Chapter Nineteen
Finn
As the best man, I had to be at the church for the rehearsal fifteen minutes early.
I didn’t have the rings, and wouldn’t until right before the ceremony.
The ring bearer would shuttle a fake set.
Poor kid, probably thought he had some big, important job, but it was a lie.
I’d have to put them in a different pocket so they’d get married with the real ones, which the bride reminded me of three freaking times, asking me to repeat which side would have the genuine rings and which the fake.
The church they chose was two towns over.
I guess I shouldn’t say they, the church Bree chose was a good twenty-minute ride from our town.
But it was this old cathedral, and it was pretty nice, I guess.
Gothic, I think, was the word I’d heard people call buildings like that.
I couldn’t care less. It was stone and gray, with colorful windows.
Bree wanted me and the maid of honor to meet with them and the priest before the rest of the party showed up. Then we’d all do whatever the hell people are supposed to do at a wedding rehearsal, and head over to the dinner an hour later.
Miles’s folks had to rent out a wedding venue for the rehearsal dinner. I’d been there before, and the food was alright. So I had that to look forward to. It was also a formal thing. Suit, no tie, is what Bree said in the group chat.
So there I was, fifteen minutes early, in a suit and no tie, expecting to see Miles, Bree, and her sister.
But most of the party was there already, too.
Maybe she told us all to be early? I could see it.
They were gathered halfway down the aisle, most standing, but some sitting in the surrounding pews.
I didn't see Lena sitting in the last pew, right next to the door, until she stood up and all but shoved me out into the vestibule before anyone else saw me. “I have to let them know I’m here,” I said as she pushed me.
She’d been crying, or sounded like she was about to. I didn’t care. “I’m so sorry, Finn. Really, from the bottom of my heart. I love you like a brother. My whole family does! It’s not as bad as it sounded this morning, I promise. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”
I didn’t want to think about it anymore. Did too much of that after I left his apartment, on the mile walk before I got an Uber. And I one hundred percent didn’t want to talk about it. Not with anyone, but definitely not with her.
“It’s fine, Lena. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Finn, please.” She placed her hand on my forearm and looked up at me, eyes glassy and face screwed up like she was begging.
“There’s nothing to say. I don’t care. It’s not a big deal. It is what it is.” Ryder’s words came out of my mouth, and my stomach tightened.
I didn’t want to think about that shit. Or any shit. I wanted to stand there, pretend to take fake rings from a kid, then pretend to give real ones to the priest. That’s it. That’s all. Too much thinking wasn’t good for my well-being.
“It is a big deal. You love each other. I’ve never seen my brother so happy. Please, I can’t take thinking it was my fault you two… I don’t know. Please.”
I squinted, then took a breath. “You know, I always thought of you as a little sister. Or, at least, as a friend of mine. But you…” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Forget it. I have to tell them I’m here.”
Before I walked past her, she said, “Have you heard from Ryder?”
“He called me right after I left. But I blocked him when I got home.”
Her brow came together, and she frowned. “He took off right after you did. I thought to get you, but he never came back, and his phone’s been off. No one can get hold of him.”
I ignored the drop in my stomach. “I’m sure he’ll turn up,” I said, walking away.
Miles greeted me in the aisle and rushed me to the back, where the priest, Bree, and the maid of honor were waiting.
I think Bree shot me a look, but I didn’t care.
The priest told her younger sister and me about our official duties, which were not part of the “production,” as Bree put it.
We’d have to sign their marriage license in that back room after the ceremony as the official witnesses, sealing and legalizing their marriage.
Once that was done, I went back to get ready for the rehearsal. We were told to wait in the vestibule until given explicit instructions. I found Tyler and Connor and was about to say hi when Miles’s mom approached me.
“Hey, Finn. You haven’t talked to Ryder today, have you?” Mrs. Beckett was smiling, but her eyes went back and forth between mine.
My stomach knotted. Why would she ask me? Had he told them too? I was okay with them knowing in theory, but it should’ve been on my terms. Not like some fucking big fucking joke about…
Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Take the fake rings. Give the real ones. Eat some food. Go back to Miles’s parents’ house. That’s it. That’s all.
“No, sorry. Haven’t heard from him.”
Mr. Beckett and Lena approached as we spoke. He said, “We’ve been trying to reach him all day. His phone goes straight to voicemail.”
“I don’t know, sorry. Maybe he got called into work.”
“We called the hospital after we stopped by his place. He’s not there,” Mrs. Beckett said, no longer smiling. “We’re getting worried.”
Before I had to say I didn’t know or care where Ryder was in the most polite way possible again, Bree and Miles appeared in the doorway. She was backlit by the light streaming through the stained glass windows, making the hair around her head glow red. Miles, to her side and behind, was in shadow.
“Okay, everyone! Thank you for being here. We appreciate it so much! We’re gonna start with the grandparents’ procession, so can I have—”
“Wait, Bree, the whole party isn’t here yet,” Mrs. Beckett said.
Bree made a show of counting. “Nope, we’re all here. So can I get the—”
“Ryder’s not here yet. We’ve been calling him all day, and he’s not picking up,” Mrs. Beckett said, ignoring Bree. Then she spoke to the rest of the people in the vestibule. “Has anyone heard from him? We’re getting a little worried.”
Bree, who I always thought was hot, looked sharp, and she sounded rehearsed. “Ryder’s no longer in the wedding party.”
Mrs. Beckett said, “Excuse me, what?”
At the same time, Lena said, “Are you fucking kidding?”
Mr. Beckett said, “What is she talking about, Miles?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Beckett.” Bree sounded practiced.
“But, unfortunately, my cousin had to drop out due to an unforeseen illness. Fortunately for us, Ryder understood and offered to drop out as well to keep the numbers even. I’ve been in talks with a major brand for sponsorship, and they’re very picky, so I doubt talks would move forward if even the slightest thing were off.
And something like an unbalanced bridal party would just have been a non-starter. ” Bree ended with a beaming smile.
She was lying, right through her pearly white teeth. I was in the car when Ryder got the call, kicking him out. I saw how devastated he was. Then how quickly he pushed it aside. Something he was always telling me not to do.
“I don’t believe that for a goddamn second,” Lena said, firing up.
“Miles, is that true?” Mrs. Beckett asked.
Miles was pale, but otherwise normal. “Yeah, Mom. It is. He did us a huge favor.”
“He would’ve told us. He would’ve told me.” Lena was getting more upset.
Bree said, “You’re free to call him if—”
“His phone’s off. No one can reach him!”
Bree’s brow went up, and she shrugged. “Well, he’s not needed here, and we only have the space until five. So if there aren’t any more questions, can we begin?”
The Becketts looked at each other. Mr. Beckett nodded, but Lena was red-faced. He wrapped an arm around her, saying, “It’s okay, we’ll talk later.”
“Great,” Bree said, glowing. “We’ll need the grandparents up first, please.”
I wasn't thinking about stuff. Not about Ryder. Not about how those people who I loved, like my own family—sometimes more—laughed at me for years. Not about my sexuality, and how I was ready to come out to everyone for him.
But also not about Miles. How he stood up there and lied to all his friends and family about his brother, who loved him so much and was so hurt by what he did. I was the only one who knew the truth, besides Ryder and the couple. But no one knew I did because no one knew Ryder and me—
No. Nope. Not doing that. Take rings. Give rings. Eat. Sleep. That’s it. That’s all.