Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HENRY
Garrun was hovering. Even after he returned us to the fire and our abandoned meal, he seemed unhappy. He remained pressed against my side, one hand tight on my knee like he was afraid if he let go, I’d jump up and run away from him.
I felt his hesitation when he was called to do his duty for the clan. I patted his hand lightly, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be alright. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
“You will stay in my tent tonight, yes? It will make me feel better knowing I can check on you.”
I hadn’t ever done that before, I always returned to the tent I shared with Alice, but something was bothering Garrun, and it obviously meant a lot to him for me to stick close.
I figured as long as I told her where I was, she wouldn’t be bothered.
If I managed to find a moment to speak with her, that is.
I still didn’t know where she was, and with Garrun hovering like he was, it wasn’t like I could go seek her out.
“Um… Sure, I can do that, as long as someone helps me find it.”
“I will bring you there now,” he insisted.
My mouth fell open. He didn’t normally rush me when his duties began.
He didn’t want me to be forced to stay in the tent by myself for hours before bed just because of my condition.
I spent a lot of my time sitting around the fire, listening to people talk and just enjoying the company before he came by during his break to lead me to the tent Alice and I shared.
“He doesn’t have to go,” the familiar voice of the barbarian who’d sat next to me earlier spoke. “He can stay here with us if he prefers it.”
The way he said it, not like I was a burden, but like it was normal for me to be there and even preferred, eased a little of the tightness in my chest. I hadn’t figured everything out, but there were a few barbarians around that didn’t mind me. That had to be a good sign, right?
“No,” Garrun replied quickly. “He said he needs rest. He will do it in my tent.”
“Is that what he wants?” another voice asked, this one in the common tongue and smoother than the other attempts at speaking my language. Whoever it was, they were comfortable with my language.
“He said he needs rest–” Garrun began again, but I stopped him before he could finish his sentence and rush me away.
“I’m fine here for now. I’ll go back to your tent when I get tired, if that’s alright?
” I said it to Garrun, turning toward where he was still pressed against my side.
The tension that seemed to radiate off him didn’t settle even a little, and I was worried he’d be too upset to allow me to stay.
Did he think I couldn’t function on my own without him?
Had I given him the impression that I was incapable by asking him to spend time with me?
The thought made the ache in my chest come back with a vengeance, and I fought to keep my expression neutral for Garrun’s sake.
If that were truly the case, then our connection wasn’t what I’d hoped for.
I got the feeling if I said something about that, though, he’d get more upset than he already was.
“He will be safe with us,” the second voice said steadily. “When he is ready to turn in, I will bring him to your tent myself. Be at ease, my brother. Your veyrak is safe.”
My brows furrowed at the unfamiliar word, but whatever it meant, it seemed to settle Garrun at least enough for him to go do his job for the clan.
He grunted in agreement, taking my hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it before pushing to his feet and walking away.
If I could’ve, I would have watched him go, maybe gotten a better idea of what was going on with him. He was acting strange.
With a heavy sigh, I leaned forward, letting my elbows rest on my knees, and buried my face in my hands.
So much was happening right now that I needed to figure out.
I’d never been in this position before. I went where my family asked me to go and wasn’t expected to make decisions myself.
At most, I would be included in the decision on what to make for supper, but that was as far as my input was needed.
Now, it felt like I was shoved into deep water and expected to swim when I had no idea which direction to go.
Where did I even start in unraveling all the turmoil in my head?
“He doesn’t mean to upset you,” the voice from before commented, still in my language.
When I dropped my hands to face him, he spoke again.
“Garrun has always been intense with his affections. He covered an ulvor pup from a gronnok attack with his own body because he loved the pup with his whole heart. You, who treat him with such kindness and understanding, have ensnared his heart. He would protect you just as fiercely. He doesn’t mean to come off as overbearing. ”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I hadn’t purposely done anything special. I treated him with kindness because that was how he treated me. He didn’t make me feel like a burden or act awkwardly around me because of my limitations. He treated me like I was anyone else. I valued that.
“You seem to know him well,” I finally said, still unsure how to handle the intense emotions the barbarian’s words brought to the fore. Those emotions were tangled up with everything else, and I couldn’t think straight because of it.
I heard movement as he came closer, sitting beside me, his voice close enough to speak privately without encroaching on my space.
“Garrun and I were raised together in the same clan. My clan brothers are as close to me as my blood brother is. I’d hoped one day he would find happiness.
That he found it in you is a blessing in my eyes. ”
My expression crumpled, and I buried my face in my hands again, letting out a small groan. The barbarian seemed startled by my response, his voice turning alarmed.
“This was not said to upset you. I thought you felt the same–”
“I do,” I cut him off, my words muffled against my palms. “I just don’t know how to make it all work, and I feel like I can’t think straight.”
For a long moment, the speaker didn’t say anything. I thought maybe I’d chased him off with my dramatics, but eventually, he put one massive hand on my shoulder, squeezing in a reassuring way.
“I can see you are overwhelmed… Have you spoken to Garrun about your feelings? I’m sure he would do what he could to make you feel more comfortable with our clan.”
Shaking my head, I dropped my hands again. “No. I’d hoped to speak to my sister, but then Garrun got so upset about me leaving, I figured it was best to wait. I’m not even sure where she is right now anyway.”
The barbarian sighed, almost exasperated. “He should not prevent you from speaking to your family. That is cruel.”
“No, I don’t think he’s being cruel–” I began, only for the barbarian to speak again, cutting me off.
“I don’t think it is his intention, no, but he is too emotional to think clearly right now. You are important to him, Garrun’s Musician. He acts irrationally because he wishes to keep you close.”
Snorting at the title, I held out a hand to him. “Henry. Though, Garrun’s Musician has a nice ring to it.”
Chuckling, he took my hand and shook it, the grip firm, but not painful. “Dras.”
Again, I was stunned as another member of Garrun’s clan treated me like I was just like anyone else.
Never in the entire time I lived in the town after I’d lost my sight, had anyone treated me like I was anything but a freak or a burden.
Here, with these people, I was… well, I wasn’t just anyone.
I was Garrun’s Musician. But I vastly preferred that title to any of the others I was given in the past. And I liked that they treated me like anyone else.
If I could figure out some way to make things work here, I wanted to stay.
There was no guarantee that anywhere else I went, I’d be treated so kindly.
And… I didn't want to lose Garrun. Just the thought felt like losing half my heart. I hadn’t realized it, but I’d fallen for the big barbarian.
I just didn’t know how to live beside him and not force him to spend his whole life as my keeper.
I wanted to be his equal.
Dras eventually brought me to find Alice, since I didn’t think I could work through all my conflicted thoughts and emotions without her support, and promised to let Garrun know where I was so he wouldn’t completely lose it and tear the clan apart looking for me.
My mouth fell open at the casual way he said it, and he barked out a laugh at my expression.
“Relax, Henry. He is not that violent. It actually surprised me when he became a warrior for the clan. The image didn’t suit him when he was younger,” he murmured thoughtfully, then returned to reassuring me.
“Either way, I was only teasing. Go, spend time with your family. Don’t stay too long though.
If you are not in his tent by the time he takes his rest, he really will tear the clan apart. ”
Again, I hesitated until he snickered. I shot him a dirty look, fighting the smile pulling at my lips. “Jerk.” Shaking my head, I let out a long breath. “Thank you for bringing me here. And for talking to me. I like the way people talk to me here. Like I’m normal.”
“You aren’t normal,” he said and my heart sank until he followed up with, “You are Garrun’s Musician. You bring rest to the weary. You are blessed by the goddess to have that effect on people. Our clan would be stupid to turn our backs on such a blessing.”
A flicker of hope lit in my chest, and that tightness from before eased. If the rest of the clan saw it that way, maybe they wouldn’t always see me as a burden. Maybe I could make this work. Maybe…