Chapter Five #2
“Yes, please. Also, do you know where our chambers are? I presume the usual guest wings for the summits are unprepared.”
Cador was ready to sleep in the stable with Dybri—and would surely get a warmer welcome considering Jem had asked about multiple rooms. Not that Cador blamed him.
Tamsyn bit her lip. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure. Most of those in charge here accompanied the clerics, so those of us left are pitching in all over. I think Prince Treeve is staying—oh! I know where to take you. Follow me!”
When they reached their destination after turning and twisting through the corridors, it took a moment for Cador to realize where she’d brought them. She lit the lamps with a flourish.
Jem stared at the large bed under a high stained glass window where they’d spent their first night of marriage, blushing prettily and refusing to even glance at Cador. Well, Cador had spent the night in the bed, and he recalled it was far too soft.
He remembered Jem cowering on the colored rug. So innocent and right to be afraid. For the thousandth time, Cador wished he could go back and change everything.
“It might be a bit dusty, but the sheets are clean.” Tamsyn seemed eager for approval. “Most couples never have the chance to sleep in the wedding chamber again after the first night. But it’ll be our secret.”
Gaze on Tamsyn, Jem smiled stiffly. “Thank you. You’ve been too kind.”
“It’s my pleasure, Prince Jowan. Let me fetch you sweet buns—oh, and soap and water. There’s no tub, but I can find a basin. What else do you need?”
“That will be more than enough, thank you.” Jem gave her another smile before she scurried out. She had barely gone before he hissed at Cador, “Don’t say anything. Don’t gloat or tease or, or…”
“I’m not!” Ugh, he sounded like a scolded child. He cleared his throat. “I won’t. Take the bed. It was too soft anyway.”
Tamsyn returned as promised, bringing spare cleric’s robes and leather sandals and offering to take away their soiled clothing if they left it outside the door.
Neither of them ate the buns, and after stripping, Cador pointedly turned away while Jem scrubbed himself clean as best he could with the cloth and basin of water.
Cador faced the corner, arms crossed as he examined the stone wall and tried not to imagine Jem’s beautiful body wet and bare, the soft splashes of water and drag of the sponge not helping a bit.
Jem made a sputter of disgust. “Would you cover yourself? You’re shameless!”
Puzzled, Cador peered at him over his shoulder. Jem rolled up the sleeves of a gray cleric robe that was too big for him, dragging on the rug around his feet.
“It makes no sense to put on the robe before I’m clean.”
Again, Jem wouldn’t look at him. “As if you don’t enjoy parading in front of me, trying to—”
Cador bit back a swell of irritation as he faced the wall again. “I’m not parading . I’m standing here waiting for my turn.”
“Fine,” Jem grumbled.
“It’s not as if you haven’t seen my body before.”
“That’s not the point! But yes, as a matter of fact, it was here in this very room you were first naked and shameless in front of me.”
After everything, that was what Jem was angry about? Cador was utterly fucking confused. “Then I’m sorry for that too.”
“Don’t! Just stop talking.” Jem twisted the oil shut on the lamp by the bed, clambering under the covers. “And hurry up. Get dressed.”
Well, at least Jem was still clearly affected by Cador’s body.
It was a paltry, hollow victory, yet he couldn’t help but revel in it.
If a part of Jem still wanted him—even if it was a base, animal instinct and connection that had grown between them as lovers—Cador would take it.
He would treasure it. Perhaps nurture it to grow?
He washed quickly and dutifully yanked on the robe. Damn it that Treeve was right—the robes were surprisingly comfortable. He peeked at Jem before dousing the final lamp and stretching out on the rug.
When it was clear Jem wouldn’t speak in the darkness, Cador did. “I know you’re not sleeping.”
No answer. Not a sound, but Jem was awake. He knew it.
“We must talk.”
No answer.
“Even if you never forgive me—”
“ If ? there is no if about it.”
The words twisted like spears through Cador’s heart. Unbidden, he remembered Jem saving him and killing the boar, their frenzied coupling after in the mud and blood.
His voice was hoarse when he said, “Still, we must be a united front. Or else people will get between us and our mission for the children. That Treeve will slither his way in.”
Jem scoffed. “Treeve can’t marry me now anyway, even if he wanted to.”
“No, but…” He swallowed thickly, staring at the dark ceiling, only the faintest light coming in the high windows.
“When we married, it was understood we would spend most of our time apart. I will return to Ergh as soon as I can. If you… If you stay, you’ll be almost as free as you were before we met. ”
Jem was silent for so long that Cador thought perhaps he’d fallen asleep after all. Then he whispered, “Almost.”
Cador pushed to his knees, wishing he could grasp Jem’s hand in the darkness. “Even if—even though you’ll never forgive me, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. More than safe. Happy. I will see you happy again if it’s the last thing I do. I swear it.”
This time, Jem’s silence went on so long that Cador gave up. He yielded and returned to his back on the rug, closing his eyes resolutely. He could at least sleep and gain energy for the fight still to come. He couldn’t protect Jem otherwise.