Chapter Six
T ry as he might, Jem couldn’t sleep. It should have been impossible given how weary he was, yet the night was still young as he crept from the wedding chamber—of all the rooms!—and wandered the compound.
He should have stayed in bed and hoped sleep would claim him eventually, but being in that room with Cador so near and tempting and infuriating and heartbreaking was too much.
He’d burrowed under the blankets but immediately felt too hot, kicking at the coverings.
Yet sleeping uncovered had felt far too vulnerable.
Jem’s branded palm itched, then his scalp. How could he forgive Cador? How could he be happy again? Even if Cador returned to Ergh, far across the sea, the idea of finding another man, of being happy was unfathomable.
He rolled the hem of his robe and wandered until he found the courtyard, just enough stars poking through the clouds—or distant smoke?—to light the way to the fountain. He sat on the edge, trailing his fingers through the burbling water.
“Your grace!” Tamsyn appeared, looking sleep-tousled and hastily dressed. “Your husband is thundering around looking for you.”
“Oh, for goodness sake! I’m fine.”
Cador appeared, exhaling noisily as he spotted Jem. “I woke and you were gone. I thought—”
“What?” Jem demanded. “That Treeve kidnapped me under your nose?”
“Perhaps!” Cador hissed. He rubbed his face, his light beard scratching his palm audibly. “I’m sorry to wake you and the others, Tamsyn.”
The smile she gave him was undeniably indulgent. “No need to apologize. You were concerned for your husband.” Gods, the girl was mooning at Cador as though he was Morvoren’s heroic merman come to life.
“Yes, well, we won’t bother you again,” Jem said.
She opened her mouth, then closed it. After glancing about, she whispered conspiratorially, “Would you like to soak in the healing waters? I’m told it’s lovely and cool down there in summer.
It’s only for the clerics, but the ones left will be fast asleep.
They’ll never know. Besides, you’re a prince!
If ever there was reason for an exception, this is it. ”
Truly cool water? Jem almost moaned at the notion. He should have said no thank you, but he found the words, “Yes, please!” escaping. With the parched condition of the land, he was surprised to learn this spring was apparently unaffected.
“It’s said that Glaw themselves blessed the spring!” she added with a beaming smile.
“My nephew is being brought to an elder who lives at the source of healing waters. Are these the same?” Cador asked.
“Yes! The source is in Gwels, and the waters travel underground, like a secret. I’m sure the gods will bless your nephew.”
Cador made a noncommittal sound, and Jem wished that were true as he asked, “Should the water not be used to help with the droughts?” Though he had no idea how it would be transported.
Tamsyn seemed confused. “But these are holy, healing waters. Glaw will send rain when the time is right.”
Cador seemed to want to scoff but instead said, “Let’s bathe, then.” To Tamsyn, he added, “I’m sure you want to rest.”
As much as Jem wanted to argue that he hadn’t invited Cador, it was better not to draw any unnecessary attention to their lack of accord, and arguing would only keep Tamsyn up longer.
They followed her down a slanting tunnel, Cador muttering about his borrowed sandals pinching between his toes.
She lit lamps set into the sloping walls and went on about Glaw and blessings and how praying and making offerings to the gods while bathing in these pools could work miracles according to the clerics.
Jem was too tired to do more than nod, and Cador said nothing.
Though it was damp in the cavern that housed the pools, the stone had been polished so finely that it felt luxurious under Jem’s bare feet as he left his sandals neatly against the wall.
The spring seemed to have a gentle current, the pools stretching out down a long cavern. The smooth walls curved overhead, reflecting the peaceful water. Tamsyn left a small glass flask of water and two cups on a small table before retreating.
Jem’s nerves jangled. He was overtired, and being alone with Cador was both familiar and unsettling.
Part of him wanted to believe Cador’s vow to keep him safe and see him happy.
That soft, romantic portion of his soul that had grown up devouring Morvoren’s tales wished this was a book where he knew all would be well eventually.
But his anger blotted out that softness the way the moon had eclipsed the sun one summer morning when he was a boy. There was too much darkness now. Cador could watch him with blue eyes brimming with sadness and regret all day, and Jem would not give in. For if he did…
If he allowed Cador a second chance—if he bestowed his trust on his husband again and was betrayed—his soul would shatter. Only that hard, sunless fury would be left.
Though he realized with a touch of surprise that Cador wasn’t looking at him at all. Instead, he gazed around in wonder at the pools. Jem supposed it was fair enough given he bathed standing in a tub on Ergh.
Cador kicked off his sandals and strode to the edge of the pool to stick in his foot. “The water does feel good.”
“Can you not leave your sandals right there for me to trip over?” Jem snapped.
Cador seemed about to protest, then lined up the sandals neatly by the wall. Jem was oddly disappointed that Cador didn’t argue, which was petty and silly. Gods, he really did need sleep. He hoped a bath would relax him, even if Cador was there.
Even if Cador was naked, his robe tossed to land near the sandals.
Jem’s fingers shook on the simple silver stopper of the flask. The green glass was familiar under his hands as he poured a small cup, similar to the flask he brought to his aviary at home. He gulped the cool water, careful not to waste any.
It wasn’t only his persistent, aggravating desire for Cador’s body. To be alone with him again reminded Jem of how vulnerable he was. Cador could snap his neck with his bare hands if he pleased.
Jem wanted to at least trust that he wouldn’t, but memories invaded—pine needles sharp on his cheeks as he hid and listened to Cador and Delen discuss his kidnapping, riding with Austol thinking he was safe, the horrible bag over his head, Bryok screaming in rage with sword high, jumping into the blackness—
He rubbed his face, letting himself scratch his head just for a few seconds, the sting welcome as he closed his mind to all that had happened. When he opened his eyes, Cador was still bare in all his glory, up to his knees in water and frowning at him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Would you like an itemized list? For gods’ sake, get in the water.”
“I am in the water.”
“ Under the water!”
For once, Cador did as he was told. He took a breath and lowered himself all the way under the surface, lying back with his nose plugged. Then he stood again, rivulets streaming down his taut muscles. The water only came to his hips even in the pool’s center.
His chest hair was darker when it was wet, droplets clinging to his dusky nipples. His cock was just at the surface, ruddy against the thatch of wet hair. Jem was staring, yet he couldn’t force his eyes away until Cador spoke softly.
“You still desire me.” It wasn’t a question.
“Shut up,” Jem muttered, ears burning as he ripped his gaze away and fiddled with the rough fabric of the belt on his too-big robe.
“There’s no shame in it. It’s to be expected.”
This gentle tone meant to soothe infuriated Jem. He did not need placating from Cador of all people. “I said shut up!”
Cador’s voice hardened. “I’m only trying to—”
“Stop. I’m fine.”
Everything was fine. This was fine. Jem stripped off his robe. He wouldn’t be ashamed or bashful . He was an innocent virgin no more, and the pool was certainly big enough for them both.
The water really was lovely—not too cold, but not too warm. He ducked all the way under before settling across from Cador at the other end of the pool, the stone smoothed into a natural seat. Cador was well out of reach.
For a time, they sat in a strange quiet. Not quite comfortable, but the silence of a temporary truce, perhaps. Jem closed his eyes, resting his head back on the worn stone. The faint movement of the water made a shushing sound, the tinkle of the odd drip in the cavern not unpleasant.
He could almost believe he was home in his tub. All that was missing was a soft towel folded behind his neck and scented oil. Hmm, which kind? Jasmine-honeysuckle, perhaps.
Jem thought about what his mother had said about needing the oil from Ebrenn’s mountains.
There was so much going on in the world he’d never thought twice about.
Or once. He’d only enjoyed sweet perfumes and snacked on sevels and thought that when he picked wildflowers for the old women in the village he was doing enough of his duty.
Cador made soft groaning sounds, and Jem cracked open one eye to find him stretching with arms high. One side, then the other, before rolling his neck and shoulders. A drop of water hung from one nipple, hovering there, ready to fall.
“Like what you see?”
Jerking, Jem splashed to sitting and met Cador’s gaze. “No.”
Cador’s lips lifted into a smile. Not mocking, but undeniably sad. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting.” That gentle tone again.
“The wrongness is in wanting you even for a fleeting moment.”
Cador flinched. “But you can’t deny—”
“I can. I will. You’ll have to be satisfied with your own hand.”
“As you wish.”
Resolutely, Jem closed his eyes again. There. It was sorted. He wouldn’t give Cador the satisfaction of even glancing at his naked body again—
The moan was so soft Jem thought he imagined it for a moment. Then he had to look. Gods, he was right! Cador was stroking himself, the flushed tip of his cock poking up over the water’s surface.
“Stop it!” Jem hissed, looking behind at the arched doorway that remained empty. “You can’t!”
“Why? It’s been ages. I need the release after that journey.”
“These are—are—holy waters!” His ears burned.
Cador laughed. “Come now, you don’t believe in this nonsense any more than I do.” How could he act so casually while doing that ?
“No, but it’s… rude .”
“Well, I’m a barbarian of Ergh. What do you expect? Fine, I’ll be sure not to spend in the magic water.” Instead of stopping, he stood and sat on the edge of the pool, meaty thighs spread wide as he pleasured himself. The Erghians really were shameless!
Jem fisted his hands at his sides, jaw clenched. But it had been so long, and his body responded.
“Is it more difficult now to deny yourself?” Cador murmured, lips parting. He ran his fingers over his rigid shaft, circling the head and toying with his foreskin. “Now that you’ve had my cock. Had this in your tight arse. In your mouth. Will fantasy satisfy the same way as before?”
“You’re a beast,” Jem muttered.
Cador’s thighs tensed as he reached lower with his other hand to fondle his bollocks, his gaze locked on Jem.
“I don’t think it’ll be the same. Not now that you’ve been fucked.
Now that you’ve begged for my cock, and I’ve taken your sweet, tight hole and filled it with my seed.
I think you still need me. In this if nothing else.
I don’t think your candle and your fantasies will be enough. ”
“I suppose I’ll have to find a lover like you said. Treeve should suffice.”
Cador’s eyes flashed. He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut.
Jem forced a nonchalant shrug. “It’s what we agreed upon when we married, after all.”
For a long moment, they stared at each other. Then Cador dropped his head and let go of his shaft. All the teasing, arrogant defiance vanished.
When they married .
Here they were, after all. The temple to the gods was just outside, where they’d stood and pledged their fealty, where the old cleric had branded their palms. Jem clenched his fingers over the tusks.
Cador’s voice was barely a whisper, his face tormented with grief. “Jem, I…”
The first thud, Jem hardly noticed. He couldn’t tear his eyes from Cador’s. It was the thud next and the next and the next, the distant sounds like…
Bolting to his feet, Cador stared upward and growled, “Who the fuck is that?”
It was undeniably distant footsteps overhead. Many footsteps for the vibrations to travel down to the pools. Jem hurried from the water and slung on the too-big robe. “Perhaps the clerics have returned?” In the middle of the night?
Beyond the faint thumping above, a single set of footsteps echoed down the tunnel, and Jem braced for whatever new problem approached at a run.