, then brought his face to mine and kissed him. It was slow, but still passionate.
When he broke away, Ryder said, “So I’ll take that as you love me too, and it wasn't just drunken sex talk?”
“Absolutely.”
“I need to hear you say it.” How he could manage a smirk so soon after waking up was a wonder to me.
“I love you, Ryder Beckett. With all my heart.”
His eyes crinkled. “I love you, too, Finn Carter. Every part of you.” Ryder kissed my top lip, then bottom. I’d never seen his eyes such a light blue, or his smile so bright. “Except maybe your morning breath.”
I assaulted his flank with an aggressive tickle barrage. “Yours isn’t any better,” I said, laughing with him.
He was hard when he threw off the covers and got out of bed. “C’mon. Let’s brush and get naughty in the shower.”
I followed him to the primary bathroom. His apartment had two, and the one attached to his bedroom had double sinks. Ryder had bought me a toothbrush after spending several nights a week there. We brushed naked and raging erect while smiling and glancing at one another in the mirror.
There wasn’t a word for what I felt. It was like that warmth in my chest had reproduced a million times, only it was funny, and soft, and lively and excited, and bursting with every color known to man.
Happiness, maybe. Yeah, that worked. Everything with Ryder kept getting better.
If that was what an actual relationship was like, I was worse than a fool for waiting so goddamn long to find one.
But maybe that was only how I’d feel with Ryder. He was my boyfriend, partner, and the man who was becoming my best friend. I’d always love Miles. He was my ride-or-die for life, but Ryder was different. The sex, yes, but Ryder was just as awesome, if not more, with his clothes on.
We didn’t bother with soap. We’d only get dirtier under the hot water. Ryder cradled my head in his hand as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his waist. He grabbed my ass hard, then gave it a little slap.
When he let my face go, his hands traversed my body up and down, only to find and gather our cocks. He used the water to rub them against each other while stroking up and down. It was fucking incredible. I’d never imagined another cock could make mine feel that good.
Our kiss got heavier, and he let us go. But then held my hips and ground his cock into my pelvis, and mine into his. It was working, doing all the great penis-things that every man loves with nothing more than the pressure and friction of his body.
My head fell back, and I groaned in pleasure. “Fuck me, Ry. Please.”
“You read my mind, babe,” he said, turning me around to face the wall.
I braced myself, anticipating the heat and insistent pressure of his cock head on my hole, but I was left waiting.
“Ry?” I said, thinking maybe he was figuring out the lube situation.
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
He shut the shower off. Once it was gone, we both heard the banging. I stood and faced him.
“Someone’s here.”
“Probably Mormons or something.” I wrapped my arms around him. “Fuck them. No… fuck me.”
“On a Friday morning? I doubt it.”
“Well, it’s not anyone you know. You’d have to let them into the building.”
We waited in silence. The banging didn’t stop. My heart rate went up.
“They’re not going away,” he said. “It’s freaking me out.”
“Yeah, me too, kinda.”
“Let me just see who it is.” He stepped out of the shower.
I followed him into the bedroom. He wrapped himself in a robe and left to get the door, shouting, “I’m coming. Jesus. Stop. I’m coming!” I found my underwear and borrowed a pair of gym shorts from his drawer.
Before I left the bedroom, Ryder had opened the door. “Jesus Christ, is everyone okay? Is the house on fire?”
The rest of the apartment muffled Lena’s voice, and she wasn’t yelling like her brother. “Everyone’s fine. You weren’t answering your phone, and I figured you were asleep, so I was trying to wake you up. Then I got worried.”
My chest, which had just been filled with a rainbow of joy and love, felt like it was going to explode. I froze, not sure whether to close the door and wait there or hide under the bed. There was no good reason for me to be at Ryder’s apartment, both of us soaking wet and almost nude.
Well, no, there was a great reason. I was Ryder’s boyfriend. We were both off for the rehearsal, woke up horny, and wanted to get busy in the shower. Like any normal, red-blooded pair of boyfriends, I’d imagine.
We were going to come out soon, anyway. I’d have to get used to stuff like that. We could trust Lena not to spill the beans before the wedding, right? If she asked, that is. If not, I’d let Ryder handle it. Maybe she wouldn’t even notice.
I heard Ryder lead her into the living room, saying, “What are you doing here?”
“The house is already so crowded. I just needed to be gone before she showed up, sauntering in like the queen of the fucking world.”
“It’s like nine a.m., Lee. I didn’t get to bed till after three.”
“I know, but Spence is working, and I just don’t want to be home right now. I already sat at Starbucks for an hour and had two espressos.”
I took a deep breath, trying to remember how happy I felt just minutes before, and walked out of the bedroom.
“How’d you even get into the building?” Ryder asked.
“I piggybacked with someone,” Lena said as I rounded the corner.
We made eye contact, and her face, which I expected to show surprise or shock, broke into the biggest grin. She looked at her brother, then back to me. “What are you doing here, Finnegan?”
“I uh…” I stumbled over my words. Ryder offered no help, but his face looked like he was trying to figure something out.
“Oooooh, are you boys kissing?” Lena said, mocking in a schoolyard way. But her smile was the furthest from cruel.
Ryder, pale-faced and open-mouthed, looked like the apocalypse had come. Lena kept glancing back and forth between him and me.
Nut up or shut up, right? “Well, we weren’t gonna tell anyone until after the wedding, but…” I looked at Ryder and swallowed. “Yeah, we’re like a thing or whatever.”
Lena shoved her brother so hard he stumbled back and had to clutch his robe not to expose himself.
“SEE!” she shouted. “I told you he wouldn’t care if I knew!”
What did that mean? Did she already know? Did Ryder tell her? Lena was right that I didn’t care if she knew we were dating, but it didn’t sit right with me if she knew anything before I had just told her.