27. Afterglow
TWENTY-SEVEN
Marshall
Where’s Cam lately? Paging @CameronPorter, we haven’t seen you all week.
Hayden
Maybe he tripped on his dick. P.R. team couldn’t keep him under wraps any longer.
Marshall
I love that you saw the magazine photos. Jealousy is killing you inside, and I’m here for it, you arrogant bastard.
Dale
Me too. Here for it.
Marshall
You’re always here for the drama.
Hayden
It was a joke.
Cameron readthe exchange and snorted with laughter. Every spare minute, he’d been with Avery any place they could find some privacy. Stolen moments in their rooms between classes and roommates, another practice room, and an impromptu make-out session in the studio—fully clothed, but pressed against a wall and gasping—left him sprinting for weights each day with an ache in his groin.
He wore his game-day compression shorts under his workout gear on the days he couldn’t chase her out of his head for a few hours. An inconvenient bulge would be harder to hide than the scratches on his back, but it was the sweetest misery, and fueled him every time he threw.
“You’re chucking it this week,” Glamis said. “Have I seen you throw that far before? Have you, consistently?”
“Nope, Coach. I’ve taken the weights up a notch. I like the fire.” He took a snap and dropped back, then aimed at the right post. He hit it halfway up.
“Take it back ten yards and do it again. Tuck your hips more and watch your right ankle. You’re rolling it out a little.”
The ball clanged against the upright, closer to the crossbar.
“Drop it in the center of the end zone.”
Cam winced when the ball bounced ten yards from its target, but Glamis nodded his approval. “Getting there. Keep this going, and maybe we’ll switch things up when we plan for Tennessee in two weeks.”
In the haze of satisfaction, Cam almost forgot who he’d see in Knoxville.
Cameron
I’m here, you clowns.
Marshall
Where have you been?
Cameron
Ball. Adding a few yards, and it feels good.
Marshall
Well, since I won’t see you on the field, get it, buddy. Nice to see you in a good mood.
Hayden
No, it’s not. My misery should be shared.
Cameron
What are we miserable about, Hammy?
Hayden
The only thing there is to be miserable about. Women.
Cameron
*Clutches pearls* You? Never.
Hayden
Shut up.
Cameron
She doesn’t know what she’s missing, sugarplum.
Marshall
Paging @group-active. Y’all got to get in here. Cam’s South is showing.
Cory Thatcher has turned off photo sharing.
Marshall
That’s not what I mean, Cory.
Cory
If you mean his Tennessee, just say that.
Ethan
That could be a euphemism of its own. Knoxville’s getting hot.
Hayden
When did this chat become all about Cam’s dick?
Marshall
You brought it up.
Cameron
Point of order.
Cory Thatcher has renamed the chat
“QB1 Junior High Locker Room.”
Dale
Harsh.
Cory
You don’t like it?
Dale
Do I have a choice?
Hayden
That’s what she said.
Marshall
WHAT.
Hayden
What?
Cory Thatcher has renamed the chat
“QB1 Enthusiastic Consent 18+ Locker Room.”
Hayden
IT WAS A JOKE.
Justin finally approached Cam on Saturday and asked if he could grab a seat next to him on the short flight home from Colorado.
He rushed in. “I’m sorry I put you in the position I did last weekend,” Justin said. “Buddy, I am ashamed that you had to hold me back from going at our friend and my own sister. That fucking galls me. I’d like to tell you I’m not that guy, but who the hell knows now. Maybe I am.”
“You had enough tequila to wreck a man. That would make anybody go off.”
“It’s no excuse. Look, I know I’ve got a mess to work out, and any dirty laundry out there now is entirely on me. Not Avery or Isaac. Believe me, I know. I said some ugly shit you and Benny had to hear, and you guys had nothing to do with it. I put you in a bad spot, and I know you tried to do the right thing.”
“Yeah. We tried.”
“I don’t remember all of it, but I’m pretty sure I implied I didn’t like the idea of you with my sister.”
Cam caught his breath.
“That was just low, and it’s not true. I know you think you have to be cool with me for the team, and I respect that so much. I hope we get back to being friends. This is all on me.”
“Justin. Jesus Christ, man, of course we’re friends.”
He elbowed his ribs to attempt a joke. “I still kind of wish the thing with her and Isaac worked out.”
“Too bad for you.”
“Is that happening, then? You and Avery.”
Cam chose his words carefully. “We’ll see what happens. It would be nice.”
“She’s liked you for a while. I know you like her. And I understand I don’t get to bless any unions or she’ll hand me my ass in public again, but that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. You and her, I mean, not her handing me my ass.”
“I’m in awe of her. That girl is tough.”
“Avie had to put up with two big brothers who couldn’t decide whether to baby her or teach her to snap a football. And damn, can she snap a football.”
“I didn’t know that about her.”
“I haven’t talked to her all week. Or Fields. Well, barely. I kind of have to talk to him, but I sure haven’t said what I need to say. You’re my easiest apology. I’m going to bug Benny next.”
Cam laughed. “Yay, I’m number one.”
“Man, I don’t know what to say to Fields about dragging him into all this.” Justin slumped back in his seat, his broad shoulders pressed uncomfortably over the curved cushion. “It looks demented. I can see that now.”
“He’s a stellar guy. Of course you want him to be your friend. Of course you wanted him to like your sister. Come on, who wouldn’t? I don’t think it matters what his first name is.”
“That’s the thing, though. Avery’s years ahead of me in coping. I can barely say the guy’s name. That’s just wrong.”
“She told me the student counseling center here is pretty good, and it’s helping her stay on track.”
“I know I should go. I should do something.” He scrubbed his hands across his face and back through his hair, sending it up in a mess of blond spikes. “The program has stuff for us, too. People to talk to. I need to get over the hump and just do it.”
Cam twitched his lips, unsure if he was about to say something helpful or awkward, and decided to dive in. “Can I help by making an appointment for you?”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“My mom has a hard time with depression, and when she starts to feel bad is when she really needs to go in, but she feels so bad she thinks it won’t help, so she doesn’t do it. If my dad makes the appointment, she goes because she feels she has to, and it usually helps.” He paused. “Sorry if that’s weird to offer.”
“It’s weird, but I don’t know. Maybe.”
“I have some friends who have been good about helping me through some stuff this year, and it’s kind of nice to have people outside the program to talk to. I don’t think I’ve had any guy friends who weren’t teammates since middle school. It’s been good for me to get a different perspective.”
Still a football perspective, but one that made him feel a little less alone. He needed someone else in his job to commiserate with him about the media, about leadership after a loss, and the fears of public failure. He needed someone to joke with about the good and bad parts, the fans and the injuries and the way their pants fit. Justin needed someone to tell him other people had a difficult time grieving the loss of an idolized brother and finding their way without him. Someone else would have to tell him he wasn’t the only one who struggled seeing his sister grow up and watching his parents’ marriage disintegrate after a tragedy. Someone else would have to give him the hope he couldn’t give, and maybe Avery couldn’t give, either.
“Anyway, no pressure, buddy.” Cam raised his fist to bump against Justin’s. “I appreciate the apology. You and I are cool, and my offer stands. You’re a better man than you think you are right now, or Avery wouldn’t leave the door open for you. She’ll stand up to you and stand by you, so hang in there.”
Cameron Porter has created a private chat
Cameron
Paging @CoryThatcher
You’re probably out, but I wanted to tell you before I forget. Thanks for the list. We won in Colorado, but number three on the sideline speeches came in handy during a comeback today.
Cory
I’m here.
Which one was that?
Cameron
Travis Kelce smacking people and saying “More” something like twenty-six times in a row.
Cory
I love that one. As long as you’re breathing, there’s always a little left in the tank. Sometimes it’s just one word, and that’s all you need.
Cameron
That was me when we finally got our lead. And we kept it.
Cory
Have you talked to Ethan yet?
Cameron
No. I will. I just need to piece it all together so I don’t word-vomit a bunch of garbage that doesn’t make sense. Again.
Cory
You could draw him a picture if your big-boy words don’t work.
Cameron
I feel like you thought about using this line on me a long time ago, and you saved it.
Cory
How’d I do?
Cameron
Impeccable.
Cory
He needs to apologize as much as you think you do, but he won’t unless you call first. He’s like that. Do it before you go to Knoxville.
I want the family selfie.