Chapter Eighteen #2
Ryder’s shoulders fell after she said that, like he was relieved. “Yeah, I guess not.”
“You told her?”
The tension returned, but in his face, not shoulders.
Lena said, “Technically, he didn’t tell me. I guessed, and he didn’t deny it. Then I badgered him until he couldn’t take it anymore and admitted that you two were hanging out.”
I could see it. Lena was great and always so much fun to hang out with. But I could see him slipping up, her sniffing it out, and not letting it go until he gave in under pressure. She was the most insistent person I’d ever met.
They stared at me, waiting to see if I’d be okay with it. I smiled. “Well, now you’ve heard it from me too, Ryder’s my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?!” She hit her brother again. “OH, my god! That’s so amazing!” Lena ran over to hug me, pressing her face to my bare chest. “I’m so freaking happy for you two! Oh my god!”
She backed off and wiped her face. “Why are you so wet?”
My face burned hot and fast. I smiled, avoided her eyes, and scratched a non-existent itch on my head. “Uh… we were in the shower when you showed up.”
Her brow tilted, and she glanced at Ryder. “Oh! We!” Her face went white. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Fuck!” She looked around for her purse. “What terrible timing! Lemme just get out of your hair. Ry, call me when you’re, uh… ready.”
Ryder laughed. “No, no. You’ve ruined the mood, anyway. Might as well stay for coffee.”
“Are you sure?” she asked both of us. “I could just drive around for an hour? Or longer?”
“Yeah,” I said, laughing. He was right, the mood was ruined.
“Mm-hmm.” Ryder nodded. “Lemme just get dressed. Then I’ll make coffee. You want one, babe?”
“Babe. Oh my god!” Lena said. “So cute! Holy shit!”
Ryder rolled his eyes. I said, “Yes, please.” He walked away, laughing to himself.
Lena took my hand and brought me to the couch. “Okay, so spill. How’d it happen? How’d it go? You’re basically my brother-in-law now, but you’ve been like a brother to me my whole life. Now it’s official! Kinda.”
“Holy shit.” I laughed, and so did she. “I’m, like, still hungover.”
“Sorry, I’m a little hyper. Shouldn’t have any more caffeine.” She laughed hard. “But I’m also hyper for you guys! When did he start calling you babe? Did he tell you he only ever used that name for his most serious boyfriend that we all thought he was gonna marry?”
“He… did not.”
“Well, now you know. Is it a new thing?”
“Uh…” I remembered him calling me that while I was blowing him at Johnny Pete’s. Was that the first time? Either way, it wasn’t a story I was about to share. “I think, maybe, like yesterday?”
Her eyes bugged. “Yesterday? Holy shit. So then this, you being his boyfriend, that’s what you said, right? That must be new?”
“Uh, no. Maybe like two months? Month and a half? We had dinner at this French place, and I told him I had feelings for him.”
“Wait, you said you loved him before you even had a title?”
“No, I said that for the first time last night, too, I guess.” I laughed awkwardly. “It was a big night.”
Lena fell back laughing. “Oh, my god, Finn!” She hit me like she did her brothers. I was thankful she wasn't wearing a ring. That shit hurt. “I knew it wouldn’t just be a revenge fuck!”
Her smile had been so wide until she said that last part. It didn’t fade, not even when she gulped something down, making her face look weird as fuck.
“Wait, what?” I asked. My head hurt, and she spoke fast, but I didn’t miss that. “What did you say?”
“Oh, nothing.” She laughed. “So I take it you haven't told anyone yet? What about your parents? This is so exciting. I’ve been such a huge champion of your relationship!”
“No, hold on. What did you say about a revenge fuck?”
Her smile faded, along with some of her color. “Oh no, nothing. Just that we thought it would be funny if he hooked up with you, as a fuck you to Miles for kicking him out of the best man spot.”
Ryder walked in as she said that. I looked at him and said, “Is that true?”
Lena, speaking at twice the speed she had been, said, “It was my idea, not his. But, like, I knew you had the hots for him forever. So it’s no big deal. And now you’re boyfriends! So, you’re welcome!”
Ryder looked sick, as if he’d puke right on the living room carpet. “Finn, it wasn’t like that.”
My mouth was dry. “Wasn’t like what?”
Ryder moved his eyes from Lena to the floor to mine.
“It was a joke, and I abandoned it. I take full responsibility for what happened on the jet ski. I was a gigantic piece of shit, and I apologized. But you came onto me after that, remember? That’s not an excuse, and I can understand if you’re upset. ”
I stopped listening halfway through and asked Lena, “You knew I had the hots for him forever?”
They looked at each other. She said, “Um, well… yeah. I knew.”
“For how long?” I wasn’t sure if my heart stopped or if it just skipped a beat.
She swallowed again. “Since… forever? Since we met you?”
“Holy fucking shit.” I was dizzy, but focused on Ryder. “And you talked about it with her? Who else knew? Who else did you talk about me with? Like that?”
Ryder inched closer to the couch, his face whitening with each step. “Yes, Lena and I spoke about it. But it wasn’t serious—”
“I was serious. And I was right. Let’s just forget about—”
“Shut the FUCK up, Lena,” Ryder said, silencing her. “My brother and parents. I had thought it, but none of them did until I came out. It was more obvious after that.”
It felt like the ceiling was caving in. My chest hurt, and my hands shook. “Holy fucking shit, Ryder. What did they say?”
“Miles denied it, so did my dad. But my mom agreed.” Ryder sounded like he was dying. But I was.
“So I was just… what? The laughingstock of your whole fucking family? Oh, there’s Finn, he’s clearly queer for his best friend’s older brother. Ha ha fucking ha?”
Ryder shook his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. Not at all. They love you so much. It was just like noticing it and mentioning it. For fuck’s sake, I’m gay, so it wasn’t like a bad thing. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“You were all laughing at me behind my back for ten fucking years, and it wasn’t a big deal?” My heart thudded almost as loud as my voice.
“No, not laughing at you, more like laughing at the idea of it, I guess. I—”
“So you knew I was attracted to you, and you still fucking did that shit on the jet ski as some fucked up revenge? Was that a big fucking joke, too? Am I?”
“No, Finn, listen, I—”
My head swam. “I need to get the fuck outta here,” I said and stood up.
I walked back to his bedroom to get my shit. Ryder followed, saying, “I understand why you’re upset, and why it sounds bad. But it’s not like how you’re imagining it. Please let me explain.”
I stripped off his shorts, dressed in my clothes from the night before, and found my phone, keys, and wallet. Ryder said, “Talk to me. I’m your boyfriend. We gotta talk about shit, remember?”
We locked eyes. “Did you come on to me in Miami to get back at Miles, or because you were into me, too?”
Ryder looked terrified. But he wouldn't lie. Not to me. “Both.” He hung his head after it left his lips.
I walked past him, through his apartment, and out the door. Lena said, “Finn, please don’t go. I’m so sorry,” as the door slammed behind me.