Chapter 15
“Thank you again,” Isabel told the baroness warmly while Sebastian was nearby with the baron saying their farewells.
What an eventful evening it had been, she thought. Much too eventful. She was uncomfortable and tired from all that she had been through, even the lovely moments. Now she just wished to retire for the evening and sort through the mix of feelings of what had happened.
Even now, she was replaying all that Sebastian had done for her. Said for her. No one had done anything like that for her before.
“And perhaps in the new year, we shall host another party. I do hate to leave this house. It’s so very lovely.
I redecorate every year. And the rest of the world is so terribly dirty.
London grows filthier every year, you know, it’s dreadful.
Perhaps you will see for yourself soon and choose to stay out in the countryside as well,” the baroness spoke on cheerfully while Isabel barely nodded.
“Right, yes, of course.”
“We wish you the happiest of holidays, as well!”
Isabel nodded. “And to you, as well.”
“And thank you so kindly for your generosity. What thoughtful gifts!”
There was more nodding and more smiling and more words to smile and nod about until Sebastian stepped up at her side. “We should be on our way before it’s too dark. Our many thanks, my lady, and good night.”
“Good night! And do be safe!”
“Good night and Happy Christmas!” Isabel called over her shoulder while her cloak was round about her neck. She clasped it with shaky hands before eagerly following Sebastian out into their waiting carriage.
Sighing with relief, she collapsed into her seat and slumped there. She fiddled with her cloak and the cushions to grow more comfortable in the confined space. It didn’t take long before Sebastian was seated across from her, and they were on their journey home.
Isabel thought at first that her husband might start conversation for one reason or another. It had been an eventful evening.
Except now he wasn’t saying a word. He didn’t even look her way.
Fiddling with her skirt for another minute, Isabel tried to decide if it was worth staying quiet. She could keep her mouth shut. Not say a word.
Isn’t that what I keep doing? I keep saying nothing and that takes us nowhere. No, I want… Well, I’m not entirely certain what I want at the moment, but it can’t be this. There must be something better. Something we can find or create for ourselves.
She opened her mouth with a slight gasp, garnering Sebastian’s sudden gaze. There was something in her throat. Coughing, she looked away and tried discreetly waving one hand to calm the sudden blush.
Then there was quiet again.
Exhaling, Isabel told herself she had to try again. She took a few deep breaths before clearing her throat.
“How strange it is for us,” she said in a soft voice, quieter than she meant. “You have a way of always saving me.”
She stilled when Sebastian’s gaze locked with hers. There was no need to feel the cold of the night when he looked at her like that.
“It is the vow I made to you. I will always protect you.”
Nodding, she considered the promise and how much he clearly meant to keep it to her. Many people had promised her many a thing. But this was different.
That had been part of his vows. What a strange wedding day that had been, Isabel supposed, though she hadn’t been to enough weddings to know how they were supposed to go. Only, she had always expected more company in attendance. Especially her family. Or at least her parents.
I think I planned more on their presence than enjoying the occasion or thinking on anything else, such as the groom. Once, it might have been another… And yet it was Sebastian in the end. A most unexpected match.
Every second she spent in his company was unexpected. Since the first night he had rescued her, he was present for her in way no one else had been. It was strange and exhilarating and confusing. Especially as she remembered the rest of his message.
It came to her now, and bothered her in a way it hadn’t in the past.
“Protection,” she whispered to herself. She hoped he didn’t hear the way her breath caught. “But nothing more.”
Needing confirmation that this was all he meant, all he wanted, Isabel lifted her gaze to meet Sebastian across the small and confined carriage. Most of the time their feet and knees bumped into one another with their long limbs. However, now, it had never seemed wider.
She exhaled slowly and focused on Sebastian.
Already her husband was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
He stared back, his eyes barely shifting.
They only traveled from her face down to her lips and then back up.
Something brewed between them, a tender tension she wanted to shine light on.
Was that a smile? She hoped it was. Her heart pattered, wondering if he might change his mind.
Sebastian straightened just then, fixing his shoulders and then leaning back. His voice was low and hoarse as he said to her, “Yes, that is correct. Nothing more.”
Feeling a lump forming in her throat, Isabel nodded.
She thought she mustered up something of a smile.
Her gaze fell away from him, and she tried to smile, and she tried to breathe with that lump in her throat.
After forcing herself to lean back as well, she curled up in the warmth of her cloak for the rest of their silent ride back to their home.
Another ride went along quietly for the two of them like it had on their way to the dinner party. It felt as though nothing had changed.
There was something between us, wasn’t there? I cannot be imagining it. The way he looked at me. The way he protected me. I would think… How can I be wrong?
Isabel was tired, and she knew she wasn’t thinking right. She felt all turned around––just like the way Sebastian had twirled her during their dancing that evening.
Eventually, their carriage rolled them right to the side door of their home. It looked even darker in the night. Unwelcoming, too. Perhaps the house didn’t like her. Now, Isabel knew she was really tired.
“Welcome home, Your Graces,” Mrs. Maple murmured while the footmen helped them out of the carriage.
“Thank you. Oh, I’ll keep this,” Isabel mumbled, waving the housekeeper off from taking her cloak. “It shall keep me warm up to my rooms.”
Mrs. Maple nodded hastily. She lifted the candelabra she had set down on a side table. “Allow me to light the way, Your Grace."
Telling herself she didn’t need any assistance from Sebastian––his protection wasn’t needed this late in the evening––Isabel clutched her cloak and headed toward her bedchamber.
She made it up the first step but stumbled on the second, stubbing her toe.
It was only with a quick save of grasping the banister that she kept from planting her face in the steps above.
“Isabel.” Sebastian stepped toward her.
When he reached out his hand to her, Isabel shook it off. “Thank you, but you don’t need to protect me from every little thing that happens.”
The words wound up feeling harsher than she meant for them to sound. Hearing Mrs. Maple fall silent, Isabel tried to find a way to apologize.
Retracting his hand, Sebastian murmured, “I told you I would.”
“Yes, but not all the time. I don’t need your protection for everything.” Isabel straightened up and clutched her dress with one hand to better keep from tripping over it a second time.
A short sigh sounded from behind her. “Do you wish to decide when I protect you? During daylight hours? Or am I to only help you when I have your approval?”
She sucked in a breath, hearing the tinge of bitterness in his words. Perhaps she wouldn’t apologize after all.
“That isn’t what I’m saying,” she said through gritted teeth. “Why must you twist my words.”
“I am only trying to help you…”
“You have helped me enough tonight,” she snapped and then inhaled sharply, knowing she had gone too far.
Even as Sebastian looked at her, Isabel couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.
The darkness would hide her flush of shame.
But the only apology could come from her.
“I beg your pardon, Your Grace. I am… weary. And I’ll be fine on my feet. Thank you, and good night.”
Then Isabel hastened away before she could make the matter any worse.