Chapter Twenty Seven
Finn
Miles answered the door to Ryder’s apartment.
The ride over was both the quickest and the longest journey of my life.
The sensation in my gut remained, but kept flipping from excitement to nervousness.
Miles looked better than I had expected.
Not good, but better, and I hugged him as hard as I could.
“So fucking proud of you, bro,” I said.
“Thanks, man.” Miles tried to keep his voice steady, but failed. “C’mon in.”
It was weird being welcomed into Ryder’s apartment like a guest. I had no right to the place, but it felt like I should be ushering Miles in instead.
Ryder looked hungover in his rumpled, oversized tee, and gym shorts.
His hair was a mess, his face was puffy, and eyes were glassy.
But he was the hottest human being I’d ever laid eyes on.
My urge to lunge at him and stick my tongue as far down his throat as I could get it wasn’t stopped by his brother standing there, but by the things I needed to say.
“How’d it go?” Miles asked. “She’s been blowing up my phone and threatening me. I had to turn it off.”
I wasn't listening to him. “Hey.”
A small grin curled the side of Ryder’s mouth. “Hey.”
It was silent for a few seconds. Miles sprawled out on the small sofa, leaving the only seat next to Ryder.
I had thought about this moment, hanging out with them, the two people I loved most in the world, and how awesome it would be.
Maybe one day, but that day, of all days, it was awkward as fuck.
Miles said, “Sit down, man. You’re making me nervous.”
My eyes never left Ryder’s. Nor his mine. He moved to one side of the couch, and I took the other.
“So, how’d it go?” Miles asked again.
One of Ryder’s brows lifted as the curl deepened into a smile. “You came out to my parents? And told them we’re together?”
My cheeks heated. I didn’t know what to say. At no point during the last twelve-plus hours had I thought about telling Ryder that I came out to his parents. I looked over at Miles. “You told him?”
“Yeah. Of course.” Miles shifted in his seat. “I’m thrilled for you guys. But, dude, what the fuck happened? Should I enter witness protection or what?”
I couldn’t understand how light-hearted he sounded. But then, he wasn’t. He was putting on a brave face. He could try to mask it, but I heard the fear quivering his voice and saw his eyes tense.
“It was… a nightmare, bro. Witness protection might be a good idea. She wasn't happy. You know she’s really mean to her friends and sister? They pulled their phones out to record right along with Lena.”
“Record what?” Ryder asked.
I turned my head and got butterflies. Ryder’s gaze brought me back years, but I wasn’t nervous. Just a look could still make me tremble for him, even after everything.
“Telling Bree that Miles wasn’t coming. Lena said she didn’t want to miss it, and yup. Kinda glad she didn’t. Bree has a mouth on her. Threw stuff. Cursed us all out. Had a few nice nicknames for you, Ry.”
“I fucking bet she did.” Ryder laughed.
I met his eyes with a soft smile. “I also told her that the best man was gonna be a cocksucker either way.”
“You what?” Ryder’s eyes bulged. “What did she say!? Why’d you do that?!”
“You weren’t there.” I shrugged. “Someone had to. That’s what you wanted, right? That was the whole reason for… everything?”
Ryder’s face fell. “No. Not everything. Not by a mile. Or a light year. Or a whole fucking galaxy.”
We stared at each other for a single instant. Ryder’s phone broke his gaze from mine.
“Dude, Mom’s calling me. You need to call them.”
“Wait, you haven't spoken to your mother?” I asked Miles. Then to Ryder. “Have you?!”
Miles answered first. “I had to shut my phone off. She was threatening to make AI porn of me getting gang banged by a flock of Big Birds. Like what the genuine fuck?”
“You’ve been missing for almost two days,” I said to Ryder. “She knows Miles is here, and I went to make sure he’s okay. But you need to call them, too. Like right now... Actually—”
I snatched the phone from Ryder’s hand and answered it. “Mrs. Beckett?”
“Ryd—Finn?! Is he okay? What happened??”
Her husband was in the background saying, “Are they okay? Is he with them?”
I said, “Your sons are fine. I’m with them. Hold on.” I took the phone from my ear. “You’re on speaker with them, Mrs. Beckett.”
“Hi, Mom,” Ryder and Miles said at the same time.
“Where were you? What happened? Are you okay, Miles? We’re so proud of you, honey.”
Miles leaned into the phone. “I’m good, Mom. Just shaken up and tired. And kinda dizzy. But I’m good. I talked it all out with Ryder. We’re good.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” she said, the emotion clear in her voice.
Mr. Beckett’s too, in the background. “Ryder, where’d you go?”
He laughed. “It’s a long story that I actually need to tell Finn. But I’m okay. A little hungover, but fine. Can I call you later?”
“Yes, honey. Come here when you can. Miles, we spoke to the venue, and we’re not wasting all the money we spent. We’re having an unwedding! So come here, and we can head over together.”
Ryder raised his brow at his brother. “You guys are gonna celebrate in the corpse of Miles’s failed marriage?”
Mr. Beckett got closer to the phone. “The money’s spent, bud. Might as well enjoy the food and booze.”
“Fair enough.” Ryder chuckled, then told his parents he’d call them later. When he hung up, he said, “Gonna party at your zombie wedding? I think that’d be perfect.”
Miles sent his brow up his forehead and blinked. “I mean, the food was pretty fucking fire, bro. Bree’s crazy, but she has good taste.”
Ryder whacked his knee. “Then you better go get ready! The zombie wedding awaits! It’s almost cocktail hour.”
“I don’t feel like rehashing the whole thing. Let’s just head over together. Or hang here, game, order wings, and get trashed.”
That sounded awesome. And depending on the outcome of the conversation I was about to have with Ryder, I’d make sure it happened as often as possible until Miles was doing better.
But his whole family was waiting for him, ready to pour love and support into the hole Bree had rotted through his soul.
He needed to get out of there so we could talk. Or fight, or fuck. Or all three.
Ryder tensed his eyes. “Dude, I don’t care where you go, but I need to talk to Finn. You can go wait in your car for a while, but we need some privacy.”
“Oh shit. Yeah. True. Okay. I’ll let you guys talk. I should head over there anyway.”
“It’ll make them feel a lot better if you did,” I said.
Miles got up and got his stuff, and Ryder walked him to the door. Before he left, he said, “You’ll come, right? Both of you?” His brave face fell. “I kinda need you guys right now.”
“Wouldn’t miss it even if there was a real zombie attack,” Ryder said, hugging him.
When Ryder returned to the couch, whatever ease there was with his brother around vanished.
He said, “Look, I—”
At the same time, I said, “Ryder, I’m—”
We laughed, then smiled, holding each other’s eyes for longer than a moment.
Ryder ran his fingers through the hair on the back of his head. “Lemme go first. I’m the one who needs to apologize.”
“I do, too.”
“No, you have nothing to apologize for.” His smile was so sad.
“I’m so sorry, Finn. From the bottom of my soul.
I’m sorry for letting my anger and hurt interfere with my feelings for you.
I’m sorry for not telling you all the things you deserved to know.
But mostly, I’m sorry for treating you like you can’t handle stuff.
You’re a grown ass man, and it was wrong of me to downplay your agency to protect you. ”
My brow stitched together. “Downplay my agency?” I chuckled. “I don’t have a doctorate. Dumb it down.”
Both his smile and blink were slow, making his exhausted face that much more handsome. “Sometimes I’m overprotective of the people I love instead of treating them like an equal. But that’s super fucked up. And I’m sorry.”
“What?” I was so confused. “You don’t do that? What are you talking about?”
“I do, and I’m gonna change. If you’re my boyfriend, we need to stand together. Face the shit the world flings at us side by side, hand in hand. Not me standing out front.”
I blinked. That was true. The entire time I knew him, he’d been shielding his loved ones as best he could. It always made me think of him as a hero, or a knight, or some stupid shit, taking the arrow so someone else didn’t have to.
“Maybe, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Or, at least not… malicious. It’s from a place of love, right? That’s how I always saw it.”
“It was, but…” He shifted on the couch and cleared his throat.
“Part of the reason I didn’t tell you how badly Miles hurt me was because it would’ve ruined your friendship with him.
I didn’t want to hurt you or him, even if he deserved it.
” He gave me a tight frown. “I should’ve trusted you.
Being your partner means you deserve the truth, no matter what.
Even if it’s hard, like why I first hit on you, or that we suspected you liked me. ”
“You thought I was upset because you didn’t tell me all that?”
His head tilted. “Uh, well, yeah. Isn’t that why you left?”
“Kinda, but not really.” I stared at the wall behind his head. “Yeah, you should’ve told me, but more than that, I was embarrassed.”
“About what?” Ryder’s voice went up an octave. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Trust me, the part of me that wanted to get back at them was infinitesimal compared to the part of me that was attracted to you.”
“No, no.” I chuckled. “I meant about the other thing. The family stuff.”
“Oh.” His face reddened, and he looked at his fingers. “Duh.” He looked up. “That makes a lot more sense. But it wasn’t the way you’re thinking it was. We never, ever laughed at you. And never questioned your sexuality, other than you might’ve had a crush on me. That’s all, I swear.”
“I know.”