Chapter Twenty
Finn
The rehearsal dinner had three parts. A small cocktail hour followed by the dinner, where her parents made speeches, but Miles’s didn’t. Then dessert, which was the wedding party hanging out by the bar, while the rest of their gathered families left.
It had been easy enough to avoid Miles most of the night. The few times he came up to talk to me, I gave him one-word answers. He got the hint and left me alone. I had nothing to say to him, and if forced to, it wouldn’t have ended well.
Bree, though… She kept talking to me. I pulled the same shit with her, one-word answers and trying to look disinterested.
But during the little cocktail hour thing, I was standing near Bree when Mrs. Beckett came up to me and asked, “You still haven’t heard from Ryder, have you?
If he’s not here soon, he’ll miss dinner. ”
I’d never seen such dark bags under her eyes. I quashed the pang of worry in my gut. He was fine. And I didn’t care.
“No. Sorry, Mrs. Beckett. I’d be the last person he’d reach out to, if he did.”
She gave me a tight nod and walked away. I wasn't stupid. Ryder wasn’t there because he didn’t want to face me. But I wouldn’t tell her that and confirm all the stuff they’d apparently said about me over the last decade plus. No way. Fuck that, and fuck him. And really? Fuck all of them.
It was probably all Lena’s doing. I could see her teasing her brothers about it, and her dad telling her to stop.
Miles would get pissed and say not everyone is gay.
Then Ryder would get snappy like, Maybe not everyone, but he is.
Their dad would say, That’s not nice, and their mom would ask, Why isn’t it nice?
Is being gay bad? Which would make their dad stumble, say, Of course not, but he didn’t think I was gay.
I wasn't there any of the nights they talked about it, but I was for many, many others. That’s how they talked. I don’t gamble, but I’d bet my entire life’s worth that it went down like that, or pretty fucking close.
They didn’t even laugh in my little nightmare. But to be the topic of conversation to a group of people who I genuinely loved, about something so intimate that I didn’t even understand at the time… Fuck that hurt.
Bree said, “I know, right?”
“Huh?”
She had approached me as soon as Mrs. Beckett walked away. For a second, I thought she read my mind.
“Why does that family insist on talking about him? Like, who cares? He’s not here, boo freaking hoo. But they’re obsessed.”
Before considering who I was talking to, I agreed. “Seriously.”
The overhead light caught the glittering white makeup above her eye. “His brother is getting married, and he’s off doing God knows what, with God knows who. Just... give me a break. Right?”
An image of Ryder with another man flashed in my head, and my stomach twisted. “Fuck that.”
“I mean, they try to play themselves off as these wholesome people, but then shower so much attention on him? If it were my family, we’d go out of our way not to bring him up. Why shove it in people’s faces? Why remind everyone?”
It was the first time I saw Bree smile with her entire face. I was mad at Ryder, but if I understood what she was saying, that was some fucked up shit. “I… uh…”
A waiter approached and asked us to take our seats, as dinner would soon be served. Bree gripped my arm and said, “Gotta go make sure they set up the camera right, but the next time they ask, just be firm. You don’t know where he is, and you don’t care. He’s not even in the bridal party, anyway.”
I was a little dazed when I found my seat, a little nauseous, and just tired.
Then, I zoned out during dinner. Bree’s parents gave speeches, going on and on about how wonderful she is, how much they love her, how proud they are of her, and how she brings her faith into everything she does, including her business.
“If I had to hear him talk about his precious little princess one more time, I was gonna puke,” Tyler said.
He was standing at the bar alone, the first one there once dinner drifted into dessert. I had come up to get another champagne, but decided that I didn’t want to drink any more. I knew for a fact that thought had never crossed Tyler’s mind since I’d known him.
“Yeah, her dad likes to talk.” I laughed.
He rolled his eyes. “I just wish Miles didn’t look like he was gonna blow chunks all night. He’d better get it together by tomorrow. Bree won’t love his sour puss all over her posts.”
“You can say that again,” I said, before ordering a Dr. Pepper.
Connor and Jason found Tyler and me. They hadn’t even ordered a drink yet when Bree and her sister came over. Bree wasn’t sober, but her sister was obviously drunk. Not hammered, but a few past one too many, and wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone.
Annabelle, or Bell for short, was like a carbon copy of her older sister, only softer.
She spoke more quietly and didn’t look as camera ready.
I had met her that day, but didn’t give her any thought.
Not until she was drunk, and spoke to me with an open palm on my chest. Then let it drift to my arm until she was holding my hand.
It was uncomfortable, and I had to disengage.
Had that been a year ago, and I was with those guys, I’d have felt incredible pressure to sleep with her. Not to mention the best man and maid of honor thing. They’d tell me that since we were both single and she was hot and interested, I should hit it that night or the next.
But I wasn't single. Or was I? I didn’t know or care. About what I was, or where Ryder was, or if he was in a ditch… he wasn’t in a ditch. Right?
He could’ve been in some dude’s bed, plowing away.
No. Fuck no. No, he wasn’t. I didn’t know where he was, but he wasn't anywhere doing that. That was for damn sure.
I don’t think I was supposed to see it, but I looked over at the exact moment Bree realized what her sister was doing. She had been talking to the other guys, flipping her hair and giggling. I couldn’t place the look on her face when she turned to talk to her sister and me.
“Bells, babe, why don’t you go find some water. You’re supposed to drive me back to the hotel, remember?”
“Okay.” Bell nodded.
“And, uh...” Bree lifted her face by her chin and inspected it. “Why don’t you take a sec in the bathroom, yeah? Give it a once over.”
“Okay,” Bell said and walked away.
Once her sister was gone, Bree said, “It’s so great to see you two getting along!”
“Yeah, she’s cool.” I tried to sound as disinterested as I could.
Her smile flattened. “Best man, maid of honor…?”
“And your legal witnesses.” I managed a small grin.
Bree touched me, not unlike her sister, but only on my shoulder and arm muscles. “Any, uh… spark? Between you two?”
“Not really, no.”
She seemed to like that. “Oh? Why not?” Bree asked, smiling and fluttering her lashes.
“Not really my type.”
Bree stepped closer, leaned in, and lowered her voice. “Who is more your type?” She looked up into my eyes, one brow up and the corner of her mouth curling.
My stomach dropped. It wasn’t inappropriate on the face of it, but I wouldn’t be okay with my girlfriend talking to Miles that way. We wouldn’t break up over it, but I’d be upset with her.
Actually, if Ryder walked in right at that moment and started talking to a guy the way she was talking to me, I’d be pissed. More than pissed, fucking enraged, and hurt, and kinda sad.
“Um.” I backed up and chuckled, feeling my face redden. “I, uh…”
Bree laughed, gripping my arm tighter and letting her head hang back. “It’s okay. You can tell me later.”
My skin crawled. She wasn’t hitting on me, but it also wasn’t not flirting. I think if I gave it back to her, she would’ve recoiled. Not made a scene, but made it clear I was being inappropriate. Like she just wanted to know she had my attention, not that I should have hers.
We hung out there for another hour, and it was the first time I really paid attention to Bree.
Not that I could do anything else. She was always the off-center of attention.
Others spoke, laughed, and joked as if she were allowing them to entertain her.
I’d never noticed it before, and I fucking hated it.
I also never noticed how much Bree drank.
She never got a fresh glass or garnish. When it was three-quarters empty, she’d put it behind her, and when she picked it up, it was three-quarters full.
She must have tipped the bartender really well to keep it on the sly like that.
Anyone paying attention to her performance rather than her behavior would think she had only a single vodka soda the entire time.
Miles sat next to her, smiling and laughing, and making jokes right along with everyone else.
But he looked and sounded flat. Or, no, not flat…
empty. Not showing emotions so much as performing them.
It was familiar, and I couldn’t remember the last time there was a genuine smile on his face.
How long had he been that way? Was I such a terrible friend, or just that fucking oblivious?
At five minutes to midnight, Bree exploded. Miles couldn’t see her once the clock struck twelve. A panic ensued. Who was drunk? Who could drive? How many people could fit in what cars? How would we get the cars left there in the morning before the wedding? It didn’t matter. Miles had to get out.
The guys were all staying at the Becketts’, and the girls at the hotel with the rest of Bree’s and Miles’s out-of-town family.
Jason wasn’t drinking and offered to drive Tyler, Connor, and a few cousins.
I was sober too, and could’ve offered to drive, but I let the chaos wash over me.
I should’ve at least taken Miles as his best man, but I kept my mouth shut.